Should I Be Keeping You

Chapter 3: Ignorance

Pabalik-balik akong naglalakad habang nakatitig sa mga gamit na nasa higaan ko. I brushed my hair with my fingers as I silently cursed remembering the most embarassing moment of my life. Bakit kasi siya pa ang nakasalimuha ko that day?

"He's an idiot. Not to mention that he's also a real a***ole every time and in everything he does. Bakit hanggang ngayon ay iniisip ko pa rinang lalaking iyon?" wika ko sa sarili.

It's been three, or maybe four days, I really don't know. Basta it has been days since my encounter with Marco at nababagabag ako sa sinabi at ginawa niya. I almost choke myself to death dahil pinigilan ko ang paghinga ko. For pete's sake, ang daming tao na nakakita sa amin. Who knows kung anong nasa isip ni Marco at that time but I swear, he did those things to embarrass me. Wala naman kasing ibang magawa ang taong 'yun kundi ang bwisitin ako. Ano pa bang nagbago?

I thought of throwing out the things given to me by Marco at the museum. But before I could even do that, I heard a knock from the outside of my room. Seriously? At this hour? Pupunta pa rin siya dito? At ano na naman ang gustong sabihin niya sa akin?

Agad kong niligpit ang gamit sa higaan ko bago binuksan ang pintuan sa silid.

"What now? Busy ako mom. Wala akong panahon sa mga pakulo mo. And please, tantanan mo na ako." bungad ko agad sa kanya pagkabukas ko.

"Why don't you let me eat dinner first instead of whining over your own mother? Gracious Mira, learn how to respect your elders and always remember that I am your mom.” she said in a very serious tone.

I looked at her and she's really serious. I decided to walk passed her at dumeretso sa kusina para lutuan siya.

"Seriously mom? What are you doing here? And who would eat their dinner at nine in the evening? It's nearly midnight mom. You need to sleep at this hour. This will not be good for your health." I said as I prepare the ingredients that I will be using for cooking.

"It's just a light dinner Mira. You don't need to worry." she said as she sat on the chair at the counter table.

"Bakit ka na naman napunta dito? And I know iniwan mo na naman si dad sa bahay mag-isa." I told her.

"Your dad's not home for a week dahil may art exhibit siya sa Bacolod. Hindi ko lang alam kung saan exactly ang exhibit nila."

Tumango lang ako sa sinabi ni mom at nagsimula ng magluto. Dad always left either just within the country or out of the Philippines for art exhibits and sometimes, companies or private employers will hire him for private work of art. It’s a good thing for me sometimes because I can paint on my own. Having dad with me is such a great pressure. Minsan ko na siyang tinakasan sa art room dahil grabe talaga ang mga salita niya wala pa nga akong ipinipinta sa canvas ko.

Naisipan kong magluto ng marami dahil gusto ko ring kumain ulit at para may pang-almusal na ako bukas. While waiting for it to completely get cooked, I sat in front of mom. I looked at him with both of my brows creased.

"What's with that eyes? You're staring at me like I did something you dislike?" she asked.

"You did. You actually did." seryoso kong wika sa kanya dahil talaga namang may ginawa siyang alam niyang ayaw ko.

"Bakit ba ayaw mo akong pumunta dito sa penthouse mo? Kung pwede lang sana, dito na rin kami tumira ng dad mo, edi sana wala na kaming babayaran na kuryente at tubig sa bahay." parang batang nagmamaktol na saad ng ina ko sa akin.

Really? Sino ba ang nanay sa aming dalawa? Kung makaasta siya parang eight years old na anak ko siya.

"Mom, if aawayin mo lang naman pala ako dahil sa penthouse na ito, pwede mo rin namang bawiin. I didn't ask for this, diba?"

"Well, you're right. I was just kidding Mira. This is our gift to you at sana naman ay may gift ka na rin sa amin. Gusto ko nang mag-alaga ng nobyo mo Mira. Ilang taon pa ba ang hihintayin ko?"

I stood up as I heard my mom's question. I went to the stove at the kitchen and check the dish I am cooking. When it is already cooked, agad kong hinanda ang pagkain para maibigay ito sa ina kong ewan kung gutom ba o hindi. Inihain ko sa harap niya ang luto ko pero hindi man lang niya pinansin ang adobo na nasa harapan niya.

