Three Alpha's, One selection (Ending reimagined)

Chapter 36

Rowan POV

Lara has become too good at avoiding me without making it too obvious. Our time together has become so little. I made a big mistake playing house with her, but after one day of doing this, I was hooked.

Living with Aceline wasn’t great. I never saw her life outside of the few nights I had spent at her place. I would have gone home with her and left in the mornings. We never spend any time there. She wanted to keep all her furniture which I was fine with, but I never thought that she would object to me bringing any of my own touches into what would be our home until we got married. She said that my taste was too dark and depressing, just like my secret s****l needs.

She also threw in there how she was the only thing I had that was in good taste. Which was just another burn towards Lara. Then came all the difficult situations. She never prepared any food and when I wanted to at least make myself a sandwich I saw the fridge and pantry was empty. She said that she always ate out because it meant no dishes. I bought groceries which she was more than happy to use, but then she never cleaned up anything. She didn’t even make the bed.

The more time I seemed to spend with her the better Lara looked to me. I knew I had a problem way before getting engaged. I guess I knew it the moment that I met Dilara. The way it felt when I saw her, when I knew she was completely made for me was unimaginable, but I never wanted it. I never wanted fate to choose for me, which led to me fighting those feelings.

Rejecting her just helped me to fight them. It took off the edge, I didn’t feel that overwhelming longing and need for her. Then I started to exert my power over her. It gave me a rush. Having so much power over one person is incredible. I never knew that I yearned for power until I had gotten it. It awoken things in me that I never knew was there. I was never really dominant or possessive when it came to Aceline. Dilara brought it out in me at extreme levels.

Although as time passed I realized that it was more than having power over her. I was addicted to her not just the power. I wanted her more and more each day. I longed for her touch, smell and taste. I wasn’t supposed to feel like that. I severed my side of the bond. I thought maybe it was because of her half of the bond still being in place. She didn’t have power over my body like I did hers and sometimes I longed to feel the way she does. Her touch drove me crazy, but my touch melted her brain.

Things only got worse and I found myself catching feelings. I knew I was in love with her after about a year of knowing her and I also knew that we could never be together. I had ruined every chance of that and I didn’t regret it even a little bit. The whole point of choosing a mate was to avoid having such crippling feelings.

I don’t want a weakness like that. I could see why the Moon Goddess chose her for me. Not only because she was perfect and I needed perfection. She was everything I could have ever wanted in a she-wolf. She is beautiful, intelligent, a leader, inspiring and made for power. Which is also why I broke her down. If I let her be, If I let everyone see just how special she really was they would have turned.

I’m not stupid the better choice between the two of us is her. She knows how to run a pack, but more than that she knows how to nurture one. I knew I had to work harder to be a better Alpha since she upstaged me at every point and turn. It is also why I discredited her among the pack. I made her the mistress-mate. I made her look weak.

It wasn’t enough. I could always feel it. The change of atmosphere when she was in a room. They all secretly respected her. They all wanted her as Luna. I tried to get Aceline to step up, but truthfully she was never made to be a Luna and I knew that she would most likely turn out to be like my mother, always just on the sidelines, never fully participating.

The pack also didn’t take to her. They showed her respect as my girlfriend and their future Luna, but I could see them comparing her to Lara. No one could compare to her even on paper she had been perfect. The moment we accepted her to the university she had already won. I tried my best to get over the infatuation with her.

Mostly because I knew that someday I would have to let her go. Which led to my engagement. I thought moving forward with Aceline and being in that pre-wedding bliss would help. It made my situation with Aceline more permanent. I couldn’t mark her without giving up control over Lara, but this was the human equivalent of that. Then I played house and I enjoyed it.

I liked Lara taking care of me. I like having food prepared for me, having a clean space to go home to and amazing s*x. I hated that I had to force the affection. I knew she didn’t have any affection when it came to me. I hated when she flinched when I wanted to touch her. I never hurt her. I never abused her. Yes, I am rough with her, but I never beat her. I punish her. s******g is not physical abuse. Neither is tying her up.

Those are all just part of me exerting my dominance over her. If I beat her to a pulp with my fist it would warrant that reaction from her. I couldn’t show her the love I had for her, but I wanted her to show me love. Which is why I made her call me ‘My Love’. It is also why we cuddle after s*x. I crave affection from her even if it is forced.

Now the time has come near and I am looking for a reason to not end this. She isn’t giving me one. I have broken her into good. She knows me too well now. She has been acting differently though, but it might be because she has been busy arranging the Alpha ball as well as my wedding. I knew I couldn’t put it off anymore. I could have married Aceline and initiated her into the pack and held out on marking her.

Werewolves don’t really put so much weight on a wedding, most don't even get married. Mating and the mating ceremony are more important. Especially the packs that don’t get involved with the humans. I really can’t put it off anymore. I will have to mark her after the wedding and then I won’t have much control over Lara. She won’t let me touch her anymore.

I could always command her, but commanding her into my bed doesn’t mean she will enjoy it as she does now. With my mark on her, her body reacts to mine. If it wasn’t for my mark she wouldn’t even let me look at her.

