Philipa stared at herself in the mirror, and was for once quite pleased with her appearance. She seemed to be glowing. Philipa walked out of her room, and headed downstairs to the dining hall.
Philipa sat at her normal spot at the dinning table, close to her brother, while everyone sat in their assigned seats. Philipa looked next to her to see Lord Danville to her right. Lord Danville was a sweet man who was quite boring. However, she imagined that his wife found his talk of fossils quite fascinating. Philipa gave him a sweet smile which he promptly returned before he turned his attention back to his wife.
“Lady Philipa,” Philipa turned to her left and saw Viscount Leo Sheffield smiling at her. Leo was an incredibly handsome man, every one whispered about him.
Leo Sheffield was reported to be a wicked rouge in his younger days, well only a year ago if memory serves. Then he just kept his exploits out of the papers. Philipa had heard that it all had changed after he decided to give into his families cries for him to get married.
“My Lord,” she replied with a dip of her head.
“How are you feeling?” Lord Sheffield asked with concern in his eyes. Philipa smiled over his concern.
“I am feeling much better, thank you for asking.”
“I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that,” Lord Sheffield replied with a charming smile. Philipa couldn’t help but smile in return at the handsome viscount. Lord Sheffield or Leo as he begged her to call him was a very nice gentleman. Leo would dance with her often at balls and parties. Philipa had thought he might call on her officially, since he made many hints about being more than acquaintances, but nothing had ever came of it. Philipa knew now that nothing ever would come out of it, given what had happened with Simon. Philipa couldn’t dupe Lord Sheffield, he didn’t deserve it.
Philipa knew several women that tried to cuckhold their fiancé’s; several women got away with it, and others were hated by their new husbands for what they had given away. Philipa had recently heard that even though Lord Sheffield was going to marry that he was going to keep his longtime mistress. Philipa knew that was common among the aristocrats, but she pitied Sheffield’s future wife.
“May I have the pleasure of claiming tonight’s first waltz?” Sheffield asked her.
“Consider it yours my lord,” Philipa replied with a smile. While nothing would come out of spending time with Lord Sheffield, that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself.
.
Over the next few days Philipa finally started to enjoy the house party. This last week her friends finally arrived and spent most of her time with them, and with Lord Sheffield. The two of them went riding, played chess, ate together, and countless other things. While she was still sick in the mornings, by midmorning she felt like her usual self again. Which was perfect given that most of the house wasn't up until then. She just couldn't figure out why her stomach was always upset.
However, the party was winding down, people were returning to either London or their country estates. Philipa thought it would be best to leave as well; she didn’t want Simon to follow her. Despite the fact she knew that was highly unlikely. Philipa was packing her bags, she didn’t want to disturb the servants for a chore she could handle on her own.
Philipa couldn’t help but replay last night’s events. How Lord Sheffield paid her attention all night. Leo danced two waltzes with her; he also got her punch and she took him on a tour of the gardens. Leo’s actions toward her were nothing if not too proper. However, last night he did kiss her. Philipa could not have been more frustrated. Where was his attentions three months ago, when she was dying to be a wife. She would have learned to be content with his mistress. Why couldn’t he have sought her out earlier, now she will never be Lord Sheffield’s wife. Philipa could care less about his mistress as long as she had children to love. Lady Philipa will be no one’s wife or mother, ever.
Philipa shook herself, she had spent plenty of time feeling sorry for herself, she needed to be strong. Philipa had to stop thinking about how the future could have turned out instead of what her life is. Philipa can not turn back the clock, and undo what Simon had done to her. What she had done.
She had decided to go to North Cumberland, that is where Anna was and she missed her dearly.
“Yes it would be a great place for a new start.”
.
.
“Philipa what are you doing here?” her father asked as he embraced her. Philipa’s father, the Duke of York was surprised when he learned of daughter’s arrival at his estate in North Cumberland. Philipa was supposed to be in York, where his son told him he was trying to arrange a match between her and Lord Sheffield. He would be at the house party himself if he didn’t have a few estate matters to settle. The old Duke went looking for her, and wasn’t surprised to find her in his library going over the ledgers.
“oh I missed you so much!” Flip said ash she launched herself at her father. Her father laughed and caught her in his embrace.
