Learning to Love the Spinster

Chapter 8

Philipa was finally starting to feel better, in her seventh month of pregnancy she was spending more time asleep than awake, and her back ached constantly. The only good news was the constant sickness was gone. Helen told her that all of these things were normal, and her pains were only going to get worse as time went on.

It was evening and for some reason she started to feel restless, and thought a walk in the gardens would do her well. The babe had been kicking all evening and she hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Sadly this was common, it seemed whenever the sun went down the babe would start kicking her.

Philipa decided to get out of the chair and head toward the back entrance.

“Where are you headed?” Her maid Anna asked her.

“I am going to take a short stroll through the gardens.”

“Okay, but be careful, and don’t be gone to long we have to leave early in the morning.” Anna replied in a huff. Philipa smiled and said,

“I know Anna, I won’t be gone long.”

“See that you aren’t,” Anna came back with, and started packing her trunk in a huff. Anna was unhappy with her decision to leave on the morrow. Philipa didn’t want to leave, she had hoped to have the baby here, she started down the back stairs slowly with her hands on her belly.

However, her brother was due to arrive tomorrow afternoon to settle some estate issues. Philipa didn’t want to see her brothers reaction to her condition, he would be furious at her and the man who did it to her. Philipa started out in the gardens when she thought of what her brother’s reaction would be if he found out the man who did this to her was his best friend. It couldn’t be anything good, she didn’t want Jack to call Simon out, didn’t want either one of them hurt.

Flip walked to the garden, this is where she felt the closest connection to her mother. Her father told her that she would spend most of her time with us as kids out here in the garden.

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Simon sat at Jack’s study while he looked at some papers explaining in detail the problems going on around the estate. Simon was disappointed when he arrived and Philipa wasn’t here. Simon sat back against the sofa with a drink in his hand and sighed.

“Where the bloody hell is she?” Simon scored England, and half of Scotland for her. Philipa was not at any of her father or brothers estates. Simon was starting to fear that she left England altogether. Simon knew that she wouldn’t be here, at the estate where her mother died. However, he had to look and Jack needing his help until he could make the trip himself was reason enough to check and see if she was in residence. As it turned out Jack was only a day or two behind him and he could leave on the morrow.

Simon was on his fourth or fifth drink when he spotted movement in the garden. “So I’m starting to dream of her when I’m not even asleep?” Simon put down his drink, convinced the whiskey made him conjure up the woman who had been plaguing him for seven long months. However, why was she turned away from him? In his dreams she was always naked and walking to him. Then she disappeared behind some plants, and he knew she was real. This is why he couldn’t find her, she was hiding from him. Simon couldn’t blame her, but things needed put right, she had to marry him, and he was going to see to that right this instant.

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“Philipa…Flip…Flip!” If Philipa didn’t know better, she’d say she was dreaming. Simon’s voice was calling her to him, as he always did in her dreams. She had a reoccurring dream, well a nightmare that Simon was always looking for her. Simon would look for her, and just when she thought he was going to find her, she’d wake up. However, in her dreams she wasn’t with child.

“It must be the wind,” she thought that was a reasonable thing, which the wind was speaking to her in Simon’s voice. But then she heard it,

“Philipa where are you?” That was not the wind Philipa thought dumbstruck. It was Simon, and he wasn’t far behind her as best she could tell. Philipa picked up her pace, and looked for a place to hide. However, Simon was much faster than she, as he didn’t have to carry around a babe.

“Flip there you are, didn’t you hear me?” Philipa stood still, unable to move, unable to think, she was completely paralyzed from fear. She prayed God would be merciful and that he still didn’t know what happened, that he was ignorant, that he would leave her alone.

“Flip I know you are mad at me, I don’t blame you after what I did,” Simon walked up to her, but stopped a foot away. Philipa had her back to his front, and he couldn’t see her swollen belly. Her hair was loose around her.

“Why would I be mad at you, your grace?” Philipa tried to pretend indifference to his comment, but her heart was racing.

“You know why, you don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen. I know what I did to you, and I can’t apologize enough for what happened between us.”

