Forever, With Love

Chapter Fourteen

Ava

Things have been…weird. Interesting. And overall, I feel like life has started to come together for the most part.

That doesn't change the fact that everything happening to me right now was confusing.

And that’s putting it lightly.

I don’t know how else to explain what’s going on but in the end, life has a funny way of making things make sense, of coming together slowly in the end.

So, I decided to put on my big girl panties and do what Dr. Price wanted me to do in the beginning. I started to concentrate on myself and making my life better. I can't help others unless I help myself. I can't love others until I love myself.

Things with my mom’s health won’t get better so I might as well use this time with her and create those happy memories. I need to rebuild the relationships around me and rebuild myself and get to where I was before. I need to get a hold of Art and tell him what I want because in the end, my feelings for him won’t and will not change.

And once I spill everything, the ball will be in his court and I can at least be okay with whatever decision he makes.

My last session, she gave me a jar of tasks and my goal was to get through the entire jar by the end of the year. It's something that has tasks on them to help myself and then she told me not to come back for a few weeks so I could concentrate on myself unless something happens and I need to talk to her.

Some of the things she put on the papers were...

Have dinner out in public alone.

Start a new craft.

Visit somewhere new.

Paint a picture of the thing you love the most.

Throw a dart at a map and travel there with your best friend.

Meditate for thirty minutes every day for a week.

Things like that and I was excited to do them. I did the dinner out in public alone and as awkward as it was in the beginning, it was relaxing. I had a book that I started but never finished and relaxed in the corner of our local cafe while I munched on a caesar salad and french onion soup. By the end, I told myself I was going to do this a couple times a month because who knew how relaxing this could be?

Price can be smart when you actually listen to her. Who would have thought? I should have done that a long time ago.

Another part of building myself up is getting one last opinion on the one thing that forced myself from my happily ever after and that meant spending some time at the hospital, going in and out of testing and treatments. No one knows what I’m doing and I want to keep it that way. Well, no one knows but mom. It was her who found out about this and when she told Eric, he helped get me into the program and got a grant for me to do so for now. I don't know if it's going to work. I can only hope it does but it's the potential side effects that scare me...but it's worth it.

I've come to somewhat terms with this. If it works, then that's amazing. If it doesn't then at least I tried. I need to tell Art about my issue and have him decide what he wants. If this was a deal breaker for us then so be it. It's not meant to be. It would be hard to get over it but I would.

I'm stronger than I thought because I came to this realization.

He needs to love me for me, even the broken parts that make Ava, Ava.

Because in the end, even though I'm damaged and broken, I'm freaken amazing.

My mom has always been my backbone, my everything, more so after dad died. After we got into the fight the night of the dinner and spending a few days away from mom, getting myself situated in my piece of crap apartment, I went back to the house because I felt guilty as hell for avoiding her for so long. That was the longest I didn't speak to her. So, I went home and found Eric and Gary there with her. They looked like they were in a deep conversation, an intense one and when I walked through the doors, they all shot up to their feet and ran to me. I have never been hugged like this before and it was a bit overwhelming.

“I changed my mind.” Mom said to me as she wiped the stray tears from her cheek, “After a lot of talking everything out with these two and thinking, I made some changes and I can't wait to tell you everything.” She had the biggest smile on her face and for the first time in a long time, the smile went to her eyes.

“Okay…” I trailed off as I she pulled me to the couch so I could sit next to her. Eric and Gary were sitting in the chairs right by us, both of them smiling like crazy fools. To be honest, they scared me, all three of them. She turned her body towards me and took my hands and placed them in hers.

“I’m not going to the center. I’m going to move in with Gary and Eric.” She smiled over at them while they gave her a nod to keep going, “They made some very valid points. With Eric’s background and Gary decided to stay home and hire more management for the salon, they can help me and make me more comfortable. Plus, I realized that I would rather be surrounded by those I love than alone in a place where I don’t know anyone. I don’t know…” she started to choke on her words, only making me choke as well. I knew what she was trying to say, I just didn't want to hear the words. She shook her head and gave me a tearful smile, “I don’t know how much longer I have on this earth with you my love, but the way you’re living your life now…it’s not living. I can't keep doing this to you.”

“I’m fine mom, I promise.” I gave her the fakest smile I could muster because I was anything but fine, "In the end, everything will be okay and I will be okay."

