EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 18| Don’t Feel Sorry

It was a cold and misty afternoon as I spent half of my day at the school, and the rest will be at Alex's hotel room. Calum's car was already in the parking lot but the two of us stayed inside. "Stacy, I'm sorry I told your brother that Luke and you were over," I didn't reply for a few seconds as I contemplated about what part of it makes Calum felt like it's wrong but my mind wasn't working at this moment. So many things were happening all at once. "I felt like I meddled, but you hardly talk to your brother and he wanted to know how you are... It's just that, I see how unhappy you are right now." He was looking at me, almost nervously hopeful that I am not preparing to revolt.

"Calum," I rubbed my face. "Don't- Don't- feel sorry about it. I really appreciate your concern," I reassured as much as I wanted to look for the error on it, I just couldn't. My brother and Calum are good friends and I don't see anything wrong with it. We left the car after a few more minutes.

Hugging my arms close to my chest, I walked inside the hotel room seeing Alex and her fiance sitting on the couch discussing something. Alex looked the same, freshly shaved but his hair was now dyed in peroxide blonde. Alex looked has better resemblance with softer features compared to Andy, my other brother who looks as though he's always prepared to thrash you. Once they realized we were already here, They all greeted me enthusiastically with a hug that suffocated me a bit although the presence of my brother was scaring me a little bit.

"Sweetie, Calum would like to tour me around, do you mind?" Samantha said, smilingly as Alex nodded although it really sounded like they wanted to give us privacy. As soon as they left, the surroundings went quieter because Alex took the music down. I sat on the couch and so did he, looking at me with full concern.

"Alex, are you mad at me?" I asked but I wasn't that scared enough, his presence was just bringing tension. Alex stood as my second father- my father surely raised a mature man out of him. He used to help me with my life decisions, listening to my rants during my younger years, helping me figure out what to do, although Andy and I established one hell of a connection too, Andy was more into fun things and tolerating me because we only live once but Alex is more like a paternal figure. Like a perfect rip off our my father.

"No, But there's just something we need to talk about." He dryly said. I fidgeted in hopes to distract myself from overthinking too much.

"I'm really concerned about you Stacy, I'm your brother and I get to live with our family in California and somehow, I couldn't help myself not to worry about you, it's just amazing that we had an opportunity to be here in London... Samantha captured The Ungoodnight's gig pics and we'll be having our prenup here. Fortunate enough that we get to see you," I felt how my brother missed me, but he sounded too worried and too dry.

"We just want you home, Stacy. Calum has told me about you and Luke breaking up," He said. "I know you're not okay Stacy, you're my sister."

"Alex, I'm fine here. I'm alright with my job now." He shook his head in disagreement. "Stacy, don't fool me. To begin with, Luke is the reason why you are staying here. Without him, you couldn't have dropped your studies, you could've been close to your college graduation-"

"Why are you equating success to college graduation?" I grumbled. Alex sat straight and glanced at me sharply. "Because that's what you originally want," He managed to keep his voice toned down but it seemed as though it was bound to raise.

"Remember when you graduated high school? I worked your way to that opportunity you’re supposed to have in New York, you get a hundred percent scholarship as long as you keep your presence in that orchestral band of theirs... you get to travel Asia, Europe, and other parts of America performing because they saw talent in you that would suffice their standards and you dropped that because of your London dream with Luke and your friends without even weighing the consequences of it all,"

It plunged further into me.

"Stacy." Alex's voice got lower as I consciously bit my lip and slowly faced the floor. "It's time to grow up,"

"I know how much you love Luke, but don't waste your time here. You're talented; it will take you to places. You'll have way more than the job of yours." He persuaded. "I know, Calum and I meddled with your life right now but Stacy, as your brother... I just want you to have the time of your life without worrying if you're earning enough to pay for the place, to pay for your needs... there's more to life than this," His words left me speechless. Calum must've told him everything.

"I'm sorry, Alex." His face softened at my apology. "I'm so sorry, I really mean it." He nodded, accepting me in apology as he pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't help but cry once again realizing how badly I destroyed my life just because of some silly love of mine and even grew hard feelings for my brother in as much as I always believed that they only cared about their own interest and not with mine.

"We'll be leaving on Sunday, Call me immediately if you're going, but I suggest you to just go with us. We can get your plane tickets."

I took a moment to ponder for a while. I couldn't imagine myself leaving London. Leaving Luke, and my friends here. This is the place where I became more than just myself. This place made me grow, this was once our dream. I thought of the impossibility of me leaving this place and how thinking about it was excruciating enough.

Alex faintly smiled, "Everything will be okay, Stacy. You're not alone, we got you."

LUKE

The food remained untouched on the table. It's probably cold right now. It was Christen's lunch break so I decided to take her to McDonald's nearby. As usual, she looked neat with her white blouse and pencil skirt and her sleek ponytail, but she wasn't speaking at all. She was the one who ratted out when I was actually taking her to a date and now she's giving me this. Why does everything seem to fall apart early?

"Christen is there something wrong? You could tell me." She gazed at me blankly after I asked her.

"Wrong? There's nothing wrong." She faintly responded but by the way, she looked at me, it seemed as though there are so many things that she's holding back to say.

The feeling was familiar. I was anxious enough that I might be replaced, or if I'm already being replaced. It seems so merely obvious that she wasn't even interested which I never encountered within the two months of being with her.

"Christen, Just always remember that I really love you so much," The atmosphere was frigid as I got no response within a long moment of silence. Thoughts began to fight inside my head with questions eating me alive.

"I love you too Luke." She finally spoke as she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Luke, I think I should go back. Tons of work." She seriously said sweeping some thoughts of mine away. She quickly walked away leaving me and the food untouched.