Hammer

22 - This hurts!

Willow

I’m about to throw up. My dad has been yelling for twenty minutes without letting me get a word in. Not only is he seriously angry about me going to work this past week – he should have spoken to me before now about it – and he won’t be letting me out the house again – but apparently, I’ve done the wrong thing by branding myself as Hammer’s property without his permission.

I had no idea I was a fuckin.g prisoner and needed to ask permission for anything or that my heart belonged to anyone but me! I didn’t know I needed his damn permission to love someone.

Dad won’t let me see Hammer. He won’t let me out of the room, and I’m starting to panic.

How could he have not just done this days ago?

Weeks ago, even?

I asked Hammer weeks ago if Shepard had spoken to him about us. But Hammer told me not to worry, then distracted me with se.x.

To be honest, I haven’t seen either my dad or Hammer in days. They’ve been really busy. Hammer hasn’t been home in two days, and I feel so fuckin.g lonely in this vast house, even surrounded by all these people.

I’m now beginning to think Dad is deliberately keeping Hammer away from me. I have seen my dad a few times since I got with Hammer. He knows we’re sharing a room, yet he hasn’t once said anything to me.

I swear to God, I am so confused. Mom and Nova know about Hammer and me, we’ve even talked about it. A lot. Hell, we’ve even compared tattoos. I told them about Hammer’s tattoo and how he marked himself as mine, and Nova joked about how Tank better do the same thing. However, they were both shocked, and Mom said Hammer must really love me to have done such a thing.

Coral knows about Hammer and me and gave us her blessing. Everyone knows about us!

So why is Shepard doing this to me now?

“I won’t stand for this, Willow!” He slams his hands down on the table in front of me, making me jump in my seat.

“It’s already done, Dad. I don’t see what the problem is. Daddy, I love him. He takes care of me.”

“Not the point!”

Then what the hell is?

He’s ranting again, but I can’t hear him; the walls are closing in on me. This room is too small, I can’t breathe. He knows I can’t bear to be shut in, not after what happened. I couldn’t bear to close my bedroom door until Hammer started sharing my bed.

Jesus Christ, he’s sleeping in my room here - when he’s here. We have se.x. We fuc.k! Hard.

How could Shepard not have known about this?

Or why did he wait this long to drag it up if he did?

What the hell is it to do with him anyway?

I know he’s the President of the club and my father, but that doesn’t give him the right to treat me like this.

I can feel the heat creeping up my chest and into my eyeballs. Sweat is beading along my hairline, and I think I’m seconds away from a full-on panic attack.

Deep breaths, Willow.

“After everything that happened to you, to him –” What the hell is he talking about now? “I suppose I should have seen it coming. I guess it’s one way for the two of you to keep Cindy alive.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Dad rests his ass back against the desk in front of me. “You were the closest person to Cindy other than Coral. You don’t think Hammer wants you just so that he can feel close to the woman he was so in love with that he would have died a thousand times over for? The woman he would kill a thousand men for if it meant her could have her back?

“You don’t think that if Cindy walked through that door tomorrow, Hammer wouldn’t drop you like you were nothing to him? Because he would. He’d drop you because she's the one he still loves, Willow. You could never fill her shoes.”

I have no idea why he’s trying to hurt me like this. I have no idea what I’m supposed to have done wrong, but this hurts like all hell.

Why does it hurt so much?

Because I know he’s right. If it was a choice between bringing Cindy back and me dying, I know who would win, and it wouldn’t be me.

“Can I go now?” I ask, fighting back the sobs stuck in my chest.

“Baby girl,” Dad tips my chin up so that he can look into my eyes. Shepard is a kind man, well, kind to the women and children. Any man crosses him, and he’s not so nice. Believe me. But I know he only has my best interests at heart. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. That maybe Hammer isn’t as over Cindy as he makes out. You are the one who will get hurt in the end. And you have been hurt enough.”

I know he’s right, so I nod my head while trying to fight back the tears threatening to choke me.

“I just want what’s best for you, Willow.”

“But what if Hammer is what’s best for me, Dad? What if he really has put Cindy to rest, and now he wants to move on... with me?”

He sighs and pulls away from me.

I get to my feet and place my hand on his muscular arm. “I know you’re just looking out for me, and believe me, I love you so much for it, Dad. But I love him.”

I blink, and the tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks.

“I believed Hammer when he told me how much I mean to him. I believed him because I saw the truth in his eyes. You know him, Dad, he would never have claimed me if he wasn’t deadly serious about me. He would never have tattooed my name across his heart, and he certainly wouldn’t have told me he was in love with me if he wasn't. Hammer is not that cruel, Daddy.”

