Ang Boyfriend Ko ☄Bad Girl Series5 ☄

Baby

"I love you. Yes, I do. But sometimes I wish I should have not loved you at all. Because you’re not worth it. You’re not worth of my tears; you do not deserve all of my love. Because you’re just a plain bullshit playing with my feelings. Your hobby is to leave scars on my heart every now and then. You do not care for those who love you. You do not care for me. You love your ego very much. You don’t commit mistakes, I am always wrong and you’re the one who’s always right. Your pride. You love your pride more than you love your lover. You keep on telling me you love me yet you cannot do anything for me. You don’t follow the rule of love. You just take and take whatever I give to you, and you don’t give any. And these made me tired. I’m so tired of you."

Parang timang syang kinakausap ang stolen picture ni Mabel na umiinom ng cola, kuha nya ito nung nakaraang buwan. Mula kasi ng makita nya ito sa birthday party ng Ina ni Ryle, dina natahimik pang kanyang puso't isipan.

"I will not care about you anymore. I will try not to love you anymore. I’ll try to love myself more than I love you. I will give up on you. Because right now I just realized I don’t deserve your so-called love. Because your so-called love is not love at all, it’s need. You just need me. You don’t love me."

Naghihinakit na dinuro duro nyang picture na hawak. Tapos aabutin ang bote ng alak na nakapatong sa mesa.. Lalaklak ng sunod sunod sabay punas ng luha kapag lumalabo ng kanyang paningin. Mapait syang napangiti ng haplusin ang mukha ni Mabel sa picture.

"Maybe someday you’ll care for me.. Maybe someday you’ll love me like I love you.. Maybe someday I’ll be what you need.. Maybe someday you’ll see my worth.. Maybe someday you’ll realize you should have loved me from the beginning... Maybe someday you’ll look into my eyes sincerely.. Maybe someday you’ll stop playing about my feelings... Maybe someday you’ll treat me as a King.. Maybe someday you’ll be the one waiting for me to be with you, because “maybe” someday I’ll realize that you’re not worthy for me too"

Dahan dahan nyang inilapag sa sahig ang bote ng alak, humiga sya sa sofa at ipinatong sa dibdib nyang larawan ni Mabel. Tinitimbang nyang kanyang nararamdaman, kung anuba ang dapat nyang gawin. Kahit na sinasabi ng kanyang isipan na kalimutan na ng tuluyan si Mabel para dina sya nasasaktan ng labis, iba naman ang iniuutos ng kanyang puso. Ika nga eh! Mahirap dayain ang puso. Kinuha nya ulit ang larawan na nakapatong sa kanyang dibdib, tinitigan nya ito ng matagal, maya maya kinausap na naman nya ito.

"I am not usually the type of person who will chase after someone that doesn’t want me anymore. I am not that silly type of person who will beg someone to stay. If someone wants to go, I would even open up the doors for her. Yes, that was clearly my damn pride speaking. I used to believe that it is pointless to have someone stay if she doesn’t want to anymore. But when it comes to you Baby, my God! I am breaking all the rules I have set for myself. Never ever in my whole damn life has anyone made me feel like this of being so scared of losing someone. I can’t even bear the thought of losing you. It breaks my heart every time I think of that. I will chase after you. There is no way I will not. I do mean it Baby, I will beg. I will chase. I will swallow my pride for you if that is all it takes just to have you back. I will even go to where you are. I don’t mind travelling half of the world and search for you just to have you back. I will do everything there is to do just to have you mine forever. I mean that. You will marry me Baby. You are not going anywhere. I am never like this to anyone Baby, only to you. I am not this much devoted to anyone, just to you. There was no one ever in my life before that did this much effect to me like you do. Love is meant not to be selfish, I know. But I am so in love with you and I feel so freaking selfish to want everything from you. Baby, I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you. There is no way, no excuse, no reason at all that I will ever let you go."

Hinalik halikan pa nyang larawan ng dina makapagpigil sa nadaramang pagka miss nya sa dalaga. Tuloy lang ang kahibangan nya ng may biglang mag doorbell, ayaw nya sanang pansinin pa, kaso makulit ang kung sinumang taong nag aantay sa pagbukas ng pintuan nya.

"Sandali! Pesteng 'to napaka apurado,"

Sa kanyang pagtayo biglang nahilo sya dahilan kaya napabalik sya ng upo sa sofa. Hinilot hilot nyang sintido bago sinuklay ng kanyang mga daliri ang buhok na gusot gusot. Lalo pang sumakit ang kanyang ulo ng walang tigil sa pag iingay ang doorbell, naiinis na pinilit nya uling makatayo saka paikis ikis nyang tinungo ang pintuan.

