Having Her

Chapter 7

"Could you please wear a shirt?" Every time I looked at him, what unwillingly caught my attention was his chest. His abs. The thought that he'd been working out, because he looked more toned than I remembered him to be. And I was trying to not let that get to me.

"Why?" A smug smile spread over his lips, "Is it distracting you, Daisy?"

"Distracting? No. Making me uncomfortable? Yes." I replied.

"Right. Jay wouldn't like catching you with a shirtless me." Caleb ridiculed in return.

"He'd trust me," I snap back quickly, and then take a deep breath stepping back as I watch him wear his t-shirt that lied sprawled across the couch, making me wonder why he took it off in the first place. "What are you doing here though?"

"There was some problem with the air conditioning of my room," He answered, "I didn't want to sleep in Sia and Cole's room, so I took up the pool house instead."

I timidly nodded in acknowledgment.

"What about you?" He asked.

"It's pretty late... I figured everyone must be sleeping, and I forgot to take the spare keys of the house. So I thought I'd bunk in the pool house until morning, promised Mom I'd be there when Aliyah wakes up." I told him. Also because I had taken a van to my mother's house and didn't have my car to return to mine, and neither did I want to call a cab so late, nor did I want to ask Jay to drop me with the silence for another thirty minutes twisting our hearts.

Caleb nodded in return. "Guess we have no option but to share the pool house then."

"No way." My eyes widened and I was quick to shake my head.

"We are stuck inside, Daisy," He repeated slowly, "Unless you want to call Zach or Raina and wake them up so they can get the keys to get you out of here, we have to share the space until morning."

"My phone is dead anyway," I mumble to myself, and then add more firmly, "I'm taking the bed then."

"I came here first."

"It's my house." 

"It's your mother's house," he corrected in a disinterested tone, as if he'd already knew what I was going to argue with.

I sigh. "Alright, take the bed. I'll take the couch."

"We're adults who know our boundaries," He pauses, his voice a reluctant mumble, "I think the bed is big enough for the both of us."

I feel my breath hitching in my throat. "No." 

"Too afraid you won't be able to keep your hands to yourself?" A smirk spreads through his lips. 

"No, Caleb," I control the urge to roll my eyes. "I just don't think it's a good idea for us to share the same bed."

"Too afraid your boyfriend will find out?"

"No." This time, I do roll my eyes. "I told you, Jay trusts me. It's not about that..."

"Then what is it about, Daisy?" He takes a step towards me, his eyes focused on me. I gulped, looking everywhere.

"You know what? You're right. We can share the bed. It's cool." I say, but end up sounding like Ross when he says 'I'm fine'.

He snorts, sarcastically smiling to himself in disbelief as he grabs a pillow from the bed and throws it on the couch.

"The bed's all yours, Princess." He barely looks at me arranging the sheets already.

I narrow my eyes as I sit on the edge of the bed, looking at him, my mind wandering to places it shouldn't. "You always call me Princess, I.. uh, is it because of the incident-?"

"What incident?" He scoffs in disinterest, playing dumb, setting a duvet and pillow on the couch, not looking at me.

"What you told us a couple hours ago? About when we first met?"

"It doesn't matter, Princess." This time, he looks up at me. "You didn't even remember when you first met me- not that I expect you to, of course- so it shouldn't matter what I thought of you when I first saw you too."

I take a deep breath. It was now or never. "There is something you should know."

"About?" His voice was still laced with disinterest. He barely looked at me.

"Jay." I answer.

"Not interested." 

"No, Caleb." I stand up from the bed, extending my hand to slightly touch his arm to halt his quick motions, and he does stop. Huffing some air from his mouth, he looks behind and at me, crossing his hands in front of his chest. 

"Is my brother now a vampire?" He asked me.

I control the urge to roll my eyes as I shake my head negatively.

"Then whatever it is doesn't interest me enough." He answers feigning composure.

"I didn't know, okay?" I tell him, my voice louder than intended, cutting his pretence of being disinterested short. He often does that. When he is frustrated or just angry, he covers it up by being rude and disinterested. I sigh when I realise how loud it came off, adding, "I didn't know that you and Jay were brothers when I first started dating him. I always thought of the two of you as some distant cousins that never met in your life except once. I.. I didn't know you two were biological brothers-"

"Twins," he cuts me off. "We're twins. Fraternal, of course." 