“I missed you too moppet,” her father said and gave her a loving look when he backed away. “You know I will be returning to London soon correct?”
“Yes father, I was on my way Scotland to visit a friend and thought I would stop by for a visit before you left, when are you leaving?”
“In a day or two, depending on how soon the problem can get cleared up.”
“What is the problem?” Philipa asked curiously.
“It is nothing to be concerned over, just some farming issues that needed to be decided.” Her father replied.
‘That’s good to hear father,” Flip stated.
“Yes I should be back in London in a fortnight.”
“That’s good news father.”
“Yes when will you be back in London?” Her father asked bringing the topic back to Philipa.
“I can’t really say, it will depend on my visit in Scotland.” Philipa hated lying to her father, she hadn’t planned to ever return to London.
"How's Anna, and her sister faring?"
"Finally better, I went over to her sisters cottage as soon as I arrived and Anna said she's finally coming out of it, I offered Helen a place to stay here while she was recuperating but she declined. Anna said she should be back in a few days."
“Oh thank goodness, I really miss Anna,” Philipa responded.
“I know moppet, she misses you as well,” her father responded.
.
.
Philipa didn’t know how long she sat and cried as she looked at what her maid had set out for her to wear tonight to bed. Philipa stared at the pads for her monthly and started to cry. Anna had been putting them in her room for over a week now; it wasn’t until tonight that it dawned on her. She was going to be having Simon’s child. Philipa wasn’t a simpleton, her aunt told her about childbirth before she passed away, and she wanted her niece prepared, especially since her mother was unable to inform her.
However, I believe she wanted her niece married as well. Philipa thought she should be happy, but she couldn’t quit crying long enough to be happy. Philipa didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know where to go. Philipa couldn’t tell her father, he was a caring man but he would force her to tell her who the father was. She imagined Simon finding out that it was her that he was looking for; she could see his shock, disbelief, and finally laughter of her being the one he searched for.
Philipa knew she wasn’t enough of a lady to be Simon’s wife. The reality of knowing that she would never be good enough made her sob all the more. Philipa felt her maid’s arms go around her,
“Hush now child it will be all right.” Philipa turned to her and sobbed openly.
Anna had been hired right after her mother passed away. Anna had seen every stage of her grief for her mother, and responded only with loving words. When Philipa left for finishing school, she cried herself to sleep for a full month. Philipa was terrified that Anna wouldn’t be there when she came home for the holiday season. Philipa didn’t believe all of the letters of promise from her father stating that she was still at home. Her father, who was a very loving man, put Anna in a carriage to spend a weekend with her at school. She couldn't imagine a life without Anna in it.
“You know?” Philipa finally asked when she was able to speak.
“Yes dear, I’ve known for a while now.” Her affirmation only made Philipa cry all that harder.
“What am I going to do?” Philipa wailed in between sobs.
“Hush now sweetheart, we will think of something.”
Philipa cried herself to sleep that night, and every night after for over a week. Philipa had no idea what she should do. Philipa didn’t want to tell anyone that she was carrying for fear of what people might think. Philipa didn’t want to tell Simon either. Anna had tried to get a name from Philipa, she didn’t tell a soul who the father was and never would. Philipa cried for her babe; for already failing the babe by having her child called a bastard by the masses.
Philipa thought that she should simply stay here for awhile. The estate was relatively small, and her family rarely ever visited here unless there was a problem. Philipa’s father would be leaving in a matter of days, if that long. The problem with the tenants took longer than expected, but her father assured her that he will be leaving soon.
Philipa made up her mind when Anna told her that her sister would be able to look after her if they stayed here in North Cumberland. This estate was where her family had spent most of their time. Philipa’s mother loved the estate, and in return her father loved it as well. When she died, her father and brother couldn’t take living in this home anymore.
Anna was working in the kitchens when her mother passed. When her whole family moved to London her nanny refused to go, so her father asked if Anna wanted to move with them. Anna had moved with the family, wanting to give Philipa as much love as a little girl of eight needed.
Philipa’s father left on the following week. Philipa felt guilty about lying to her father when he asked if she was staying at the estate. Philipa had told her father she was visiting relatives in Scotland, before going down to Bath for a while.