Six
1198 Words
If I could catch a million stars,
I know just what I'd do,
I'd arrange them on a paper,
And sing them back to you.
If I could give you gifts of gold,
I'd have each one inscribed,
With a special memory,
That I hold, dear, inside.
I'd give you everything you'd want,
Or you could ever need,
But that would never measure,
All you've given me.
With honesty and compassion,
You lend a tender ear.
And when I look into your eyes,
My troubles disappear.
But, I am not a rich man,
Or lucky enough to catch a star,
I can only give you one thing...
All that's in my heart.
This is something you'll never be without,
Whether you are near or far,
For it is a simple but precious gift...
My love is where you are.'
'Ano na naman ba ito Blaire? Bakit bumabalik kapa kung kelan ok nako?'
Kumuyom ang kamao ni Star matapos basahin ang sulat na galing kay Blaire. Naipikit nyang mga mata ng maalala ang eksina nung magtapat si Blaire ng nararamdaman nito sa kanya.
"I know you're broken. I know your soul has been shattered. And you are hard to handle at times, I know you have got darkness inside of you. But you are pure, beautiful and very special to me, And I accept you as you are, as a whole, as a package. I don't know what you did to me, but I love you. I want you near, and I'm sure I could be happy with you." Blaire confession.
And she believed every word he was throwing at her.
'Silly, silly girl! Don't you know that's how they lure you in!
Don't you know actions speaks louder than words?
Was it your eyes or your heart that deceived you to believe him?'
Pinagmasdan ni Star ang kabuonan nya sa salamin. Suot na naman nyang damit na pang disguise nya, hindi na sya nag abalang mag contact lens basta na lang itinaklob sa ulo nyang hood saka inayos ang itim nyang mask.
'Naiinis ako kapag 'yung tao biglang babalik sa buhay ko na para bang walang nangyari or patay malisya na para bang wala syang ginawa sa akin dati. Minsan, napapatanong ako sa sarili ko na.. ganun ba talaga kababa tingin nila sa akin? Ganun ba kakapal ang mukha niya para balewalain lahat nung nangyari dati at mag pretend na walang nangyari at maging cool na lang? Gusto ko sabihing hindi ganun kadali ang lahat, kung ano man ako ngayon, dahil 'yun sa lahat nung sakit na iniwan nya sa akin dati. 'Yung sakit na tinake advantage ko para mas maging mabuting tao. Hinding hindi ko hahayaang saktan ulit ako ng taong ito. Hindi ko makakalimutan lahat nang ginawa nya sa akin dati. Never magiging option ang isang katulad ko.'
Tinungo nyang beranda ng bahay saka akmang tatalon na ng may biglang humablot sa kanyang braso. Mahigpit nyang hinawakan ang kamay ng estranghero at parang balewala lang nyang itinumba ito sa lapag, sa bilis ng reflexes nya walang nagawa ang lalaki kundi ang mapaigik at mamilipit sa sahig. Aatakehin pa sana nya ito ulit ng marinig ang boses nito.
"Ugh.. Star wait!"
"Blaire?' Tinanggal nyang black mask, nakakunot noong napatingin sya sa binata habang ngumingiwi itong bumabangon mula sa pagkakahiga sa sahig.
"What are you doing here?" Tanong ni Star ng nakatayo na si Blaire at nakatutok ng tingin sa kanya.
"Na miss kita!"
'Kapal' Tumaas ang dalawang kilay ni Star sa narinig nyang sagot mula kay Blaire. Naiinis na naman sya't di napigil ang bugso ng damdamin. Tila dam na humulagpos ang kinikimkim na sama ng loob nya sa binata.
"You know that feeling when you're waiting for something you know you shouldn't? That's how I'm feeling. I wanted to not care anymore, that my heart won't skip a beat when my phone beeps when a message comes in because I was hoping it was you, only to end up disappointed. I wish I would stop wondering if you're still thinking of me, that one day you'll come knocking on my door again."
Ramdam ni Blaire ang hinanakit ng dalaga sa kanya. "Star, I'm sorry!" Yun ang unang salitang lumabas mula sa bibig nya. Na mas lalo namang nakasakit sa damdamin ni Star.
"I know it's stupid of me to have these wishful thinking. We're over. I was the one who ended it. I don't know how many times we already tried this and you always wanted me back. But now, months had pass and not even a single beep from you. I specifically asked for this, I know. I begged you not to bother me anymore, don't text, don't call. But there's a small part of me hoping you'd try to fix things. I feel so conflicted over it. I wish you'd suddenly be outside my home, on your knees begging for me to take you back, that you realized that you do see me in your future. But that's just that... a fantasy I drawn once again. I'm glad you're finally sticking to your word. But at the same time, it saddens me that this really might be it. This is the end of us. This is the end of my "fantasy turned to reality" which started half a year ago. I wanted you. I wanted you so badly. But you didn't value that. I'm still not sure what I was in your life. That's what I hated the most, the uncertainty when I was with you. Of having all the doubts in the world while I was in your arms. You always tell me you love me, but that was never enough. I often wondered if I was just a past time, that if I suddenly disappeared you wouldn't look for me. There are so many questions in my head and if I entertain all of them, there will be a river of tears running down from this apartment."
Hindi malaman ni Blaire kung anong dapat nyang gawin o sabihin para kumalma si Star. Bandang huli napagpasyahan na lang nyang manahimik at hayaan lang ang dalaga na magsalita.
"Each night was harder than the next. I keep on waiting for the sound of your car or your motorbike parking outside the gate. Every knock makes me think it could be you, but no, you never came, I don't think you would. I should be happy. This hurt that I'm experiencing now might make way for a more genuine smile in the future. Maybe these tears running down my face is in exchange of louder and heartfelt laughter in the coming days or months. I can't wait for the day that you'll be just another memory. Just another name I remember without all of the emotions I have right now. I know I will get over you. I will get over whatever feelings I am harbouring for you at this moment. I will."
Taas noong naglakad papasok ng bahay si Star nilampasan lang nya si Blaire. Pero bago sya tuluyang makalayo dito narinig nyang boses ni Blaire na nagpahinto sa kanya. Dahan dahan nyang nilingon ang binata.
"I had an accident and had amnesia."
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
