Can't Fight Fate

Chapter four

Dylan

“Are you sure you have to go back home? It isn’t going to be the same without you. I believe coach’s offer is still on the table.” Jordan plopped on my couch, beer in hand, kicking his feet up on my coffee table, living like he owned the place. The guy pisses me off to no end, but he’s my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s been my right-hand man since we were thirteen when we met at football camp. This guy is my ride or die, literally.

“I can’t take his offer, man. It hurts way too damn much.” I threw more books into the box and taped it up, “Besides, the house is almost done. It should be about a month, a month and a half till it’s finished and I have already accepted the job at the school.” Jordan rolled his eyes at me.

“Okay, so I have a solution. Get a job at one of the million schools here. When the house is finished, sell it and make a profit and you can stay here with me and we can rock this town. Or ya know, just take coaches offer.” He shrugged, “This will not only give you more money but you’ll be surrounded by your teammates and with that comes the babes.” He grinned.

“You know damn well you cannot attract anyone to save your life.” I laughed, walking over to the couch and shoving his feet off my table. “Besides, even if I take the assistant coach job, being around the game and knowing that I can never play just hurts too damn much. Plus, my brother should be coming home from boarding school soon and I need to see my parents. It’s been four years since I’ve been home to visit them at all.” I took a look around the empty apartment. In less than a week I will be home. Dad has my temporary apartment all set for me. I got a job that I will learn to love and my family. I just need to patch things up with Archer and maybe I can find someone to settle down with, because it’s time that I started looking towards the future.

The future. A word that I’ve grown to hate and love at the same time. Is that what I really wanted? Living the bachelor lifestyle has been something that I had grown to love but a sense of emptiness always washed over me at some point during my nights. Was looking to the future something that I hoped for or was it something that I felt was more expected of me, or both? I’m not entirely sure.

“Yeah, why have you been avoiding Crossdale? From the stories you tell me, you loved it there.”

“I still do. It will always be home. It is home.” I sighed and ran my hand through my shaggy brown hair, messing it up even more than it already was. Avoiding home was something that became more of a habit than anything. I would find any excuse not to go home, whether it be a game, exams, work, or whatever the excuse may be. Going back to Crossdale was something that was never on my radar till recently. “Has anything ever happened to you that you could never get it off your mind? Like years…”

“No particularly. You know me, I tend not to dwell in the past. I live in the present, the now. But care to explain what you mean?”

I sighed and leaned back on the couch and grabbed my beer off the table. I took a swig and shook my head, “Nah. It’s not important.”

“Dude, come on. You can talk to me. I know I give you s**t about everything, but I’m here for you. From what I remember, when we were growing up, there wasn’t any drama going on in Crossdale. I mean, I know I was from the next town over, but still, word usually travels pretty fast.”

Should I tell him? I mean, I’ve known the kid for most of my life, well, at least half. No one knows about what happened besides the parentals, but I can’t say it hasn’t bothered me that I never talked about it with anyone. I’ve thought about it almost every day. Something inside of me is nagging me to try to talk to her and patch things up, because no matter what, we will always be connected as long as our parents are friends. I also feel that it’s already too late. The only time I didn’t think about her was when I was black out drunk and the time I was dating Shelly, well, when I was awake and dating her. My dreams, not so much.

“You really wanna know, don’t ya?” I c****d an eyebrow at him and he nodded his head, “So, you cannot tell anyone about this. It’s not my brightest moment.”

“Dude, it’s not like you killed someone.”

I rolled my eyes, “I think it would have been better if I did. Remember when I went home four years ago for that birthday party?”

“Yeah. You came rushing back way sooner than I was expecting you. Remember, you walked in on me and Tori?”

I shuddered, “Don’t remind me, you freak.” He laughed at the memory. When I rushed home, he was apartment sitting for me and he had restraints tied to the door of my bedroom. I shudder at the memory. “Anyways, the birthday party was for my dad’s best friends’ twins, Fin and Raegan. They turned 16. Growing up, Raegan has always had this huge crush on me but I never gave her the time of day because of the five-year age gap. Totally inappropriate. Well, that night on her birthday, I was sitting by the pond behind her dad’s house, minding my own business when she came up and we started talking. We took a walk and she stopped and kissed me.”

