Dear Diary, I'm Completely Lost

A Heartfelt Promise

Hunter stays for five days. Apparently, they have a thing called the October recess at Yale. I had no idea. Actually, no one did. My mom is shaken to see Hunter sitting in her kitchen, when she gets home. Not long after Jackson leaves, might I add.

I really wanted to drag him upstairs to my room, but he refused, because he didn’t want my mom to walk in on us. Yeah, to think about it now, it was probably a good call. But he’s not getting away with it in the evening.

I’ve literally asked him everything I could’ve come up with, just to make sure he’s not mad at me for being alone with Jackson. He knows what I’m up to and answers my questions like everything’s normal.

Then, when my mom comes home, she greets him warmly, after pulling herself back together. Anyway, I’m about to tell her how long he’s staying and all that, when she directs her gaze straight at me and asks: “Did you finish that term paper with that boy?”

I nod, making her turn back to Hunter. “You didn’t run into him, did you?” she wonders, making me freeze. Okay, mom, way to be subtle. What is she up to now? I hope she won’t stir doubt into his mind, because there’s literally nothing going on there.

I’m not going to pretend that Jackson didn’t step over the line at the Fall Festival, but I sure as hell didn’t let him keep doing that. We had one term paper together and I regret that I agreed to do it with him anyway.

“I did, unfortunately,” my boyfriend responds, earning himself a conspiratory gaze from my mom. Seriously, these two need to stop talking like they’re the desperate housewives.

“Ah. My condolences,” my mom continues in a dramatic way, making me let out a long breath. They both turn their heads towards me at the same time, while I cross my arms against my chest and shake my head.

“Aren’t you two overreacting?” I ask, just trying to calm things down. My mom raises her eyebrow in that way that I hate, while Hunter mimics my movement. I try not to drool over the way his biceps flex through the fabric of his sweater. It’s getting a little tight on him. Damn. Hottie.

“Excuse me if I’m not thrilled that my daughter is doing a term paper with someone, who ran after her like a puppy to pay her a compliment,” mom remarks, making me freeze. Oh my God. Oh, she didn’t go there. Hunter’s face turns to stone and he slowly turns towards her.

“He what?” he asks even more slowly, clearly trying not to be upset, but I can read it in his tone that he’s barely keeping his cool. My mom glances between us, clearly realizing what a mess she just made.

“Perrie?” she says, clearly trying to encourage me to continue. I’m pissed. I’m pissed as hell.

“No, go on, mom. Since you already started,” I encourage her, hopping off the barstool and storming out of the kitchen. Wow. There’s a reason why I didn’t mention anything about that to Hunter. He was already upset to see Jackson in the house, I didn’t want to make it worse!

And I did intend to tell him. I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut because I feel guilty, even if I didn’t do anything wrong. Now it’s all ruined. How do I face him now? He’ll think that I wasn’t honest earlier. But I was! I only care about him, no one else literally even exists for me!

Before I’m able to escape to my room to sulk in my misery, I already hear footsteps coming after me. “Mom, I’m really not in the mood for this now, you’ve done enough,” I say, my voice trembling with anger.

“At least she told me the truth,” I hear Hunter’s voice say in response, making me freeze. Seriously, how could I mistake his footsteps for hers? I turn around in horror, my face softening at the look on his face.

He follows me into my room and closes the door. I gulp nervously. “Hunter, the door-”

“I’m sure your mom won’t mind if we have a moment of privacy,” he interrupts me before I’m able to finish my sentence. I stare at him, suddenly not knowing what to say. “Well? Are you going to tell me why you let out such a minor detail about that guy or are you just going to gawk at me?”

I can feel myself blushing but I realize I don’t have the right to be offended right now. “Because you were already upset to begin with. I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. I was planning on telling you later, but mom kind of beat me to it,” I explain, realizing that I’m starting to tear up. “Besides, I agreed to do this stupid term paper with him before he pulled that stunt,” I then add, biting hard on my lower lip to prevent it from trembling.

“What exactly did he say?” he asks. I blink away the tears, sending him a flustered look. He lets out a sharp breath. “What did he say, Perrie?” he repeats himself after I don’t immediately answer him. I part my lips, not wanting to tell him that.

“He … He ran after us when we were going to the car. He introduced himself to mom and dad and then he … He said he had to tell me I looked beautiful up on stage,” I finally manage to get the words out of my mouth, but not without trouble.

