Can't Fight Fate

Chapter five

Dylan

I couldn’t sleep. I tried. I tossed and turned for about 2 hours until I looked at the clock and saw it read 1 am. He wouldn’t leave my mind and that told me that I needed to fix things with my brother before I got home and we ran into each other and things blow up even worse. I pulled my phone off the charger and dialed his number, knowing he was up. He is 16, after all.

“Why are you calling so late?” He answered the phone. He was not thrilled to see that I had called, but I couldn't care less at the moment.

“Well, hello to you too.” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t’ work.

“Cut the s**t. You haven’t spoken to me in a year since I called you that day and you freaked the f**k out on me for no damn reason and just because your running home to mom and dad doesn’t mean you can just call me and everything will be alright. So, Dylan, tell me what the hell you want and what’s so important that you’re calling me so freaken late when I have a game tomorrow.” Archer snapped. I deserved it.

“What time is your game?”

“Why the hell do you care?”

“Archie, what time is it?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Just answer the question, little brother.”

“3.” There was a pause and I heard him let out a sigh, “I gotta go.” He hung up on me. I pulled out my GPS and pulled up the address for his boarding school in North Carolina. I closed my eyes and groaned when it was an eleven hour drive. I couldn’t do that drive and I needed to be there. If there’s one thing that I regret, it is the lack of relationship between Archer and I, but I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. Memories flashed to one of the lowest point of my life.

I was stupid and in a dark place. I suffered through endless amounts of rehab, hoping to get the strength I needed back in my knee to be able to get back on the field and when they told me last week that I would never play again, like for sure never play, I lost my s**t.

I destroyed everything in my bedroom and shattered my bathroom mirror, creating the deepest cuts on my hand, splattering blood on the floor and walls, but I didn’t feel the pain in my hand, just the pain in my heart that my dream just vanished right in front of me and I could never get it back. I didn’t care about anything but football at that point in my life. I stomped my way into my kitchen, noticing the quietness, thinking that this would be perfect since Jordan wasn’t back from practice. I was happy he was still there. His constant babysitting and making sure I was okay was becoming a nuisance. I took out a bottle of tequila, Jack, Gray goose, and Crown, all that we had, because lord knows I’ve been binge drinking ever since I got injured and Shelly left me, to the point where I blacked out a couple of times. I opened one bottle after the other and chugged each one. In the middle of my second bottle, I was already drunk due to the lack of food and the amount I drank in a short amount of time. It felt good, like a warm sensation flowing through my body, but when I drank like this, my emotions became heightened and right now, I was pissed.

My phone started ringing and I didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID.

“What.”

“Hey, you okay?” my brother asked me.

“What the f**k do you want, Archer?”

“Um…I…uh…”

“Spit it the f**k out. I don’t have time for you.”

There was a pause and I heard him sniffle. “Dyl…”

“Archer. I really don’t have the fuckin' time. What do you want?” I snapped again. I didn’t care what he needed. I didn’t care what he wanted to say. I was pissed. I just lost every chance I had to make my dream come true and, on top of that, my now ex-girlfriend and I broke up because I caught her f*****g her professor in her dorm. And the s**t she said to me was unbearable. Washed up? f**k her.

“You know, you can be really selfish.”

“I’m being selfish? You only call me when you need something, so what is it now? Money? Is that what you need? Because if that’s all, call mom and dad and have them wire it to you. I’m not a fuckin ATM.”

“You’re an ass. Way to assume all I want from you is money when I never asked for a damn dime! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You and everyone else is what’s wrong with me. Always asking for s**t, pressuring me, using me, abusing me. I’m fuckin done. Why can’t you all just leave me the f**k alone?”

I heard him sniffle again, but I was so angry. I didn’t care, until he spoke the words next, “You know, I called to see if I could come over because I saved up all the money I made from my part-time job to fly out and see my big brother for my birthday and make sure you were okay. I wanted to see you for MY birthday but you’re just an asshole. I don’t know what fuckin' happened but I don’t deserve this, so, you got your wish. When you pull your head out of your ass, maybe we can talk until then, f**k you.” And he hung up on me.

