For The Love Of Yuri

(For Yuri) Flame of a Forbidden Love

Yuri's POV

I walked slowly after I went out of the hospital building. But before I completely left that place, I looked at the building with a sad and hopeless expression etched on my face. The sun began to set that time… and along with its sad color that lit up the world for the last time of the day, I could feel that the hope inside my heart began to disappear with the setting sun.

What Conrad told me a while back made me lose hope that Wolfram would reciprocate my feelings for him. I couldn't even remember how I managed to get up after listening to those words that Conrad had spoken.

The words that Conrad had said to me made me doubt my love for Wolfram.

And as I continued to walk away from here, my mind played back that event happened earlier…

Flashback…

"But what exactly is his sickness? I need to know…" That's what I said; desperate to know what's really going on with Wolfram.

But then I just saw Conrad shook his head and then looked at me seriously, though it's quite clear that he's looking at me with a sad face. At that moment, I could feel my heart beats fast for some reason.

"I couldn't tell you that… But this is what I'm going to say to you…" Conrad said gravely. And what he said after that made my heart suddenly shatter. "It's something terminal… and Wolfram… Wolfram had only a few months to live."

What? Are you serious? This has got to be a joke, right?

No! This is not how it is supposed to play out!

It can't be… it can't be true! How come? How come I never knew? Why didn't Wolfram tell me about it? It's not supposed to be like this!

Then that means… it's over?

"I'm sorry to tell you this now, Yuri…" Conrad apologized.

I could feel my heart being smashed to pieces when I heard that.

"Why didn't Wolfram tell me that?" I managed to say even though I felt that I have nothing left to say because of what I found out.

He can't die! Wolfram can't die now!

"He has his reasons, Yuri. And he knew that you wouldn't understand those reasons; that's why he didn't tell you."

That spoiled brat! He's so unfair!

Why should I be the last person to find this out? Am I not that important to Wolfram that's why he's not telling me what going on with him? Am I really destined to love someone with no definite guarantee that my love will be reciprocated? I probably lost count on how many times I asked those questions to myself while collapsing to my knees and staring vacantly at nothing. I felt like I've lost all my senses after hearing the truth from Conrad.

And then Conrad said something that made me return to reality that I haven't left the hospital yet and that he's still in front of me.

"Yuri, I want to ask you something," he said. But before he continued, he helped me stood up and we sat on the bench just next to ours. "And I want you to answer this truthfully. Do you really know my brother?"

I frowned and looked at him with questions in my eyes. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"Do you really know where he came from or who he really is?"

I didn't say anything because… I don't have any answer to Conrad's question. And that forced me to smile slightly with genuine bitterness.

Funny… I can't believe that I haven't thought about it for the last ten years of my friendship with Wolfram. The truth is…

…I don't know…

I haven't asked Wolfram about the country where he came from since I always thought that it wasn't necessary. As long as we understand each other, it really doesn't matter to me at all. But what I didn't understand was Conrad's other question about who Wolfram really is.

"I don't understand… What are you talking about?" I said. And it's true. I don't really know what he was talking about.

Conrad just sighed. "He didn't tell you, did he?"

"Why don't you get straight to the point, Conrad? Don't keep me thinking and waiting for something that I might not figure out myself," I snapped. It's already too late when I realized what I just said to him.

But before I could apologize to what I said, he said something.

"Wolfram is not born form this world, Yuri…" That's what he said.

What did he say? Wolfram's not from this world? What the heck does he mean by that? I really don't get it. But then, how come I couldn't voice that out? How come I couldn't ask Conrad about it?

Still, Conrad continued to speak like he wouldn't care if I am already crushed morally when he told me that Wolfram is dying… and now… this! Now he's saying that Wolfram is from another world. Though I know that there is another world besides Earth, I never had a chance to see that mysterious world myself.

And what else? Is he going to tell me that Wolfram is of a different race that will be the reason to forbid me from loving him? This is crazy! This is just too unreal!

But what I heard next from him had definitely killed my heart… seriously…

"He's a Mazoku… in reality…" he said soberly.

