Alpha's Secret

I am a woman. It feels forbidden even to think it. Saying out loud would be impossible. Since no one in my pack knows that. Even though I am the Alpha. And they will never know. Not even after my death. I refuse to trade my role as a leader, the one that is powerful enough to protect others to a role as a... Luna. Ugh, even the word sounds cursed. And after all these years, I can't come clean now anyway. It's not even my fault. My father wanted a son, an heir so much that when I was born he declared that I am a man. My weak mother never did anything to even slightly bother him so she just gladly joined in his lies. I grew up dressing in pants and whenever I saw a pretty dress, my father would lock me up in my room for days for daring to ask for a girlish thing. Until they were able to explain to me the situation so I can join in in their madness, they didn't even leave me to talk with other werewolves or to even play with other children. I was eight when I was allowed to get out of the house without them for the first time. I look in the mirror now. I do look a little more masculine than other girls and thanks god for that. I can't even imagine what my parents would have done if I got huge boobs at puberty. I sigh. It's not like I'm complaining. Unlike what it may seem my childhood was cool. My father, except for the fact he wanted me to be a boy so bad that he went mad, was a good parent. He played with me. We would go on trips together and if I ever got scared of thunders he would sleep on the floor next to my bed so I would feel safe. He trained me to be just like him. So we spent almost every day together. And I loved it. He was such a great man. So strong and determined. He impose respect. His presence demanded it without him saying a word.  My mother on the other hand... She was a weak and fragile creature. I can't really remember the sound of her voice since she would rarely speak. And even when she did, her voice was so soft, I could barely hear her. Doing nothing else but to take care of other people's needs, even before hers. Never standing up to herself. But I'm not like her. I am not a weak, powerless Luna. I am the Alpha of one of the most powerful packs in the world. I won two wars against rouges by the age of twenty-five.  The first one was the one that took my father's life. I saw him dying. He was in front of me, but I couldn't help him since I was fighting three rouges at the time. He was fighting six and still managed to take four down with him before he died. I somehow managed to block the grieving and use the rage in my favor, leading my pack to victory. After his death, my mother spent the next five months in her room, crying. Well, maybe if she would have been more powerful she would have joined the battle and help him not die. What's the point to cry after? Tears don't bring people back to life. Her friend found her dead one morning. She said she probably suffered a heart attack while hugging my father's picture. After that, I was the only one who knew the secret. The rest of the world calls me Alex. My father gave me that name and I like it. My mother sometimes would call me Alexandra. I hated it so much. I didn't want anyone to hear her by mistake. Being a woman means being weak, I can't have my pack look at me that way. When I was eleven I screamed at her when she called me that. After that, she stopped it, but I remember she looked so hurt when I told her that I hated to be a woman like she is. The second war with the rouges was the one where I earned my pack's respect. Of course, after my father's death, I became the Alpha, but since I had such a big secret to hide I kept my distance from everyone so no one really knew me. Not even my Beta. But when the rouges came... It was chaos. They took us by surprise and attacked from all directions. But that wasn't such a problem for me. As a young Alpha, I expected the rouges to test my borders. I already had a plan for that. And fortunately, It worked like magic. The entire war lasted just three months and I meant a huge victory for my name. Since then we had no problems with those filthy beasts. But I guess that reputation of great warrior brought me the problems I have now.  I sigh. I keep thinking about what could I have done differently to not end up in this mess, but what's the point now. My Beta knocks on the door of my office. "Come in." I say. I had to practice in from of the mirror for many years to master a masculine voice. "Alpha, you look perfect." My Beta says with a cheerful disposition.  I have to try not to roll my eyes. I think one of the reasons my father didn't accept me as a girl was him. They were best friends and Beta is an amazing warrior, but unlike my father, he had six children. All boys. All just as powerful and talented as him. Werewolves assume that women are weaker. And for most of the time, that's true. But Beta brings this belief to the next level. If he knew I was a woman, he would try to find me a husband immediately. You know... to have a real men rule over the pack so I wouldn't have to concern myself with such things. No matter how much I try not to, I resent him for that sometimes. I wish I could have turned to him after the second war, covered in the rouges' blood and the sound of werewolves cheering me and throw the truth in his face. But... I didn't have the balls to do that. Ha, you got it? "I still can't believe you talked me into this, Tom." I say and rearrange my tie. H sees me struggling and tries to help me. "Here, like this." He says as he tries to grab my tie. I slap his hand and take a step back. He looks surprised. Damn!  I clear my throat and try to regain my cool. "I can do it. Just tell me if there's anything else that I need to handle before." The best way to distract him is to talk about work. I can't tell him that I panicked because if he helped me with my tie he would have felt my chest. And even though it's nothing, it definitely isn't a man's one. "No Alpha. Everything was taken care of. Your only duty now is to show off." He starts laughing. "But you wouldn't chicken out. You are a man!" He slaps my back so hard that I almost trip. I hate when he's doing that. I get it you are a real manly man, but why aggressive even when you're joking. Insert dominance everywhere.... This is not middle ages!!! But, as always, I laugh it off.  "Then let's do this." I say with the same tone I declare war. I step outside and I feel sick to my stomach as I hear the sound of the crowd in the distance. Two packs gathered together to watch this. Two packs that used to fight as enemies are ready to become one. And the only way to make that happen is for me to marry the only child of their late Alpha's. Luna Tania...