That's not who I am!

Chapter 9

LIAM'S POV

"She's not coping well," My mum says coming to stand next to me as I look out the kitchen patio doors. Where I'm watching Jane and Layla talking away sat at the patio set with blankets wrapped around them hot drinks in hand and the firepit blazing away.

"I know, what do we do?" I ask. "I've been asking myself that same question. How are you though?" My mum says.

"I'll be fine once she is fine" I say running my hand through my hair before turning to face my mum. "I know you will be but in the meantime just be you, I think Jane needs us to be just us to help her through. I needed to go deal with a few client's phone calls. You going to be alright?" My mum says

"I'll be fine. There be fine, we're all be fine, you go do what you got to do" I say and my mum gives me a hug I kiss her cheek as she says "Alright, we're all going to be alright" with that she turns away and goes to do her work. I stand there watching the women a few more minutes before making myself a coffee and going to join them.

"Please tell me its not the nurse or doctor coming out of that door. I don't want to go in just yet" I hear Jane say to Layla as I exit the house to join them.

"No, it's not them. Instead it's someone who looks alot like my husband but isn't my husband that's your only clue" Layla says "I can handle Liam just no more observations right now" Jane says as I reach them.

"Well it's a good job I'm no trained medical person then" I say taking a free seat before getting my cigarette packet out.

"I'm greatful don't get me wrong I know it's important and better than being stuck in the hospital but damn it I shouldn't need them to start with" Jane says and I offer her a cigarette she accepts with a smile and "Thanks". I'd offer all of them just to see that smile more again I think to myself.

"We know, no one likes being poorly to start with" layla says

"You don't get it. I know I should be greatful, I know that and I am greatful for all you. But what you don't get is after I was raped I tried to kill myself. I failed obviously and I even then put myself through therapy. I worked so damn hard to overcome everything, I was finally happy again. I even had an appointment at the fertility clinic to become a mum. But I had to cancel that after the first attack, I thought that was bad enough then people tried to kill me and all I can think is I wish I died, I wish this real life nightmare was over because I can't see any way out of all this right now. So I understand I'm in recovery physically but I ain't any idea how to even start the mental side of recovery right now. I can't even decide if I want to be alone or be surrounded by people. Because I want to be alone left alone by everyone to just be left alone and not suffer what I'm sure this living hell is just starting out to be. But then I don't want to be alone because I'm scared of every damn thing including my own damn shadow. So yeah I'm greatful and I get I should move forward but I'm also not deep in this mess I ain't a clue where to start and I've no idea if I'll ever get over this all" Jane says and with each word sinking in it rips my own heart to shreds.

"Thats where you start by continue to communicate with us. You start by letting us help you and take away some of this burden. Your so miss independent that you need to let people in and you know you can trust us" Layla says.

"You can definitely trust us, no matter how big or small you think it is just let us in to help you" I say.

"I don't feel very independent right now I don't even have my own damn home. my own safe haven. I can't go to work and I suck at day time tv" Jane says.

"Thats okay I suck at it as well. we can find a new hobbie together. Talking of hobbies when your feeling better I need more dance lessons they went down brilliantly on my honeymoon so you have to keep fighting each day to help me learn more" Layla says and Jane gives a half felt smile as she says "I so badly wish my body wasn't so battered right now because I want to dance until I drop". "You did therapy and dancing, you did dance at school but you really got back into dancing a few years back the times match up maybe when hour healed dancing can be part of you getting you back" Layla says.

"I'd need a dance studio and I'm not ready to go out into the world yet" Jane says

"Pick any room you want here. we gave servel empty rooms. Me and Luke always stated this would be our wife's homes to do as they please with. Layla can't bring herself to take over the house yet. So pick a room have a dance studio here" I say.

"I can't do that" Jane says "Well I certainly can and I want a dance studio I'm pretty sure Luke will be thrilled with the results as well. So it's settled we're having a dance studio you can help me get it all sorted whilst your recovering" Layla says finishing off with a clap of her hands together like it's a final decision. It's about time she started taking over the house and I'm glad she is even if it's for Jane.

"Your doing it for me not you. I'm not stupid" Jane says. "Yeah but I also really want it to. Like I said my husband loved what you taught me so far so were definitely require some dance poles" Layla says which Jane smiles at as she shakes her a little in a no but her fave screams oh my god instead.

"Fine, I'll teach you all I know" Jane says giving in.

"Great let me and Luke know which room you want and what your require and it will be sorted" I say.

