Trusting My First Love

Chapter 18: How can I trust

Charlie's POV

The rest of the car ride was pretty quiet. I knew as soon as I saw the sign ahead of me that Matt was taking us to the beach. It honestly should have been my first thought.

Our town is small and located in nothern California. We still get chilly temps, and as much as I love the cool weather, I love having the ocean and the beach so close. I like to think of it as having the best of both worlds.

But because we live in such a small town there isn't exactly much to do. At least as far as wanting privacy. We have a local diner and ice cream shop that most of the kids at school go to hang out. My favorite thing about this town has to be the drive-in movie theater, and I knew that was off the table because it's still morning out. Which left the beach.

It was slightly cooler this morning, making the beach pretty much vacant.

Matt came around the car and opened the door for me. Before i stepped out, I took my shoes and socks off and left them in the car.

I wanted to feel the sand between my toes and not have a shoe full. That's seriously the worst.

The walk down to the ocean was still left in silence. I was a little confused why Matt wanted to spend the day with me if he wasn't going to say anything at all.

I kept overplaying it in my head him saying that he couldn't get me out of his mind. What did the entail? Was it purely because of me, or was it because he was obsessing over the fact that my eyes changed to a different color? Either way, I felt like I needed to know more.

We started to walk on the shoreline. I decided to just rip the bandaid. If he wasn't going to start the conversation, then I needed to. "Matt, why are we here? I mean, what did you mean about not being able to get me off of your mind? Is it because of my eyes?"

I stared down at my feet and the indents it was making in the sand. I was kind of nervous that maybe he found out the answer in why my eyes changed color, and that's why he wanted to get me alone. It actually made me respect him a little more. He had the decency to keep this quiet and tell me in private.

I was surprised to feel him wrap his arm around my shoulders and bring me a tad closer to him. "Not as much as you think. It's not that I don't want to know what's going on with you, I do. I just didn't want to break your trust. The truth is that even with us walking in silence, being near you is calming me. I don't feel like I'm going mad."

All of this was so weird for me. It's not like he went out of his way to be a jerk to me. He just ignored me. I'm not sure if that makes it any better, but this sudden change of having a nice Matt is weird. "What changed Matt? You've spent our whole lives ignoring me as much as you could. All I would get is one word answers. You hardly would even look at me, and if we did happen to catch glances, you never had a kind face. You always looked so angry and made me feel like I had done something wrong. I thought for a while that maybe it was because I am an omega. But you don't treat my dad or brother poorly. Just me. Why is that?"

He stopped walking and turned me to face him. "Do you want to know the truth?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I want you to lie to me..... Of course, I want the truth, Matt."

He rolled his lips together in a nervous way. "At a young age, I always felt like something was off with you. Even then, I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of you. You've always intrigued me. You were the only girl in our grade with red hair and piercing blue eyes. I just never thought the eyes suited you. Like it wasn't the real you. Over the weekend. I realized that my instincts were right. I think the lavender eyes suit you way better. It felt like I finally saw a glimpse of the girl you really are.... All these years, I thought keeping a distance from you was the safest option. I felt like your family was hiding something. I mean, look at your dad. He's huge and way stronger than my dad, who is an alpha. Then there's your mom who looks like she doesn't age. She doesn't look much older than you. Then there's your brothers. Especially Aiden, he's huge like your dad. I swear he could wipe out everyone in this pack single handedly if he wanted to. For an omega family, it's always come across as off to me. I was afraid of what you were all capable of. Now that i know that I'm right about you. Maybe I might be right about everything else. For the first time, I don't feel like I'm in denial or that I'm paranoid. I don't want to fight this urge to be near you. Being mean kept you at a distance. I felt like at the time I was doing the right thing. But even then, I was drawn to you. Now, i just feel relief in a way."

Once again, I felt like I was being hit with a s**t ton of information. "Matt, are you scared of my family? Do you honestly believe that they are hiding something?"

He hesitated when he nodded. "I thought maybe your family might be sent to hurt mine, or maybe your parents had done something really bad, and they were in hiding. I felt like I needed to protect my pack."

Everything he said had me questioning my whole family. He was right. Something is off. I just don't see my mother as the type to even hurt a fly. "Matt, my parents adore your dad. Especially mine. I think my dad even considers your dad one of his best friends. If my family is really as bad as you thought, wouldn't they have done something by now? They've been at this pack for eighteen years. Sure, I guess we're different, but that's no reason to find that alarming."

Okay, I was finding it alarming, but I wasn't about to tell him that. I felt like I needed to get him off my families back and start figuring it out for myself before someone else did. What if my parents aren't who i thought they were? What if Matt is right and they're in hiding because they did something truly awful?"

He put his head down. "I was listening to my instincts, Charlotte. Wouldn't you do the same thing if you felt like you were protecting your family? I do still think I'm right in a way. Now I think maybe they were protecting you. Maybe you have a gifted wolf."

I snorted. "Matt, I don't even have a wolf. How can I have gifted one if I don't even have one? Come on, let's be realistic here."

Then it hit me. "Matt, are you only hanging out with me now because you think I have some sort of special wolf?"

Everything about his face looked panicked. He generally looked shocked that I was asking him this. Like the thought never even crossed his mind.

He shook his head back and forth rapidly. "Charlotte no. I swear that's not what i am doing. I just wanted to be honest with you and tell you my thoughts. The other night when we almost kissed was on pure instinct. That was me caving into my desires. I swear I never thought of you having a gifted wolf until later. It still doesn't change how I felt before."

I felt like I needed to put a gaurd up. He really did seem genuine right now. But this is coming from the guy who has done nothing but ignore me. How can I trust what he is saying?

I took a few steps back. "If you want me to believe you, then I need you to let this go....I don't have a wolf, Matt, and I may never get one.... Would you still feel the desire for me if I never get one?"

He took a step closer to me. "Charlie, it wouldn't make a difference. I've been attracted to you for some time now. Having a wolf or no wolf won't change that. I just don't want to fight this anymore. Letting it go has brought such relief to me."

I wanted to believe him. I really did. I just don't know what to believe with anything anymore. "Matt, maybe it's time we head back to school."