Illegally Yours |+18|

13. So what you and I have to do is be a couple.

Bess.

It's impossible for me not to smile as I watch Aaron sleep.

He looks so calm, peaceful, like there is no worry in his life. And secretly, that's what I wish for him, a world free of problems where he doesn't have to worry about anything. In my preference, I would like him to live like this by my side, but I will have to propose it to see what he says.

I bite my lip to suppress my laughter when his nose crinkles up playfully, looking a bit adorable.

"You're adorable" I whisper very softly, not looking away from him.

Probably, if he listened to me right now, he'd be mad at me just like Evan was mad when I told him he was cute. He fought, grumbled and insisted telling me that he was not cute, but sexy. In my own opinion, being sexy means that it inspires s*x and I don't want to have s*x with Evan.

I suppress a laugh again when I realize that I do find Aaron sexy, because I want to have s*x with him.

I sigh heavily at the thought.

It feels weird knowing that all this time what he woke up in me was that. s*x. Since I was little, although I didn't have a mother or relative who warned me about it, I did have a large number of teachers who constantly asked me uncomfortable questions and, at the same time, warned me about how careful I had to be. Therefore, I always imagined that s*x would be a bad thing. I mean, it must be really painful for something to get inside you, but apparently, it's not that bad after all.

I rest my cheek on my hand, never taking my eyes off Aaron.

I liked what we did last night, I liked what it provoked me. It felt like an overly hot fire that originated from deep inside and spread through the rest of my body, resting between my thighs. And only his body, his pressure and his touch, were the only thing that relieved me of that fire.

But somehow, that wasn't enough either. I wanted more. Exactly and more precisely, I wanted his mouth on mine. But he never gave me that and I wonder if a kiss is so bad that he refused me so reluctantly.

Almost instinctively my gaze lowers to his mouth. His lips are slightly parted and look as inviting as they've ever been.

And I know he doesn't want my mouth on his. For some strange reason, that seems like too much for him. The problem is that I want him too much, too much is too much, and now that he seems so lost in his dream, maybe it's the perfect time to get what I want.

Slowly, I lean into him slightly, my mouth inches from his.

Just a little, a little more and I'll have what I want.

When I'm about to, I regret it and walk away a bit, looking at him carefully.

He is still asleep.

So I kiss him.

My mouth rests on his and a large, involuntary sigh escapes me. I press my sealed lips to his slightly parted ones and close my eyes, marveling at the feel of his warm mouth on mine.

I smile at him, and when he moves slightly, I immediately pull away, pretending nothing has happened.

I laugh very low at what I just did and patiently wait for him to wake up. Apparently, my kiss has been the perfect wake-up call because his eyes slowly begin to open.

"Hey," he whispers as his blue eyes gaze up at me.

"Hi".

"And that smile?" He asks. “Do you wake up so happy every day?”

I shrug my shoulders dramatically, all the while smiling because, although he doesn't know it, I've fulfilled one of my greatest wishes.

I've kissed him and that makes me happy.

“I woke up with you” I tell him. "Why wouldn't I be happy?"

He stares at me for several seconds and, finally, a huge smile rests on those lips that I kissed a few seconds ago.

"You really are a special little thing, aren't you?"

"Because what you say?"

"Because not everyone expresses what feel as freely as you do."

"I see no reason to hide it" I confess. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No" he immediately denies. “I like that you tell me what you think, what you feel. You are transparent, Bess, and that is something that makes you unique because it is not a very common quality among people”.

Actually, I'm not transparent because I haven't told him that I kissed him. But it's my kiss and I'm going to protect it even from he. Aaron will probably be upset if I tell him, so a bit of silence is sometimes necessary.

"Aaron" I tell him when I remember something that has left me a little curious: "Do you want s*x?"

"Hey?"

“Now” I tell him more clearly. "Do you want s*x now?"

He stares at me, surprised, curious, and I think even blushing.

"Why do you ask that?" He asks in the middle of a throat clearing.

I look down at the protruding part of his sleep pants as I say, “You look the same as last night.” I rest my hand on his bare belly and am tempted to touch his crotch because I'm curious to know how he feels, but I'm scared. To not make him angry, I keep my hand on his belly.

"Bess, pretty," he says with some humor. "In general, all men in the morning wake up with an erection."

“Wake up wanting s*x?” I ask, still looking at his crotch.

