Second Thought

Chapter 17

                                                                                    Alexander's POV

    Serenity has still not woken up and it's been three days. Her face is pale, and she looks peaceful laying there with her eyes closed. I was just sitting in the chair next to her bed watching her chest rise and fall. She was hooked up to numerous machines which made it hard to focus on her breathing. My phone has been going off nonstop for the last three days, but I didn't care. My only focus was on Serenity and her getting better. I don't care if I had to sit here for weeks, months, or even years. I would stay by her side until she woke up. I had to be here to let her know how sorry I was. Not only was I sorry for what happened to her that night, but I was sorry for everything. I treated her so bad all the time and only cared about myself. The truth was that she was my every thought. After meeting her, I can't imagine my life without her. Before now, no one held my attention and I mean no one. All the women I'd been with were the same and were either only after me for money or s*x. Serenity was different, she hated me and never even wanted me in the same room as her. I heard my phone buzzing beside me again. Liam's name popped up on the screen. I guess I'd better take it, seeing as he has called 12 times in the last two hours.

    "Hey Liam. What's up?"

    "What's up? Where the hell are you? More importantly, where the hell is, she? What have you done to her?"

    "Slow down little brother. I'm at...the hospital."

    "Okay, what do you mean you’re at the hospital? What for and is Serenity with you?"

    "Liam, Serenity is the one who is in the hospital. I messed up man."

    "What?! What happened? Explain yourself now!"

    "Right now, is not a good time Liam. I need to get back to her. I just thought I would answer and let you know." I hung up the phone without another word. I knew he would be upset but I didn't care. I don't need any distractions; I need to focus on her and her alone. I knew Liam cared about her; I mean really cared about her. Maybe I should just let her be with Liam. I know if I did that, she would be better off. Liam can be the kind, sweet, and gentle man she deserves. I can't say the same for myself. She is so perfect and deserves someone equally good as herself. The only thing about that is that she doesn’t know the truth about him. Gently, I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I laid her hand over mine and laid my head against the mattress and dozed off to sleep.

    Screaming was coming from the hall. As I lifted my head to see what the commotion was all about, I saw Liam confronting a man dressed in scrubs while security officers were surrounding him. I sighed and stepped out of the room. "It's okay, he is with me."

    Liam turned his head and just stared at me. The officers nodded their heads and took off in the other direction. "What the hell is going on Alex?" He started to follow me back into Serenity's room.

    "First of all, there will be no yelling in this room of any kind. I'll tell you everything, but you must promise to keep your anger under control. Do you understand?"

    "Yes, Alex just explain to me what is going on."

    I went over all the details from three nights ago. I didn't bother to leave anything out. I detailed out our s****l encounter in my room, the woman I screwed and made Serenity watch, her walking out, hitting me, running out, and me going after her after I was finished satisfying myself. I explained what happened once I found her and the events that led us here to now.

    "You son of a b***h! So, you’re the reason she is sitting in a hospital bed with a concussion! It is always your fault Alex. Why couldn't you just let her go for f**k's sake? You just couldn't leave her alone, could you? Don't even get me started about how you took advantage of her! Alex, you don't deserve her! I should beat the hell out of you right now, right here in front of everyone."

    "Liam, I know. I messed up bad. I care about her too and I never meant to hurt her. When I pushed her, I didn't do it to try to hurt her. I was doing it to try to stop her from hitting me. I was afraid she would hurt herself if she kept hitting me. She was so mad at me. I think she hates me."

    "She should hate you! Hell, right now I hate you. Your no-good Alex. I thought that you still had some type of good left in you and that is why I have stuck around for all this time, but I was wrong. You deserve to be alone. You don't deserve someone as special as Serenity. She has so much light and you are snuffing it out of her with your darkness. Just leave, no one even wants you here. I know that if she was awake, she would tell you to leave."

    "I can't just leave her, I did this. I must fix this. I need her to know how sorry I am. I need her know how much I truly care for her."

    "If you truly cared for her then you would leave. Stop being so damn selfish for once in your life. Do something for someone else, that's how you show people you care. Actions speak louder than words do."

    "I'll leave. If she wakes up and tells me that she never wants to see me again, then I'll go, and she will never hear from me ever again. We need to talk, and she needs to know how much I care about her and if after that, she says the words, then I'll go. Liam, you should also take your own advice though. Since we are getting everything out there in the open, you need to be honest with yourself and her."

    "What are you even talking about? I have done nothing but be honest with her from day one. I am the one who treats her the way she deserves to be treated. I care about her more than you ever will.”

    "You are right for her but don't tell lies. You don't always treat her the way she deserves either. Sure, when she is around you treat her like a queen but when she is not, you lie. You told her in your letters that you would run away with her, we both know that you lied to her. Why would you tell her that you would leave with her when you knew you were lying straight to her face? Have you told her about Erina?"

    "Erina? What about her? She is out of the picture right now and she isn't important. I didn't exactly lie to her. I wanted to escape with her and give her everything she desires. This conversation is pointless. It has nothing to do what is really going on here."

    "So, you haven't brought up the fact that your married? Wouldn't you think that would be one of the first things you told her? Maybe when you were planning on sleeping with her? You know, I have treated her like s**t but the one thing I have never did is lie to her."

    "Serenity will understand and I will explain everything to her once she wakes up. I was taking things slow with her until she was ready. I wasn't you, trying to push her into something she didn't want to do. Listen, you know Erina hasn't even been around for several months now. She is probably out running around with another man as we speak. We both know how she is considering that she slept with you. I don't even know if she is coming back, that's why I didn't want to tell her. I'll tell her when the time is right."

    "Brother, I'm sorry. I'm going to change, if she decides to forgive me. Like I said, if she wants me out of her life, then I'll leave. I think that I'm falling in love with her."

    Liam starts to chuckle. "Falling in love with her? You wouldn't know what that was if it bit you in the ass Alex. Trust me when I say, you don't love her."

    "I'll be the judge of how I feel. I have never been in love so yeah, it’s a strange feeling but I know that's what this is. I'll do anything for her, be anyone for her now." I pick up Serenity's hand and place a soft kiss against her cold skin.