Behind the Scenes

K: Not Enough

Kimberly Carter

The next morning I headed straight to the hospital even thought I was dying to go home and take a proper shower in my own house. I met the nurse Alex was so fond of and greeted her at the entrance. She wore a bright red sweater over her blue scrubs and I knew she did that on purpose because red was Mrs. Hill favourite colour.

"Is she awake?" I asked.

"Not yet, but I can take those flowers in for her. They're beautiful, she'll love them." She smiled politely as I handed the bouquet over to her.

I also handed her the envelope I had in my hand. "This is for her as well. It's an anonymous birthday gift. But it's intended to go straight to her hospital bill." I told her.

She embraced me tightly but returned to her professional manner and nodded, her eyes tearing up. "Anonymous. Thank you." She understood perfectly. She knew Alex would refuse it if he knew where to return it. That's why I came here without him first, and then maybe I could see his reaction when he heard the news later. My baby will be so happy.

I smiled at the thought. "See you later." We exchanged a smile and I headed home to take a shower and get changed.

When I got home, my tv was on and my shower was running. Before I could panic I spotted the fine leather Italian boots at the doorway and sighed. I pushed the washroom door open furiously.

"What the f**k are you doing in my house? How did hell did you get in?"

"Spare key, did you forget? I've been here since yesterday. Where the hell have you been?" He asked as he walked passed me into the living room with only a towel around his waist.

"Why are you here?" I fumed, taking off my clothing to take a shower. I needed to clean my skin and this bastard wasn't going to change that.

"To see you. To work things out."

"Get the f**k out. There is nothing to work out." I slammed the bathroom door and quickly washed my skin. I washed my hair as well and brushed my teeth. I felt amazing getting out of the shower but not when I came back into the living room.

Shawn was seated in the couch with his body still only wrapped in a towel, and Alex was standing near the kitchen with his arms folded.

Without accessing the situation, I ran towards him, happy to see him after two long days. It was the longest we've been apart for weeks. He allowed me a kiss on his cheek but not on his lips.

I pouted when his arm extended to stop me. "What?"

He peered down at me with the eyes I was so in love with and I didn't know what they were hinting at.

"How was your shower, love?" Shawn asked.

"Why are you still here?" I snapped at him, mad that I wasn't allowed access to Alex's juicy lips.

"So after you're finish with me, you just throw me away like that?" he muttered.

"Finish with you? What?" and then the image came into mind. Shawn half naked in my apartment, and myself just exiting out of the showers. "God. No."

"We do this all the time. It's like a game. We sleep around here and there but we still find each other." Shawn muttered to Alex with a grin.

"Shut the f**k up." I snapped. "Baby, no." I shook my head at him, gripping the red sweater he bought just for his mother to see him in.

"Where have you been for two day?" he asked calmly. He was pissed and I knew it. I honestly preferred the anger rather than a leveled head. The anger meant he still cared.

"Sara and melt down." I was trembling and babbling. I couldn't make a proper sentence, my mind was in recovery mode and I was coming up blank.

"We've been here the whole time. f*****g. You know how that s**t goes." Shawn inputted. I wanted to stomp the s**t out of him but Alex seemed to be ignoring him so I did as well.

"You couldn't even call me to let me know you were okay? I was worried sick." He muttered, his face still hard.

"My phones off and I'm sorry." Tears began to well up because I didn't know how to do this, I've never had to explain myself in a relationship before. I would have walked away by now, cutting the person off. But he was important to me, and I've never had to fight to defend myself to keep a man. How do I fight?

He shook his head and rubbed his forehead. I ran my trembling hands up to his face, my nerves shot.

"I told you, I don't like playing games." he warned.

"And I know that. No games, I promise." He took my hands from his face and I almost broke out crying.

"Then what do you call last night?" Shawn muttered and Alex chose not to ignore that one. Shawn was on the floor before I could properly scream.

"Son of a b***h," Shawn muttered on the carpet, rolling over on his back. "I'm bleeding." Shawn panicked when he touch his face, "Good thing I paid for this rug, huh? Can you afford anything this expensive?" The blood seeped into the white rug, showing bright red as Shawn turned to look at Alex.

Alex was about to leave but I held on to him. "Please," I cried.

"I said no games Kimberly." he was almost yelling, his voice hurt. "You have this boy up in your apartment talking s**t, taking showers. For two days I haven't heard anything from you and you can't even give me a proper explanation. He's been calling your phone for weeks now and you told me I had nothing to worry about, and here you both are in your apartment, half f*****g naked." He breathed and my fingers began to shake even more because all I could mutter was 'please' over and over again. "I told you, I've got grown things to worry about. This isn't my scene anymore. I'm sorry."

"Please," I begged as he undid my hold on him and walked out of my apartment. I was now the one having a breakdown, my energy and will to continue gone. No matter how hard I tried to hold on to something that wasn't mine, it was taken away.

"The b***h couldn't take a joke?" Shawn grumbled next to me, still half naked.

"Get the f**k out!" I screamed. I got up and kicked him in his sack for the s**t he just pulled. I got to my room, threw his clothes into the hallway, and locked my door. "Get out." I muttered to myself when the continuous tears continued to fall. I crawled into bed and pulled the sheet over my head.

Halfway through the day I remembered my phone was still off. I pulled it out of my bag and turned it on. The time was the only thing that stood out to me along with endless messages. If I hurried, I could catch him before he headed off to the nightclub for his shift.

I quickly got dressed and for the first time ever I didn't care if I matched or looked good. I couldn't have brought my drama to the hospital on his mom's birthday and not to his jobs. I frantically ran out of the apartment, not checking myself in the mirror. I was sure my nose and eyes were red and my cheeks stained with tears.

I knocked on his door after straightening myself and fixing my hair. I covered the peephole with my thumb even though he probably knew it was me. He answered with a glass of wine in his hands and a smile on his face. When he saw me, his smile dropped and I immediately felt bad. I wasn't the reason for his smiles anymore.

Before he opened his mouth, I raised my palm to stop him. I quickly thought of something. "I'm just here to collect my things." I lied. And to see his face one more time.

"You should have called."

"I just saw you a few hours ago. Why would I call?" My attitude was my defense mechanism and it was deciding to rear its ugly head at the wrong time.

"I'll go get them. Wait here." He said. I folded my arms and tapped my feet even though I wanted to crawl into a ball. How do I tell him I love him after this? We've never talked about it and it's finally hitting me that we never will.

I spotted a familiar red sweater and pushed the door open. "Who's in here with you?" I was on the edge of panicking. Who was in here with my man?

"That's none of your business." he whispered to keep his voice down, irritated. And then reality slapped me again and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

They rolled down my cheek and before I could stop them, they became uncontrollable. "Yeah, well, whatever." I fanned off through sobs, turning away from him in embarrassment. I hurried down the hall, trying to get away as soon as possible. No one had ever seen my tears outside my family, and I couldn't believe I broke in front of him.

"What about your stuff?" He called.

"Just burn them." I squealed.

I got into my car and was unable to start it. I knew that sweater belonged to the nurse. The one with the chocolate skin and big butt.

After I calmed down, I couldn't bring myself to enter back into my apartment, like ever. There were too many memories at this point. I headed to Jake's house and pulled up into the driveway.

As soon as I entered the house, Zachary ran into my arms and I immediately felt better.

"Are you... crying?" Jake asked in disbelief.

"I don't want to ever talk about it. Can I move in?" I muttered as I carried Zach over to the stairs.

"Honestly at this point, I'm glad for the company."

"Fantastic." I sighed.