Things We Never Said

Three

I woke up late the next morning. Very late.  I didn't get much sleep that night. I kept tossing and turning. Every time I felt like I was about to fall asleep, I would wake up and it would take a long time for me to fall back asleep again. I think it was around three or four in the morning when I had finally fallen asleep.

It took a good twenty minutes for me to finally crawl out of bed. I glanced at my phone to check the time.

10:10.

I groaned. I wanted to get up no later than eight thirty. My plan was to do my homework before the party, go get my hair done, and then relax. I thought about possibly calling Ethan and letting him know that I was too sick to go. But then Nessa would still force me to go.

Last night before going to bed I called her to see if she wanted to ride with Ethan and I to the party. I wasn't that surprised when she turned down the offer and said that she was going to ride on her own. The idea was for her to drive with us, so she could drink. I already knew she was going to say no, she wasn't Ethan's biggest fan.

I made my way to the kitchen to find some breakfast. Mom was already in there cleaning. She raised her eyebrows when I walked in.

"How did you sleep?"

I grabbed a cup from the cupboard. "Not well." I poured some coffee. I took a sip. So good.

"You really gotta get that coffee addiction in check," Mom joked.

I smiled. "How can I when I live with the greatest coffee brewer of all time."

Mom bowed. We both laughed. "You really should slow down."

I sighed. "I know. I will."

Mom went back to wiping down the counters.

"Could you drop me off at the salon?"

"Sure. What time would you like to leave?"

"Eleven thirty?"

"Alright." Mom stopped cleaning so that she could stare at a stain on the counter. She tilted her head just a bit. More than likely, she was thinking of a way to get it out. She had a really bad cleaning obsession.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She was still staring at the stain.

I wanted to ask her if she thought I should tell Ethan about what happened the other day with Krista. If she thought that Ethan and I had a stronger relationship than what Nessa thought. I wanted reassurance that Ethan would believe me and take my side.  I didn't want to just straight out say what happened though. I bit the inside of my lip as I thought about what to say.

"Do you think if two people have a very strong relationship – it doesn't even have to be a romantic one – then they can get through anything?"

Mom gave me a questioning look. "It all depends what they're trying to overcome. Can you be more specific?"

"Say someone comes into their life and they spend all their time with them and so they get close. Say something happens between the two and now the person feels left behind and—" I glanced up at mom. She still had that questioning look on her face.

"Did something happen with Ethan?"

I shook my head and said, "No, not with him. Someone else."

Mom started wiping the counters down again. "Well, the person should talk to the other person and let them know how they feel."

"What if they feel like they can't talk about it with the other person?"

"If they feel like they can't talk to that other person about how their feeling then maybe they need to reevaluate their friendship. Maybe they shouldn't be friends anymore."

Not exactly the answer I was looking for.  Mom must've seen the look on my face because she shrugged sheepishly and said sorry.

"No need to apologize. You're probably right." I cleared my throat and started making my way towards my room. "I'm going to get ready."

She nodded.

I grabbed a T-Shirt and jeans from the closet and tossed them on the bed. I then grabbed a few towels and went to the bathroom to turn the shower on.

Without checking the temperature of the water, I jumped in. It was scorching hot. I had to quickly turn the dial to the left to make it colder. I stood under the water for a few minutes just thinking.

I thought about Ethan. Krista. Vanessa.

I thought about when Ethan and I were younger, and things were much easier. Krista wasn't in our lives then and I would do anything to go back to that.

I thought about what Vanessa had told me about the boy she was in love with. I had no idea and I never knew that she was in pain. She couldn't even tell me about him, and it made me feel awful. I felt like a bad friend. I couldn't even tell and yet she always knew when something was wrong with me.

I finished up in the shower then got out. I blow dried my hair as quickly as possible before heading to my room to change. I threw on the T-Shirt and jeans then headed downstairs. Mom had already made two cups of iced coffee. One for me and one for her.

"Ready to go?" she asked, handing me the cup.

"Ready."

She grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter, and I followed her out the front door. When we got in the car, she asked me if I had any ideas of what I wanted to do with my hair.

"I'm not sure. Vanessa says I should put color in it."

Mom frowned. "I don't think so. Why don't you have some low lights. Blond would look nice with your light brown hair."

I shrugged. "I don't know yet. Maybe I'll let her surprise me."

"Okay but just tell her nothing to crazy."

"I doubt she'll do anything crazy. She knows you too well."

Mom smiled. "That she does."

I flipped through the radio trying to find something to listen too. Nothing good was on so I left it on Photograph. I drummed my finger on my leg in tune with the song. Before I knew it, I found myself singing to some of the lyrics.