"f**k! Anong nangyari sa'yo? Ba't ganyan ang hitsura mo?" Bungad na tanong ni Ryle pagkabukas nya ng pinto, ngani ngani nyang bigwasan ito sa pang iistorbo sa pagmo moment nya.

"What are you doing here?" Singhal nya sa kaharap.

"So rude! Bakit? diba pwedeng dalawin ka? Eh, yung kleyente mong matrona panay ang tawag sakin, dika daw kasi makontak, sa makalawa ng hearing ng kaso nya, baka nakakalimutan mo kaya pinapaalala nya lang."

"Tsk!" Tinalikuran nya ito, sinikap nyang makabalik ulit sa sofa at humiga dun.

"Neil, anubang problema, ba't ka ba nagkakaganyan ha?" Naiiling na pinagdadampot ni Ryle ang mga kalat sa sahig. Ng hindi sumagot ang kaibigan, umupo sya sa katabing upuan ng kinahihigaan nito.

"Babae bang problema? Iniwan, niloko, sinaktan ka ba nya? Tell me! Baka makatulong ako!"

Tinapik tapik nyang braso ni Neil na nakapatong sa noo nito. Di ito sumasagot sa kanya, nakapikit lang ito.

"One day you will meet a girl who will talk about the world as if she has lived a thousand lives, and she will see things in such a different perspective that you will question everything you know. She will describe things in words you have never heard but they sound so beautiful coming out of her mouth that you will look them up and start using them yourself. She will be curious and have the wonder of a child and the phrase ‘curiosity killed the cat’ will take on a new meaning when people tell her things that she doesn’t want to hear and it makes her heart break in half so you end up holding her and picking up the pieces. She will bring out a passion in you that no one knew you had and she will make you feel something you have never felt. She will hide her face when you see her with her hair up and no makeup but your voice will catch in your throat because she looks like the most beautiful woman in the world. She will act a little crazy and ignite a fire in your bones that burns so bad it makes you want to run for your life. Don’t. Don’t you f*****g dare. Stare at her even if she is so bright it burns, hold her close even though you’re terrified that if you touch her the wrong way she’ll break. Kiss her so hard that you see stars, trace the scars that litter her body, do not let her be ashamed. She makes you feel vulnerable, and it will scare the living hell out of you. You are not used to being out of control, let the new experience teach you lessons. It won’t make you a hero to leave because you think you’ll break her, you are doing her no favours by killing something that hasn’t yet been brought to life. So do not run. Do not run away from what scares you because you have the potential to be so much more than a coward who breaks her heart. Love her for as long as the universe allows, because if you don’t, I swear that you will regret it."

Akala ni Ryle nakatulog ng kaibigan, dahil di man lang ito umiimik. Napatayo na lang sya at balak na sanang umalis ng magsalita ito.

"I meet one before, and she's the reason why I'm wasted and miserable again"

Napabalik ng upo si Ryle pagkarinig sa sinabi ni Neil. "Really! Who is she?"

Bumangon si Neil, umupo saka inabot sa kaibigan ang picture ni Mabel.

"Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, kaibigan ni Queen ang babaeng 'to! Hmm.. Ano ngang pangalan nito?" Nag isip, napakamot ng ulo, napapailing pa itong ibinalik sa kanya ang picture. "Nakalimutan kong pangalan."

"Mabel Takeda, I met her when I was studying law in Korea, palagi ko syang nakikitang binu bully sa daan. I didn't want to get involved in such situations, but I felt sorry for her ng pinagtulungan syang bugbugin. so I was forced to fight the bullies hanggang sa nagsipagtakbuhan ang mga ito. I took her to the hospital, I did not leave her until she was discharged."

Nakatingin sya sa kawalan habang binabalikan sa kanyang alaala ang nakaraan nilang dalawa ni Mabel. May munting ngiti na sumilay sa kanyang labi na ikinakunot nuo naman ni Ryle.

"That was the beginning of our good relationship that turned into love. I meet her Parents, na lingid sa'king kaalaman ay hindi nya pala totoong mga magulang, na ampon lang pala sya ng mag asawang Takeda. Hindi ko rin alam na nung mga panahong yun ay onse anyos pa lang sya. Well, hindi naman kasi halata sa kanyang malusog at magandang pangangatawan. I'm not the type of person na matanong, basta't nagmahal ako kasama na dun ang pagtitiwala ko. Kahit na namomroblema ako minsan sa pag uugali ni Mabel, inuunawa ko na lang sya, wala eh! Masyado ko syang mahal para pag ukulan ko pa ng pansin ang mga bagay na nakakapagpasakit ng aking damdamin."

