Pedal to the Metal

Chapter 12

Meg

He was kissing me. What did this mean? I thought we agreed to just be friends, why was I allowing this? Better yet, why haven't I stopped him? No, I knew why. Because for once in my life I was doing what I wanted, whether it was wrong or not. I was kissing Jude Reynolds because I f*****g wanted to and damn did it feel good.

His lips were surprisingly soft. His stubble scratched the skin of my face so deliciously. His hands were in my hair, gripping me hard and tilting my head back to take control and taste more of me.

I didn't mind it. I enjoyed it. Daniel had never been one to be overly touchy or rough, but the zing on my scalp from his hands sent shocks all the way down to my toes. It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours. I didn't know and I didn't care. This felt right and that scared me. I thought things with Daniel had been ‘right’, but I was oh so wrong. Granted Daniel and Jude are two totally different men.

On paper, Daniel was the perfect man. He was handsome, he had a good job, and he was stable and secure. He came from a good family, and he had his life together. Jude is a prior playboy man w***e, granted he has stability and a job but for how long? How long can he expect to race cars? How good of a life is it dragging a family across the country or even the world when called to? How could I be sure that Jude had for sure changed his whoring ways?

The facts speak for themselves, but then I thought about what Victoria said. She hadn't seen any damning reports about Jude lately. He had been as clean as a whistle. So is it possible he was different? Is it possible he has changed? Is it possible that the man who is one hundred percent opposite from my ex, is the right choice for me?

Why am I even thinking about the right choice? This is just a kiss, right? I think deep down, I knew that it wasn't true. It was way more than just a kiss, but it was frightening. But Jude was right, some part of me knows that if he wasn't trustworthy or a good man, I wouldn't have left Beckett with him. Beckett is my world, my reason for breathing. And if I could trust Jude with the one person who means the world to me, then perhaps I could trust him with my heart. After all, that's what he wants, isn't it?

His hand slid from my hair and I felt and heard him sigh. He pressed a chaste kiss against my lips as he pulled away and rested his head against mine.

“Your mind is working overdrive. Don't overthink this.” he said. His voice was soft, gentle.

“What is ‘this’, Jude? What are we doing?” I asked, worrying my lip between my teeth.

His hand holding my cheek was warm and I could feel the calluses from him working on cars and working hard in general on his skin. I leaned into his touch. I wanted his warmth, I wanted his caress. It shocked me how quickly I wanted this when just a few weeks ago I was saying I wanted nothing to do with him or any man but it was like that kiss flipped a light switch and I couldn't turn it off. If he said this was nothing I don't know how to recover from that. I can't do casual, I have a son, and I have needs. I don't want to be casual, I realized.

“I don't know what this is, Meg, but I'm going to find out. We're going to find out. I don't want to let you go and I'm not going to. You're going to learn one thing about me, Darlin’, and that's if I want something I'm going to get it and nothing is going to stop me. I want this, I want you.”

“I have a Son, Jude. We're a package deal. You can't be serious about wanting to tie yourself down with a used woman who already has a child with someone else. A woman with baggage a mile long and enough problems in here it would make your head spin.” I said pointing to my own head.

He growled and tensed. “First of all, Don't ever refer to yourself as used goods. Do you understand me? You're not used goods. You're just Meg. You're an amazing woman, an amazing photographer, and an amazing mom. And if I do say so myself, your Ex is a complete and utter fool to let you slip through his fingers. I know you have Beckett. I know it would be hard and complicated but I'm willing to try this thing between us. I actually like the kiddo more than half the people I work with so there's that.” he said with a chuckle and the deepness rumbled through me. His words hit me in my heart and I could feel the butterflies forming.

“We don't have to have any labels yet. But I'm telling you Meg, I want this, I want you, and I don't share Meg. Things I truly want, I don't share. I was a possessive kid with my toys and I've found that I'm twice as possessive here in my 30’s. Do you understand?”

He bent at the knees a little bit to look me in my eyes. His face was stone and I felt the pure alpha male rolling off of him. But it answered my question. This with Jude wouldn't be casual. Not in the slightest. If I was understanding him right, I was his and no one else's.

“If I'm to be yours, then you're mine, Jude. I did not tolerate my Ex cheating and I won't be a side piece for anyone. It's either all of me or none of me.” I tried to stand firm but It was hard to be taken as macho at my height. I was like a kitten trying to look scary. Not very effective, but it seemed to get the point across.

Jude kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me. “Meg, baby, I haven't looked at another girl since I met you. You've occupied my every thought since then. When you're not there, I find myself searching for you, wanting to be around you, just hoping for the smallest glimpse of you. You don't have anything to worry about though. I know with my history that means jack s**t, but you'll see”.

“Come on, it's getting late and chilly. Let's get you inside.”