Truth- Shadow goddess seris(COMPLETE)

Chapter Seventeen

“Are you crazy?” Cassius bellowed at me. I came to his class for our weekly meeting. Apparently my uncle decided seeing him only for class wasn’t enough. He wanted us to meet at least once a week. Though Cassius had us meeting twice. 

“No.” I huffed. “But I trust my uncle. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.” 

“Do you realize if any relevant information were to come from those tests he would be obligated to inform the council? The Embassy?" 

“No.” I furrowed my brow. “He just said he was working on a theory he had.” 

“And where did he even get the idea to do the tests?”  

“Well, he came to my room the other day and asked what happened that night you picked me up. But he saw me holding the first witches grimoire. When I told him I could open it and read it he said he wanted to run tests.” I shrugged. 

“The first witch? As in Edith Hallewell?” 

“I guess. Her name is never actually mentioned in the book. Just Hallewell.”

“How old are you?” He asked, perching on the edge of his desk in front of me. His tall frame dwarfed mine, and his muscles bunched under his shirt making his lean body look larger. His penetrating midnight eyes stared back into mine making my heart rate pick up and my breathing to hitch. I turned my eyes away from him with heat rushing up my neck and spreading over my cheeks. This man right here could stop traffic. He was cocky, confident and beautiful. A deadly combination if you ask me. But one thing about him. He could always snare me in his eyes. I could drown in the darkened sea that hid there. What the hell is wrong with me? I shook my head trying to clear it. 

“Eighteen.” I finally managed, looking back up at him. His trademark smirk was in place, and his brows raised as he looked at me. But the way he was looking at me sent a thrilled shiver through me. Such intensity blazed within them. Like a storm on the sea on the darkest of nights. Stray strands of his blonde hair fell in his eyes, almost brightening them a little. Almost like the first rays of sun peeking through the clouds. Whoa, stop. No. I am so not doing this with another professor. What was going on with me? I don't pine over people. Ever. 

“Did you know the Hallewell line died out nineteen years ago?” He asked, his voice almost strained. 

“No. My uncle said the line was lost eighteen years ago.” 

“Yes, well I did say almost nineteen years.” He pointed out. 

“I guess you’re right. But what does that have to do with anything?” 

“You’re a smart girl Rose. I’m sure you can figure it out. For now let’s move topics. Have you had any luck with bringing your supernatural side forward?” 

“You mean other than compulsion? No. I haven’t.” 

“Something is holding you back.” Cassius muttered, rounding his desk and sitting in his chair across from me. 

“Like what? I don’t know what to do to motivate that part of me.” 

“There isn’t anything you can do. I am guessing you haven’t had the right motivation to open that side of yourself.” 

“Great. Another thing to add to my growing s**t list. Any other news you’d like to share to ruin my day?” I snarked. He didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t his fault that part of me refused to make itself known. But he was the one here. He was the one telling me there was nothing I could do to open that part of me. So he was the one to receive my rude behavior. I really should work on my people skills. I am sorely lacking in that department. He didn’t seem to mind though. 

“No. But I do want to explore your compulsion more.” He said, steepling his fingers together and resting his chin on them. “Compel me to do something. Anything.” He suggested. 

I could think of a few things I wanted him to do. Like kissing me with those perfectly plump lips. Or pressing his firm body flush against mine, wrapping his arms around me and engulfing me in his warmth. My eyes widened and I shot from my seat crossing the room. Far away from him. And he laughed. He actually laughed. 

“No.” I said grinding my teeth. “I don’t think that is such a good idea.” What the hell was going on with me? I really needed to gain better control over myself. First Caleb, then Cassius, and finally Phoenix. This was getting out of hand. Why was I so drawn to these men? Their beauty was not lost on me, but I wasn’t drooling over anyone else. Not even Ryker who was strikingly handsome on his own. But these three men. Caleb and his sea blue eyes. The strong mask he has in place for the world only to let it drop for me, allowing me to see the person underneath. The man who is hurting, pleading for an escape. 

Phoenix and his quick silver eyes, his large and muscular build that I was sure could crush me in seconds. Despite his size he was kind and gentle. His rugged exterior completely masking the big teddy bear underneath. He was firm and strong, his dedication to teaching these kids how to fight seeming to light up his eyes. But I’ve seen him away from class. I’ve seen as darkness washed over him, almost drowning him. I’ve seen his aura go from its brilliant aqua color to being tainted by blues and blacks. The man was haunted by something in his past and if he wasn’t careful, if he didn’t find something to fight for, he would be lost to that darkness soon. 

And last was the man standing before me. The man who smirks instead of smiles. Who puts on such a hard mask, such an ironclad front, no one would be able to see the anguish in him. This man was always hurting, always fighting to keep that anguish from consuming him. What this world has done to him wasn’t fair. He never should have been treated the way he was. And even now, they should not be using him like they are. I’m positive he had a life before all of this. Friends, family, maybe even a wife or girlfriend. But I could tell that they all turned from him the second he was convicted. It’s just how this messed up world works. This world had already taken so much from him, and now they wanted to use him like his life didn’t matter, like he was something disposable or replaceable. It was sickening  to even think about. Something needed to be done, he couldn’t just be sent back there like some kind of animal waiting to be put down. He didn’t deserve it. 

 “Why?” Cassius’s voice whispered, knocking me out of my stupor and back to him and his now very close proximity.  I swallowed thickly as I met his midnight eyes. A heat like no other blazed within them as he looked back at me. I didn’t know what to say. Hell, I couldn’t have said anything if I tried. All I could do was stare back at him, pleading with my eyes. I didn’t know what I was pleading for. Space? For him to come closer? Both? 