My mouth falls open in shock.

"Eureka!" He ridiculed, "You didn't know that either, did you?"

"I- I didn't." I mumble. Ah. f**k. 

"I take from our father apparently, and he our mother. Hence, I have the green eyes and he the brown eyes. But to think of, we do have the similar brown hair." Caleb nonchalantly adds as if he were reading today's weather to me. I felt stupid. They were both of the same age. F*ck. How could I have not realised this earlier when Jay told me that they were real brothers?

"I didn't know that you both were related by blood even," I tell him, "Not until a few hours ago."

"Ah. That's why the date ended so early." He mused. "For a girl who hates secrets, doesn't your life feel full of them right now?"

"Caleb." I look at him pointedly. 

"Wonder what else your boyfriend hid, huh? A whole secret girlfriend, perhaps?"

I roll my eyes. "It is impossible to try to hold a conversation with you."

"Then don't." He raised his shoulders in a careless shrug.

"Oh I'm done trying, trust me." I grimace in return. "I just wanted you to know that I didn't know the two of you were brothers, otherwise..."

"Otherwise what, Daisy?" He asked when I trailed away.

"Otherwise I would not have dated Jay." I complete, turning away to spread the duvet for myself and remove my coat to put it on the stand. I knew his eyes were still on me as I prepared the bed for me to sleep, but I didn't bother looking back at him. The conversation was over from my end. I had said what I wanted to.

"Just for the record?" He gave me a side glance when I turned back to face him, not meeting my eyes. "If you still want to be with Jay, you can. Don't let me stand in way of your happiness."

My gaze softened. "Just for the record?" I tell him in the same way he did, "The fact that you remembered when you first saw me and if that incident was the reason you began calling me Princess? It did... matter to me. At least it mattered to me then, if not now."

"So it doesn't matter to you now? At all then?" He questioned.

"Would it matter if it mattered to me or not?"

"Of course it would." He chuckled. "Actually, you know what? It wouldn't matter. It never works for us, and it probably never will."

"Right." I scoff, feeling the weight on my heart. "Because what we had was never enough."

"Oh no, don't put it that way." He shakes his head running his hand through his hair, and I knew he was trying hard to maintain his calm. "What we had was enough for me, it was always enough. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for you."

"You don't get to put it that way either," I grit. "I tried for years to make it enough, Caleb. For years, I did everything I could to hold on to the shards left out of our relationship and how did that end? Me walking on you in bed with another lady? That was when I was done, Caleb. I was done trying so hard only for you to never look my way when I was your girlfriend."

"Exactly, you were my girlfriend, Daisy." He says. "I was yours. Heart and soul. Since I knew what love was, I was yours." 

I feel the hollow in my heart as I snort and look away. "And you still cheated."

"I–" He pauses his sentence midway when the lights flicker.

My breath stuck in my throat, I look around, the fear gripping my heart. All the lights of the pool house that were switched on flickered a couple times more until they went off altogether, leaving us in complete darkness.

My heart beat paced.

I hated the dark. I was so scared of it. Every time I shut my eyes to blink knowing I was opening them to utter darkness only, I felt my breath tighten. 

"Caleb."

"I'm figuring out what went wrong, one second." He ignorantly replied, "You might have been a princess but I haven't grown up being an electrician."

Even in the dark, I could make out his silhouette where the main switches were, probably trying to figure it out.

"Cal- Caleb." I repeated, hyperventilating this time.

"F*ck." His voice was full of realisation and there was a quick shuffle around me, and the next I knew, I felt his hand on my arm. "I'm here. I'm here, okay?"

I nod trying to maintain my calm and then realise he could not see me because of the dark. "Y- Yes. I- I'm sorry. I- I-" I struggle for words to fill in my fear.

"I dated you for seven whole years. I know why you're afraid of the dark, Dais. It's okay, I'm here, alright? I'm here."  He tells me and I only manage to nod again even knowing that he couldn't see me.