“And you’re a terrible liar.” She smiled seeing right through me, "It's like your dad always said, you can't bullshit a bullshitter and we all know I'm at the top of that list." we all chuckled a bit because she was right.

She always did and always will. It's why I could never get away with anything growing up.

“Yeah, I know.” I did a side smile, “I will be fine in time.”

“You need to concentrate on yourself.”

“But…”

“No buts Ava.” Eric interrupted. I looked at him with surprise written all over my face. He looked serious, stone cold and if the look on his face could do anything, it could almost snap me out of my funk and get me back to who I was before.

Almost.

I might let it happen because I miss the old me.

The old me would be out with my friends, my family, spending as much time with them as I can. Late wine nights with the girls, fires with everyone, dance parties with the kids. The sister to Aiden, best friend to Sawyer, Aunt to Ivy and Miles and lover to Art.

God, I missed him more than anything but I know I can't be with him until I am myself again and the thought of losing him made my stomach plummet. It's pushing me to accomplish this, not only for him and myself, but for my mom.

“You need to be yourself again. You used to be so full of life. You used to always be with your friends, having the time of your life. You used to be so passionate about everything and you used to love with your entire heart. You are letting the hardships of our lives get in the way of the life you deserve. You deserve that happiness. You deserve that freedom. You deserve that love.” I couldn’t help but start to tear up at her words because I want that. I need that.

I’m going to get it back.

“I miss myself mom.” I whispered, “I love you so so much and I would do anything for you but you’re right. I need to get myself back in order.”

“And we want to help you.” Gary smiled, "That's why we are all here so we can help you get the old you back. The Ava we grew up watching. The headstrong, opinionated, determined woman who knows what she wants out of life and goes for it."

“What do you mean?”

“Since your mom is moving in with Gary and I, we took her downtown the other day after we had a long talk and talked to her realtor and lawyer.” He reached down and grabbed a folder off the coffee table that I did not notice was there, “This is for you.”

He handed me the blue folder with the biggest smile on his face. I looked at mom and she had tears in her eyes as the palms of her hands were pressed together and placed in front of her mouth, smiling, grinning with anticipation. It was good to see her smile like this. A real smile, “Open it.” She whispered as she started to bounce in her seat. I couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness.

Maybe this whole living with Gary and Eric would be best for her and that's all I ever wanted.

As I opened the folder, I couldn’t help but let out the biggest gasp as the tears started to stream from my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was reading, “Mom…are…are you sure? I can’t…I…I can’t accept this…”

“It’s done my love.” She smiled and pulled me into her arms, “Everything is done and you deserve it. Your father and I always talked about this when we were up north and just because he's looking down on us doesn't mean it can't happen. Your father, I know for a fact, had a heart attack with my first decision and now, all is right in the universe with these documents. I want you to have it all my beautiful girl and if this is what I can do to help you, then I am happy to do so.” And the feeling of my mom’s embrace was everything to me. I hugged her just a little bit tighter, a little bit longer, memorizing the feelings of contentment, love, in her arms.

Because you never know how much longer we will be able to hug like this.

"When do you move in with them?"

"A couple of weeks." Eric smiled, "Less if I can get everything set up for her."

“Now…there’s something else you need to do.” She smiled one last time before handing me a small box she had hidden behind her back. I opened the box and I knew what she wanted because it was what I wanted too and it's time I plan it all.

“Ava!” Luna yelled as she walked into the back room. I was relaxing, taking my fifteen before I went back to finish my shift tonight, dreading the hours that are ahead of us. Normally I would be fine tending bar, but tonight wasn’t one I was looking forward to. Friday nights are hell all together. We’re always busy. And when we’re busy, there’s a greater chance of seeing people I know.

I’m not ashamed to be working here. I actually enjoy making drinks and hanging with Luna. She’s become my work wife, something I haven’t had before and I know once I convince her to get out of her house and hang out with me outside of work, she will gel with our group of friends like she was always meant to be there.

“Luna, my love. What can I help you with?” I asked as I put my phone away. I was in the group chat with Sawyer, Ray and Summer, trying to do a girls night because it was long overdue. To say the were excited is an understatement and I instantly regretted my decision because I knew I was going to be bombarded with questions that I was not ready to answer.

Okay, I don’t regret it.