The song immediately made me think of Ethan.

I felt myself growing sad. If I kept listening to this song I was probably going to start crying.

"Rose?"

I glanced at my mom, startled. "I'm sorry."

"I asked if you were okay."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just nervous."

At first, she didn't seem convinced by my answer but then she said, "Don't worry. She's not going to make your hair look crazy."

I chuckled. "I know."

Mom squeezed my hand then got out of the car. I followed behind her.

"It's great to see you girls again," Bridget said as we entered through the front doors. "What are we doing today?" she asked me.

I glanced at my mom before answering. "I'm not sure. I sort of thought you could surprise me. I'm not sure what I want."

Bridget took a few pieces of my hair and inspected them. "I think I know what we can do."

"Nothing to crazy," Mom interjected.

Bridget smiled. "Of course not."

She took me to one of the salon chairs and I sat. She placed a black cape around me. I watched in the mirror as she grabbed bits and pieces of my hair.

"Just relax while I prepare the dye. Did you need any water or anything?"

"Water is good."

She smiled then left to the back room. I looked over at mom who was waiting on the couch. She was talking on the phone and kept frowning at what the person on the other end was telling her. I wondered who it could be.

I glanced down at my phone and noticed I had two unread messages. The first was from Ethan saying that he was going to be at my house at eight pm sharp and I better be ready. The second message was from my dad asking how I was doing.

My father and I were not exactly on good terms. Mostly because he decided to pick up his things and leave my mother and I for the sake of his career. He ended up moving into the city which wasn't that far away, but it was the fact that he decided work was more important to him.

He didn't even discuss it with us. He didn't even want to try to make it work with my mom. He never gave us the option of moving with him. All he did was pack his things one weekend and told me that it was for the best.

I guess my mother and father were having problems and were fighting almost every night so I shouldn't have been that blind-sided. I knew it was coming. They didn't know I knew. All those times they thought I was asleep; I was actually sitting behind my closed door listening to them yell and fight. It broke me because I knew I couldn't do anything about it.

Then one weekend, he packed all of his things and sat me down on one of the chairs in the kitchen. He told me he was leaving for a little bit and it was for the best and promised he would come back soon to see me.

That was about two years ago.

I cried so hard that night.

Ethan was there. He let me cry onto his shoulder for hours. He didn't care that I had soaked his shirt with all my tears. He held on to me and reassured me that everything was going to be okay.

My father never came back to see me. A couple months had passed, and I decided to go see my father at his new place. When I got there, he was surprised to see me. Of course, at that same exact moment, his new girlfriend was there. I was surprised as hell when she walked up behind him asking who was at the door.

In that moment I realized that he had no intentions of coming back home. He had no intentions of even seeing me again.

As soon as I saw her, I left. Thankfully Ethan was with me that day.

I felt stupid and embarrassed. I had taken the train all the way to the city to see him. Ethan and I even walked for a good fifteen minutes just to get to his apartment from the station.

"Here you go," Bridget said handing me a cup of water.

"Thank you."

"Let's get to work."

About two hours later I was a completely new person. Bridget fluffed my hair just a bit and asked how I liked it.

I was in love.

She had done exactly what my mom wanted. She lightened up a bit of pieces and gave my hair a soft ombre that blended very well with my natural hair. Mom was impressed and also loved it.

I was pulling out my bank card when mom pulled out hers and handed it to Bridget.

"You didn't have to do that," I said when we walked out of the salon

Mom waived her hand. "Think of it as an early birthday gift."

"A three month early present?"

"Why not?"

"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."

She smiled and said, "I know." 

I hated parties. I mean I really hated parties. For one, I barely knew anybody there, so it was always awkward for me. Two, I wasn't exactly keen on drinking. And three, I had the worst social anxiety you could ever imagine. Therefore, it was not fun. Not one bit. Yet here I was standing in front of my mirror, staring at my outfit.

Nessa stopped by earlier and dropped of her leather jacket for me to wear. I wore the pants and shirt she made me buy. My hair was in soft waves, the curls had fallen out throughout the day, and my makeup was very casual.

It still felt like too much.

Ethan wasn't supposed to be here for another five minutes. I had some time to change. I probably should change. I continued to stare at myself in the mirror and pulled at my shirt. I wanted to just throw on my sweats, call Ethan and cancel. He didn't really need me there.

"You look fine," I heard his voice say from my doorway.

I jumped. He was early. I frowned at him. "I don't wanna go."

Ethan pouted at me. "You promised."

