Waiting For You (A Forbidden Love)

Chapter 7 Seeking help

My life continues as it is but i slowed down in partying and clubbing, i focus on my study. Time for graduation, dad came over to my place. I have keep her picture hidden in my drawer, i don't want dad to see it. But if he is not here, i put her picture in bed side table for me to see her before i sleep and when i woke up.

I didn't put her in my wall to avoid any questions if someone came and see it. Her picture is just for my sight. My desire of finding her becomes more aggressive lately.

"Arthur, i am so proud of you, even you grow up just me and yaya but you become a man i wanted you to be"; saad ni dad while we are having a breakfast in my condo.

"Thanks dad, i just wanted you be happy and proud of me and i guess i made it"; sabi ko pabalik sa kanya na nakangiti.

"More than happy Arthur, i can't ask for anything else. So what are your plans now that you have graduated college?"

"I want to build my own empire dad, a business that will put my name around in business world. Our family name will be all over in the business industry soon"; proud kong saad sa kanya. I know he would be happy in my plans.

"That's a good move son; i will support you in that, if you need a capital, just tell me"; offer niya sa akin. I am lucky to have a father like him, very supportive and very loving.

"I may need for startup dad, but for now i wanna enjoy my life first, before executing my plans. I plan to take a vacation first."

"Okay, you should, enjoy your victory first, you have done a great job in studying; I will transfer some funds into your account para may magamit ka sa iyong vacation." I just nod at him, i got savings too but i am happy to have some money from him, he is very generous man

My plan is not really going for a vacation but to look for her. I will devote a month of just looking for her. I will start as where dad saw her the last time.

When i was in the place, i have asked some if they saw her but none had seen her again going back at the area. I feel so frustrated; i don't even have any clue about her. I am back to my place; the one month vacation becomes a waste.

"Why no one has seen you or knows you? Where can i find you? Please give me a hint? I am badly wanted to be with you. I am now in my right age to fulfill my promise and execute my plans." It's like i am begging her, talking her in the picture.

I decide to ask help about my problem, no one i can tell my problem without them thinking i am crazy or without judgment. I seek a professional help where i can open up myself freely then can give me a professional advice on my case.

I have gone to a clinic to one of the psychiatrists here in Manila; I heard she is good at her job.

First session, i open up everything from the beginning, how it started and what really happening in me. She doesn't interfere when i started opening up; she's just listening to all what i say. When i am done, she started talking.

"The idea about her was created in your mind; it was your imagination that triggered your connection. There are 2 things i can suggest, but still it's up to you how you make action on it, depend on how you wanted it. And see yourself what will happen."

Panimula niyang saad sa akin. I am eager to hear what her advices are. I feel good in her coz she doesn't judge me. She let me feel my emotion, take it out from my chest. I am badly needed someone to listen to me without judgment.

"First, go out with someone for the intention of having a serious relationship, to fully commit your self to that person and create a connection. But before you do that, you have to let go her first, let go of her image that you created in my mind, let go of the idea that there's someone like her exist." She poses for a bit a look at me intently.

"You can't fall in love with just your imagination because technically it's just your imagination." I agree on what she said but though how can i explain my strong connection towards her?

"And other option is, find her first to compare your feelings if there are no changes when you see her in real, in person. Things may become different when reality happens, when expectation doesn't meet. And when it happens, you should prepare yourself for the worst, because that person may not exist, not available anymore, rejection of your feelings."

"Because your feelings are a manifestation of your imagination, you created it and it may not be the same in her when you two see each other. Much better for you to fall in love with someone who is real, the one you can hold, talk to and develop connection with because sometimes things happen because our mind created it."

So i do what the doctor advice. I keep her picture hidden, tried not to think about her, let go of my emotion and attachment towards her. I keep myself busy by executing my plans. I focus on my mind into my business, so that her image won't creep into my mind. I started dating as well, meet girls that would strike a little interest in me.

I feel a little progress as the day goes, have done so much. I made my business rise in just less a year of operation, but I encountered so many struggles. It's hard to start a business when you are just a newbie, everything is a process and all that helps me to make my mind busy.