She only endures me because she can’t avoid those feelings. Commanding her to have s*x with me when she isn’t marked by me would feel too much like me forcing her. At least now she is willing. She will definitely not be willing and she will be angry since I didn’t let her go. Killing her is the only option because I will not be able to let her go.

Flashback

“You weren’t in your room again!” Aceline said looking at me through the mirror. I don’t understand how someone so beautiful can be so damn insecure. I don’t owe her any answers. I have told her this before. We aren’t mated. We are only engaged and she isn’t part of the pack yet. If we are married, mated and she is the Luna then she can start getting answers. It still amazes me that I can screw anyone, but Lara.

“Rowan you said that you need to be in the pack house! As Alpha that is where you should be. This is why you have to spend half of your time there and half of your time here, but you are never there. You are always with her!” She whined with tears in her eyes. I’ve learned it is an act, a way for her to win fights.

“How is it any different? We’ve been doing this for almost two years now. I was with you for three days and with her the other days. Don’t make up a problem where there isn’t one.” I said in a bored tone. I was over this fight. I walked into the closet to get dressed. The clothes I wanted to wear today were at our house and not in Lara’s or my room which is why I had to come here and endure this damn fight.

“It isn’t the same because you are playing house with the both of us. It isn’t just s*x anymore. You can’t lie to me and say that it is nothing! I know it is more. I can see it in the way you look at her. You long for your mate…If you want her so badly why not be with her then? Why am I here if you want her Rowan?” She asked as she stormed in after me. It is something I have thought about a lot, but I always come to the same answer. I can’t have a weakness and Lara will be my weakness.

The moment I realized that I was starting to fall for her I knew it. I don’t feel the same way about Aceline. I used to believe that I loved her. Most people will say that she has me wrapped around her finger, but I just don’t care enough to argue so I give in to her demands. I do love her in my own way, it’s just not enough to make her my weakness. If someone were to kill Lara it would kill me because she is my mate. That is the way we are built. Our mate is our number one priority, but if someone were to kill Aceline I would be sad, I would even be heartbroken, but it will not cripple me. Even when I do finally mate her it will not be as it is with Lara.

“I am with you because I want to be. You are here because you will be my Luna. You are the one I will spend my life with so what does it matter if I spend time with her now?” I said knowing the words would go straight to her heart. It makes it sound very romantic. It sounds like I am choosing her above everyone. Whereas it is actually practical. I am choosing her because I know I can lose her without losing myself.

“Alright, If I mean so much to you then I want you to do something for me. We have talked about this before, but I need for us to talk about it again.” She came to stand in front of me looking me in my eyes. I was annoyed. I just wanted to come here, get dressed and leave. I wasn’t in the mood for all of this.

“Fine, what is it?” I said bored by the conversation all over again.

“Promise me when the time comes you will kill her and not just let her go.” She has asked me before if I would kill Lara. At the time I was sure I would. Now I feel differently. I don’t know if I will be able to kill her.

“Why do you want me to kill her? I will mark you, you will be my mate and she will be out of sight, out of mind.” I said annoyed that she wanted me to take it so far, but isn’t being annoyed just proving her point that I am choosing Lara over her.

“Because I know that you are obsessed with her. Your wolf wants her even if you don’t. He will never accept me and my wolf. He will always be wondering where she is, what she is doing and who she is with. It will drive him crazy. The only way to really be over her is if you kill her. That is what I want. If you want me to stay that is what you will have to do.” She had a point.

The idea of Lara with anyone else makes my blood boil. The idea of it makes me so angry that I want to punish her now for something she hasn’t even done. Especially thinking about the fact that she will be with that Sanders guy. She wants to be with him, she wants him over me and it drives me crazy. I want her every thought and feeling to be centred around me. I want her mind and heart to be completely consumed by me like mine is by hers. I will have to kill her if I want to be sane. It will be the only way that I can let her go.

“So you are so insecure and jealous that you want me to commit murder?” I asked her. If she can admit that she is that jealous of Lara then I will consider telling her that I will do it.

”I am not jealous! It is you that is obsessed with her and we can’t move on successfully if you can’t get her out of your mind.” I knew she wasn’t able to do it. She is too headstrong to admit something like that. I never imagined she could feel this insecure.

She is a very beautiful woman. She has light blonde hair with cat-like, seductress ice blue eyes, plumb kissable lips, a thin straight nose and high cheekbones. She is every man's walking wet dream. The amount of guys that stare at her when we go out is insane.

Lara’s beauty is different. She also has blonde hair, but it has this pinkish tint to it. It is a warm colour. When I pull my hands through it it feels like I am at home. She also has blue eyes, but they are a deeper blue. Deep enough for me to drown in them. I constantly get lost in those eyes. I drown in them, I gasp for breath and ache for her to my core. Not to mention how big those eyes are, it makes her seem so innocent that I can’t help wanting to devour her. Her lips are plumb and pink, they aren’t just kissable, they are bite-able. I want to hang on to every word that leaves them and bite them to stop her from speaking and start moaning. She is also so tiny that I want to crush and protect her at the same time. She fits so perfectly in my arms and against my body.