His hand wraps around my neck and forces me to look at him. His eyes sparkle with amusement and I'm afraid he's controlling himself from laughing.

"Men always want s*x, Bess, you should know" I widen my eyes at his words, but before I can say anything, he continues: "But in the mornings, more than wanting s*x, we wake up with an erection due to a physiological reaction.

"Physiological?"

"Yes, it is a reaction of the body while we sleep, that's all."

I nod, thinking about it.

"And does it hurt?" On instinct, I lower my hand a little to the waistband of his pants and narrow my eyes at him. "Can I do something for you? I don't want anything to hurt you, Aaron."

"I'm fine, Bess."

"Sure?"

"Yes".

I sigh with relief.

"Aaron!" I suddenly yell when I remember something. “I think now I understand something you said to me.”

"What?" He looks at me curiously.

“You said you wanted to bury yourself in me,” I say excitedly. "Is that a way of saying you want s*x?"

“Bess...”

"p***s inside v****a" I meditate. "It is buried."

I look up at him as a loud laugh escapes his lips, filling the room and probably the entire apartment.

"Christ, Bess," he says between laughs. "Aren't you embarrassed at all?"

I twist my lips.

“I don't know” I say. “I think I would be embarrassed if you saw me naked, but at the same time, I want it.”

He takes a deep breath before getting up to sit on the bed.

“Okay, I think we've had enough s*x talk for today,” he says, turning his back on me. "Are you hungry?"

I crawl onto the bed and settle in behind him, my chest against his back as I hug him tightly.

"I like you," I smile against his cheek, resting my lips against his skin. "I like you very, very, very much."

"Much much?" He turns his face a little, looking at me with a special sparkle in his eyes. "That is new".

"I don't think so," I deny. "Actually, I think I like you very much from the first day I met you."

And how not to do it? He was the first to give me kindness, affection and generosity. He was the first to show me that not all human beings are s**t. But beyond that, I feel it is more than just gratitude. I feel it deeper. Much deeper than that.

"So, do you remember what we talked about last night?" He asks.

I want to play dumb and make him think I don't remember. Actually, I was hoping he'd drop the subject, but evidently, he didn't. And I can't pretend I've forgotten because I'm not good at lying to him.

"I remember" I bury my face in his neck and inhale his scent. "You smell nice".

"Don't change the subject, pretty."

“Aaron, please,” I grumble. “I don't want to meet more people, with you I'm enough. Besides, I hate the idea of ​​seeing you with someone else. Aren't you?"

“Bess, we already talked about this. We need it".

"I don't see why" I'm honest. “I want s*x, you want s*x and people generally when they want s*x, they do it because they want each other. So what you and I have to do is be a couple”.

"Holy crap, Bess, do you think much at night?"

"Perhaps."

He laughs as he forces me to my feet and drags me into his bathroom.

"Tell me what you thought last night while we brush our teeth."

"You're an i***t" I tell him while laughing out loud. "I can't tell you anything while we brush, you wouldn't understand me."

"Fine, fine." He rolls his eyes. "So, teeth first."

I nod excitedly because I like to brush my teeth. Feeling the taste of toothpaste I like, because it reminds me that my mouth is clean.

When we're done, I follow him into the kitchen and sit on the counter as I watch him find some things in the fridge.

"Is a sandwich okay for you?" He asks.

"Yes, it's perfect".

"Okay, now tell me how much you thought last night."

"Oh yeah," I smile at him. "As I told you, I think we should be a couple."

"And you think that because...?"

"Because I like you and surely, you like me" he doesn't say anything, so I smile because being positive, I think he is proving me right. "So, I once saw this movie of a boy and a girl who said they liked each other."

Actually, I only saw a piece of this nice movie because I wasn't allowed to watch TV.

"Uh-huh..." he says, going about his business as he prepares breakfast.

“And they gave each other kisses and other things...”

He looks at me blankly.

“Did you watch porn?”

"Porn?" I ask, confused. "Well, I do not know. The point is that these guys kissed each other, held hands and laughed together like you and I do."

“Ah” there seems to be relief there. "And that's why you think we should be a couple?"

"Yes, also, the boy gave the girl little kisses here" I point to the place on my neck where he kissed me last night. "You did, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did." He brings a piece of tomato to his mouth and chews slowly, looking at me.

"You see? We do couple things, so we must be couple” I smirk. "What do you think about the idea?"

“Bess...”

