Love Doesn't Exist

Appointments and Disapointments

jays pov

after eating and watching a movie we decide to go to bed. but neither of us can sleep so we talk. "did you know you're usually pregnant closer to ten months than nine?" I say googling stuff. "do you know that the cervix widens to 10cm at the final stages of birth?" she says but she's playing with my hair while I lay on her lap, she's not looking at her phone "how do you know that?" I ask "just do I guess it's something I know" she Shrugs. I scroll through some websites while she massages my head. "how about this one, at around 25 weeks they can start to hear and recognise voices, it's also good to read and talk to them or play music" I laugh "I'm going to make a whole play list for him with all the good stuff lil nas, Eminem, machine gun Kelly, niki manaj, Cardi B..." she laughs "they mean classical music, lullabies or nursery songs" I turn my head to look at her "well when your asleep I'll play him the good stuff so you don't know" he jokes. "this one says you will start to feel him moving by about 18 to 20 weeks" I tell her as I look back at my phone. "do you know that people who are having boys are less likely to have morning sickness because they don't have so much of an overload of estrogen" she says "and you don't have morning sickness!" i say, I'm pretty sure it's a boy. "but morning sickness isn't just in the morning it's usually all day, I don't know why they call it morning sickness" she says choosing not to entertain the idea of me getting excited about having a boy. "look I don't want you to get too attached to the baby being a boy, I feel like it might disapoint you if it's a girl" she says concerned. "don't worry babe, I'll be happy either way, I just think it's boy. I won't be disappointed. I promise" I tell her but before she can say anything else she yawns. "let's lie down" I suggest sitting my phone down on the bedside table I lay on my side and pull her back to my chest. her head rests on my arm and her legs entwin with mine. after a few seconds of silence I feel warm drops of water on my arm. "are you crying?" she whipes her eyes with her hand "no" she lies "why are you crying?" I know it's a stupid question but I didn't know wjat else to say. "I love you" she whispers. quietly into the dark bedroom full of silence. after a minute I answer. "I love you too" I say, the most serious I've ever been in my life.

the next morning I wake up tangled with claire. gently I untangle our limbs and tuck her in before picking up my phone and going down to the living room. ringing the family doctor I make an appointment for 1:30 so hopefully she wakes up before then, I don't want to wake her up. so going through the pantry I find the book of family recipes. flipping through the book I decide to make vanilla custard filled canolii and a expresso Martini tiramisu, decaffeinated though incase Claire wants some. i looked a some more parenting things and it said caffeine isn't good to have during pregnancy. then at around 12 claire trudges downstairs wearing one of my shirts. "you do know you have your own clothes here right?" I joke and she scrunches the neck of the shirt and rubs it against her face "it just feels so good though" she sighs. "hey, so I hope you don't mind but you have an appointment with my family doctor at one thirty" I tell her and she smiles. "that's really sweet of you of course I don't mind, where is the clinic?" she asks. "he has his own practise in Italy and one here also, so he's flown in just for you, the clinic is in town which is about a 45 minute drive." i say as I pull out a canolii and pass it to her. "you did some cooking?" her voice tells me she's cautious of the food. "yeah, my mother would be apauled if she came here and I gave her store brought food, taste it I need to make sure it's okay" she takes a small bite and her eyebrows shoot up in surprise making me laugh "this is really good!" she says with her mouth full. I watch satisfied with my efforts as she quickly finishes it off. "mm mmm" she says "i didnt realize you could really cook, why didn't you ever say anything, when ever we've done cooking I've been giving you easy rookie jobs." she says "well I'm only really good at Italian recipes. I'm not good at Kentucky fried chicken or Japanese dishes" I chuckle and she nods smiling. "well, I'm going to have a shower and then get ready to go" she says heading back upstairs. "love youuuu!" I say as she walks away, she turns around grinning and rolls her eyes "I love you too" her eyes water. I run over to catch up to her. "why do you cry when we mention love?" I ask. "because it hurts so bad and feels really good at the same time. my parents used to say they loved me and it was my fault after they'd hurt me. that's what I've thought love was my whole life, then you come along and make me feel like this" she says "like what?" she smiles and bits her lip before continuing "like, even when the world is burning down, the sky is falling and everything is inside out and upside down you still somehow make me believe everything is okay." she says "really?" I ask, she nods "yeah, really and truly, that's what it's like" then she turns back around and goes to get ready.

