Love Doesn't Exist

school holidays

as I walk into school as per usual I'm greeted by the boys but for some reason jays not there. "hey Mike where's jay?" he suspiciously looks away from me and says that "he had to go run an errand before school" that's weird, he's never ever late for school. I hang out and talk by my locker until the bell goes but as I go to leave I hear someone yell my name "claire!" I turn around. what on earth. I laugh nervously. "what is this?" I gesture to all the stuff he's holding "um flowers, perfume, chocolate, lollies and a few other things" why though. "it's been six months since we met, this is also from the rest of the boys as well." over my shoulder all the boys are smiling like little kids. "thanks guys" Jayden hands it all to me. "umm i have nowhere to put all this." he smiles and opens my locker which is already pretty full of random crap. "shove it in, here I'll help" he picks up the basket of stuff and rams it into my locker then quickly locks it. "I'm not going to open that because it'll all fall out" I tell him as we start to walk to my class. "hey got any plans for the next three weeks of holidays?" i think for a second "well Te wanted me to go with her to some island where she's working in a movie, why?" he wrings his hands. "I was woundering if, maybe you'd like to come with me and the boys to my parents lake house, but it's not much compared to what you have planned" I grab his hand to stop him from nervously figeting. I've gotten slightly better with physical contact. "no actually" I look up at his eyes "I wanna go, it'll be fun" the look on his face when he hears what I say makes my heart nearly explode. "really?" he asks again "really" I confirm again. "uh cool. well we're leaving this afternoon, it's a three hour drive so we're taking a couple cars. I can come by your place after school to pick up your bags and stuff." he shoves his hands in his pockets. "thanks jay, that's really sweet. see you in art next period" he really is such a thoughtful guy.

Jayden's Point of view

did she just call me sweet? does that mean I'm out of the friend zone. As me, Sam and mike walk to the gym we talk. "so what did she say?" Sam interrogates me "she said she'll come" I tell him "hey do you know what it means if a girl says you're sweet?" Sam chuckles. "man it depends on the girl and what's happening when she said it." we walk into the change room and continue talking. "I told her I would come around and help her pack for the trip to the lake after school." mike grins and Sam pats me on the back "she was probably just being nice dude." for the rest of the day all I keep thinking about is her grabbing my hands. and the way she said I'm sweet. the day goes by slowly until we get to art. "hey" claire taps me on the shoulder and I turn around. "hi" I watch her pink hair sway as she gets into her seat then she leans forward. I grip the table as I look at her cleavage, today she's wearing a low cut top and dam she looks fine. "okay class today I wanted to show off a student's own personal project they did from home, it's Claire's" I wounder which one it is. the class looks up to see old miss manning remove a cover to reveal a portrait. of me. it looks really good. from the corner of my eye I can see Claire blushing. "oh my God I didn't know she would show this I only brought it here to show her and ask for her opinion" claire whispers. once we get on with the class which is just finishing off work. which none of us have done except claire and she's already finished, we just chill out and talk. "that's a pretty good painting of jay, can you do me next?" mike says and she giggles. is he flirting with her? no that's stupid he knows I like her. I'm just being paranoid. "hey claire who's car are you going to ride in?" ty asks her, she looks over to me. "I'm going with jay duh" she shakes her head smiling at my boys. "why?" asks Sam. obviously he has to ask, I roll my eyes. "because he's helping me get my bags so it would makes sense for me to stay in the same car as him and because jays my favourite. I also wouldn't want to be stuck in a car with you Sam, I know you would have to smoke a joint at some point and I hate people smoking in cars." Sam pretends to be offended by what she says and puts a hand to his heart acting as if she shot him, he slowly falls to the ground making her laugh. "get up you weak i***t" she giggles.