I chucked my phone against the wall, immediately regretting the words that came out of my mouth. I forgot my brother’s birthday. What kind of person does that? I grabbed the last two bottles and started to chug them, ignoring the wonderful burning sensation that coated my throat with every single gulp.

This is for Archer having a shithead older brother who is an asshole.

This is for the lack of a relationship with my parents, being the ideal son and just f*****g everything up.

This is for Shelly fuckin her professor, cheating on me.

This is for Raegan. Why the f**k am I doing this for her? I left her.

So, I drink for all the f****d up s**t that has happened in my life.

Thinking I saw Raegan in the stands and taking me by surprise, which led to me getting injured.

The surgeries.

The rehab. The rehabs.

Not being able to play.

Losing my dream to play in the NFL.

The fight with my little brother.

The strained relationship with my mom and dad.

For being the family failure.

I drank so much so fast. The world was spinning. I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to call mom. I needed to talk to dad. I craved to see Raegan. I needed to apologize to my brother, but all I could do was just keep drinking and, because I had a damn headache, I went and got some pain meds and doubled the dose.

I needed the pain to go away.

I started to feel better until the urge to throw up came, and I did just that, non-stop for I don’t know how long. Something felt wrong though. Something didn’t feel right and then the darkness started to take over me. Then I was out.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I booked a plane ticket to Asheville to land in town at 1:30 PM. A four-hour flight is better than an 11-12 hour drive. Just when I was about to fall asleep, my phone pinged.

Shelly: Hey...are you up?

Me: What Shell.

What could she possibly want? We haven’t spoken since the day I caught her with her professor. When she followed me back to my apartment, she had begged and pleaded for us to still be friends, but then remembering what her roommate told me about why she was with me came to mind on top of the words she said to me when I caught her. All in that moment, everything made sense and there was no way I was allowing her back in my life.

The phone started ringing and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone else. I needed as much sleep as I could before I needed to get to the airport. I ignored the phone and rolled over but the ringing never stopped. I would silence the phone and it would start again, so I had no choice. I picked it up.

“Shell.”

“Hey Dylan.”

“What can I help you with?”

“I, uh, needed to talk to you before you leave.”

“How did you know I was leaving?”

“Talk is all over campus.”

“I guess word spreads fast. What do you want, Shell?”

“I needed to apologize before you left. I needed you to know how sorry I was. I needed you to listen to me. It’s been long enough, don’t ya think?”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I needed to tell you…that I never stopped…”

“Never stopped what?”

“Hurting you and leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you Dyl. I always have this entire time.”

“Shell, It’s too late. The damage is done. What you said cannot be taken back.”

“Is there someone else?”

“I don’t know…maybe…what does it matter to you?”

“Would you stay if I asked you to stay, to stay with me, to give us another chance?”

“Shell, I can’t. I just…not this time. I need to go home. What we had…it’s over.”

“I understand.” You can hear the heartache in her voice, but what I didn’t expect was for me not to feel bad, not to feel any remorse and the need to go back to her. I knew at the moment I was finally free of her and that was a step in the right direction. “Is there a way we can start over, like friends, like before?”

I sighed, “I’ll think about it, but to be honest, don’t hold your breath. I’m leaving everything I know behind to head back and that does include you as well. Goodnight Shelly.”

“There is nothing I can say to change your mind, is there?”

“Honestly, no. It took some tough love from my folks to show me I deserve better. To deserve someone who is going to want me because of who I am and not from where I come from.”

“I guess this is it, isn’t it?”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Goodnight Dylan.”

I laid back in my bed, set my alarm and plugged my phone in and was finally able to close my eyes and get some sleep before I headed to the airport for my flight and knowing I was hours away from seeing my brother just made my stomach churn.