Make You Beautiful {Jeff the killer x reader}

Chapter 8: regrets

Jeff's POV

I sat on the couch, head to my hands. I couldn't understand this feeling. Why was I feeling so... terrible for hurting her. For the first time ever I felt... guilty? Guilty for causing someone pain? That's ridiculous. It was driving me crazy. She was driving me crazy. I hated the fact that I actually didn't want anything bad to happen to her. I didn't want anyone else, but me touching her. I wanted her all to myself. The thought of her wanting to be with someone else, but me was unbearable. Like that friend of hers. Natalie was it? 

A soft silent sob came out of that room. It felt like every little sound was an arrow shot right at my chest. I covered my ears with my hands. 

I was so vulnerable to this feeling and I didn't want to admit that it actually felt good to care for once. Even if I didn't quite understand how it was supposed to work. For the first time in my life I wanted to protect someone. 

After some time passed and the sobs had stopped I stood up and walked to the bedroom door, opening it carefully. Inside I saw (y/n) trying her best to stand up. She was shaky and weak, making her move slowly. As she saw me her eyes widened and I could see her dainty body tense. 

The girl was so fragile. It somehow made me excited. I knew I was much stronger than her. I had full control of her, but the only thing on my mind was that I had to do all in my power to make sure she's okay. Make sure she's safe and most importantly, make sure she stays with me no matter what. Because even if that feeling of caring wasn't clear to me, one things was. I didn't want to lose her. I needed her. (Y/n) was like a new source of life to me. Apart from killing that is.

As she tried to crawl further away from me as much as possible I walked closer and kneeled down to her level. Wide (e/c) orbs stared at me with slight malice. I offered my hand to her which of course she didn't accept until I gave her a demanding stare. I squeezed a small (s/c) hand and pulled the girl into a hug. She jumped a little in surprise. 

"Listen... I'm sorry. Okay? I-I didn't actually mean to hurt you." I whispered into her ear. 

"Y-you didn't mean to? You should have thought about that before you killed my mom and made the whole world, including my best friend, think that I'm dead." Her voice was shaky. Suddenly I felt a push on my chest which made me let go of the little figure. Where did all this strength come from? 

"You basically ruined my life and now you're saying 'sorry'?" She said as she stood up and I did as well. "What do you even want from me? What did I ever do to you? Why didn't you just kill me like everyone else?" 

"I can't kill you-"

"Why?!"

"Because you're important!" I surprised myself with how straight forward I was. "You're different than other people."

"How the f**k am I different? Other people's lives matter just as much as mine. You can't seriously just be so selfish and egocentric."

"I'm not- f**k! I need you. Okay? I need you for myself. And I'm not gonna let anyone else have you. I don't care about other shitty people! They can go f**k themselves for all I know. You're all that matters right now so just deal with it." 

(Y/n) seemed to be a little in shock. After a moment of silence she finally spoke. "For yourself? Wait... y-you actually thought that-" she couldn't find the words. "You killed all those people because of me, like they were not important. How do you think that makes me feel? I feel guilty! If you really need me you should consider thinking of someone else apart from yourself for once. Because right now, Jeff, no body would ever love you or even like you! I hate you. You know that, right?" It struck me like a bullet. I didn't answer. She just walked past me and out of the room.

It hurt. I couldn't understand why. Maybe if I hadn't had killed her mother she wouldn't be as mad? No... it was more than that. What was I supposed to do? This was the only way I could have her. There was no way she would even talk to me otherwise. The bad guy never gets the girl. And now I was starting to believe it. I was never meant to develop this feeling. My faith was to just be alone. 

I never thought I'd be in this state. My life wasn't supposed to include another being in it apart from the ones I kill. 

It's easy to live without much feelings. I used to only feel towards my victims. Rage, malice, joy, fascination. Then they would die and the feelings would go away. But with her... there's no way of getting rid of them. And if I was a little more patient maybe she could see me in a different way then she does now. If I was... normal.

I was starting to actually feel sadness when an overwhelming anger overthrew it. It's not f*****g fair. How dare she be so ungrateful. I basically saved her from her own misery. I mean, what better life could there be? I let her stay here, feed her, she doesn't even have to move a finger. 

Sounds of plastic bags, cupboards opening and dished colliding took me away from my thoughts. I walked down to the kitchen to see (y/n) angrily preparing instant noodles. She knew I was in the room, but simply ignored me. That made my rage worse, but I held my guard. 

While unpacking the groceries I kept tensing up, trying to control myself. It wasn't easy with her right next to me, but I somehow managed.

She finished making her food, sat down by a kitchen pool counter on a stool and started eating silently, not even glancing at me. Her every move made me furious at this point. I was clenching my teeth, my hands were tightly wrapped into fists. 

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed one of the random knives that laid around the kitchen, shoved it inside of my hoodie pocket and headed towards the stairs that lead up and out of the apartment. I needed to calm my nerves and there was only one way that could be done. 

"Seriously? You got a little mad and now you're just gonna let it out on innocent people? Again?" 

"Would you rather I let it out on you? Again?" I answered (y/n)'s question harshly. 

She kept silent, but her eyes were telling me all that she thought of me. It wasn't a friendly stare at all. I could tell she was disgusted, let down.

I left her watching me in anger. Maybe she'll come to her senses and calm down. I doubt it, but just maybe. 

Perhaps one day she'll forgive me.