Claire's Point of view

after school I text Chad and Te to let them know what my plans are now. I stop at my locker to drop off my books but remember the gifts waiting to fall out. "hey Mike my lockers stuck can you open it for me" a small lie. but it can't hurt. "sure" I put in the combination and then he goes to open it. it opens easily with the presents falling out at his feet. "dude she got you!" Sam and the boys laugh, ty had caught on to the joke earlier and had his phone out filming. s

"send it to me" I mouth and he sticks his thumb up. "mike clean that up and bring it with you to the lake okay, me and claire need to go get her stuff" Jayden says walking down the hall to the door. I pass mike my books "sorry mike" I hold back my laugh until me and jay are driving down the road. "oh my God I feel so bad, but it was priceless to see his face. you know someone had to open it and it sure as hell wasn't gonna be me"

when we get to my house the first thing I see is Val and Chad's disapproving looks. "child do you really need to spend so much time with this boy?" she complains eyeing him suspiciously as we walk up to my room. "look Val, it's my choice. please leave us alone I can pack my own bags." I huff and grab jays hand to drag him up the stairs to get away from Val faster. when we get to my room I go straight into my wardrobe and angrily throw anything I might need into my suit cases. "are you right?" jay comes up behind me and places a hand on my waist. I don't actually mind it, it feels nice. "I don't see why they don't like you, they don't even know you" I rant. "it's fine really I don't care, do you want me to pack anything?" I sigh "umm yeah can you grab my travel bag out of the bathroom, it's under the sink"

after 20 minutes we're back in the car and my two suite cases are in the boot. "so where exactly is the lake?" jay opens his phone and shows me a photo "it's called Bass Lake." he explains and shows me the photo. the water is clear and blue, it almost looks like a beach, it's beautiful. "wow it looks amazing" I zoom in on the photo to look around "yeah" he agrees as he starts the car. "what kinda music you like ?" he asks "I don't know" I shrug and he quietly puts on some music.

by dusk we reach a cute cottage themed lake house. as we pull up I

notice the others were already there. they must've been going pretty dam fast to get here so quickly. they only left half an hour earlier than me and jay. "come on." he says carrying both mine and his stuff "let me take this, I'm not a delicate princess" I swoop down and take one of my suite cases from him. he chuckles "yeah but you should still be treated like one." I scoff but don't say anything else. when we reach the door I hear loud cheering. I look to jay confused "one word" he says "football" ah of course. he opens the door and we walk in. "hey we've taken up the three other rooms between us claire gets the master room and you get the couch" Sam says to jay. "Sam you do realize that this is my house right?" jays says as I look around. the lounge and kitchen are open with only a kitchen bench to separate the areas. the boys all sit on a couch with a wood heater off to the side and a big TV infront of them. "hey jay do you wanna share the master room?" I ask as I follow him up the stairs to the bedrooms. "there's only the one bed" he explains "I don't care, I'm better with being physically close to people now, we can share the bed if you don't care" as I'm walking behind him I can't see his face. "okay " he finally says. we continue to walk down a hardwood floor hallway and come to the last room. jay twists the brass door knob and let's it swing open. in the middle of the room is a king sized bed with black silk sheets and bedside tables one each side. " it's quite pretty, did your mom decorate it?" jay puts the suitcases in the wardrobe as he talks. "yeah actually, my mum brought this place the year I was born. my parents lived here until I was six months old. mom wanted me to have fresh air while I was still young. if she had her way I would've lived here untill I started school" I look around at the exposed beams and wood that makes the roof and walls.

"what will we do for dinner?" I ask following him back down the stairs and into the kitchen "let's have a look" he says as we walk into the kitchen, still hearing the other boys boo and cheer at the TV. I open the fridge and find it stocked with heaps of groceries. "do you like cooking?" jay asks. "yeah, do you wanna help me make a barbecue, but without a barbecue."