"Mom, huwag mong hintayin na lumamig ang pagkain. I can give you rice if you want." wika ko habang nakatayo sa harapan niya.

"A cup will do." sagot niya habang nakatingin sa akin ng deretso.

Agad akong tumalikod sa kanya para kumuha ng kanin sa rice cooker pero alam kong nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin. Sa bawat galaw ko, sa bawat salita na lumalabas sa bibig ko, dapat talaga ay alam ni mom. Humarap ako sa kanya at pabagsak na inilagay sa harap niya ang kanin.

"Mom, will you please stop staring at me? Ganyan ka talaga palagi. Gumawa na kasi kayo ng kapatid ko para may iba kang pagkaka-abalahan." I told her.

Kumuha na rin ako ng juice at tubig naman para sa akin. Nawalan ako ng ganang kumain dahil nakatitig pa rin si mom sa akin.

"I'm not staring at you. I'm just checking you out. That’s a whole different thing Mira.” she said as she took a bite of the chicken.

"Hmm. Ang galing mo talagang magluto, manang-mana ka talaga sa dad mo." she told me as I sat on the chair in front of her.

"I know. At hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa buhay ko kapag sa'yo ako nagmana." I frankly said to her.

"Grabe ka naman Mira. I'm your mom and I'm a good artist." pagmamayabang niya sa akin kahit na may pagkain pa sa bibig niya.

"But you're not a good cook. That's what moms should be. And could you please swallow first what you are eating before you talk to the person who’s with you? You’re embarassing our family. Everyone is describing you as elegant and always move with class pero kabaliktaran kapag kami ang kasama mo. Could you apply that to us as well?” mahabang sabi ko sa kanya kasi nakakairita pakinggan ang magsalita habang may laman pa ang pagkain.

"That’s a big no for me. And I know you're cool with that right? Having a cool mom makes you cool as well. Don’t you agree?” deretso niyang sabi sa akin matapos lunokin ang pagkain na nasa bibig niya.

"I don’t. I'm very okay with you not cooking kasi ayoko ng masunog ulit ang kusina sa bahay natin. Buti na lang talaga at binilhan niyo ako ng lugar ko kung hindi, araw-araw akong makakatikim ng sunog na pagkain."

"I thought you're cool with me not doing anything in the kitchen?" malungkot niyang tanong pero alam kong hindi naman talaga siya nasaktan sa sinabi ko.

"I am mom." I said as I put a smirk on my face.

"It sounds like you hate me. Do you want me to cook?" tanong niya sa akin habang mahinhing pinupunasan ang bibig niya ng tissue.

"No!" agad kong sigaw at palo sa mesa sa kusina.

"I think I can manage na since your dad taught me." kalmado pa rin ang pagkakasabi niya na parang napag-aralan na niya talaga kung papaano.

I swear to all of those who are listening, my mom is the WORST cook. She’s not good at laundry, cooking and even gardening. Most mothers and women has a green thumb but I think my mom is an exception. She does not do the work because she grew up focusing on her career as an artist— a painter in particular and my grandparents taught her how to be a famous artist but they never taught her how to a typical wife and mother. Yes, she’s one of the best mothers that most people want but she don’t have the qualifications of a mother. She admitted that to my father though during their relationship when they were still young and my father is a total opposite of her. They are the best match because they can do what others can’t and that made them independent and dependent at the same time.

"No way. Here in my place? Baka masunog pa pati kabilang unit." She laugh at what I just said and I smiled.

This is how our conversation runs. It may seems like we're fighting with each other pero hindi talaga. I mean, my mom's cool. She's way cooler than my dad. Dad is serious but he's very caring and very good at cooking. Well, my mom? She loves to eat. I think that's the reason why my dad decided to marry her. Akala niya siguro wala ng tatanggap pa na lalaki kay mom dahil hindi talaga siya marunong magluto.

"So tell me, where did you go?" she asked as she finished eating.

"Saan ba ako pumunta?" I stood up at niligpit ang pinagkainan niya.

Pumunta ako sa kitchen sink at hinugasan ang pinagkainan naming dalawa bago nilagay ang mga ito sa dryer. My mom followed me ‘til here at napakalaki ng ngising nakatingin sa akin. Okay? What is she planning or trying to do or say?