“How did you find out?” she asked, and craned her head to look at him, but quickly averted her gaze. Simon was still an incredibly handsome devil; she didn’t want him to see the hurt in her eyes that was sure to come when he told her how he found out.

“I was helping your father when he asked me to get a ledger in your room, I found the dress and mask.” Simon stated this matter of factly, Philipa was glad she was looking away from him as her eyes started to tear up.

Simon didn’t realize it was her until he was faced with the facts. Simon didn’t have a moment of epiphany, a moment when he relived the night they shared and saw her plain as day.

“I know this isn’t the best of circumstances, but we must marry,” Simon said out of the blue. Philipa bit her lip to restrain her from crying out, that was the last thing she wanted. A man to marry her because it was the right thing to do. Philipa wanted a man’s love, she didn’t want Simon to resent her, resent her plain features, her babe. Philipa straightened her spine, and came out with,

“No.” Simon looked taken aback for a moment, but rejoined with,

“We have lain together Flip, we have to marry.”

“I have not an inkling to what it is you are talking about, but I don’t appreciate your slander of my person, and will not stay here a moment more.” Philipa started walking as fast as she was allowed, and prayed Simon would leave her be. Her prayers were thrown asunder when she felt Simon grab her arm and pull her to face him. NO! She almost screamed the denial.

“Philipa wait a minute, Bloody Hell,” She winced as he stared down in horror at her swollen belly. “What the bloody hell is the meaning of this?” Simon’s horror at seeing her with his child would be forever etched into her memory.

“What is the meaning of what your grace?” Simon had never been so furious in his life. First Flip refused his proposal, second she acted as if he was imagining bedding her. Now he stared at her swollen belly and couldn’t believe she had kept this from him. He had to be the father, and it looked as if she was going to whelp any moment.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Simon couldn’t help but roar the question. “Why didn’t you come to me when you knew you were with child?” Simon had to tear his hands away from her arms so he didn’t shake her, the urge to shake some sense into her was almost uncontrollable. Simon could almost see her gather her courage, her chin raised,

“Why didn’t you recognize me? I have known you my whole life, and you couldn’t see past the scrap of material over my eyes?” Philipa’s eyes showed her hurt, which she quickly masked. God Almighty, he didn’t know what to say as there was no answer that would make her happy. Philipa sensed his hesitation and came back with,

“I knew who you were, the only reason I let you lie with me is because I believed you knew who I was.” An unladylike snort came in the silence that followed, and Simon almost smiled. “I must be the biggest fool in all of London.”

“No I’m the fool, I was so blinded by your appearance I didn’t want to see who you really were I did-“ Simon was going to tell her well, he wasn’t sure exactly was he was going to say to convince her, but her sudden burst of laughter stopped him.

“Simon I am not one of the dim-witted woman who will believe your tripe.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am not a simpleton, I know how I look, you don’t have to lie and say you were overcome by my beauty.” Simon stiffened at her words, he was not a liar, she looked beautiful that night, her lush body and her face had drawn him to her. Flip still looked beautiful, even several months with child, her features, although plain to most, and to him for a long while now. Simon realized she may not be a raving beauty, but she was beautiful in her own way, the curve of her nose, as well as her high cheek bones that blushed the prettiest shade of red. The more he thought about that night with her, the more he realized that he hadn’t looked at Philipafor quiet some time. Simon believed that he didn’t want to look at her fully, afraid of what his response to her would be, which is exactly what had happened. All that had happened was she put some material over her eyes and it made him see her for who she really was.

“I am not lying, you were, and still are beautiful.” Flip laughed in disbelieve and said to him,

“Really, you think I’m beautiful, what happened to your previous opinion of me? What was it again? I forget” Simon’s heart was in his throat, she couldn’t have possibly heard what he had said so long ago, her brother made the men swear to an oath of silence.

“Oh yes now I remember, ‘she may be plain, and rounded but her dowry would keep you warm while you bed your mistress.’ I believe it was something to that affect, am I wrong?”