Aceline is a pure seductress and it isn’t a competition. Most men would choose her, just not me, not anymore. If nothing stood in the way I would choose Lara every time. It is that thought that made me know I really was in too deep and that I had a problem.

“You are right I will kill her. Letting her go won’t be enough.” Letting her go isn’t an option anymore, because I no longer want to let her go. I want her all to myself. Now and always. I will be thinking about her being with someone else, knowing that she is with the Sanders guy. It would kill me knowing that, so it would be better for me to kill her. I’m the only one that I will choose over her.

“I was hoping you would deny it. I hoped that you would say that you weren’t obsessed and that letting her go would be easy. I was right all along. You’d rather kill her than lose her to someone else. What about me? If I decide to leave you now, would you stop me? Would you even care?” No, I wouldn’t really care. It will cause problems. If I don’t have a Luna everyone would expect me to have Lara as the Luna and I can’t do that.

“I just told you I would kill for you. I am willing to kill my mate for you how can you even ask that.” My decision has nothing to do with her and everything to do with my own needs. She doesn’t need to know that though. I am completely fine with her thinking that I am willing to kill my mate for her.

“You didn’t answer my question, that was just a workaround of it, but it is fine. You may not need me now as much as you need her, but I will be here longer than her. She will be long gone and I will still be by your side. There will be a time when you’ll need me and I will be there. She will be forgotten and I will be Luna.” She had been smarter than I gave her credit. She saw right through me. Although she didn’t need me to answer her. She already decided on her future and she will stick with me, She won’t leave me and that is what matters now.

End of flashback

I looked at Lara asleep next to me. She was out, oblivious to the world and oblivious to what would happen to her. I bet she is dreaming about me and dreaming about leaving me. I wonder if she has realized that it can’t be this easy.

Does she really think I will let her walk away from me without any fuss? She can’t be that stupid. I guess in her mind she believes that none of this has been easy and that she has paid her due. She definitely has. Not only had she managed to finish her studies in only about a year and a half she managed to pay them off just as fast. I was shell-shocked when she told me she had paid for her studies completely. I thought I would have had more time with her.

She had come into my office. She looked too nervous. I noticed the paper in her hand. After she told me that she finished her studies I started to pay more attention to her and her behaviour. The paper in her hand is definitely of importance.

“What is that?” I asked before she could get into the speech she probably practised and mulled over in her head until she was sure it was perfect and wouldn’t get her in trouble. She took too long so I grabbed it out of her hand. Unfolding it my eyes zeroed in on the words paid in full.

“I have paid for my studies. I wanted to let you know that I have completed my side of the agreement. All that is left is to arrange the Alpha ball.” I don’t know how she managed to pay it off so fast. I know she has a job in that pathetic little coffee shop, but I never imagined that she would be paid well there and then there is the money I paid for her Interim Luna position.

“How did you manage this?” I asked her holding the paper up. I was so frustrated.

“As a member of the pack I only have to pay half.” She informed me. She was smiling like she won and she had. Me forcing her to join the pack is what put the last nail in my coffin. This piece of paper is killing me. She finished her studies, paid them and she has paid with her pain and mental anguish. She believes she deserves to be let go. It is too bad I can’t let her go. I rather lose her forever than know she is out there and I can never have her. I pulled the blanket over her tucking it in. She sighed as she cuddled into it. The only time she can have peace is when she is sleeping. I wish I could disturb her dreams as well. I want to consume every second of her life.

'We can consume her' the voice rang in my head. My wolf's voice is more convincing by the day. I am aware of just how much we have been melting together. At times it feels like I am more him than me, like my thoughts aren't mine anymore. He is all I can hear anymore. I fear the day when I wake up as the voice inside and him being the body.

Even my behaviour has been more animalistic. Especially with Lara. My wolf has been bonding with her like wolves would out in nature. We are constantly touching her, smelling her, rubbing up on her and sleeping next to her. It's all about enveloping her in our scent and claiming her. I've been snarling and growling a lot. Basically snapping at anyone who might even be thinking about thinking about her. It's like being a ticking bomb waiting to be set off.

'You know what you have to do,.' he brings it up whenever he can. Every time he seems more convincing.

'You are afraid people will find out that she is our weakness, let them! Then we can show them that we are far from weak. We can protect her ' I don't want to live my life always watching my back and trying to protect her or keeping her locked away like my mother was. I don't want to live in fear of losing her.

'Or we can make it seem like we didn't have an option in keeping her. Kill the spare and marry our mate like you are only doing it to satisfy the pack's need for a Luna. You can let me out. I will rip her apart it would look like a rouge attack, they won't even be able to identify her pretty little face.' My wolf detests Aceline because she isn't Lara. I still love her even if I'm not in love with her. I won't be able to kill her just because I don't want her anymore.

'Or put a pup in her and make it seem like it's all about protecting our heir.' creating another weakness is not what I want. Having children with Dilara is more dangerous than being with her.

'No!' It is what I say every time, but it is becoming less convincing by the day