"Why- Why did this happen?" I ask, hiccuping.

"I don't know, Princess. F*ck, I don't know." I knew he was looking around. 

"I don't feel so good anymore." I tell him, feeling suffocated, the urge to vomit overcoming me. 

"No, no, don't say that." He says. "You know how dark the night sky is right?"

"Mh-hmm."

"And the stars still shine, right?"

"Yes."

"Think of this as the dark sky," He says, "And think of me as a star. I need you to hold on to that idea. I need you to concentrate on me and ignore the darkness, okay? Can you try doing that?"

"Yes." I nod, finding the confidence again. I would be okay.

"Good. Good." I knew he was shaking his head too, his hand still resting on my arm to re-assure me of his presence, "Now, talk to me. Pay attention to me."

"I always pay attention to you." I reply in a small voice.

"Okay, then tell me something. Tell me when was the first time you remember seeing me," He insists, "And don't lie this time, because I know you remember."

"It was my birthday party," I answer with quivering lips. "A week after what you said happened. You were the only friend that Cole called and he still seemed happier in your presence than I was with twenty people. I just wanted a normal princess themed party but I... I didn't feel good. It was my first birthday without my mother and.. and Dad wasn't home either. I felt lonely and I was alone when the clock struck twelve thinking about running away like Cinderella did when you appeared out of now where, and I believe your words were, 'Would you like to dance, Princess?'. That is my first memory of you, Caleb, being my Prince Charming when you didn't even know how bad I wanted to be a Princess."

"Such a dreamer." He teased, and I giggled too, and then shivered almost instantaneously. His grip on my arm tightened and I knew he pulled me in closer, except when he did, the lights switched on by themselves.

I shut my eyes tight before squinting them open to adjust to the sudden light again, and then took a step backwards.

"Th- Thank you." I mumbled, not quite meeting his eye.

A half smile spread through his lips. "Was that really the first time you actually got to know who I was?"

I timidly nod.

He snorts a smile. "Sounds like a fairytale beginning, huh? Too bad we're not in love with each other anymore."

His words weigh down my heart a little more than how heavy I already felt. 'Too bad we're not in love anymore.'

"Too bad we would never be in love again," I retaliate imitating his casual tone.

"I think we can both find a way to live with that.." He paused, "..To co-exist as strangers with memories. That doesn't sound so difficult, does it?"

In that moment, I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or genuine, and I stare at him for a moment too long before tearing my eyes to look away. That didn't sound difficult. That sounded very, very difficult.

"I think yes." I lie.

He gives me a half smile. "Good. I think yes too, Princess."

"If you're confident that I'll always be your Princess and whoever you are in love with can find a way to live with that," I answer, bringing myself to pull a little smile too.

He snorts a smile too. "Only if you're confident that I'll always be the brightest Star in your night sky and Jay can find a way to live with that."

"You're not my star." I ridiculed.

"Couldn't deny that a couple minutes ago..." He played along.

"You caught me in a weak moment." I shrug, getting back into bed. 

"Seems like I always do."

"Puhlease." I roll my eyes and he chuckled turning away as I get into bed. 

"Just for the record?" I add, "You were right. We are adults who know our boundaries. If we can co-exist, we can also share the bed for a night.

"Are you sure?" He looked at me reluctantly.

I shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. He nodded transferring his duvet and pillow back to the bed as I get under the sheets, sleeping on the edge of my side of the bed, and he does pretty much the same, switching off the lights after getting in.

I closed my eyes turning the other way, letting my back face him as I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Today seemed unreal, and I didn't know if it was in the dreamy or the nightmare kind of way.

I almost broke up with Jay and almost got into that conversation with Caleb that I try to always avoid.

Just for the record? Caleb wasn't the brightest star in my night sky as he described himself to be. He was once, but not anymore.

Not since I had a brush up with reality making me realise that I was once a naïve child falling in love with galaxies painted across the night sky hoping to make a castle up there one day, and reality had to step in to reach me that stars- even as fascinating as they looked- were nothing but balls of gases and fire and they'd burn everything that tries touching them, leaving nothing but a trail of ashes in their wake.

The prettiest ones hurt the worst, after all.

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