Things We Never Said

I can still remember the first day we met. I can remember it clearly as if we had met just yesterday. It was freshman year and we both had just transferred to Westview High School. I was sitting in first period, waiting for the final bell to ring when he walked in.  I will never forget the way he brushed his dark brown hair away from his electric blue eyes. Or the way he furrowed his brows as he scanned the classroom, looking at the few, remaining empty seats. There was a seat next to me, but I hoped he wouldn’t take it. I stared down at my schedule, laid out on the desk. My hair fell over my face, working as a curtain between him and I. I peeked through my hair as he walked down the row of seats. I silently prayed for him to keep walking. Then I heard it – the thud of his backpack as it hit the desk, right next to me. He slouched in his seat and pulled out a notebook. Turning towards me, he asked, "Do you have a pencil?"  "Um..." I couldn't form a sentence. I couldn't even form words. I wanted to slap myself. That was all I could say? A smile started to appear on his face. I think he knew the effect he was having on me. I shook my head before digging around my backpack for a pencil.  "Thanks," he said.  "No problem."  "I'm Ethan."  "Rosalie."  "Rosalie," he mused. "That's a nice name."  "Thanks."  The teacher cleared her throat and stood up from her desk. She closed the classroom door then began her lesson. Everyone was jotting down notes frantically while I was trying my best to pay attention.  I felt Ethan glance at me every so often during class. It made me nervous and instead of writing down notes like I was supposed to, I started doodling in my notebook. It made the class go by a little faster. When the bell rang, I quickly gathered my belongings.  "Listen, I just moved here, and I don't really know anyone, do you think you could help me find my next class?" Ethan asked me.  "I also just transferred here, so I don't really know where anything is."  "Oh." Ethan scratched the back of his head, "I think I can manage."  I nodded and watched as he walks away when I shouted, "Hey, wait!" He stopped and turned to me, "I actually don't know where my next class is either maybe we can find it together?" I suggested.  He smiled. "Sounds good." "So, where did you transfer from?" I asked him as we both looked for our classrooms. He had a class in room 212 and I had class in room 304 so they had the be close to one another.  "I just moved here from Nevada,” he says. "Oh wow, that's pretty far." He chuckled. "Just a little. What about you?" "Just a few cities over," I laughed. "Nowhere near that far." We walked for a little while in a comfortable silence. I kept peeking at him from the corner of my eye. My god was he good looking. He ran a hand through his perfect hair. I longed to have his hand in my hair. Everything about him seemed perfect from his tanned skin to his teeth.  "I think this is it." "Wha–?" I replied, being pulled out of my daze. I frowned. I didn’t get much time with him. "I guess so,” I look at him, “I’ll see you around.” I turned on my heels to walk away when he lightly grabbed my elbow. "Want to hang out for lunch?" he asks. I didn't want to seem to eager and I’m fighting the huge grin that’s wants to appear on my face. I clear my throat and try to say sure as calmly as I could. All of my classes after that seemed to drag. I wanted so badly to eat lunch with Ethan. He seemed like such a nice guy, plus it seemed like he actually wanted to be my friend.  I watched the clock the entire time throughout my fourth period class. I wanted so badly for the clock to turn to 12:05. The bell rang and I dashed for the door. I somehow managed to find the cafeteria on my own. It wasn't that hard. I just followed the group of students that were obviously making their way to the same place. As soon as I walked into the cafeteria, I was already looking around for him. I frowned when I couldn't find him. I hoped he didn't forget. "I found us a table," someone said from behind me causing me to jump. I let out a breath of relief when I saw that it was him. I followed him through the cafeteria until we came to a table towards the back. We were both quiet for a while. I was thinking of things to say and not sound stupid in front of him. I was starting to get nervous. I could feel my palms getting sweaty and my heart was racing as I thought about things to talk about.  "You know, it's nice to know I'm not the only new kid here," he said nervously.  I smiled. "I feel you. I was pretty nervous about today."  "I was too," he said; his eyes flickered to me before continuing on, "but not anymore."  After that day, Ethan and I spent lunch together every day. We spent time together after school and on the weekends. He quickly became my best friend. Everyone at school thought that we were a couple. I hoped that one day it would become true. The more time I spent with him, the more I grew to like him.  Before I knew it, three years had passed, and I still hadn't worked up my nerve to tell him. Until one day, when we were supposed to have a movie night. I had decided I was going to tell him. I knew exactly what I was going to say, how I was going to say it – I had it all planned out.  He was supposed to be at my house at seven. I waited and waited. I sent him a message asking if he was okay. Finally, when I was about to give up and go to bed, he walked through the front door. He had the biggest smile on his face. I had hoped it was because of me.  Then he said those words. Those three words that changed everything.  He met someone.  My heart broke. He said he had fallen for her. He couldn't begin to explain how much in love he was.  My heart continued to break with every word he spoke.  I could barely breath, I couldn't think. It took every ounce of strength I had to smile and pretend I was happy for him. And in that moment, I knew that he had never seen me in that way. I was just his friend, nothing more. I never told him how I felt. And I never would.