Hunter closes his eyes and breathes in, clearly upset with the way his chest puffs up and jaw clenches. God, I really didn’t need this in my life right now. It’s already hard enough having to be apart from him, and now someone just had to waltz in and cause unnecessary drama.

“And what did you tell him in response?” he asks as he opens his eyes. I blink in surprise. Why is that important?

“I said thanks. Then he realized how awkward he’s being and left,” I answer, making him nod. He pinches his nose, his jaw clenching a couple of times more, then he lets out a low groan.

Before I even know what’s happening, I find myself pinned against the door, my hands held above my head. He presses himself against me, staring down at me in a serious way, suddenly making me forget how to breathe.

“I want you to stay away from that guy,” he grunts in a low tone, speaking so quietly that I wouldn’t be able to hear him if our noses weren’t nearly touching. I’d probably tell him he has nothing to worry about, if he wasn’t this close to me. If he wasn’t Hunter.

But truth be told, I’m secretly turned on by his jealousy. Damn. It’s hot to be wanted. “Trust me, I’m doing that. If we didn’t have to do this stupid paper together, I would gladly ignore him sooner,” I murmur back, making him inhale slowly.

He presses his lips against my forehead, letting one of his hands roam down my arm and across my chin, before slowly sliding between my breasts, having me breathe in shakily. He’s entering a dangerous zone.

“Good girl,” he grunts again, staring at me in such a way that makes me want to grab his jeans and tear them off him. I let out a quiet, needy moan, making him smirk. “You have no idea how obsessed I am with you. Even now that you’re mine,” he continues, his hand slipping below my bra.

I gasp, wanting him to finish the distance between us, but he keeps staring at me at a safe distance, and no matter how hard I try to finish it, I can’t. He’s going to be the end of me one day. “Hunter, please,” I practically beg him, making him smile.

And the moment he does, I know that we’re okay. That he doesn’t blame me for Jackson’s behavior. And most importantly, that he trusts me more than anyone in this world. It’s something I never want to lose.

He slowly starts leaning towards me, his hand grabbing me a little harder as his mouth finally finds mine, kissing me so passionately that it makes me lift my leg to wrap it around him. He chuckles against my lips and puts just enough distance between us to tell me: “Patience, baby.”

We return downstairs soon after, holding hands. Mom doesn’t ask questions, but I can tell she feels bad for stirring drama. However, when she notices our hands are intertwined, her face lights up with relief.

She apologizes to me and I tell her it’s okay. She couldn’t have known anyway. Hunter’s visit was as much of a surprise for her as it was for me. I’m just glad he listens to me. I mean, if I look from his point of view, I’d be upset too, if a girl ran after him and told him how sexy he looked in his jersey. And out of it.

Mom starts asking Hunter about school, while I help her out with dinner. She put the notebook and everything I left on the kitchen island together in a pile. When it’s almost time to eat, I carry my things to my room. It’s just the three of us, so we’ll probably dine in the kitchen.

As I’m returning downstairs, I overhear my mom telling Hunter about the winning moment and how I mentioned him on stage. I stop right before the stairs, listening to his reaction. “She didn’t tell me that,” he says, sounding surprised and thrilled at the same time.

“She’s really happy with you, Hunter. You helped her through a rough patch and I’m so grateful that we have you in our lives,” she tells him, her voice suddenly getting all emotional. My face falls. Yeah, I was really making things difficult for everyone last year.

It took Hunter to make me see that my grandpa dying doesn’t mean that I have to die too. Not physically, but you know … I wasn’t exactly living either. The trauma of having to lose someone is a nasty thing. “No, I’m grateful that you accepted me into this wonderful family. I’d never even know what family means, if you didn’t take me in. Thank you, Rose. I promise you I will never hurt your daughter,” he tells her, knocking the air out of my lungs.

“Thank you,” is all she manages to get out of her mouth. And I just stand there, processing his words. That was … That was beautiful. It makes me want to run down there and kiss the life out of him, but I feel like this conversation wasn’t meant for my ears.

Especially when my mom suddenly changes the subject and asks him to help her set up the table, since I’m taking so long. I quickly tiptoe to the bathroom, close myself in and pull the water on the toilet. You know, so I don’t make them suspicious.

Then, I wash my hands and head downstairs, pretending that I didn’t hear a word. But on the inside, I’m beaming.