EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 4| Kiss it All Better

The whole dinner session was fine but the entirety of it was so unusual. I felt like a different person but smaller, less beautiful, less valued. The jitter was clearly irresistible together with this plethora of emotions but I kept a straight face, keeping everything intact without leaving anybody puzzled. I never wanted to show how devastated I am and I no longer want to receive sympathy because that won't change the situation at all. That's it, he's off with another girl and I have no right to interfere.

Nevertheless, I'm relished tonight, to be honest. Too relished that it's surprising me. Although it's undeniable to feel that pinch in my chest the greater thing with that is I believe that the world isn't all about Luke. Seeing the two of them gives me a wave of discomfort though, the two of them seemed happy- I could tell by the way Luke made her laugh when he was teaching her to play the guitar. They will be flawed someday too, but this is just too precious. A long term relationship doesn't always depict perfection- most of the time the bad sides can be compelling than the good ones but what matters is how you stay because you love the person. Perhaps, Luke couldn't handle my mess anymore. We never had this thrill of him teaching me the guitar because I already knew music as much as he does. The good thing with it was us, speaking about music nonstop from Tchaikovsky to The Chordettes, to The Beatles and Radiohead and it's much better than being taught for we created a world of our own. But he's creating a new world with her. What else can I do?

"Hey, Sorry Stace, haven't talked to you in a bit. The boys and I were catching up, I surely missed a lot. And-" Calum squeezed himself beside me on a single sofa chair paused and looked at me in concern,.Are you okay? You don't look okay."

"Guys wanna watch 22 jump street?" Michael who was with Ashton in the kitchen suddenly suggested which caught our attention.

"Sounds great, I heard that movie is good." Christen finally spoke after a long moment of silence. She and Luke started talking about Channing Tatum. Ashton switched the lights off leaving the light from the kitchen open while Calum and I sat on the cold hard vinyl floor with some couple of cushions scattered on the floor. "I'm okay, Cal. "

"How's California? I really miss the boardwalk I haven't had fun that much lately. Anyway, are you playing again with Luke?" I managed to change the subject. The movie has already started and I wasn't even focused on it. It wasn't my taste.

"California is amazing as ever, you surely miss your hometown. and about the band? Good news I'm back with the guys." He responded. Luke, Me and the rest of our friends are all from California with the same aim which was to move out as much as possible to pursue better music careers but the reality is sometimes so hard to deal with. It wasn't that easy, but I am glad little by little they're getting known.

"You off with Luke now? I see his new ones now. Couldn't be more terrible than ever." He said.

"Yeah, but we have an agreement or should I say a dare." I paused as he pondered. "It's kind of stupid to have a dare at this age."

"A dare? What dare?" He curiously asked me.

"Well, We'll stay together in the same home since we still share with the bills and everything. We sleep in the same bed, use the things in our apartment but it will just stay that way. No one will mess with one's bullshits. " I explained deliberately.

"What kind of dare is that? It's unfair you know, it's like he's testing your endurance and it's shit." At this moment, it was only the two of us talking while the rest was too focused on the film. Michael was making comments, while Ashton stayed silent

"Right. But do I have any choice? Big upheavals can't be done right now and I'm still in love with him- I mean, I can leave but I really love my job, the apartment and yeah, Luke as well that's why I begged for him to stay But I never expected he would have somebody else right away." I sighed.

From my distance, I could hear Luke telling Christen sweet nothings with her lying on his chest. It was already eating me out. Calum kept me warm with his arm wrapped around my shoulder and to perhaps make me feel less lonely but it was inevitable without them knowing. I let my tears spill out without somebody knowing- I guess it wouldn't hurt. My chest was so hefty.

"Stacy, " Calum gazed at me as I wiped my tears.

"I know it sucks, but I'm here. I can make you feel okay. " He softly comforted as he ran his thumb on my damp cheeks wiping the tears away. I managed to flash a small smiled

"Calum?" I said.

"What is it?"

"Kiss me," I abruptly said as I felt quite mortified. "I'm sorry I just wanted to feel something. Oh God, forget it."

"No. I wouldn't mind at all." He reassuringly smiled. I closed my eyes as I felt his hand on my cheeks with our lips touching for the first time. This is new to me. I felt like I was in a different place where I was far away from the cynical world. But I know this kiss won't last for too long. It was just something granted that I asked for.

"I could give you more than just a kiss" He pulled off, breathing softly on my skin. They probably noticed us without my knowledge but I didn't care. Everything is f****d up.

"But Calum, we're just friends and-"

"Shhh, It's fine. If you don't mind I'll make you feel good even for tonight." He mumbled on my ear as I nodded nervously.

He grabbed my hand and keenly observed the surroundings. Once the coast is clear, he took me inside Ashton's room and locked the door. I wasn't expecting that Ashton's room would be neat without any pieces of stuff cluttered around.

He slowly laid me in the bed as if I was fragile. He started to kiss me passionately again. I never knew he could caress like this gently as if I am fragile. Fear coated my heart as I felt like backing out but his touch was already inflicting heat on my skin. It was my first time after all. As silly as it sounds, Luke and I never had any intercourse at all since we decided to wait till marriage. f**k it.

"You're so beautiful." He cooed as he trailed kisses on my neck down to my stomach stopping on the part where I needed him the most.

"Calum, I'm scared." I fearfully admitted as he smiled reassuringly

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." He sweetly said as his voice got deeper.

He slowly entered his shaft inside me, as I feel neuralgia rushing through my veins. I held back my moans as he kept his eyes locked on me with full assurance. I relaxed as minutes went by. Pain evolved to something good as I clutched the sheets.

However, I wished it was Luke right now.