"Besides, if I want to have s*x with you, it must be for something special, so you are special to me." I frown. "Aaron, I don't know what love is, but I could be falling in love with you because I can't see any other meaning to everything that's going on."

I want him to touch me, kiss me, hug me and, furthermore, I always want to be by his side. If it was just friendship that I felt for him, I wouldn't want all this intimacy between us. And although I have never felt love, I think I am very close to feeling it for him. I've heard people say that this feeling comes quickly and without warning, and you just feel it. And that is exactly what is happening to me.

Never in my life did I worry about love because I thought it impossible to find someone to love, but I think I have found it and I don't want to let it go.

Aaron keeps looking at me, chewing on the damn tomato.

“I have another theory to all this and I'm going to tell you what it is” he approaches me and leaves his hands on my thighs when he says: “You may be confusing desire with love. You've never felt either, you probably don't know the difference between one and the other, and I need to make sure you won't regret anything we do to, Bess."

"I do not think so".

"Yes, pretty, let's go and I'll explain" he looks at me seriously for several seconds before saying: "You're going to stay put, Bess, promise me."

"What? Why?"

I don't understand.

"Promise" he insists.

I sigh heavily.

"Fine, I promise."

Her hands go to the hem of the shirt I'm wearing and slowly move it up my body, stopping below my breasts.

"Hold it right there" he asks gently and immediately, I do.

A shaky breath escapes me as he buries his face into my belly and inhales hard against my skin.

"What do you feel?" He asks.

“Feels good,” I exhale.

“No, focus on your body.” He looks up at me through his lashes. “How do you feel when I do this?” His lips plant an open-mouthed kiss just above my navel and I shudder completely at his action.

"Shudders through my skin," I whisper as he sucks. “Goosebumps and…” I stop when his mouth moves down. "Burn."

"Desire burns, Bess," he traces his tongue over the waistband of my panties and I scream out his name. "And your breasts?"

"What about them?"

"How do you feel them?"

I swallow hard before saying, “They weigh me down.”

He nods with what appears to be satisfaction.

“Do you feel them sensitive?”

I nod softly, feeling all too aware of how his hand on my ribs seems so close to my breasts.

“I want you to touch them” I finally tell him in a huff, because I really do.

"That's all desire, Bess." He ignores my request and walks away from me to fully lower the shirt and put it in place. “It's desire that makes you want to have s*x with me... s*x is not just getting to do it and that's it. There is this moment before that is called...” he thinks his words before saying, “Foreplay. And all this foreplay is what turns you on and prepares you for that moment."

"So we've had a lot of foreplay?" He nods at my words. “But we never got to the end” I understand.

"No, we never have."

"Why Aaron?"

“Because I don't want to take advantage of you, Bess. Because I'm afraid you'll end up hating me if this doesn't work,” he sighs heavily. "Because I'm older than you and in society, our relationship can be frowned upon and I don't want you to suffer because of it."

"I don't care about that," I add quickly.

"Well, I don't care either," he says with a small smile. “And honestly, I'm f*****g tired of trying to stay away from you. It is a fight that I will always end up losing, so I give up, but...”

"But...?"

"But you are my priority and just as you are honest with me, I will be with you too" he gently takes my cheeks in his hands and joins our foreheads, looking at me closely. "I'm going to see women because I need to, Bess."

I blink when tears come to me.

"Aaron..."

"Listen to me, Bess, listen to me," I nod without taking my eyes off hers. “Never in my f*****g life have I fallen in love. Never, Bess. I'm inexperienced, I have no idea what love is either and I don't want to make a mistake with you. You understand me?"

"No" I'm honest.

"What if what I feel for you is only desire?" He asks. "Because, Bess, I'd rather cut off my p***s than make you a one-night stand."

"I'm sick of you!" I explode. “What if it's not just desire that we feel?! Have you thought about that?!” I push him by the chest and I get off the counter. "You're practically throwing me into someone else's arms and you're going to run to the first woman you see!"

"Well, if throwing you into someone else's arms is what I need to do to make sure that what you feel for me isn't just gratitude, then I'm going to do it, Bess!"

"Gratitude?!" I ask with surprise, anger, pain. "I'm not just grateful for you, Aaron!"

"How are you so sure about that?!" he asks, taking a step closer to me. “All I think is that you are confusing what you feel for me with something else and then, then when the right person for you arrives, a boy your age, more suitable for you, more in line with your beautiful personality, you go to give everything you're giving to me, Bess! You're going to take away everything I've gotten used to!"