It’s time I talk to them.

Because I needed their help.

And I missed them and the kids so with girls night will come the children because I said so.

The wine will come out after they're in bed.

“That guy is back…” she whispered as she drew her fingers through her black and pink hair. She’s freaken gorgeous. She’s a few inches taller than my five foot four stature with curves in all the right places.

It’s easy to say I have a girl crush on her.

Sawyer, Summer and Ray will too because she is a bomb shell.

“Which guy? Your brother or the ex?” I asked with a c****d eyebrow.

We’ve gotten pretty close since working together these past few months. A lot of long hours and late nights closing have us bonding and talking about all things happening in our pasts. She knows about some of my struggle with Art and how I have a hard time showing emotion and I know about the issues with her brother and her ex-boyfriend.

They used to be best friends and like any typical love story, the best friend fell in love with the little sister who always had a crush of her older brother’s best friend. They were together for three years, half the time sneaking around her brother’s back. It wasn’t until one night, her boyfriend got really drunk and ended up cheating on her. She walked in on them and stormed out while calling her brother, who was on his way to her place to visit for the weekend from school. The boyfriend followed her, drove off after her and ended up crashing into another car, a car that just so happened to have her brother in it.

It caused this huge riff between her brother and her now ex.

Why would her brother be coming around here? Because he is beyond over protective. I've seen him a couple times. I guess he's a cop now so maybe Aiden and Archer know him? Who knows. I sure as hell don't because I never spoke to the guy before.

Her ex? Because he’s an ass. Plain and simple. He's creepy in a stalker kind of way too.

“No. Not them. Thank god. The OTHER guy…” she whispered, “Oh my gosh, how do I look?” she said as she smoothed down her tank top and flattened her hair.

“Babe, you’re beautiful. Always will be. Now, who is this mystery man?”

“Come here and take a peak.” She whispered. I sighed, got up and walked over to the door, “Table three. He’s here with two other guys and some gorgeous woman. Look at her! Damn!”

I peaked my head out of the room and groaned, “Which one are you talking about? There’s the dark haired one with the tattoos, the blonde with muscles that looks like he’s pissed at the world and the light brown haired one with muscles and his police academy shirt.”

“The cop.” She sighed, “I’ve seen him here and at Nash’s a few times. He usually comes to the bar and sits at the end and nurses a beer, not saying anything but maybe a few words. He sits and watches. It’s creepy but yet…endearing…but he’s here with her…”

I looked at her and just let out a small chuckle, “I don’t think he’s WITH her.”

“What makes you say that? Do you know him?" she asked and I grinned.

And before I could answer, the night manager came out and said it was time to get out on the bar and start working.

While making drinks, I couldn’t help but glance over at the table. He hasn’t noticed me yet. He knows I work at a bar, but not this one. I mean, it’s in Silverlight, what are the chances he would be here and not at Nash’s where the always go. So why here?

“We meet again.” And I groaned, “I’ve been looking for you at work. I really need to talk to you.” he said softly. I turned around and met the eyes of the guy I would do anything for him to just leave. Me. Alone.

“There is nothing for us to talk about.” I tried to be as polite as I could because I knew the night manager was watching me, “So please, just leave me alone.”

“I would but I really need to say this.” He sighed out.

“Are you sober?” I had to know.

“Completely.” He did a small smile, “I had a huge eye opening recently and it’s time I make things right with those I care about the most.”

“There’s nothing to make right between us.” He reached out and grabbed my hand in his, holding while his thumb was caressing the back of my hand. I furrowed my brows and glared at him as I tried to rip it away, but his hold didn’t relent, “You need to let go Brandon. Please.”

I’m trying to remain calm. I cannot let whatever he’s doing give me an negative effect. I want to be better, I want to be me and if he doesn’t let go soon, the real me is going to surface and he’s not going to like it.

“Trust me when I say I just need five minutes Ava.”

“Trust you? That's the last thing I should do. Let go.” I glared, “If you know what’s good for you, you will let go of my hand before I reach behind this bar, grab a beer mug and slam it on your hand.” His eyes went wide with surprise.

“I just…” and he pulled his hand away and looked down.

Now I feel like a b***h.

I warned him though.

“You just what?”

