Wrong Idol

7

Irene's POV

"Hey, another idol just confessed his affection towards you, and on National tv!" Sally teases while we all sat on the couch watching some chick flick movies. Sally was on her phone though, as well as Joy. 

I shake my head in response, my hands on my right cheek as I lay sideways while watching.

Is it something I should be happy about? 

A long sigh escaped my lips. 

I try to focus my attention on the television, disregarding the chaos my members are having. 

It has been months since I found out he has a girlfriend. For days, I have been so lethargic. Whenever we don't have a schedule, I'd stay in my room and sleep. 

My heart is so heavy. It was my first heartbreak. 

I'm not someone who easily falls in love. Heck, I have never been in a real relationship even at this age. 

When I started liking Mono, I thought it was a short time admiration, that I will eventually get used to it. 

But then the moment I thought I was fine, I'd see him and realize that I'm falling for him even deeper. 

It wasn't his fault. It was my own emotion. 

I started developing even deeper affection towards the man and he doesn't have the slightest idea. 

Months have passed after I found out that he was in a relationship. 

That night, he looked distressed. It seemed like they had a fight but I can't find the urge to be happy. If he's hurting, I somehow feel the pain too. 

I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to seem so happy finding out that they were having arguments. If that girl, Kaizan, can make him happy, I'd be happy too. 

Besides, his happiness is important too, and I know that eventually, I will get over him. 

I haven’t, but eventually, I will get over. 

I will stop loving you, Mono. 

Get yourself busy. Practice when it's your free time. Find something else to focus on, a hobby or other interest.

Breathe. 

These are the things that I did the entire time. 

I thought it would be easy. I told myself I would stop loving him. 

Actually, I thought I finally did. In the past months, I was a little livelier. I go out with my friends if I have a break from work. I still do the things that I used to do but I try to veer my thoughts away from him. I still read books. I still go to the same bookstore on days that I was sure I wouldn't bump with someone. 

There are times when he'd occasionally message me to share something wonderful such as a good line that he saw on a book, or simply anything that amazes him. 

And f**k it wasn't easy. As much as possible, I try to keep our communication short whenever he attempts to message me. 

At first, I thought about ignoring him completely but that would be rude and that will open up a lot more questions on his end. 

I want to act as if nothing has happened. Besides, he doesn't even know what's happening to me anyways. 

Nobody knows. 

Nobody knows I was hurting. 

And now, I was sitting alone in my room. We were on a break. The other girls have a place to fo on their own and I chose to stay home. 

I turned on my right before pulling my blanket to cover my body. 

It was snowing outside. The air was chilly and this is the best time to drink some soju or something. 

My eyes darted towards our window. It's dark but I can still see those flakes falling down. I bet there aren't that many people outside. 

My eyes closed for a moment. There are days that I feel better and days that were just... 

I turned a little when I heard the sound of my phone ringing. 

My eyes darted on the wall clock I have in my room. 

10 pm

"Is it one of the girls?" I thought to myself. 

I sat on my bed and reached for my phone. But I hope I didn't. 

Regret filled my system. But then again I want to scold myself because just the sight of his name made my chest go crazy. And here I was earlier convincing myself that I've already moved on. Because right on my phone's screen, is a name I wasn't sure I am ready to see. 

Mono…