he chuckles "how do you do that?" I start opening cupboards and drawers "with an oven and a frying pan" I yell from in the pantry while I'm picking out some herbs and spices. "okay what do you want me to do?" I open the fridge again. "can you make a asain salad, just shred some cabbage, a r****h and carrot and then make a sauce using rice wine vinegar, garlic, ginger, honey and sesame oil." then I get to work cooking chops, sausages and steaks. "you know what, we have some extra time let's make some hassle back potatoes." jay finds some potatoes and helps me get them done too. once everything is ready we call the boys over. "guys foods ready!" I yell setting out the food along the bench so they can get what they want. i sit behind the bench and watch them all get their food. "you'd make a great mum" I look up and see that it was Sam who said that."what?!" I bark out a little aggressively but mostly surprised. "your a great cook and you've taught us all to be clean at jays house, your like a mom, don't take it the wrong way. I just think you'd be a great parent" he says loading his plate up "okay sam" I say. "she dosent want to ever have kids" I turn around and remember jays behind me. Sam Shrugs "too bad then, if you ever do have kids they'll be very lucky" he smiles and then goes back to the couch to eat. "you going to get something?" jay asks coming up close behind me his chest brushes along my back. picking up a plate I add a heap of Salad and a steak "does that answer your question?" I stab some salad onto my fork and start eating at the bench since the couch is full. "smart arse" he says teasing me. "so how do you know how to cook so well?" he picks up a lamb chop and starts eating it. "I taught myself because I had to, my parents sure as hell weren't the type to cook a family dinner" I look up and see him wince "sorry to ask" he looks down at me kinda sadly and I slap him on the arm "don't be stupid, I don't care. they're not a part of my life anymore and they never really were" he nods. when we'd all finished the boys dumped their dishes and went to leave "ah ah ahhh" I stop them from leaving the kitchen. "the sink is over there and there's tea towels over there" I point to the sink and the area next to it where I have four tea towels folded up. "and none of you will be leaving until all the dishes are done" they all grumble. "come on! claire" they whine. behind me I hear jay speak "all right you heard her get on with it, it's half time so if your quick enough you won't miss anything" that motivates them enough to get them to work. and just like jay said they get it done in time to go back and yell at the TV. "wanna go sit outside for a while?"

together we walk to the front door and take a step out. the fresh air hits me and I can smell the trees and flowers. looking up at the sky I notice stars that seem quite close to us. wait a minute "are those fireflies?" I ask walking across the porch. "yeah of course" they look so incredibly like stars. "I didn't realise they looked like this, I've only ever seen them in movies" as i stand there looking out at the lake and the firefly dancing in the moonlight I feel jays hand rest on my hip. He leans in so his chin is resting on my head "when I was kid I used to think it was magic and that must've meant a witch lived around here somewhere" he chuckles and I lean back into his embrace. "I don't blame you, did you ever find the witch?" I ask and feel his body jerk as he laughs "I did go witch hunting but I only scared old miss Hendrix half to death, I literally gave her a mini heart attack." I giggle imagining a little version of Jayden running across an old ladies garden covered in war paint and camo. "I'm not joking my parents ended up taking her to the hospital." I can't help it and I end up laughing with him. "is she still around here?" I ask and I feel him shake his head "me and her became good friends after that but when I was about ten she died. a real heart attack that time and not my fault if I may add" he quietly adds. the mood is suddenly killed when Sam burst out the front door and I quickly step away from jay. Dam it's kinda cold out here "hey you two. the games finished my team won as per usual and I've come out side to have my post victory joint." he pats his pockets till he finds his pre rolled joint and lighter then he sticks it in his mouth to light it. "here you go jay this is a new batch try it out" Sam takes a big drag before holding it out to jay. I look away in disgust. drugs ruin so many families. hurt so many children. "no thanks man" he says. "aww come on jay is it because she's here" he looks at me and then back to him. "maybe, I don't know" he says getting a bit agitated. "I just don't want any, don't bring her into this sam" he says firmly. "jay you don't have to act different around me" I shrug and go to walk back inside "it's not the fact that I want to look good infont of you, it's because you made me realise what doing drugs does" he calls out and I turn around to look at his brown eyes watering. "aight imma go around the back." Sam stubles around off the porch and leaves us. "I'm sorry" his voice cracks "after you talking to me about your life you opened my eyes up. you made me not want to f**k up my life by doing stupid s**t. please don't think I'm just being different only when your around to impress you, I stopped using weeks ago and now I only occasionally have a cigarette." I chew my lip while I listen to him "okay" he sighs frustrated "just okay, nothing else?" I step back "what do you want me to say?" he fists his hair in his hands "I don't know" he says and I look down at my feet. "I um I guess I'm happy that you're making better decisions" this earns a smile. "sorry" he says "this was totally unnecessary I over reacted because I thought you were upset with me" he says avoiding eye contact. it's good that he's honestly talking to me.

for the rest of the night I hang out with all the boys. playing video games, watching TV and playing suicide soccer on the lawn. suicide soccer is where you play in the dark. it makes everything really hard and alot of the time you fall over or get hit with the ball.

thump. ouch. I was hit in the back of my head. "hey you okay?" I notice jay come out of nowhere even though I didn't even say anything. he just knew where I was. "umm yeah I just got hit in the head. you know what I'm gonna go to bed now I think" in the dark I can't see much "I'm going to come with you and make sure you don't have a concussion." he says kicking the ball away, he grabs my hand and leads me to the front of the house.