He breathes deeply and chews on his lip momentarily before smiling at me. “I do believe you’re right.”

“I am?”

He cups my face. “I’m not gonna get in your way. Be with him,” I smile a full set of pearly white teeth in excitement. “But if he does anything to so much as upset you, I’ll put a bullet in his head.”

I laugh while wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you more.”

So he tells me every day.

* * *

“How did your talk with Dad go?”

“It went.”

My sister and I are sitting on the small bench in the vast back garden that accompanies this even bigger house. Baby Ember is sitting on a picnic blanket munching on a cookie, Taylor’s dog lying by her side, protecting her as he does all the kids.

The dog is a large golden retriever cross. I’m not sure what he’s crossed with, though. He’s seven years old and so loving. BlackJack bought Percy for Taylor a short while after she suffered a miscarriage with their third child.

The miscarriage left Taylor unable to ever have another child. BlackJack thought having Percy would help with the longing Taylor felt inside. And it did, along with her love for her sons and the fact my mother made her best friend the godmother to my baby sister, Sophie. And Taylor really loves that little girl like her own.

I explain to Nova about the conversation Dad and I had. She isn’t surprised at all by what he said and how he acted. It wasn’t like he didn’t give her and Tank a hard time when they first got together. Hell, I was there. I thought Dad was going to rip Tank’s head off! Then he forced Tank to follow him to the clubhouse, leaving Nova, Mom, and me at Nova’s, waiting for them to return. Nova didn’t want us to stay with her; she wasn’t worried and told us that Dad wouldn’t hurt Tank if he truly loved her.

She was right.

“You know Dad only says that stuff because he loves us, right?”

I smile. “I know.” I breathe in the fresh air with a smile on my face.

For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy. After all these years of wishing, I finally belong to the man I have always truly loved. The man who has held my heart in the palm of his hand since I was twelve years old.

What Shepard said about Hammer still wanting Cindy hurt. Of course, it did. It is evident that he still loves her in some way. I would never expect him to just cast what he feels for her aside, but I can't help but wonder if I’ll ever mean as much to Hammer as she did.

Will his heart ever truly belong to me?

Or will half of it always belong to a woman who is no longer living?

“Don’t do that, Will.”

“Hm?” I was lost in thought there for a moment.

“I know what you’re thinking.” I chuckle. Nova always says that. Anybody would think she was psychic. “Hammer is not still in love with Cindy.”

I turn my eyes to her. She really does know what I’m thinking.

How crazy is that?

I smile as she takes my hand, locking our fingers together. “Everyone knows how much Hammer loved Cindy, the lengths he went to to avenge her death.”

He hired an assassin to end those who killed Cindy. My little sister. No one knew back then but a handful of people what Nova was capable of. And they kept her secret until the day she and the Snakes saved me.

“We also know the lengths he went to in order to bring you home. How it killed him thinking he’d lose you. Weeks before, we all saw the way he felt about you. How he forced himself away from you. Not only because of Trace, but because Hammer thought he needed to in order to protect you.”

“I know that Hammer loves me, Nova, I don’t doubt that. I guess I wonder if I’ll ever mean as much to him as Cindy did, or will his heart always be torn between the two of us. I don’t expect him to forget about her. I don’t even want him to stop loving her. That would be beyond wrong of me. But I don’t want to live in her shadow either.”

I sigh to myself. I sound so jealous, and that’s ridiculous, to say the least. Jealous of my dead best friend. I am a terrible person.

Nova is going to say something else, but I’m done talking about this. Only Hammer can give me the answers I seek, and I’m not going to let these slight doubts spoil the happiness I feel right now.

“Dad had the same talk with Hammer,” I tell her. “I’m not sure how it went, though, Hammer told me not to think about it. And he distracts me when he’s here, so I don’t get round to asking him about it.”

“You mean, he fuck.s the shi.t outta you every time you’re together.”

I nod, and we both laugh hard. I love my sister, I’d be lost without her.

“Mommy, doggie!” Ember yells while pointing her tiny finger at Percy, who’s now pooping next to the enormous oak tree at the end of the garden.

“Disgusting animal.”

I chuckle at the disgusted tone of voice my sister is throwing out. She is so not a dog person.

I don’t think she’s any kind of pet person, to be honest.

Poor Ember, she’ll never be allowed a pet if Nova has her way.

Although Tank is a dog man, so you never know.

“Don’t worry,” I laugh at the face Nova is pulling. “Take Ember inside, and I’ll clean up the mess.” I don’t want my niece toddling over there and touching what she shouldn’t.

“Thanks, Sissy.” She sing songs as she grabs her daughter and leaves me to scoop the poop.

And you know what?

I don’t even mind.