Claire's pov

after having my shower I pick out some jeans and a oversized t shirt with a low v neck that's been cut out. I sigh as I put on a bit of make up to make myself feel better and slip on some flats. walking downstairs again for the second time today I look up and see jay smiling at me like I'm the best thing in the whole world. "come on you dopey i***t" I laugh picking up the car keys. "nuh ah I'm driving today" he says snatching the keys from my fingers. rolling my eyes i follow him out the door.

once we've parked and we're right on time jay goes to get out of the car but I seem to be stuck to my seat. looking at my feet I relapse I can't breathe properly. suddenly the door next to me and opens making me jump in my seat. "hey, are you coming?" I here a voice ask. "umm.....I....I can't breathe" jays face appears infront of me. "take a breath in-" I do as he says "hold it...good and let it out" he reaches across me and unbuckles the seatbelt. standing back he holds out his hand "okay now?" he asks gently. "yeah, just nervous" I confess as I get out of the car and together we start walking up to the building. when we get inside I look around and notice the place is so posh it seems like a hotel lobby, when I lived with my parents I hardly ever went to the doctors and they sure as hell never looked like this. "hi, we have an appointment at one thirty with Dr Andrews" jay says to the receptionist who looks up at him through her glasses and taps on her keyboard. "just go through to the first door on the left" she says curtly nodding her head in the general direction. holding onto my hand Jayden leads me across the room and to the hallway to the door. "it's okay, he's a really good doctor" he try's to assure me as he opens the door. looking at my feet I follow him through the door into a very sterile looking room with tiled floors a medical bed in one corner and a big desk in the other where a balding man sits who seems to be in his late fifties. "please, sit down" he says gently smiling at the two of us. and we sit down, jay still firmly holding my hand. "what brings the two of you in today?" he asks looking up from his computer holding a pen and notepad in his hand. "umm, well, you see" I take a breathe. "it seems I'm unexpectedly pregnant, and we are going to keep the baby" I say and he nods "how far along are you, do you know?" he asks. "umm I don't know but I've missed my period by about three and a half weeks" I tell him. "if you don't mind can you lay down on the bed so I can do an ultrasound?" he asks "of course" I say letting go of jays hand I walk over and he ,of course, is less then two feet behind me.

jays pov

as he rubs the cold looking thing along the very lower part of her belly he stops and clicks a few things. before we see anything we hear it. thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. "we have a healthy heartbeat on the baby and everything seems to be going well" we look up at the screen and see a pulsing black and white blob that's the start of a baby. I look down and claire and realize she's crying. "he's perfect" I tell her and she laughs. "you have to wait until around 20 weeks to know the gender" the doc says."I know that but he won't listen, he's sure it's a boy" she says wiping tears out of her eyes. "you okay?" I ask leaning down to her "yeah, I'm just releaved it's okay I was worried there might be something wrong since I hadn't been trying to get pregnant and I obviously wasn't getting myself physically ready for this" she says and the doctor smiles. "believe it or not teenagers bodies are the best equipped for having babies, your body will do fine with out any supplements but I will still prescribe you a couple things to help you along. and by the looks of this your baby is about five and a half weeks along." he wipes up the gel on her and goes back to his computer. "so since today is November the 25 the baby was conceived on the 16th of October and will be due on the 22nd of July next year" he says. clicking and tapping away at his keyboard. the rest of the appointment goes by in a blur of recommended classes, books and foods. As we walk out the door claire sighs releaved. "how're you feeling?" I ask opening the car door for her. "a little overwhelmed. can you imagine getting up every three hours to feed the baby, I'm starting to doubt myself, what if I can't do it?" as we drive down the road I look over at her concerned face. "it's no just you, it's us and we ,okay, and we can do this" I try reassure her. "are you going to be okay to be around my parents? do you want me to cancel or tell them myself?" I ask her and she shakes her head "no, no I definitely need to be there to see a positive reaction. it'll encourage me to tell Te and Gus hopefully." she says nervously. "as long as you're feeling up to it though, I will warn you chances are when we get home they're going to be there." I say and she smiles at me. "i would expect nothing less" she leans between the seats and rests her head on my shoulder. "we're going to need to get a new car" she says. "like a lambo?" I joke "no, like a five seater that has child lock, car seat space, cameras at the front and back of the car with alarms and like fifty airbags" she says laughing.