"do you want an ice pack?" jay asks walking towards the kitchen as I sit down on the empty couch in the now deserted lounge room. "this place seems so much bigger when they aren't in here" I wince my head has actually started to hurt. "here" a ice pack appears infront of me. "thanks, my head is pounding" I lay back and slouch into my seat. jay jumps down next to me with a beer in his hand. "want some?" he offers me the bottle. "nah I'm more of a vodka crusier girl" I smile at his reaction "so you do drink, here I was thinking you were the perfect little girl. do you want one?" the offer of a drink sounded good but I'm planning on going to bed soon. "I'd rather not, maybe tomorrow night though" he takes another swig from his bottle and wipes his hand across his mouth. I scoff "what?" he asks smiling like an i***t. "you act like a three year old the way you wipe your face with the back of your hand. do you wipe your snotty nose with the sleeve of your jacket" I mock him. "oh miss claire you've exposed me" jay chuckles while pretending to be offended. "I bet you piss all over the toilet seat aswell." I joke, after we finish laughing I get up "well I'm gonna head to bed now" jay stays sitting on the couch. "I'm going to stay down here for a little while longer" he says holding up his beer. "okay"

I get up to our room and get changed into my white cotton tank top and tight black boxer shorts. then crawl into bed but now I'm not tired. i tie my hair into a low bun then pull out my phone and start to play a game and watch YouTube videos. I hear a knock and then look at the time. I'd spent nearly an hour on my phone it's nearly 2 am. "come in?" I call out "hey" he looks at me and instantly his face lights up. "um I was woundering if the offer still stands?" I nod sitting up "of course" kicking his shoes off he sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls his shirt off. I find myself intranced with a big tatoo on his back. it's a wolf's head howling. "when did you get this done?" he shifts and I notice now that he's only in his underwear."the wolf? I got him done two months before you got here" he says. turning around and getting under the covers. "want a closer look?" he offers. so I scoot over closer as he shows me his back again. using my finger I trace around the outline of the wolf. "is this a metaphor?" I notice his breathing getting heavier. "um yeah how did you know?" moving my hand I go to rub his neck. "when I first saw you with the boys I nicknamed you Alfa, it was very clear you're the leader of this pack." under my hand his muscles relax. "um yes" yes to what? "I didn't ask you a question" he rolls over so our faces are almost touching "remember when you had a panic attack and asked me if I like you. more than a friend?" oh my God. "yes I do." my hands move his chest to feel his heart thumping. "I like you to" I whisper leaning closer to him.

jay bridges the last bit of distance and kisses me. parting my lips his toungue slips against mine. while we kiss his hand moves to my hip and then slowly moves up further. f**k. I roll over quickly and face the other way. "hey, what um what happened?" my throat I feel like I can't breathe. "hey, hey just take a breath" jay try's to soothe me. after a few minutes I sit up. "sorry" I look over at jay who's sitting up now too. "it's fine really, I just want to know what I did wrong" I curl up holding my knees to my chest. "I um I don't know I think it was your hand touching me. I...it's..I just...I've never done this before" I say quietly. "you know I'm not insinuating s*x right?" he says concerned. "no, yeah of course I mean being touched in this way and kissing" I look down at my hands while I talk. "wait...have you never been kissed before? was that your first kiss?"

Jayden's Point of view

she nods. "for real? like never ever not even in third grade?" she nods again "like never" dam. "hey I'm sorry if I knew that I wouldn't have gone that far so quickly I-" she inturpts. "It's fine" she says softly turning back over to me. "do you want to cuddle?" she nods and snuggles down next to me again. not long after she falls asleep.