Five
1190 Words
I Wish I Could Tell You How Much I Love You
I wish I could tell you how you make me feel, a feeling that I can never explain, not in a thousand years.
I wish I could tell you that my intentions for you are pure. But then, would you believe me?
I wish I could tell you how much I would love to call you mine, how much I’d love to have you to myself, how much I’d love to have all of you without any limits. But then, will you ever feel the same way?
I wish I could tell you how much I would love it if you slept beside me at night, watching the sky as we talked until late, making wishes as the shooting stars rushed by. But then, will you dream with me when we finally fall asleep?
I wish I could tell you how much I’d love to care for your heart, how much I would give up just to protect it, how happy I will make you. But then, will you ever allow me to have your heart, for me to be your fill when you are running on empty?
I wish I could dance with you in the moonlight, with the stars all over the sky in the beauty of the night, just you and I. But then, will we ever have the chance to do so? Will I ever have the privilege of asking you for a dance and getting an approval without any hesitation?
I wish I could tell you what I see every time I look into your eyes, the beauty that is unmatched. But then I realize what an awkward position I’d put you in.
I wish I could tell you how much it satisfies me seeing you smile, and how much I’d love to have you always happy. But then, will I ever make you happy?
I wish I could tell you how much I’d love to be the one you wake up to, the one who brings you breakfast in bed, the one to light up your mornings. But then I realize how crazy I sound, when I’m not even yours.
I wish I could tell you how much it hurts seeing you every day, how confused I get since you look so happy and content, how much your happiness makes me. But then it will be no use.
I wish I could tell you how much I’d love to be the one to wipe your tears whenever your eyes can’t hold back. I wish I could tell you how much I would love to be strong for you whenever you will be weak. But then, will you ever allow me to share your pain and suffering?
I wish I could tell you how much I wish I could be your shoulder to lean on whenever your heart can’t bear what life throws at you. But then I realize how content your heart is right now, how it feels at home.
I wish I could tell you how much I’d love for us to get naughty and stubborn, how much I would like for us to have endless adventures in our lifetime – the unforgettable moments. But then time is against us.
I wish I could tell you how much I’d love for us to grow old in love. How much I would love for us to get to see the wonders of the world together and for us to grow all wrinkled and grumpy, hand in hand. But then, will God ever gift us with life to get to such a point if we were to be?
I wish I could tell you how much I love you. But then, will you feel the same?
I wish I could tell you that I won’t take your love for granted. But then, will you believe me?
"Kanino naman kaya galing 'to?" Nagtatakang tanong ni Star kay Zylven na abala sa laptop nito, pero sinagot pa rin ang tanong nya dito.
"Baka sa isang taong gustong bumalik sa buhay mo, di kaya?" Patay malisya lang si Zylven.
"Si Blaire?" Nanlalaki ang mga matang naibulalas ni Star ang pangalan ng binatang kinahumalingan nya noon. Wala sa sariling nabitawan nyang sulat na hawak.
"Maybe, Why don't you give Blaire another chance?"
"Para ano? Paasahin at iiwan na naman nya ako sa ere?" Nakaismid na sabi nya.
"Panu kung may mabigat syang dahilan para dumistansya muna sayo? Kung may nangyaring di maganda kaya dina sya nagpakita?"
Napabuntong hininga si Star sa mga narinig. May point naman kasi si Zylven. Pero nahihirapan pa rim syang paniwalaan yun.
"Minsan ba nasasabi mo sa sarili mo na pagod ka nang i-offer ang sarili mo sa taong binabasura lang yung best version of yourself? Minsan, ba napapatanong ka kung saan ba talaga may mali? Is it the way You approach? Imposible. The way you dress? Imposible. Kaya ba minsan dumadating ka sa point na mas marami yung galit mo sa sarili mo kesa sa taong binibigyan mo ng pake? Tipong ano pa ba dapat mong gawin kung best mo na yung ginagawa mo? Bakit kailangan mo maramdam paulit-ulit na kaya kang balewalain ng tao at kinabukasan parang hangin ka na lang sa buhay niya? Isa ko pang problema, yung nasanay na ako sa ganun. Yung ganoong experience. Kasi na-mindset ko sarili ko na kung yung taong mahal ako dati nawala paano pa yung mga taong ngayon pa lang ako makikilala. Di ba talaga nila makita intensyon ko? Di ba nila makita kung gaano ako kasayang tao? Na ako yung taong maraming kwento at willing tumulong sa oras na mahina na sila? Zylven, my soul is tired. Pagod na ako sa mga s**t ng buhay na non sense minsan. Pero nagiging big deal dahil lang may feelings ka. Nakakapagod tanggapin na hindi na mangyayari yung mga binabalak niyo para sa inyong dalawa. Nakakapagod paniwalain ang sariling okay lang. Kasi never siyang naging okay. Nawawala faith ko sa love but the people around me ay giving me such support and love. Kaya pinanghahawakan ko siya na may hope pa, na pwede pa rin pala talaga. Ngayon habang sinasabi ko ito naisip ko na ang sagot sa una kong tanong. Dapat pala hindi sila ma-fall in love sa best version of ourselves. Dapat pala sa mga imperfections natin. Sa mga bagay na hindi madalas naipapakita ng tao trying to be perfect. Kasi doon lalabas yung pinaka totoo, doon lalabas kung may willing mag stay sa pinaka worse version ng sarili natin."
Nababasa ni Zylven ang halo halong emosyon na nakikita nya ngayon sa mukha ni Star. Bigla syang nakaramdam ng awa sa pinsan.
"Star.."
Itinaas ni Star ang kamay para pigilan sa pagsasalita ang pinsan.
"PAG IBIG.... Yan yung pinagdamot ko sa iba. Pero sinayang lang ng isa." Matapos sabihin yun tumalikod na't naglakad palayo kay Zylven si Star.
Tama na! Pagod na sya, pagod na pagod na..
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