As I went to push him away, a fire tore through me, heating my body. Energy passed between us where my hands met his chest. I gasped at the intensity of it. An immense sadness washed over me. As anger, loneliness, longing, worthlessness and a strong will to just make it all stop coursed through me. It felt like my skin fused to his, like somehow in this moment more than just touch connected us. It was like all of his emotions were flowing into me like a river, and I was drowning in it, gasping for air as it felt like it choked the life from me. Clogging my throat, making tears sting the back of my eyes. 

Somehow I found the strength to jerk my hands away. I quickly locked them together behind my back and stepped away from him a few small steps. I felt like my lungs were burning, like my chest was about to collapse in on itself. Was this how he truly felt? Was his pain so bad, so all consuming that he felt like ending it all would be better? Like somehow everyone would be better off without him? Surely not. How could he ever believe he was worthless? Like no one would ever miss him if he were gone? 

The thought alone made me realize how badly I would actually miss the man. As much as they irritated me to no end, I would miss his smirks. The kind words he spoke to me every once in a while. I would miss the intensity of his midnight eyes. Something was really and truly wrong with me. Because as I thought about it, I realized that I cared for him. Not only him but Phoenix and Caleb too. Yeah, I cared about Ryker, Lexi, Mathew and the twins. I even cared for Guage and Amanda even though the two of them weren’t around all that often anymore. But the other three? There was something different about them. Like there was a connection between us I couldn’t grasp just yet. 

“I...I think I should...I should go.” I mumbled, using my thumb to point towards the door as I inched towards it. Cassius just nodded his jaw clenched tightly as his teeth ground together like he was trying to hold himself back from something. As I watched him I found I couldn’t leave just yet. I sighed heavily as I made my way back over to him, and picked his hand up squeezing it between mine as I looked deeply into his storming eyes. “Professor. I don’t know what happened, or what that was. But if that is truly how you feel. If somehow I felt what you are. You need to know you’re wrong. No one would be better off without you. You would be missed, and there is nothing about you that is worthless. This world has done you wrong, you don’t deserve anything they’ve done to you.” I looked down to where I had his one hand between the both of mine. “Don’t give up just yet.” I whispered. “Where there is darkness, there is light. You just have to find it. And when you do, use that light. Fight for it. Fight to find your way into it, and let it wash over you as it eliminates the darkness. You deserve a chance.” 

With that said, I dropped his hand and walked away. I didn’t look back at him, and honestly I was scared to. I didn’t want to see the emotions in his eyes. I didn’t want to get trapped in the depths of his storm. It wasn’t something I could really help with. All I could offer were words and hope he heard the truth in them. But only he could fight his way out. Only he could find his light. Whatever that may be. Now if only I could offer the same encouragement to Caleb and Phoenix, but Cassius asked me not to tell anyone I could see auras, and I told him I wouldn’t. I don’t think I promised I wouldn’t though. And something told me Phoenix would keep my secret. I wasn’t so sure about Caleb though. His loyalty lay with his parents and the other heirs. 

On my way back to my tower, I decided to pay more attention to the auras around me. So many colors swarmed my vision making it hard for me to see. Blocking them out was easy, but allowing them all in took concentration. It was overwhelming and always gave me a headache, but something told me it needed to be done. Some of them looked pure. Clean and clear of any darkness of pain and fear and hurt. But the others? Well the others were stained with darkness. Like an inferno of shadows lurked beneath their skin. I can’t imagine what might have caused such a mass spread of darkness. Such pain. And yet, despite the mass amounts I’m seeing in the student body. None of it amounted to the darkness held between the three men I am drawn towards. I really have to ask about what this pull is. It was starting to really become a problem. And I wasn't sure if I could stop myself for much longer. 

I mean my thoughts have already started to forbidden territory multiple times. Just the slightest graze of skin sends my body into overdrive completely blocking all thought from my head. I all but drooled over them like a damn dog. Just holding back in general was hard. Like really hard. These men were god-like, how could any woman keep themselves away. But then I remembered. Caleb was an heir, completely and utterly off limits to a commoner like myself. Phoenix and Cassius both had female companions last week. And they were professors. They were strictly off limits for that reason alone. Student professor relationships were not only against academy rules, but the supernatural law as well. Which really was a stupid law to have. Academy rule? Yeah I can see that. But adding it to the law books was just absurd. How could anyone be punished with prison time for having feelings for someone? It just wasn’t right. 

By the time I got back to my tower I was exhausted. Opening my mind to everyone's aura drained me. And that’s not even counting Professor Cassius’s emotions that were still eating at me slowly like a poison. I’ve felt pain before. I’ve felt heartache and betrayal. But the strength and intensity of the professor's emotions completely engulfed mine. What I felt was nothing compared to him. I struggle to get through every day with the way I feel. I couldn’t fathom how the professor got through. I didn’t understand how he got up in the mornings, how he always had such a brave face put on. That man was stronger than anyone has given him credit for. And I wanted to help him, but I knew I couldn’t. Just like I knew I couldn’t help Professor Phoenix or Caleb. It was all something they have to get through, fight through on their own. Because no matter how many words of encouragement I give, no matter how much I offer my support. Only they had the means to get through it all. I just hoped they would all be able to, because for some reason I don’t think I could see anything happen to any of them.