Ang kaninang ngiti na makikita sa kanyang mukha ay unti unting naglaho, napatiimbaga ito, sabay sa pagkuyom ng kanyang mga kamay.

"Until one day, bigla na lang syang nawala. Hindi na sya nagpakita sakin.. Halos mabuang ako kakahanap sa kanya, pero may kasabihan ngang.. Hindi mo mahahanap ang isang taong ayaw magpahanap sayo."

Napayuko sya ng manikip ang kanyang dibdib dahilan para mahirapan syang huminga. Kaagad namang kumuha ng tubig si Ryle, nagsalin sa baso at inabot sa kanya. Sunod sunod ang paglagok nya ng tubig at ng medyo lumuwag ng pakiramdam, napatingin sya sa kaibigan na halata ang pakikipag simpatya sa kanya.

"Bro, kung nahihirapan kang magkwento ng yung nakaraan, okay lang sakin, hindi na'ko magtatanong pa!."

Napailing iling si Neil. "Ayos lang, gusto ko ngang may mapagsabihan nito para gumaan naman ang pakiramdam ko. Ang bigat eh! Masakit sa dibdib, lam mo yun?"

"Sigurado ka ba?" Tinapik pa ni Ryle ang braso nya.

"Yeah!" Napahinga sya ng malamim bago ipinagpatuloy ang pagkukwento. "I neglected my studies because I looked for her first. I learned to drink, to smoke .. because when I do that, that's when I calm down, that's when I forget about her. Hanggang isang araw, naaksidente ako dahil sa sobrang kalasingan nabangga ang minamaneho kong sasakyan, mabuti na lang at minor lang ang mga natamo kong sugat."

Mapait syang napangiti ng maalalang ka mesirablihan ng kanyang buhay. "Iniisip ko na marahil yun ng kaparusahan sa mga nagawa kong kasalanan, na yun din ang naging dahilan kaya pinilit kong maibalik sa ayos ang aking buhay."

Inilapag nyang basong hawak sa mesa. Nasapo nyang ulo ng bahagyang kumirot ito.

"Kung kelan okay ng lahat sakin, na kahit papanu nakakalimutan ko na sya, Saka naman ako bibiruim ng Tadhana.. Ibinagsak na naman sya saking harapan, para anu? Para ba muli akong masaktan.. gumapang.. maniklluhod para lang mapansin nya ulit ako?."

Pinagsusuntok nyang dibdib kung saan ang puso nya ay walang tigil sa mabilis na pagtibok nito.

"Bakit ako nasasaktan? Hindi ko dapat 'to maramdaman. Lentek na puso 'to! Hindi na natutu!" Napaiyak na naman sya, hindi na nya inisip ang mahiya sa kaibigan na ngayon ay pinapakalma sya.

"Bro, Ito na lang ang isipin mo. God knows and believes you can do it, that’s why He gave you the battle. It might sound scary and frustrating but just keep on praying because someone up there is listening. He will hold you in His arms and give you the answers you need. God gave it to you to be a blessing, do not be afraid. Stand straight and tall for our God is walking along with you."

"Pagod na ako Ryle! Pagod na pagod na ako!.." Yun ang huling salitang nabigkas nya bago sya nawalan ng malay at tuluyang bumagsak patagilid sa mahabang sofa.

"Kaya mo yan Neil! Ikaw pa ba? Naipapanalo mo ngang mahihirap at komplekadong mga kaso, ito pa kayang kaso lang ng puso?"

Sabi pa ni Ryle, habang inaayos nyang pagkakahiga ng kaibigan sa sofa.

"Malaking tiwala ko sayo.. malalampasan mo rin ito! May kapalit na ligaya't saya ang lahat ng hirap at pasakit na nararanasan mo ngayon.. Good luck Attorney Neil Cuenca!"

Nagligpit at naglinis muna ng mga kalat si Ryle, pinagluto nya rin ng makakain ang kaibigan para kapag nagising na ito ay may makakain na kaagad. Nag iwan na lang sya ng note na idinikit nya sa ref para makita kaagad nito. Saka sya umalis ng bahay matapos masigurong nailock nyang pintuan at gate.

'Wag kang mag alala aking kaibigan, tutulungan kita sa abot ng aking makakaya, para mapasayo ulit ang kaligayahang naputol, dahil lang sa hindi pagkakaintindihang sitwasyon.'

?MahikaNiAyana