“Aaron...”

“And if you regret what happened to us?! If finally, when this other person appears, you think that I am a pervert, degenerate, that I took advantage of you and your vulnerability?! What if you end up hating me?!”

"I'm never going to hate you, reverend imbecile, much less would I think that of you!" I clench my hands into fists, furious. "And I still don't understand why you have to see more women!"

“Because it's been years, Bess, years since I've touched a woman! And while I'm ninety-nine percent sure that what I feel for you isn't just desire, there is this small range that I could be wrong!"

"So you're going to sleep with more women!"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone, Bess!"

"Oh no?!" I laugh hysterically because I feel like a crazy person. “Looks to me like that's what you've been wanting to say all this time, asshole!”

"Blessed Christ" he closes his eyes tightly. “Stubborn, stubborn and jealous girl, I'm not going to sleep with anyone. I'll just go out to a bar, have a few drinks, chat with some pretty woman and…”

"And you will sleep with her."

“No, Bess, no! I just want to know what I'm going to feel while a beautiful woman flirts with me! If she doesn't arouse anything in me, then I'll accept it, I'm falling for you!”

I stare at him, analyzing his words.

"Fine" I finally accept.

"Good?" he asks in surprise.

“Yeah, well, do what you need to do to make sure you feel about me. I will do the same".

"What?"

I shrug at me.

“You're right, Aaron, I need to make sure that what I feel for you isn't just gratitude.” His jaw clenches when I say the words, but I'm just telling him what he's been looking to get out of all of this. "I'm going out with more guys."

I skip the part where I tell him I already know who that guy is going to be.

Thiago Pauls.

And if Aaron doesn't like it, then he can go to hell.

I'm just giving him what he wants.

"Bess, are you serious?"

"Yes" I nod as I control my rage.

I know how I feel and I'm sure he feels the same way about me. But if he wants to get people in the middle, I'll let him do it.

"Bess, pretty," he calls out to me.

"Tell me" I say with feigned indifference as I finish making the sandwiches, since it seems that he has forgotten them.

"You're jealous" I shudder when I feel his presence behind me, his hands on my hips pulling me back, pressing me against his body. "And you want to make me jealous."

"Yes" I accept, because it is the truth.

"For something you're experiencing and doing for the first time, it turned out great...because you did it, I'm jealous."

“Oh, and you will be even more so.”

"s**t, Bess," he growls. “Stop acting like a woman, dammit. You make me want to do things to you.

I turn in the little space he gives me and look at him with confusion: "What things do you want to do to me?"

And, as if by magic, a great laugh bursts from his mouth.

I keep looking at him with confusion.

"That's my pretty," he gently teases his nose against mine. "I propose you something".

"I hear you".

“We'll go out with more people, but just once,” he says softly. “You go out with a boy, I go out with a woman. But there will be conditions."

"Which?"

“No kisses here.” He lightly touches his lips to my lips, a very perfunctory brush. "Not even here" he kisses softly my neck. "Not anywhere else."

“Those conditions are for both of us?” I ask him, turning my face away to look into his eyes.

"Of course".

"I also want to put conditions" I tell him, standing up in my place to try to look imposing.

Aaron smiles.

"I hear you, pretty."

"We have to come to sleep at home yes or yes" I list with one of my fingers. "We won't be getting very dressed up to go out, and lastly, I don't want you to be touched."

"Neither do you."

I nod, finding no problem with that.

“Oh, I almost forgot. This is very important. You will not say pretty or any kind of praise to that woman”.

Aaron gives me a detailed look, like it's his first time getting to know my face.

"s**t, Bess, I didn't know you were so possessive."

"I told you I like you" I remind him. "And a lot".

"I just hope you still feel the same way when you go out with that guy."

"I'll keep feeling it, Aaron!" I tell him a bit exasperated.

He takes my neck in his hand and caresses me warmly, like he's trying to calm me down.

“Any more conditions?” He asks.

"I think not".

"Okay, so now we're going to have breakfast because we'll be late for work."

"Worked!" I scream when I remember it. "I had completely forgotten".

I crinkle my nose a little when he playfully kisses it.

"Let's finish preparing the sandwi..."

His words are interrupted by the insistent doorbell. Aaron and I look at each other, not knowing who might be. Then we hear his grandmother's voice calling out his name and Aaron's face pales a bit.

And I understand, she has come for me.