EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 17|Heaven is a place on earth with you

I barely slept the whole week after I helped Luke figure things out with his song. The conversation I had with Calum after that night somewhat shook some sense out of me. However, the other reason for my sleepless night involved my exhaustion in arranging how their recital would go. I decided to make it a little special since they told me that if it will get some good reviews, they'll give me extra pay which is equivalent to one month of working.

The door slammed all of a sudden as It made me jolt causing the ketchup bottle to drop on the floor, and by some miracle, it didn't shatter. I just came home from the grocery to get our household needs after Luke gave me his share yesterday as I was peacefully arranging the things that belong to the cupboard. It made me feel like, I matured so early. It was Luke, storming inside the house walking directly straight to the kitchen, his face too rigid as if he was about to blow up. He popped a bottle Jack Daniel's country cocktails that were stacked in our fridge- I didn't know that they had some left after the boys hang out in our place a few days ago. As soon as the bottle was now free from its cap, he swigged the drink which somewhat surprised me.

I picked up the ketchup bottle as I took a glance on him- he looked excessively furious with his clenched fists and gritted teeth, profanities spread through the air with its thick layer of tactlessness. It pushed me further to agitation.

"Luke, calm down." I bit my lip in surprise to what just slipped in my mouth. One rule to calm a person who is having a meltdown or is upset is to never tell them to calm the f**k down and I just did. I closed the cupboard and faced him instead. I felt like I was walking on eggshells too.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked with my voice coated with concern as he took a deep breath as if he was so much furious.

"We just got into a fight, We were supposed to have a date tonight. Not just a typical date, but I reserved a seat in a fine dining restaurant downtown... Everything fancy, the architecture was even in Rococo style- it's that expensive. I really wanted to take her out on a nice date since we've been together for like three months now... But then, she cancelled- last minute and when I started blowing up on the phone she started cursing me out like I never gave any respect for her personal matters. "

My jaw almost dropped as his voice was low enough but he was scoffing and emphasizing each word. I was speechless without the right words to tell him as silence wrapped us both. His tensed shoulders relaxed as soon as I sat down beside him. I always deemed Christen as someone perfect or maybe she is and I just ruined it.

"I'm sorry,” His voice filled this silence. I softly tilted my head glaring blankly at him as he ran his hand on his forehead in exhaustion seemed to be in deep thought.

"No, it's okay Luke." I half smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm really sorry. I just don't know how to help you out and what to say."

He quickly finished the bottle and rummaged on the fridge again "You know, I think things could be much better in this way." He handed me one, uncapped. He wore a faint smile at me as his presence was as cold enough as ice. I never felt his warmth for three months already- all those actions that messed me up were just another image of false hope that always held me back from moving on. I took the bottle from him as he sat on the couch and I followed.

"You could tell me all your grudges about this day. If that could somehow, help you." I said bringing the rim of the bottle near my mouth as the scent of hard alcohol filled up my nostrils. I took a sip of my drink as I felt the cold liquid run through my throat, but in a matter of seconds, it began to burn.

"It's just... I canceled our rehearsal for tonight, just for that stupid dinner. I have tons of repertoire needs to be practiced more, but I canceled it all just for her."

I felt how disheartened and frustrated he was right now. Canceling things just for some silly reasons that revolved around the love for a specific person and it ends up really horribly. "Why don't you talk to her,"

"Talk sometimes, make things swell more Stacy, "Evidently, this is what he believed. We broke up without weighing things more, he just blew up like that without thinking of saving us.

Time had passed by as I seem to lose track each time I get a taste of alcoholic beverages. I think we already downed all the bottles that were left inside the fridge and I'll surely regret this tomorrow for I already feel like melting on the couch. Luke seemed that he really had the worst day as ever so he dropped by on a store and bought more. He let out all his grudges not just for this day, but for the rest of his life within these past weeks. His regrets, his hatred towards his father, how he misses his mother- almost everything.

But he didn't say anything about me, about us.

He was half asleep all messed up in the middle of intoxication after a heap of rants flooded my way. I lingered on the other side of the couch staring at him.

Memories started to randomly flash in my head.

I felt like it was severe and intensified, coming in waves- washing me and drowning me as if I was in a boat that vehemently capsized. I don't know how to be saved. I closed my eyes, feeling my surroundings spin and there it was, my whole life flashing inside my mind seemed as though this was the last minute of my life- but indeed it was the last minute of my life for every image that my mind held was in great detail of me and him. I saw the way he used to kiss me whenever he liked, I saw the way he sang for me when his vocals weren't as breathtaking as now, I saw the way we used to sleep without the tremendous emptiness in between, I saw the way we ventured the streets at night like idiots, I saw the way we both listened to each other, I saw my whole life- because that is what he is and this will be the end of me.

Everything vanished in a split second as I opened both of my eyes. I felt a tear fell. It made me realize how huge the things I lost. His eyes were now open as well as I was so hopeful he didn't see me crying again. But I know he did, he knew everything about me, what I love, what I hate, what disgusts me, how my eyes look when they're tired, lonely and hurt, he knew all about me even my pattern of breathing. He moved closer to me, his breath reeked of alcohol.

His face was close enough to me. Our nose touched with his eyes locked on mine. The same pair of eyes that saw me differently from everybody else, and will always.

Will one kiss would be ungodly?

My hand crept on his soft cheek with both of our breaths gradually becoming more erratic. "We're really over, aren't we?" I asked him, tears already flooding my face. His silence prevailed, but his lips were close to mine. I could already feel it touching mine. "Please, answer me, Luke,” My voice wavered as he crashed his lips onto mine leaving no space for words. He felt so warm and so was his mouth like I tasted his own breath. His hand was placed on the back of my neck as he tugged my hips so I was already on top of him.

"Luke I'm so sorry." I subtly panicked removing myself on top of him, tears seemingly endless.

"No." He said as he pulled me once again- our lips meeting for the second time, with it feeling like home. This time, he was now on top of me with his lips moving as if there was no tomorrow. It didn't mean something to him, certainly. He might not remember this tomorrow, but I'll keep this moment even it was already killing me because of all I ever needed is for it to come from him that we're over.

But I'll always remember this.

-

My eyes fluttered open as sweet morning air kissed my skin. Even so, I felt s**t despite the view of the gloomy skies which had always been my taste. I lost all my emotions. My body felt so feeble as my head pounded so hard. Too much alcohol last night. Clearly too much and I'm already regretting it. Luke’s arms were wrapped around me as I tilted my body to face him, with his mouth partly open. I sighed.

'We need to talk x -Alex''

It was my brother's text message. Those three words brought up so much tension in me. I removed his arm around my waist and gave him a good look before I decided to press my lip on his cheek.

So long, Luke.