"Are you going to trick me with your "oh I forgot" thingy?" maarte niyang sabi habang pakumpas-kumpas pa ang kamay niya sa ere.

"Mom, pumunta lang ako ng QC. That's a twenty-three minutes drive from here. Kailangan ko pa ba talagang sabihin sa iyo?" tanong ko sa kanya habang hinuhugasan ang mga gamit na ginamit ko kanina sa pagluluto.

She stood up from the chair at the counter at lumapit sa akin. Sumandal siya sa refrigerator at tinitigan ako.

"Are you with someone that time?" dahil sa tanong niya, napatingin ako at tumitig sa kanya.

"No." deretso kong sabi dahil ako lang naman talaga mag-isa ang pumunta doon.

"Why no? Ang tanda mo na para gumala mag-isa." malungkot niyang wika sa akin na paramg disappointed talaga siya sa narinig niyang balita.

"Mom, I'm still twenty one. Ang dami ko pang panahon. Just let me be. I can handle myself okay?" mahina kong sabi sa kaniya kasi paulit-ulit na kami sa ganitong pag-uusap.

"I want you to have a boyfriend Mira. Or maybe, at least a guy friend?"

"Mom," niligpit ko ang mga nahugasan ko na at pinahid ang kamay ko sa apron na suot-suot ko. "I don't want guys to be my friend—"

"Edi gawin mong boyfriend." pagputol niya sa akin.

"— and I don't date them. I mean at least for now. I still have a lot of time. As if naman magiging sixty ako agad-agad kinabukasan.” I explained to her as I wipe my hands and clean it properly.

"Bakit nga? Don't tell me no one is interested in you? Ganyan ka na ba talaga ka pangit?" tanong niya with a disgusted look.

"Kung alam mo lang mom." pagmamayabang kong sabi sa kanya habang inaayos ang tali ng buhok ko.

"'Yan naman pala eh! Ang dami naman palang nagkalagusto sa'yo. Sagutin mo na kahit isa sa kanila"

Hinubad ko ang apron na suot ko at hinawakan si mom sa magkabilang braso niya ng makalapit ako sa kanya.

"Are you full? Daddy's looking for you already. Tumawag ka raw sa kanya gamit ang landline sa bahay." I said as I pushed her out of my kitchen hanggang sa front door.

"Mira, we are not yet done talking." wika niya na may halong pagbabanta.

"We're done mom. I'm sleepy already. Hindi pwede sa matatanda ang mag puyat. Kanina ka pa hinihintay ng driver mo sa baba." I pull the door open at slowly pushed her outside.

“I just want to check if you are okay and if you are eating on time.”

“I am mom. Marunong akong magluto hindi kagaya mo okay? And besides, I have money and dad is always giving me allowance too so don’t worry. Just make sure that you will give me my baby brother okay?” saad ko habang dahan-dahang sinasara ang pintuan ng unit ko.

"Mi—" but before she could even finish her statement, I already cut her off.

"Bye mom. I love you!" I loudly said as I close the door.

After closing it, tumalikod ako at sumandal sa likod ng pintuan. Itinaas ko ang aking ulo at pumikit para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. I thought of what mom told me about having a boyfriend and I am honestly still not into it but I am always looking forward to have one. Gusto na ng ina ko ang mag-alaga ng nobyo dahil hindi ko pa talaga siya nabibigyan ever since. Ni crush ko nga ay wala akong sinabi sa kanya dahil wala naman talaga akong crush noon o kahit infatuation lang.

I am seriously inlove with my art material that they serve as my crushes and my boyfriends. I am a graduating student this year pero mukhang malabo pa talaga na makakahanap ako ng taong para talaga sa akin at hindi ako sasaktan. Just by thinking about this kind of things, agad na pumasok ang mukha ni Marco sa isipan ko. Why would that a***ole’s face suddenly barge in my head? Agad kong sinampal ng mahina ang mukha ko at deretso ang lakad papunta sa kwarto upang itulog na itong mga pinag-iisip ko. Kung ano-ano na kasi ang pumapasok sa utak ko.

I sighed deeply and as I close my eyes and went into a deep sleep.