“I was thinking…I want to follow in my dad’s footsteps and open my own practice.” He sighed, “And I wanted to know if you wanted to join me in that practice.” My face softened just a bit while he started to explain to me what he wanted to do. The fact that he wants me to do it with him…why? I’m nothing special and there’s others that he works with that would be better suited for this offer.

“Brandon…” I sighed out as I placed the palms of my hand on the bar, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He reached out and grabbed my hand again, “We used to work well together at dad’s clinic and I want that again. You might not like me as a person but we both know that we are an amazing team. Why do you think Eric always put you on my service? I just…can you think about it? Dad is putting up the money to open it up and I would really like it if you would join me.”

I shook my head, “This is a terrible idea Brandon. With our history…”

“And that’s what it is…history. I want to put that behind us. I understand nothing will happen between us ever again. I messed that up beyond belief and I will forever regret it but I want to move on with my life…I am moving on with my life. I've met someone.” He smiled at me and as he was talking I noticed from the side that Art was sitting at the end of the bar with Aiden, who was staring intently at Luna.

I quickly looked at him and noticed how tired he looked, stressed and not himself. And that’s when the idea came to my mind, “Hey, I’m sorry, I'm happy for you that you found someone and I hope this works out but can we continue this conversation another day?” and before he could answer, I turned, ignoring the people at the bar who were asking for help. Good thing we have four other bartenders.

As I went to go to him, I noticed him look at his phone and his eyes went wide. Before I could reach him, he walked away with his phone in his hand and headed to the back where it was quieter. I was about to go after him when Aiden grabbed my arm and stopped me, “What the hell are you doing?”

I was taken back, confused, “What?”

“Brandon? Seriously?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“It might not be what I think but it’s what it looks like and it looked like you two were getting pretty cozy over there.” He glared, “And you say Art’s confusing you? You’re doing the same if not worse.”

“Can you just listen to me for a moment, damn. He was asking me about working for him at a clinic he wants to open up himself. That’s all.”

“And you’re buying that s**t?” he scoffed, “That’s the lamest excuse ever. He wants to get closer to you. Watch yourself.”

“I don’t have time for this. I need to find Art. He looked upset.”

“He is. Probably because he saw you holding hands with the devil himself.” He rolled his eyes.

“He’s not the devil, the devil is much more handsome and built. Muscles on muscles and he wears a police academy shirt.” I winked at him and he just crossed his arms over his chest and chuckled.

“Archer isn’t that built, don’t give him that much credit.”

“Touche, too bad he’s more of the devil junior.”

“Another reason for Jordan to call him Lil’ D. I guess I might have to start that too.” He laughed, “You better hurry after him Ava, he is upset about something, about the phone call he got. And by the way, the smile, it’s real and I’m glad it is.”

“Lunch soon? We have a lot to talk about.”

“You know it. Come by any time. We can whip something up for the whole crew. It’s been a hot minute.”

“That actually…sounds very nice. Let’s do it.” And with one final hug and a glare from my manager, I went down the hall to find Art. I was tempted to just grab his arm and make him turn to me, push him against the wall and kiss the ever loving f**k out of him.

Because I missed his wonderful lips on my and I miss his hands trailing all over my body.

But I stopped mid step when I heard him on the phone.

I didn’t know what to think.

“You cannot take my child from me!” he said through gritted teeth, “I don’t care. You might have had my heart once before but you will never have it again.”

Child? Is he talking about Lucas or did he just find out he has a child with an ex or someone. That said someone who previously had his heart. We never really had the ex talk so I have no idea who it could be.

There was a pause before he spoke again, “I’m getting married. That will never work.”

Married? What?

I’m so confused. When did he start seeing someone? Was it the crazy teacher I almost strangled? Or the pretty red head at the cafe he was holding hands with. Was I that disconnected with the events in his life to the point I never even noticed him having a significant other?

Apparently so.

“Next week. The wedding…it’s next week.”

You know that feeling when you get the tightness in your chest and it radiated through your entire body? Like the air was sucked out of you and you can’t breathe?

That’s me right now.

Because who knew he was getting married.

And I feel like I finally lost him all because I kept pushing him away.

I have no one to blame but myself.

Gosh darn it.

But I'll tell you something, I'm not done fighting. Ever because who ever this girl is, is going to have to fight me for him.

He might be getting married to someone else but I'm the one that has his heart.

And most important, I have Lucas' and that trumps everything.