Second Thought

Chapter 18

                                                                                    Serenity's POV

    I could hear everything going on around me, but I couldn't speak. Doctors and nurses were speaking all around me, poking and prodding me with things. Even though my eyes were closed, I could see the light peeking through. I couldn't move anything; I was stuck frozen. I listen carefully as I thought I heard Alexander's voice, but I started drifting out of consciousness.

    Quiet voices were speaking around me. I tried hard to focus on those voices, but they were too faint. The voices started getting louder as the sounds got closer toward me and I heard Alexander and Liam speaking. My body felt like it was on fire, I wanted to move, to scream but I couldn't. Alexander was speaking from the heart and saying things that was so unlike him, I started to wonder if I was dreaming. My heart began to break as I heard Alexander mention Liam's wife. What? He never told me he was married. He was playing me all along. The brother that I didn't think would do anything to hurt me was here lying to me this whole time. Then I heard Alexander say those words and my heart sank into my chest. He was falling in love with me. Why? Right as I was beginning to question that, I drifted out again.

    I came to from the sound of Alexander's voice, "Serenity if you can hear me, please come back to me. I'm so sorry for everything. You don't even understand how much I hate myself right now. I'll go if that is what will make you happy, but I need to see that you’re ok first. Please, just open your eyes baby. Please. I need you to know..." Alexander's voice began to drift out.

    My eyes opened slightly and closed back shut when the light hit them. This time was different, I was finally waking up. One eye opened all the way while the other continued to open a little slower. I took in my view and noticed I was in a hospital bed and had an IV sticking out of my arm. I moved a little and winced at the pain from the back of my head. Alexander was sitting in the chair right beside my bed, looking like pure hell. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept in days. At least he was sleeping a little now. I know I am supposed to be mad at him for what happened, but it was hard to focus on when his words kept replaying over in my head. I think I'm falling in love with her. Alexander was the last person I thought I would hear those words from. Slowly, I moved to my side to get a better look at him. I struggled to move and let out a soft yelp when I did. That was enough to wake him from his sleep. He moved over to me so quickly.

    "Serenity, your awake! Let me get the doctor," he said as he was standing to his feet, running out the door.

    A moment later a doctor in a long white coat walked in behind Alexander. "Nice to see you awake Ms. Williams. We didn't know how long you were going to be out for. How are you feeling?"

    I went to go speak but the words wouldn't come out. My mouth felt so dry that it was making it impossible to speak. A young nurse walked in and gave me a glass of water then made her leave. I gulped down the entire glass and wiped my mouth off with my hospital gown. "I'm a little sore and my head is pounding if I am being honest."

    "That is to be expected. I would be concerned if you didn't feel a little discomfort right now. I will get you some medication to help with that in just a moment. Let's do a quick check of your vitals."

    Once the doctor checks out everything and all looks normal, he tells me that he will bring in some medication and will send someone in with something to eat. I hadn’t realized the aching in my stomach. I nodded as he made his leave. Honestly, I was kind of nervous to be around Alexander by myself. I know that he didn't mean to hurt me, and I wasn't scared of him. I just didn't know if he would confess what I already heard him say.

    "I'm glad that everything checked out okay. I was so worried about you. The first night I brought you in, the doc said you might have bleeding in the brain. I was so scared that I might lose you. Luckily, all the tests came back okay, and he said that you had a severe concussion and would wake when you were ready."

    "Wow. Bleeding in the brain? I'm glad it wasn't that serious. Do you know when I can leave?"

    "This is still very serious Serenity; you still have a bad concussion and will need to take it easy for a while. I doubt the good doc will let you just leave just because you woke up."

    "I was awake for some of it." I admit

    "What do you mean you were awake for some of it?"

    "Even though my eyes were closed, and I was unable to move, I would go in and out, hearing some conversations."

    "Do you remember what you heard?"

    "Some of it. I know that Liam was here. The mention of his wife gave me quite a shock you know."

    "You weren't supposed to hear any of that. I didn't think you could. I am sorry. Liam is the one that needs to explain that you."

    "Actually, I want you to tell me. You must know a lot about what happened. You are his brother after all, and I did catch the little bit about you sleeping with her."

    "Yeah, I made a big mistake. I got stupid drunk one night and slept with his wife. She hasn't been back since their big fall out that night. Her name is Erina. She had the most beautiful soul I had ever met, until you of course. She made my brother so happy. Like everything else, I had to go and destroy that too. They were having some marital problems and she had come to me about advice since he was my brother. We ended up spending hours together, drinking and just cutting up. We both had too much to drink and before I knew it, she had lent in to kiss me. Of course, being the selfish asshole that I am, I didn't stop her. So, we ended up sleeping together that night. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Liam was so in love with her. He was the happiest he had ever been, and I shattered that for him with one night that meant nothing to me or to her. Well, he couldn't forgive her, and he went and slept with her best friend. She of course found out and left. She hasn't been back since. He keeps waiting for her and that's why he never wants to leave. He won't admit to himself, but he is still waiting for her."

    "So, I was just a nice distraction for him then?"

    "I wouldn't say that. I think Liam does care about you; I really do. I just don't think he can find it in himself to love another woman like he did Erina. I think it would actually be better if you talked to him about this."

    "Sorry. I also heard what you said."

    "What did you hear me say?"

    "I would rather hear you say it."

    "Okay. Here goes. Serenity, I really am sorry for how I treated you. I never meant to hurt you but that was like a huge wake up call for me. I know I'm an ass and you deserve better, but I can't stop thinking about you. You’re in every thought that I have. I want to be the man you deserve. I will understand if you hate me right now. Just say the words, I'll go, and you will never hear from me again. You do at least deserve to know how much I care about you."

    "Alexander, I've known you cared about me for some time now. You just have a funny way of showing it. I also know that you are confused about your feelings because you have never felt the way you do now. I'm confused too. I care about Liam and I care about you, but I care about you each in different ways. I didn't know that I cared about you until I opened my eyes a few minutes ago. I was happy to see it was you sitting there in that chair instead of Liam. I'm not sure what that means yet, but it is going to take some time for me to forgive you."

    "I understand. Do you want me to leave?"

    "Have I said the words?"

    Alexander laughed, "I guess you haven't. You do need to hear me say one more thing though."

    "What?"

    "I need to be honest with you like I always have been. I need to let you know that I am falling in love with you Serenity. I know this doesn't change anything between us. I know that you still feel hatred toward me, and I get it. I just thought you should know exactly how I feel about you."

    There it was. He said the words directly to me. I couldn't say it back because I didn't feel it yet. I knew I had feelings for him, but I didn't know exactly how strong those feelings were just yet. "I know, that's another thing I heard you say. Thank you for being honest and telling me."

    "Sure thing. Let me go talk to this doctor and see when we can get you out of here." Alexander headed for the door to my room and stopped just as he was opening it. He looked back at me and smiled before walking out of the room.