I only looked at him with shocked and disbelieving eyes. Is he serious? Wolfram is… a Mazoku? A race that has been long forbidden to love the likes of me… This has to be a joke, right? It's not that I don't know about Mazoku. Of course I know about them! Since I was a child, I always knew that they exist for the sole reason that they play a huge but undefined role in my life. And in addition to that, I also knew that they're forbidden to love someone like me.

How cruel can life get?

After that, I felt my heart slowly doubting if I should continue loving Wolfram with all of these revelations. I mean… I'll never be able to be with him and tell him my feelings… to tell him how much I love him… no matter how much I wanted to…

So this is how it's going to end, huh? This is how it's going to be…

End of Flashback…

I only sighed after remembering that. It's completely unreal. After what I had just discovered, I felt that everything in my world came to an end. The love that I felt for him—he love that I thought was a sublime feeling stronger than anything else in this world—was beginning to falter and lose its strength to hold on to it. There was no reason left for me to hold on to this feeling now that I know that we're not really meant to be together.

And that's the reality. The truth definitely hurts but I have to accept it.

It's our fate's decision that we'll never be together in the end, Wolfram…

I hate it! I really hate it! It's not fair at all!

I decided to head straight home since the sun began to set when I left the hospital… the place where everything crumbled down to pieces. I need to leave that place before I become totally broken that would surely drive me insane if I keep thinking about the conversation back there. Mom would surely become worried about that but I have to keep it to myself. I'll tell this to Erika when I get back home. I don't want them to be worried about me; that's why I hurried to go home. Right now, I need a place to rest for me to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.

Mom was waiting outside when I arrived. She was smiling when I saw her but I could tell that she was worried and she immediately welcomed me with a hug… a big hug. And I couldn't help but to smile at this. Even though my mom is weird sometimes (or maybe all the time), I could tell that she really cares for me and Shori, my older brother. And I know she feels the same way to Erika ever since she arrived and lived with us five years ago, though only a very few people knew that fact. My mom's hug somehow drove the pain I'm currently feeling in my heart.

"I became worried when Erika arrived here all alone. Where have you been? Erika wouldn't tell me since she said she doesn't know," my mom said.

So Erika didn't tell her that I went to visit Wolfram, huh? Well, that's okay since Mom doesn't know anything about my feelings for Wolfram. I might be telling that to her when I'm ready… But right now, I know that will never happen anymore.

I just forced myself to smile so that Mom wouldn't be too worried about it.

"It's not that important, Mom. I just needed to deal with something, that's why I have to leave Erika for a while." I couldn't tell her the truth. I know I'm being a bad son when I keep secrets to my mom but apparently, this is something that I have to deal with on my own. I know that Erika was always willing to help me when it comes to Wolfram and my feelings for him. But right now, there's no reason for Mm to know that.

Though it would appear that she wasn't really convinced, she just smiled at me. And we both entered the house. But before I closed the door, I looked at the sun… at the setting sun. And I couldn't help but remember the pain and disbelief that I felt in my heart because of what Conrad had revealed to me.

No matter where I put it, my love for Wolfram will always be forbidden even though I love him so much…

And I thought that if I continue loving Wolfram, it will be too painful for us to bear. I don't want to cause pain to him in any way. It's better that I should be the one who'll end up suffering and hurting rather than Wolfram.

There and then, with the red setting sun as my witness, I decided something to myself—to my heart—before I end up completely hurt and broken because of my love for him.

When I entered, I saw Erika at my mom's garden as she looked at the flowers there. I smiled at this sight. At that instant, I saw her turned and looked at me. She must have sensed my presence and then she smiled. But that smile quickly faded and then she frowned, followed by approaching me with a worried look on her face.

"Yuri, are you alright? Did something happen back at the hospital?" she asked. I was caught off-guard at her question. How come she could sense it? How come she could feel that something's wrong with me? Am I really that transparent to her?

She reached out her hand and I got surprised when she touched my face, her thumb was somehow wiping a stray tear that had escaped from my eyes. My eyes widened at that realization. I never thought that I cried.