Claire's pov

when we pull into the drive way and see the enteruge of black cars again we know that jays parents have arrived. "you ready?" he asks as he stops the car. I nod and follow him up to the front door. walking into the lounge room his father is sitting with his mother a rather short women with very dark brown eyes and black hair wearing a classy red dress with matching shoes. you can tell by looking at her face that she's had alot of work done along. "oh how sweet, your father was right she is such a beautiful young women, Jayden it's been so long give your mother a hug!" she exlaims as she stands up and walks to her son and gives him a hug then goes to hug me. of course me being me I make it awkward because I don't like people touching me. jay is the exception. sitting back down on the couch she keeps talking. "Claire darling you are just so sweet and cute I was half expecting jay to pick out a girl covered in tatoos and peircings. it's a relief to see he found someone who seems to both smart and beautiful. now what is the big fuss about us getting here right now? what's going on?" she says intensly leaning forward in her seat as if we were kids and I'm about to let her in a really big secret. "do you want me to say it?" jay asks me and I nod "well come on, out with it" his father grumbles. "Claire's pregnant" jay says bluntly. I watch as his father's eyes Widen and his mother stands up and pulls me into her arms again as she squeals "oh my God this is great news, finally a baby and a daughter in law. well once you have my grandchild I may as well call you my daughter in law" she chatters and Antonio claps jay on the back. "there's just one more thing" jay says to his father and we sit back down. "me and claire want to bring up the baby and spend quality time with it before I take over the family business. we want to live in the lakehouse for the first 5 years or so, after around 2 or 3 years I'll start to go on big business trips with you to work up to the five year mark where we will all move to Italy. but that is all we're asking, a few years as a normal family" we watch in silence at his parents. Antonio has his lips persed as he thinks "alright five years is all you get but if something happens to and I can't keep being boss you'll need to take over then, got it" he says and jay nods "deal" he agrees calming as if this isn't the best possible out come in the world. "perfect!!! this is just amazing I can't wait" his mother exlaims happily. "he's due on the twenty second of july" I say and watch his mothers face beam. "oh how wonderful it'll be a summer baby, how adorable you'll be able to dress her up in little bathing suits" Antonio interupts his wife "he, it'll be a boy" he smiles and jay chuckles. "I actually think it's a boy too" he says as I climb into his lap. "so you want the lake house?" his mother prys wanting to know more. "yes, I absolutely love that place but we were woundering if it would be okay to do some renovations?" I ask and his mother bobs her head up and down with intense eyes "of course, the place is yours now, do whatever you like. paint the walls a mustard colour for all I care!" she laughs happily clapping her hands. "have you had any cravings yet?" she asks "yes I've been eating practically barrels of olives for the last week and a half" both jays parents smiles Widen. "it's definitely a boy!" Antonio laughs

jays pov

for the rest of the afternoon my parents pester claire with details and questions. my mother tells her about all the stuff she should or shouldn't do, my dad tells her she needs to eat more pasta more often and I try to tell her not to listen to them and do what she wants. after I shoo them out the front door I walk back into the lounge room to see Claire flopped down on the couch. "your parents are handful" she says sighing. "yep" I agree with her and sit down next to her. she leans across and rests her chin on my shoulder. "what do you want for dinner?" I ask "I think I need to go tell Te and Gus, if I wait longer it's just gonna get worse" she says anxiously. "do you want me to come with you?" I ask and she nods "yeah, that would be nice" she says but dosnet get up to leave. so we sit there for nearly an hour watching the sun set and the sky get dark in perfect silence. "I guess we should go tell them now" she says standing up, I follow her as she slowly walks out the house and to the car. I hold her hand as we sit in a soundless state on our way to tell her parents that we're having a baby.