"I know, I know. I realize that."

"Let's get going then."

I sighed. I really didn't want to go. I had already promised him that I would go, and we never break a promise to each other. I glanced at myself one last time in the mirror before grabbing my purse of the bed and heading towards the front door.

I quickly rushed down the stairs, hoping to avoid my mother. As luck would have it, she was waiting by the front door.

"You look pretty," she said.

I grimaced. "Thanks mom. I'll be back by midnight."

She laughed. "Your curfew is one."

"I know."

Ethan was amused. "I'll have her back by one."

I glared at him in response.

"Just remember if anything happens to her, I'm holding you responsible," she said pointing a finger at him.

"Nothing will happen."

"You kids have fun."

It was barely eight o’clock, but it was already starting to feel very cool outside. I shivered as a gust of wind blew by. I pulled the leather jacket tighter around me. Ethan and I quickly walked to his car. He still had that amused look on his face.

"Ready?" he asked once we were in the car.

"I think so."

He grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. "It'll be fun."

I let out a deep breath. "If you say so."

I was quiet for most of the drive to the party. I was nervous and had a hard time trying not to jump out of the car.

"Don't bite your nails," Ethan said.

I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I clasped my hands in my lap. I tapped my foot in tune with the music on the radio. It made me feel a little calmer. Ethan pulled off to the side of the curb and turned the car off.

"We're here?" I asked looking around for some wild party.

He pointed to a house towards the end of the street. People were slowly starting to file in through the front door. My nerves were starting to kick in again.

Ethan grabbed my hand. "I'll be with you the entire time."

I nodded then got out of the car. As we were walking towards the house, Ethan grabbed my hand again. I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

I couldn't help but look over at Ethan. He wore a blue button up shirt with dark wash jeans and his favorite pair of vans. His brown hair had that half-done look and it fell perfectly in his eyes. Thank God he was answering a text and couldn't see me drooling over him.

As soon as we got to the house, he let go of my hand. I tried not to look disappointed. I quietly trailed behind Ethan as he weaved through the crowd. I followed him through the den and into the kitchen where most of his friends were. Plus, the alcohol.

Ethan grabbed two beers from an ice chest. He popped each one open before handing one to me. I was about to protest when Ethan leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna stop drinking by eleven."

I was going to offer to be the designated driver, but all of his friends were watching us. I took the beer and smiled.

"Dude! You made it," Ethan's friend Gabriel said. They patted each other on the back. I took a sip of my beer and just smiled.

"How could I miss your party," Ethan said.

"I haven't seen you in a while," Gabriel said giving me a hug once he was done saying hello to Ethan.

"Yeah, it's been awhile, Gabe."

Andrew was the next to person to say hello then Paul and lastly, Alex. I was surprised Alex was here. He was more of the quiet type and didn't often come to parties. He was the only one without a drink.

"Where have you been, Rose?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah. Why don't you hang out with us anymore? I know Ethan has a girlfriend but you're still our friend," Gabe added. He nudged my shoulder with his.

I glanced at Ethan unsure of what to say. I couldn't exactly say that the main reason I stopped hanging out with them was due to Krista.

So, I shrugged and said, "I've just been busy with school and applying for college." I took huge gulp of beer.

"Where are you going? Harvard? Stanford?" Andrew asked.

"Maybe. I actually have my eye on NYU."

"No way?! Alex just got accepted there," Gabe shouted. I think he was halfway to being drunk.

Everyone looked at Alex. A blush was appearing on his face. He didn't like all the attention on him.

He cleared his throat before saying, "I did but I, uh, might not go."

"Why not?" Ethan asked.

"I applied to other schools."

We all stood around in the kitchen talking and drinking for about a half hour. At least thirty more people had shown up and the party was now in full swing. As we continued to talk, I remembered how much I missed hanging out with the guys.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but I was on my fourth beer and was starting to feel a bit tipsy when I felt someone pinch my butt. I yelped and turned around, ready to smack the culprit. Nessa was smirking at me. I pulled her in for a hug.

"Thank God you're here," I said. She smiled.

"Yo! You want a drink?" Gabe asked Nessa.

She waived her car keys in the air. "Can't but thank you."

"Just one," Gabe persisted.

Nessa sighed. "Alright, just one. If I end up drunk, you're paying for my cab ride home."

Gabe laughed. "Deal."

"You look hot," Nessa said to me. She said it a bit too loud because all the guys chuckled. My face turned red.

