My Italian Heart

Chapter Five

I purposely missed breakfast. Sitting around the table with everyone, while memories of the night before flashed through my mind, it was just too much. I didn't have any meetings and so took the opportunity to wear my joggers and hoodie to work. It was a comfort thing, almost like a shield. I knew I had said I would the night before but that wasn't why I was doing it. Or at least I didn't think it was. Not bothering to put my contacts in and instead chucking on my rather geeky black thick-rimmed glasses. My hair had gotten wet the night before and was thick with chlorine. I didn't have the time to wash it and instead chucked it into a messy bun.

I knew what I looked like, in one word, rough. It was just as well, maybe it would stop the flame between David and me before it got any further. I was the first person to the warehouse, as always. Opening the shutters ready for everyone else to turn up later in the day. The only time I didn't open up fully when I got there was if it was bad weather. It was supposed to be so that they didn't disturb me when they turned up. Yet less than half an hour after I sat down at my desk, someone was below banging about.

I leant over the railing outside my office to see who it was. Planning on telling them to knock it off. Except it was Emily. She was practically tossing crates around the warehouse. I couldn't say anything to her. She had a good reason to be taking her aggression out on the warehouse and there was no way I could face her after the night before. I remembered her saying she was coming back to work, but it had slipped my mind until I saw her there. Of all the days for her to come back, it had to be the one after I betrayed her. I had only gone to work early to avoid the awkwardness of facing her and David. I just hoped he thought better of coming in like we had discussed.

On a whim, I shouted down. "Em, I'm going to head out and check on the groundwork for the cabins. Can you hold the fort down for me?"

"Sure. I've got nothing better to do. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. It's fine. I won't be there long, anyway." Mainly because there was nothing to look at. The workers had already finished and left. They would be back but not until the lodges were delivered in a week. All the prep work was done. In the end, Rylie decided she wanted them dotted around the north end of the vineyard, mainly so they had the mountains as their backdrop. I had been so busy that I had left her to make the decisions, but given that she had picked the furthest possible corner of the vineyard, it was probably a bad idea.

Knowing everything I was avoiding, being away and secluded was a godsend. Better than being there to bear witness to Emily's pain, knowing the whole time that I had added to it. I jumped in the car and headed straight there. Cursing the ten minutes it took. Rylie might have thought it was a lovely idea, but I was sure she would change her mind when she had to head down there multiple times a day to deal with customer requests.

It was an odd sight to see, for me at least. Big slabs of concrete dotted around and mounds of soil were still beside them. I didn't even really need to check it, but it was nice just to get away from the pressure that had been building up around the vineyard for weeks. It wasn't just David, it was everything. The constant worrying about everyone, for a start. Everyone seemed to be starting new projects, but weren't actually there to oversee them. Which meant I had no choice but to step in. I had given my entire life to the vineyard and I was starting to think it was time for me to be more selfish.

To do something for myself for once. I was putting all the work in and I wasn't even going to be around for the end result. I loved my brother, I loved all of them, but I couldn't hang around once Luca took over the vineyard. Seeing him run it, having to bow down to what he wanted, it would be too much. A kick in the teeth after everything I had done. I didn't even blame Luca, or even Pops, but that didn't make it any better.

I put all my energy into being a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, and for what? No one really appreciated it. No one even acknowledged it. It was David coming along that had been the catalyst. I didn't know what was between us, but it was something I wanted and yet again I wouldn't get it. Not if I carried on worrying about everyone else anyway. I wanted to put myself first, but I wasn't sure I even had it in me. It was the way I had been raised. Not to focus on what was good for me, but what was good for others.

The sound of grinding gears forced me to turn my attention away from the ugly concrete in front of me. It was Pop's truck. It was odd because he hadn't been driving much since he hurt his arm in the fire. Only doing it when it was really necessary. Coming to the middle of nowhere to find me didn't fit the bill. As the truck got closer, I realised it wasn't Pops. I should have known better by the way he was abusing the gear box.

He stopped right beside me and wound down the window. "Morning, beautiful."

"Were you trying to send the gear box to an early grave? What are you doing here?" I hadn't realised my hands had gone straight to my hips, but I left them there regardless.

"You were supposed to be showing me the ropes, but chose not to show up."

"I wasn't exactly looking forward to being trapped in an office with you."

"Charming. I thought you planned to come in looking rough today?" David was an odd one. I struggled to pin down what it was about him that was so addictive. He had gentle dominance, not that I could understand how the two went together.

"You think you're so smooth, don't you?" I started moving backwards. It was my only real option. There wasn't exactly anywhere to hide from him out there.

"Not at all. I'm surprised you haven't spread them out further." He nodded towards the concrete sections.

"There is a good distance between them and we're going to plant more trees between each cabin so they will barely know there's anyone else around. I needed to make sure we didn't take up too much land. We're still a working vineyard after all."

"They're a bit far from the main house though." Suddenly he seemed so critical and I knew he had swapped into business mode. I had already asked and answered the same questions when we made the decisions. I wasn't the sort of person not to think everything through from every possible angle. Relaxing slightly at the chance of conversation. Business was where I was at home and it was the easiest thing in the world to discuss.

"The location wasn't my choice. It does have its advantages though. The beauty for a start. Out here, the guests will have a harder time annoying Pops too. Rylie will be doing all the journeys back and forth. She's due home from the hospital soon."

"I didn't realise they would be back so soon. Where do you plan to put them?"

"I have no idea. They should have had their cottage to move in to. So much has happened I haven't really thought about it." I could feel myself getting emotional, it happened every time I thought about Amelia and everything she had done. Thinking about how she had prevented me from seeing little Isabella. The more I thought about what happened to Luca the more emotional I got. I was upset about all of it, of course, but Luca was different somehow. He was so indestructible. To see him end up on the floor bleeding and lifeless had shattered my whole world view. Before that moment, I had never contemplated the idea of being alone.

My family was huge and it had never dawned on me that there could be a time when I would be without them. My parents were getting more frail, but Luca was so strong and firm. I had always thought I would have him, then in an instant I didn't.

"Hey, come here." He pulled me into him before I had a chance to object. I thought I was better at hiding how I was feeling, but he saw right through me. "Where did you disappear to? One minute we were talking business, the next you seemed to drift off."

"Thinking about Luca coming home, it brought back some memories I thought I had buried."

"What memory?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"If you don't talk about it, you give it power over you. The more you run from it, the bigger it becomes. So, what memory?"

"Finding Luca after he was attacked. It was awful. There was blood everywhere, all soaked into the carpet. Floorboards too. I had to scrub it out when I redid the room. I remember looking down at the scrubbing brush as I cleaned them, his blood all over my hands, all over again. When I walked in the room and found him there, I thought he was dead. I couldn't imagine how anyone could live after losing so much blood." He was shushing me as I talked and I realised it was because I was crying.

I hadn't told anyone how bad it was before that moment. How could I? Instead, I kept it to myself to protect others from seeing it in their minds.

"What did you do when you found him?"

"He was laid on his front. The police think he had tried to get to the dresser for his phone to call for help and passed out before he got to it. I rolled him over and the puddle seemed to slosh as I did. I can't get that sound out of my mind. It reminded me of wine in a barrel. I saw the tear in his shirt and lifted it, finding the slice in his skin. It looked so deep. I did what needed to be done. It wasn't until they had taken him away and I looked down at my hands covered in blood that it really hit me what had happened." David never said another word, but his grip increased. He was holding onto me so tightly that I could feel his muscles quivering with the effort. He was right though, I felt better. Just telling one other person seemed to lessen the pain.