"I guess something happened, huh?" Erika stated and then she sighed heavily before looking at me. "Care to tell me what made you break down like this without you knowing it?"

That did it. Those words that she said gently made the walls in my heart to crumble in an instant. And that made me fall down on my knees as more tears came out of my eyes.

"Yuri…" she whispered and it made her even more worried for me. I know that. But I couldn't stop my tears from falling since I'm already broken. She went to me and knelt beside me. With that, she even embraced me. For now, she knew that this is all she could do for me and I can feel it. But somehow, that gentle embrace helped me calm down somehow.

And at the same instant I cried, I saw Wolfram's smiling face in my mind. But that only made me cry even more.

XxXxX

Lost in your eyes and then I fell in love with you

It was so sudden but it really is true

I thought I have found a love that'll last

But reality had stricken me so fast

XxXxX

Wolfram… As I remembered that name, my heart beats faster than normal. Since the first time I met him, I knew that something will happen if he became my friend. And I was right. Something did happen… And it happened so fast!

I suddenly fell in love with him… A feeling that remained hidden for ten years now…

XxXxX

Our love is forbidden yet the blaze is so warm

Like the way you attract me with your charm

But no matter how much we love and care for each other

There are things that wouldn't allow us to be together

XxXxX

But after what Conrad told me back at the hospital, I realized that there's no reason for me to keep this love meant for Wolfram here in my heart anymore. I mean… What's the use of keeping it? He doesn't even love me. I couldn't see a hint that he really does.

XxXxX

We might love each other but I couldn't continue

This love won't lead us to something new

It will be a love that'll never bear fruit

And it's the reality and the world's greatest truth

XxXxX

I think when I asked God that maybe He could let Wolfram love me, I asked for something impossible, similar to when a person asked someone to revive a person who's already dead. I guess it only meant that Wolfram will never ever be mine no matter how I asked for it.

"Why don't we take a seat on the sofa so you could tell me what happened," Erika said after I finally calmed down. I obliged to that.

And after thinking about it, I decided to let Erika know what really happened at the hospital. She just listened intently as I told her everything that Conrad told me. Even though I had a hard time explaining things to her, she's just there listening to me. As if that's the only support she could give to me to lift the heaviness here in my heart because of what I decided as I faced the sunset a while ago.

XxXxX

I love you so much but it isn't enough

The world had made us face a test so tough

This is the flame of a love that will always be forbidden

No matter what our hearts say for us to listen

XxXxX

When I told her that decision, she just looked at me with shocked and disbelieving eyes.

Unknown to me, that decision made someone's world crushed…

Wolfram's POV

I left the hospital just after I wrote the poem and without my brothers knowing that I left. I had a hard time hiding and sneaking out of the hospital. I decided to see Yuri fro the last time before I finally leave this country… this world that I have come to love because of him.

The past ten years that Yuri became my friend wasn't really bad at all. As a matter of fact, it was the most wonderful years of my life. And I know that it will remain here in my heart for as long as I leave.

I managed to escape the building. And even though I still felt weak because of my sickness, I have to endure it. I have to see Yuri even if it would kill me in the process.

The sun can barely be seen on the horizon and it's beginning to get dark but it doesn't matter to me. I just kept on running on a familiar path—the path that leads to Yuri's house. And by the time I reached it, I was breathing hard, tired from running.

But as I stood outside the Shibuya household, I suddenly became reluctant if I should let Yuri know that I'm here through his mom or should I surprise him. After a few minutes of thinking about it, I chose to do the latter. I don't know why but that's what I decided.

I took a deep breath several times before opening the gate and entered there. I tried to walk as quiet as possible so that no one would know that I'm there. But still, Mama Miko saw me. I call her Mama since that's what she asked me to call her when I first met Yuri's family. And she's really another mother to me besides my own mom. I placed my finger on my lips just to make a sign to her not to make noise. And thankfully, she understood. She entered in the house and let me go to the backyard where the garden is located.

