Pedal to the Metal

Chapter 11

Jude

My fists were clenched at my side. So hard I was worried I'd get a Charlie horse in my hand. Wait, can you even get them in your hands? That's beside the point. The things she went through and the fact that she thinks so little of herself that she said “At least he never beat me”. No he may not have physically laid a hand on her, but she sure did knock her around mentally. That kind of abuse has lasting effects and the fact that most people don't think that it's abuse if you aren't physically hurting someone is shocking.

I saw her body shudder a bit and her shoulders droop. She was trying so hard to hold it together. Trying so hard to not cry. No wonder she's skeptical of me. No wonder she wants nothing to do with a relationship. Doesn't she see how amazing she is though? She's got an amazing son. She's working her ass off to provide for him. She's still got the ability to smile, though if it's fake or real when she does is to be determined. She's not afraid to speak her mind. At least not to me. She is real and down to earth.

God, I can't tell you how many women I've been with that were too afraid to even eat a salad because of the carbs, but when I met her, she was choking on a f*****g hot dog.

She's a total f*****g knockout. Just looking at her takes my f*****g breath away. Her brown hair was soft and flowing down her back in waves. It looked like silk and I was betting on it feeling just as soft. Her eyes were a mesmerizing shade of sea foam green. Not quite jade but not blue enough to be a true blue eye. Her soft lips, her skin that glowed in the moonlight as she trusted me with her past story.

I was sure that the moment I started feeling things for Meg was when she was pressed up against me and I was saving her life, but I was wrong. So, so wrong. This moment is right here. Just the two of us, broken souls, relating to one another in the moonlight over a beer. It's like something between us clicked tonight and the cord between us was bright like a life string. I could almost see it, if that sort of thing was true.

“I don't know many things, Meg, but I do know this. You are amazing. You're a damn good mother. That little boy in there, he's pretty great. And from what you're saying, you've done a majority of it alone. That alone is a life skill most people don't possess. You say you have none, but you have a job, you are an amazing photographer, but I think the thing I like the most about you is you're real.”

She opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water trying to find the words to say.

“What I mean by that is, you don't care about all of this,” I said while holding my arms open wide to showcase the glitz and glamor of living a Nascar life.

“You care about one person and one person alone and that is Beckett. You should care about yourself more but we can work on that. You don't care about how much money a person has, you don't care about their celebrity status. You judge them for who they show you they are and what they bring to the table. Take me for example. I know if you didn't think I was a decent person or trustworthy, you wouldn't have left Beckett with me today. You could have taken all the stories about me out there and formed your own opinion from that. Though I'm sure you did, but I'd like to think after talking to me, you found out I'm not the guy the media portrays me to be.”

She reached her hand up and started to twiddle the necklace she was wearing between her fingers. Seemed like a nervous tick, but I didn't mind. I wanted her to feel things around me. I wanted her to not bottle up how she was feeling. I wanted her to experience emotions without worrying about the consequences of them. I wanted her to know she was allowed to feel. Allowed to have emotions, allowed to just be herself.

I found myself walking closer and with each step towards her that I took, she took one back until she was pressed against the deck railing. Her eyes watched me like a hawk tracking its prey in a field.

Slowly I reached forward and ran my fingers up her neck, up her jaw and wove my hand in her hair. She didn't pull away from me, no. She leaned into my touch. Into my grasp and closed her eyes and sighed. As if my touch was comfort. As if the connection I was giving her was all she needed at this moment. Her lashes fluttered and those bright eyes focused on me. Her pupils were dilated and her cheeks flushed.

“I'm going to kiss you now,” I whispered. My voice is gravelly with the need coursing through my veins.

“I might not stop you,” she breathed. Her voice was raspy and light like she couldn't catch her breath. She looked at me then her eyes drifted to my lips and back up to me. I don't know why, but It spurred me into action.

My other hand gripped her neck gently and I pulled her to me. My lips pressed to hers and I growled. This was right. This was perfect. This was everything. I understood what people meant when they said they felt fireworks when kissing the right person for the first time.

She sagged into my hold letting me control her every move. It was intoxicating having her surrender her need to control every situation to me. The trust she has in me is evident and I knew immediately I wouldn't do anything to break it.

I ran my tongue across her lips testing the waters for more. I wanted to taste all over her. I wanted to feel her hands on me, her tongue on mine, I wanted to feel her hands in my hair, her legs wrapped around me. I wanted it all and it was weird how all of these wants- no needs- appeared after just a single set of kisses.

She sighed and let me in and it was perfect. She tasted like f*****g heaven if there was a name to the flavor. Her hands gripped tight to my shoulders and wove her fingers in my shirt. She held me tightly like she never wanted to let go. I was fine with that.

We kissed each other like we were ravenous. We couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. How far would this go? I knew we should probably stop but her lips were addicting. Like a drug to an addict. I had kissed many people before this, not that I like that fact. Actually, I'm cringing thinking about it. But the point is, out of all of those kisses and nameless faces, none of them have made me feel a fraction of what this moment has. None of them have resonated and burrowed as deep into my soul as Meg has.

I was truly f****d and, for once in my life, I didn't mind. I was happy about it.