Alpha's Secret

Finally resting

I remember one time when I was little. I think I was five or six. I made myself a doll from twigs and I dressed it in a flower dress. I hid it behind a tree because I knew my father would get mad at me if he found out. But one day, I wasn't paying attention as I played with it, and someone appeared from behind me before I could hide it. I remember how terrifying that was. It's still such a powerful memory the way my body suddenly got cold when someone touched my shoulder.

"Little Alpha, do you play with dolls?" My father's Beta, Tom asked smiling down at me. He always seemed like a scary man, even though he smiles at me.

"Please don't tell dad!" Were the only words I could mutter before starting to cry. I will definitely be punished.

He then surprises me, picking me up in his arms. He stepped on the little doll to crash it and then covered it in dirt. I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. After that, he took me inside and told my father he is taking me to play with his kids. My father protested since I was too young to hide my gender alone but after Beta's insistence, he caved in. He did throw me the be careful or... look.

"Do you like to play with dolls?" Beta asked on the way and I shook my head.

He laughed and kissed my forehead.

"You don't have to be ashamed, boy. I have four sons and when they were little they played with dolls too." He said.

At his house, he took me to a playroom filled with so many different types of toys, that my eyes couldn't catch them all.

"Your father is weird about that. Just because you are a boy, doesn't mean you can't play with dolls or if you touch pink you burn. Such a silly old man he became."

"So I can play with dolls?" I asked confused. It felt like a trap, but it was so tempting.

"For now, of course. When you will grow up you will start to dislike this type of thing on your own. My boys wouldn't even touch them, but when they were your age they only played with Barbies. " He answered getting me a box full of dolls and accessories for them.

"But my father..." I protest.

"If you don't tell him, I won't. And you can come here and play every time you want." He answered with a playful wink.

And from then on, that was our secret.

Now, the same man from that memory stays in from of me with so much disappointment and disgust in his eyes that even the polite smile he shows can't hide them.

My heart breaks a little. Regardless of his douchey attitude sometimes and his ego, after my father died, he was my support, never complaining for a moment when I did mistakes, only advising me.

"Yes, Beta." I say and try to stay a little straight in bed, regardless of the agonizing pain.

Tanai looks at him concerned and I ask her to leave us alone for a moment. I have to face him alone.

"Alex, I was the first person after your parents to hold you in my arms. Your father made me swear right then and there that I will protect you for all my life, and with my limited power, I tried to fulfill that promise." He starts sitting down on the bed, next to me.

"And you did. I will always be grateful for everything you've done and are still doing." I say, confused as the disappointment in his eyes slowly transforms into concern.

"Then you know that what I'm about to say is from my heart and its only purpose is to help you." He continues with a grave expression.

"I always respected and appreciated every advice you gave me." I answer, my head spinning from emotions.

"A woman is not suited to rule. I only have boys and may seem that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I trained and worked with women warriors all my life. I have nothing but respect for them. They can fight as well as any man and show just as much courage, sometimes even more. But when it comes to making a firm decision, I've seen them all lose their calm. Maybe is something about men that makes them more cold-hearted, more determined when making decisions. In any other matter, the fact that we are not as emotive isn't great, but when it comes to commanding, there can't be any other way." He says looking straight into my eyes like he can see the truth but wants me to admit it.

"Where are you going with this, Tom?" I ask, feeling my voice shaking.

"Since Luna came here a lot of things have changed. And I understand, you are a man in love. There is nothing shameful about that, but be careful not to cross the one between love and letting a woman striking her nose into pack business."

I am speechless. I was so sure he came here to cause me of hiding my gender that I can't even understand what he's saying now.

I think he notices the confusion on my face and takes it as anger.

"Alpha, I apologize if I upset you. I just wanted to give you my sincerest input." He hurries to say.

"No, you didn't upset me. I  think we have different opinions about it and that's fine. I always count on you to show me a different perspective. But I don't understand what do you think I would do." I answer, not containing a sigh in relief. 

I think I dogged the bullet. For now, at least.

"I think you should talk to Luna. Especially that, in case of an attack, she should run and hide, not join the battle and risk her life." He says.

"May I remember you that without her help, I would be dead?" I ask, annoyed by the fact that he ignores that.

"Alpha. The Moon Goddess was merciful to us all to save you, but Luna is a model to every other woman in the pack. If they all join the fight to protect their husbands, the battlefield would become a mess. It's better for them to let the men fight and not stay in the way." He answers, confident in his words.

His sexism is so heartbreaking for me. I mean, he's a good man in every other way, why can't he see that he's unfair to women? 

I sigh. It's not like anything I'd say now will change his mind. And since the adrenaline rush is over, now knowing he didn't came here to unmask me, the pain is too unbearable to stay straight. I need to lay down and finally sleep before passing out.

He sees me closing my eyes and gets up.

"I am sorry I bothered you with such trivialities while you're recovering, Alpha. Rest now." He apologizes and takes his leave. 

Some part of me says that it's unusual to him to come to talk about things like this now, that I'm injured, but I'm too tired to think about it.

"Why did he came?" Asks Tania entering the door.

"Nothing important." I answer rolling over, ready for my hard-earned sleep.

"Didn't seem so. He looked very determined. Almost angry." She ads sitting next to me.

"Aha..." I mumble. I don't have the energy for yet another conversation.

"Ok, ok. Sleep now. We can talk later."

Thanks, Moon Goddess for the sleep I'm about to receive.

I wake up when the sun is up high in the sky. It must be afternoon, but since the battle, I lost my notion of time, only guessing from the small beam of light that enters the room through the curtains.

I try to move, but I feel something on my legs. 

I get up slowly, grateful that my pain is starting to become more manageable.

I see Tania who fell asleep at the bottom of the bed. She probably watched over me all night, making sure nothing bad happens to me. She truly is kind. That type of selfless kindness that melts your heart.

I look at her for a long time.

Now that she is asleep, I can finally admire her without worrying about being caught. She truly is beautiful and as she lays with her eyes close, she seems so peaceful. 

I slowly turn around so I can face her. Her lips are slightly open and if I was to listen to my wildest fantasies, I would kiss her now. I would kiss that small forehead, then the cute, little nose, then the rosy cheeks, then the soft lips. And then I'd go down, bitting playfully the smooth skin of the neck. 

I reach out and take a small lock of hair that covered her neck, putting it after her ear. In the dim light, her hair looks like honey, melting on my fingers.

I get a little closer so I can inhale deep into the core the sweet smell, so mesmerized by her that I feel my body moving without control.

I close my eyes, daring to kiss just the tip of a lock of blonde hair.

I am so caught in my thoughts, so absorbed in the moment, that I don't even notice that she woke up. She is looking at me with her huge blue eyes, like a dear caught in the headlights.

"Alex...?" She asks softly touching the hand that is holding her hair. "What are you doing?"