JANE'S POV

"You should be resting Jane. It's been less than a whole day and your not resting. I'm ready to have you readmitted back to tbe hospital so you need to start listening Jane" Dr Vanguard says as I walk back towards the lounge after getting my observations done again and once again there not being great I already know all this and my head hurts and I'm tired.

"I know that" I say "Do you, Because I don't think your taking this seriously at all" Dr Vanguard says and I lose it. "I'm not taking it seriously, I don't think you realise how seriously I am taking it. How seriously stressed out I am. Before those men tried to murder me as for revenge against a monster who did his own disgusting damage to me I was alone. For a few weeks I was alone, scared but alone. I didn't have to worry about anyone's safety and revenge attacks except for myself. But now I'm here surrounded by everyone I do care about. Two of them went out today and I worried every second if they would come back okay. Now liams out there alone not even with anyone by himself. What of he doesn't come back because of me. What if someone followed us, what if someone turns on any of them because of me. I'll be the one with guilt because I allowed everyone to help me. I need a cigarette! yet that means asking someone to come with me because wait I'm scared as it's dark outside! Can you see how I don't win in this. Can you see how I know I should be resting but I can't rest" I'm shouting until I feel someone pull into a hug and say "Okay Sissy, it's okay. Take a deep breath it's alright your safe we're all safe. Just breath" Luke says calmly as he rubs my back.

I start crying as I say "Please come with me for a cigarette". "Okay" Luke says.

"I didn't mean to upset you Jane, Luke she needs to rest come morning if the observations don't start to improve I'll have no choice but admit Jane back to hospital" Dr Vanguard says.

"Don't worry, we're sort it" I hear Cara say.

"Sort out what?" I hear Liam say and although relieve feels me up I'm mad. I move away from Luke as I shout "You lot, you big bad men who think there invisible do you not know what hell I've been through. Dr Vanguard is right. I should go back to hospital. I'll rest better there. insisting I come here, I have to worry about all of you as well and already less than a day all the men disappear you alone like a fool. what if people followed us. what if one of you get hurt because of me. I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm scared I don't need to be worrying about all of you" but the headache gets worse by the tears and shouting I do. The dizziness takes over and darkness comes.

When I come to I'm being carried by Luke. "Welcome back Sissy, don't worry I caught you. But now your going for bed rest and bed rest you shall have. I'm sorry we all worried and stressed you out today. We will be more considerate. You don't have to worry though we all safe" Luke says.

"Yeah and Cara yelled at them all whilst you were passed out to" Layla says.

"I'll do more than yelled if you end up back in the hospital" Cara says as we enter my bedroom.

"I told you it won't happen again" Aaron says followed by Liam saying as in laid on the bed "Baby girl, no more stressing your only goal is to get better. Let us do all the stressing from now on".

"Okay everyone out, I need to make sure Jane is okay then you can come back in" Dr Vanguard says.

LIAM'S POV

I felt bad awfully bad. I need to punch someone so bad. I didn't plan to be that long but once I hit one of the fuckers I needed to hit them all. They had to suffer. But what at this expense, if I could go back I'd of stayed and they could of waited.

Dr Vanguard guard opens Jane's bedroom door and steps out she looks very mad. We all go to speak at once and she holds uo her hand. She actually has a scary look for a doctor when mad I think as we all go quiet.

"I don't want to hear it. Janes right, you didn't ask if she wanted to come here. You just told her and she just went along with it. We been here less than a day and already she isn't resting. She is more stressed. I thought this place would be good for her she would feel safer. If come morning she still isn't resting and isn't improving I'll have no choice but to admit her back to hospital. I get you have things to do. But you should of realised Jane has been through alot naturally she is now scared for all of you. And by some miracle she does start to improve I want at least two days full bed rest no more than two hours out of bed. Jane also just said she ain't doing that if she can't find a vape she likes because she is so stressed she needs something. And although I don't condone smoking or vaping I see she needs one of them I'd much prefer she vaped and from what I can tell Layla would prefer that inside the house over smoking to. Now mama and papa bear please get some calm order in this house. Brother bear be a brother and treat her like a princess. Start with that hot chocolate she likes. Bestie bear do bestie sleep over stuff bed tomorrow. Lover bear go get cleaned up and ready for bed she only sleeps well around you. The more sleep Jane gets the better for her recovery as well".

"Lover bear, are you crazy!" We hear Jane say which makes us all chuckle. "Baby girl I liked that one" I say