“Okay, so she kissed you. What’s the big deal? It’s not like you kissed her back, right?”

“I kissed her back, that’s what the big deal is. I pushed her away when I came to my senses, but it should never have happened. She was 16 and I was 21. It was so wrong on so many levels.”

“Okay, I get where you’re coming from, I really do. But I have a couple of questions.” I looked at him and gave him a glare that told him they had better be appropriate questions, “First, did you find her attractive?”

“Dude, she’s 16.”

“Was 16, emphasis on the was. Anyways, at that age, they are almost done with puberty. I get it, but s**t happens. It’s not like you slept with her, so just answer the question.”

“I’m so going to hell.” I groaned as I slammed my body on the back of the couch, “Yes, she was beautiful. She really grew up to be someone amazing. She was smart and talented and everything a guy would wish for; the only thing was her age.”

“Okay, now, if she was older, say, 20, like she is today, would you have second guessed yourself?”

“If we were closer in age or if we were older, no, I wouldn’t have. If what happened four years ago happened today, I wouldn’t have second guessed myself at all.”

“Have you kept in touch with her through the years or have you avoided her?”

“No, I haven’t spoken to her, but I haven’t avoided her either. It’s not like she made an effort to come out to see or speak to me.” I paused, remembering the football game, “Although, the day I got injured, I thought I saw her in the stands. That’s when I got sacked. I tried to look for her, but I was in too much pain to see if she was there or not. I’m assuming not because if she was, she would have come to the hospital.”

“Social media?” he questioned.

“What about it?”

“Have you looked her up on social media at all?”

I paused. I didn’t want to admit to him that I did and, let me tell you, she was even more beautiful and more grown up. Graduated college two years early and she looked happy. “Maybe.”

“Okay, this is a simple fix. So, when you go home, meet up with her and talk to her. What’s the worst that could happen? Worst case scenario, she hates you, you move on, but at least you can let that part go and get the damn moment out of your mind. Best case? It works out and I can finally see my best bud happy.”

“I’ve been happy.”

“Dude, sleeping with random chicks doesn’t equal happiness and your time with Shelly doesn’t fuckin' count because she’s a b***h who doesn’t deserve your time. It’s the small moments. It’s the moments when you cuddle with her and watch one of her favorite movies, watching the gleam in her eye as she gets sucked into it, even though she already knows what’s going to happen. It’s when you two are dancing by the fireplace in the middle of the night, nothing but the sounds of the crickets, looking into each other’s eyes and share a passionate kiss. It’s going to bed happy, with her on your mind and waking up to her every morning to share that cup of coffee before you both go to work. That’s happiness.”

I stopped. I think I couldn’t breathe. I looked at him with wide eyes. Where the hell did all that come from? “When did you become such a romantic? Were you a chick in your past life?”

He shrugged, “Hey, I watch some chick flicks now and then. It’s like research.” We both laughed. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow. I have a moving company coming to pick up my stuff and bring it to Crossdale for storage. I packed enough clothes for like a week.” I placed my elbows on my knees and huffed. I don’t know how I was feeling about going home. I’ve avoided everyone there for so long, in person at least. Mom and dad call all the time to check up on me, especially since my injury. Bella and Eli call once in a while, but talking to them after what happened is just weird. I talk to Tristian more than anyone else. I feel like he understands me more than I understand myself, but lately, he’s been busy with some drama Riley is going through.

“Maybe when we have our bye week I’ll come up and visit for a bit.” He shrugged, “Gotta see this chick for myself.” He winked.

“She is way out of your league dude. Hell, she’s out of my league.” I laughed, “Anyways, I’m heading to bed. You staying in the spare tonight?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel like going back to the dorm. You still cool that I stay here until I get my own place?”

“No doubt, man. Have at it, not like I need it anymore.” I yawned, “See ya in the morning.”