While I was walking towards the garden, I heard someone talking when I was near a window. And my heart beats fast again when I realized that it was Yuri's voice. But there was another voice that I heard, as if conversing with Yuri. And my heart began feeling a stinging pain as I realized that it was Erika. So I decided to go near the window and listen to their conversation as I hide in the bushes. Through there, I could clearly hear Yuri and Erika's conversation.

But I never realized that doing that would crush my heart to pieces.

"Are you sure about that, Yuri?" I heard Erika asked that to Yuri in a worried tone.

"Yes. After what he told me back there, I don't think I still have anymore reasons left for me to continue holding on to this. And I'm not even that strong enough to fight for it," Yuri said sadly but firmly that made me curious and eager to know what the heck he was talking about.

What are you trying to say, Yuri?

And why do I have a feeling that it's somehow related to something that I know? Tell me what's really going on, Yuri…

But as I kept on wishing for Yuri to clearly explain to Erika what does he mean by what he said, I could feel that my heart kept on pounding fast… faster than it was a while ago. Something is bound to happen at this moment. I know it! I just don't know what.

"But Yuri… You don't have to go that far when you obviously know that you will definitely suffer in exchange of that decision," Erika said. I couldn't look pass the window because I know that they would notice my presence there. It's a good thing that the window was open that's why I could hear every word they're saying.

"I've already decided, Erika. It's final," he said firmly. For some reasons, I felt nervous when I heard the serious and determined tone in Yuri's voice. "I'm going to end my friendship with Wolfram before everything becomes too late that I'm sure I'll regret if I don't do it."

End my friendship with Wolfram… That phrase keep on going in my mind. And with that, I paled when I heard that. It's not true, right?

Yuri, tell me it's not true… that you're just joking…

You can't simply end everything like that. I mean, it's ten long years of friendship that we nurtured with our trust and care for each other, for God's sake! You can't end it that easily. How could you? How could you destroy something as special as our friendship easily like that?

I wanted to move… I wanted to leave that place already because as I keep on listening to your voice, my heart just shatters a bit more… and it's even more painful than what I'm feeling whenever my sickness strikes me.

It's too painful to bear that I wish I wasn't even born… wishing that I should have never met you at all…

I don't know what has gotten into me after hearing that stupid decision of yours, but then I found myself running away form that place. Even though I hate crying, my tears just fall down endlessly. This is the third time that I cried this day and I guess my tears won't stop falling no matter how I try to stop it, especially when I couldn't help but to think of you.

And I know that I'll just keep on crying and crying until I couldn't cry for you anymore.

It's over… Done!

I don't have any reason for me to hold on to this feeling—to this love—that I have for you… the love that I kept from you for more than five years. Even though I know that I am a Mazoku—a race that has long been forbidden to love a human like you—I never cared about that at all when I fell in love with you. I know that my love for you will overcome anything, even this hindrance.

But I guess that my feelings for you aren't strong enough for me to do that. Even though I am willing to turn my back and forget all about where I came from and what I am just to be with you, I don't have any strength for me to do that now.

No more…

And as I kept on running, my mind kept on repeating the phrase that shattered my heart to pieces and killed every bit of hope here in my heart when I heard it.

End my friendship with Wolfram… That's what you said, Yuri.

As the rain began to pour down form the dim, starless night sky, I asked myself a question regarding your decision.

Do you really think that I could easily accept that stupid, cowardly decision of yours, Yuri? Do you really think that I could move on as easy as that?

I don't know what else to think anymore, Yuri.

Though my heart wanted to fight, you just made me decide not to.

What for? After all, you wanted to end your friendship with me, right?

So be it! I'll let you…

Even though that would make me one heck of a living doll, I don't care…

But I hope you realize what kind of pain you have inflicted here in my heart because of your decision, Yuri…

I hope you realize that… someday…

xxxxx

Coming Next…

Wolfram: The pain of loving someone secretly had become even more intense than ever that could almost kill me…

Yuri: Even if I've caused pain to someone unknowingly, I have to do something to let you know what I really feel for you… I hope I'm not too late…

Wolfram: Next time, For The Love Of Yuri Chapter 4 – Is This Goodbye?

Yuri: I'll let you know everything… even if it is for the last time…