stepping out of the car she quickly grabs my hand again like its a lifeline, taking a deep breathe we walk inside and find both Gus and Te sitting on the couch watching TV. "hey you two" Te says chatily but her face drops when she looks at our expressions. "is something wrong?" she asks as Gus looks up at us. "umm we need to talk to you" claire says her voice already unsteady. Gus turns off the TV and me and claire sit down. once again silence is present but this time uncomfortable. "well???" Gus says irritably when neither of us say anything. "I'll tell them" claire whispers "tell us what?" te says worriedly. "I'm pregnant...and we're keeping it" claire blurts out as tears stream down her face in anticipation of the shame and disappointment she is sure Te and Gus will feel. I hold her as she crys and see the looks of horror on her adoptive parents faces. Te starts to look more sad and Gus turns to anger, he quietly get up and leaves the room. "I'm so sorry!" claire crys as she looks up to see Gus leave and Te biting her lip. "oh claire, honey, don't be sorry this was obviously unplanned and couldn't have been helped. it's going to be alright, Gus just needs time to process everything, as you know he's a man of few words." she says trying to comfort claire. she looks up at me and smiles. "I'm happy you two have decided to do this together instead of breaking up. of course if your only keeping it because you think we don't agree woth abortions, we fully support that too." she says on behalf of Gus. "no we talked about it and claire said she didn't want to do that" I say for her and Te nods. "okay" she says thoughtfully. Gus comes back and sit down with a glass of scotch. "so are you still going to collage?" he asks "no, we're going to take time off to be a family" calore says to them "me and jay are moving in together, his parents are gifting us the lakehouse to turn into our family home. its nice in a quite area away from prying eyes. I'll be out of the media's eyes." she explains "well we were hoping to have you for at least a few years before you left us" Gus says looking anxious. "but I guess at least you have a sensible plan and you know what you want" he looks over to Te who smiles "we don't want you two to worry we support you and will help out with anything" he says firmly "well there won't be need for that since My parents have all expenses covered, I'll be providing everything we're going to need" I say "material wise-" claire adds "but your love and support as gran parents will be great" they smiles "oh i only just became a mother and now a grandmother!" Te squeals. "but nanny would make me sound so old how about nonna?" she says thoughtfully getting carried away in her mind. "so when will you two move in together?" Gus asks "as soon as possible, we want everything ready as early as we can manage so we're completely prepared" claire says even though we didn't actually discuss this but she'd have known I agree. I'd probably agree with anything she wanted right now. hell! if she asked for a elephant I'd make it happen. "we could organise some movers and trucks and whatnot" Gus suggests. "nahh it's all good. we're buying everything so it'll all be delivered to the house and we'll get them to move and or install whatever it is too." I explain and Gus nods "it's good to know ow you're going to take care of her" Gus smiles. oh thank God they aren't going to kill me, it's going to be okay. "and we don't want you to worry, we're going to keep this all under wraps so the media hopefully won't know about it" claire says looking at Te and Gus "oh the media can shove it, we don't car if you anouce it to the world." Gus says. looking from claire to me. "I appreciate that you're a good man Jay, to many guys I know would have packed their bags and run the other way" Gus's gruff voice says as I look up at him I see a gentle look in his eyes. I really know he means it. "well um I'm off to bed come on honey" she says to her husband. "good night you two, are you going to stay here tonight?" she asks and claire shakes her head "nah, I'm sorry Te. jays house just feels like home and I want to be there right now. well probably start getting the lakehouse ready as soon as tomorrow so I probably won't be staying here at all anymore unless I'm visiting" she says and Te starts to tear up she runs back to claire and hugs her. "you've grown up so much already" she says crying. "just know you're welcome to visit us anytime just ring us and we'll get you a plane to wherever we are" she says and claire nods "thanks Te, gus" she looks over to him too. after saying goodbye and we walk out the door and back to the car.

when we get home we both smile at each other "we did it" i say and she leans in as I wrap my arms around her. "yeah we did" her voice gets muffled because She's talking into my shirt. I laugh "ready for bed?" she shakes her head "I want a nice bath" she whines looking up at me smiling. "I'll make you a bath, on one condition" I smirk "what?" she asks "I'm having a bath with you" I say and she smiles "that's more than fine with me" she giggles.

Claire's pov

as I walk into jays bedroom I strip off and put on a bathrobe, as I walk past the main bathroom I can hear the water on. going down stairs I find jay in the kitchen. "what're you doing?" I laugh "pouring us some beverages babe, I know you don't like beer so I made you a cocktai-" he stop and bites his lip as he looks at me "s**t I forgot" he says and I can't help laughing. "it's fine don't worry you i***t" I say as I open the fridge and pull out some apple juice and pour it into a clean wine glass just for fun. "take it up with you and hop into the bath I'll be there in minute" he says smiling. "mkay" I walk back to the bathroom. the bath is full of bubbles I can't even see where the water is. giggling I through my robe off, onto the floor and step into the bath. the hot water soothes away today's drama as I sit down in the massive tub. it's so fricking deep the water comes up to my chin. laying back my head on the edge of the tub I close my eyes. after a few minutes I hear clinking and footsteps. the door open and I hear him sit down something on the sink area. "are you awake?" he whispers making me laugh. of course I'm awake dummy, when have I ever been able to fall asleep within minutes. opening my eyes I look up and notice he has a bowl of olives and another one with strawberries on a tray. "i thought you might like these" he says setting down a little stool the right height next to the bath with the tray on it. "are you gonna get in?" I ask and he smirks as he pulls his shirt of "of course" he pulls the rest of his clothes off then gets in and sits down next to me causing the full bath to spill over the side, sloshing water everywhere. "your so stupid sometimes" I joke laughing with him. he gently holds me up in the water and scoots under me so I'm laying ontop of him. laying my head back on his chest he leans his head down to his me. as our mouths collide his hands run down my shoulders, down my arms and to my belly. surprisingly he dosent go lower. both his hands rest on my lower stomach, right where our baby is. pulling away from the kiss he smiles down at me.