I headed upstairs to my room, looking at the blank walls as I passed by the places where my pictures hung. The quietness was eerie. I have lived here since I turned 22 and it never felt like home. Jordan might have well lived here too, because it was like he never left. He is one of the few in the master’s program living in campus housing. Why? I don’t fuckin' know, but it still didn’t make this place feel like home. I tried everything I could, but something was always missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I changed into my gray sweats and sat on the edge of my bed with my phone in my hand, fingers over the name I haven’t spoken to in a little while. I pressed the button and waited through the ringing until he picked up the phone.

“Hey stranger.” He chuckled, “It was like you fell off the face of the planet.”

“Hey man. Yeah, sorry, just been busy.”

“You okay? You sound completely out of it. I mean, your mom and dad told me a bit about what happened since you refused to tell me anything in the past year. Still haven’t had a chance to kick your ass for that.”

There was a sudden pain in my chest, regret, from my stupid actions last year. “I’m sorry man. You can kick my ass when you see me. Mom and dad told you I was coming home, right?”

“Yeah, they are beyond excited. They won’t stop talking about it. Your mom is in the middle of planning this extravagant dinner or some s**t like that. I don’t know. You know how she is.”

“Wonderful.” I groaned and then sighed, “How have things been at home?”

“Cut the crap, that’s not why you called. What’s really going on?” Tristian asked, “And don’t say nothing because I know you. It’s something.” Tristian and I have been pretty close. It was weird, even though he is one of my dad’s best friends, he is also one of mine. I just feel I could talk to him about things I couldn’t talk to dad and Eli about.

I sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on. I just feel anxious, nervous even. I’m starting to have second thoughts about coming home.” I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes, images of Raegan that I saw on f*******: popped into my head. I made the mistake of looking her up. To say she is beautiful is an understatement, but I couldn’t let anyone know that, not after I broke her heart. Hell, I didn’t even know I broke my own heart. The time apart hasn’t really helped and neither has the numerous girls I’ve been with. I tried, but something was always tugging me back and because of this, I tried to be an ass to girls to keep them away.

“I would be too if I haven’t seen my mom in years.” He laughed.

“Yeah, I do miss her too.” I paused, “How is she?”

“Well, listening to the tone in your voice, one is doing great and her writing is coming along amazingly, working on her third book and the other, well, you can find out for yourself.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I tried to sound surprised and he could hear the fakeness in my voice.

“Let me take a wild guess.” He cleared his throat, preparing what he was going to say, “You were the i***t and looked her up on f*******: to see how she was doing and you’re kicking yourself in the ass for not coming home sooner.”

“Dude, a five year difference. We are five years apart in age. It’s not right.”

“Okay, I will give you that. WHEN she was 16, it wasn’t right. Not only did we get on your ass for kissing her back, but she also got an earful for making the first move in the first place. But now she’s 20. She’s an adult, has her career ahead of her, owns her own place, but I need to warn you, things are different.”

“Different how?”

“Nothing, I gotta go. Riley and I are meeting up with everyone else for dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll see you guys in a couple of days.”

“Dyl, take your time driving home. It’s a 26 hour drive.”

“I will. I’ll be home in like 4 days.” I closed my eyes, wanting to fall asleep, but my mind was running a mile a minute, “Tell them I said hey and I love them all, and that I’m sorry.”

“Tell them yourself when you get home. I’ll see you in four days. Drive safe.”

Our conversation ended and I tried everything I could to fall asleep but my anxiety kept my mind running in circles. The words of Jordan talking about the assistant coach position that the school offered me still rang in my head. I couldn’t help but think maybe going home was a mistake and that I could take this shot. I mean, being apart of the game this way was better than not at all right? But then again, I haven’t seen my family. My relationship with my mom and dad has deteriorated over the past couple of years and I have no one to blame but myself. I know they would say everything was okay, but I know better. What sucks even more is my relationship with my brother. We haven’t talked in a year because of my stupidness.

Family used to be everything to me until it felt like my whole world came crashing down and I didn’t’ know how to fix it and it was time I fixed all my relationships.