More time had passed and before I knew it two hours had already passed. I was actually enjoying myself a lot more than I had expected. Ethan was talking with Andrew, Paul and some other guy that had joined our group a few minutes ago. Nessa was having a flirt fest with Gabe while Alex and I made small talk.

Ethan was right about the party and like he promised, he didn't leave my side. He kept checking up on me every now and then just to make sure that I was having a good time.

Eleven came around and Ethan was no longer with the group. I glanced around looking for him. I asked Nessa, Andrew, and Paul if they had seen where Ethan had gone. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't drinking. He was my ride home after all.

"I'll help you find him," Alex offered.

I smiled. "Thanks.

I made my way through the crowd to get to the den. I couldn't see over many people head because I was so short, but Alex was about six feet tall and scanned the crowd. He shook his head when he didn't find Ethan. I headed towards the staircase in the living room, hoping maybe he was upstairs.

Alex grabbed my arm stopping me in my tracks. Ethan was by the front door arguing with Krista. It took everything I had to not cry. Krista was pointing in our direction and yelling at Ethan. I couldn't hear what she was saying but I had a feeling it was about me.

Ethan reached for Krista's hand, but she pulled away and stormed out of the house. Of course, Ethan followed right behind her. Alex placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him. The faintest smile was on his lips.

I let Alex slip his hand in mine and pull me away towards the kitchen where everyone else was. I kept looking behind me hoping Ethan would appear, but I knew he wouldn't.

"Did you find him?" Nessa asked.

I looked at Alex. I was afraid that if I had spoken, I might let out a sob instead of words. Alex understood so he answered for me.

"He stepped outside to talk with Krista."

"Krista? I thought she wasn't supposed to be here?" Nessa glanced at the other guys. They all shook their heads and shrugged. They weren't expecting her to be here either.

I kept glancing at the doorway hoping he was back. I doubt he would leave without me. He wouldn't do that.

"He might come back," Alex said to me.

All I could do was smile.

Ten minutes had passed. Then twenty. Thirty. Still, there was no sign of Ethan. Alex was a good friend though. He talked to me the entire time to keep me distracted. When forty minutes had passed, I knew he wasn't coming back. At that point, I could no longer pretend to enjoy the party.

"Wanna go outside for a moment?" Alex shouted over the music.

"Please."

It was freezing outside and the jacket I wore didn't do much to keep me warm. I don't know how Alex was able to withstand the cold in just a T-shirt. We walked until we came to a wooden bench swing. I took a seat and Alex sat next to me.

"I'm sorry," Alex said breaking the silence. He brushed a hand through his golden blond hair.

"It's not your fault."

We continued to swing back and forth in silence. For the first time in my life I was actually starting to doubt my friendship with Ethan.

"Thank you for tonight," I said to Alex.

"Anytime."

"I really mean it. You didn't have to talk with me the entire night. I'm sure you didn't want to get stuck with me."

He shrugged. "I enjoy your company."

I smiled. "I'm glad you were here today."

"I'm glad you were here too. I usually leave these things pretty early."

"Really? How come?"

"I don't really like to drink, and it gets tiring just watching other drunk people after a while."

I chuckled. "I bet."

Nessa came walking towards us. She was probably coming to say goodnight. I probably should leave too since I had to walk home.

"Ready to go?" she asked me.

"I can take her home," Alex said.

Nessa smiled. "Don't even worry about it. I'll take her home, she's on my way."

I grabbed Alex hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Again, thank you. I'll see you Monday."

"See you Monday."

I was quiet the entire ride home. Nessa understood and left me alone. I was still somewhat drunk. Right before Ethan had left someone offered me a shot and I stupidly took it. I rested my head against the car window, hoping the dizziness would pass.

Nessa pulled into my driveway. I took off the leather jacket and handed it to her.

"Call me if you need anything," she said.

"Text me when you get home," I mumbled before getting out of the car.

It was still very cold, but it didn't even phase me. I dragged my feet as I walked to the front door. Nessa didn't leave until I was inside.

There was a faint glow coming from the living room. Mom had fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV. I draped a blanket over her sleeping body then made my way to my room. I quickly changed out of my clothes, throwing them on the floor.

I crawled into bed and pulled the sheets up to my chin. My phone buzzed and I grabbed it. There were two messages. One from Nessa saying she made it home safely. The second was from Alex asking if I had made it home okay.

Nothing from Ethan.

I sent a quick text to Alex and Nessa then turned my phone off.

I felt like Ethan had broken my heart. For the first time in the four years I had known Ethan, he had broken a promise. And he didn't even have the audacity to text me and ask if I was okay. At this point, I didn't know what to do.

I was losing him. And there was nothing I could do.