Illegally Yours |+18|

16. I will not let her go.

Aaron.

Something about this feels wrong.

As I look at the pretty red-haired woman in front of me, talking to me about something, my mind keeps going back to Bess and what I would be doing right now with her.

Bess would probably be snuggled up against me while we watch some silly animal show I'd only put up with for her, together on the couch. And that would be fine, because just feeling her need for me would be enough to have a good night.

Instead, I'm in this rowdy pub, letting myself be swept away by Evan while the redheaded woman does her best to get my attention, showing me her huge and, I must agree, sexy breasts.

I watch Evan as he talks to a raven-haired woman who seems to be his girl of the day. She is on his lap as he whispers who knows what kind of obscenities in her ear.

Trust me, I know him. I know the methods of conquest of him. I've been there myself, following in his footsteps.

I give the redhead the attention she wants and stare at her breasts for several seconds. She rises in place of her, showing them even more until I think I see her n*****s about to leak out of her little top.

I've always been a boob man. I like to admire a pair of nice t**s. But this time I feel nothing as I look at the huge pair in front of my eyes. I feel absolutely nothing, just boredom, disinterest, and an overwhelming desire to be close to Bess.

Bess.

Without being able to avoid it, the comparisons come to my head. And although Bess's breasts would have everything to lose next to this woman, I would still choose those of my pretty.

I wonder what is wrong with me.

And this was exactly what I wanted. Get out of my damn doubts once and for all to confirm how I feel about Bess. And it can't just be desire if I still prefer her small breasts over these huge t**s right under my nose.

I control myself not to growl angrily when the redhead leans in my direction, her breasts being right in front of my face.

Her flirtation strikes me as vulgar and obscene, nothing compared to Bess's innocent teasing that turns me on more than anyone ever could.

"So you own a company," says the redhead, of course, touching on the subject of money.

“Yes” I just say, leaning back on my padded seat to turn my face away from her boobs.

"And what is the company about?" she asks, taking the glass of vodka from her as she looks at me through her long lashes.

I think about explaining to her about marketing, finding that an interesting topic. But I decide not to because it doesn't make sense. I don't want her to know anything about me and I'm sure after today I won't see her again. Besides, I don't think she understands me, not when she's over-drinking and concentrating on getting me into her panties.

"You wouldn't understand," I tell her simply, not hiding my disinterest when I look away.

“I can understand if you explain it to me.” Her smile on her lips becomes more flirtatious. "I learn quickly, more if you teach me graphically... accompanied by experience."

I snort at his words, not understanding how she used to fall for flirtations as crude and meaningless as these.

And even though I went five years without having a night out, I distinctly remember not wasting my time and always taking the first sexy woman who was more than willing to spread her legs.

Now it all seems empty to me.

"I'm done here," I say out loud so Evan can hear me.

I already checked what I wanted, I have nothing else to do here.

Evan is still on his own with the black-haired woman. I can see his hands inside her skirt and I don't need to see anything else to understand what is happening between them.

I shake my head as I look away, not understanding how I was able to do such a thing before.

And yes, I had my stages. In my teens, I had those days where I was f*****g girls in public and I didn't give a s**t about having viewers. There was something exciting about it. But that was before, I already burned that stage a long time ago. I just keep wondering why Evan has never burned through that stage of his life. By God, we are already thirty years old. He needs to stop behaving like a fifteen year old who can't keep his c**k in his pants.

I signal to one of the waiters who passes by and he comes over with the bill. I hand him a large bill and tell him to keep the change.

The red-haired woman who doesn't seem to like it at all that I'm about to leave, she keeps her eyes on my wallet and I see her surprise when she sees how much money I have.

Perfect, I've made a probably drunk girl see me as her ticket to a life of luxury.

Hell, I've been through that too, and I know how to avoid those kinds of women very well.

I hand her another bill and tell her with my best smile: “This is for you to pay for what you want to consume tonight, my gift. And also for you to go by taxi”.

I stand up, ready to leave, but to my bad luck, or planned by the redheaded woman, I bump into the drink in her hands and it spills on my pants.

I glare at her and she seems to cringe in place of her at my furious glare, but I've never been patient with clumsy people. Besides, her attempt to get my attention is already exasperating me.

Any way at all.

I roll my eyes and head to the bathroom, needing to wash off the cold drink I can already feel on my balls.

I just need to dry off, get out of here, and get back to Bess.

Today, when I saw her together with Zaid, I understood how difficult it would be for me to see her together with someone else.

But I know she needs it.

It may not seem reasonable to her, but to me it is.

I need to know that what she feels for me is real, as real as what I'm starting to feel or already feel for her.

In the middle of the hallway that leads me to the bathrooms, a cold hand wraps around my wrist. Before I can understand what is happening, I have a woman on me, her lips on my mouth.

Later I understand that it is the redhead and when her hand lowers in between us and she takes my c**k in her hand, I growl in frustration and anger.

Her mouth is everywhere, so hungry that I even feel it on my nose.

I keep my hands at my sides as I control myself not to push her away because I know that if I push her away, I'll be too rough because of the anger and disgust her kiss makes me.

And I count the seconds in my head as she seems to feast on my closed mouth, her breasts pressing against my chest suffocating me, increasing my urge to pull her away. Her slippery hand is still on my c**k, searching for an answer that never comes, and when I see her intention to hold me up my pants, I decide that's enough.

I put my hand on her belly and although I try not to be rough, but I failed a little in the attempt when I pushed her.

Christ, I feel violated and my disgust at her actions brings bile to my mouth.

She looks at me with heavy breathing and when I remember that she is drunk, I search my head for more bearable words so that she understands my rejection.

But then out of the corner of my eye, I see a small silhouette looking at us.

Bess.

At first, I think I am hallucinations due to my need for her. But when the expression on her face changes from curiosity to pain, I realize that it's as real as the kiss that woman just gave me.

How unlucky can I be?

Oh perfect.

Damn life, everything is so perfect.

"Bess" I feel the ground, trying to gauge how affected she is. "Bess, pretty, it's not what you think."

And the damn words sound so cliche to my own ears, but they're so true.

It's not what she believes, Christ, it's not what she's f*****g believing.

I swallow hard as I try to find words to explain to her why I had a woman with her hand on my c**k and eating my mouth.

But it seems like I'm thinking a lot about my words because when I react, she's turning away from me.

“Let go of me,” I say to the redheaded woman as she grabs my arm, trying to stop me.

I scramble away from her and run to Bess, needing to explain myself so I don't have excuses for what her eyes saw.

When I reach her, I grab her forearm and force her to face me.

She looks so stunned, like she still hasn't finished taking in what's going on.

Shit, I'm not done with it either.

“Bess...”

"It is real?" she asks, looking up at me with her huge brown eyes as she c***s her head to the side, the spitting image of daze.

Yeah, f**k no.

I don't even know what the f*****g answer to her question is.

When I don't give her an answer, she seems to snap out of her daze and tries to get away from me, but I won't let her. I put more pressure on my grip and press her against my body, needing to feel her somehow f*****g mine, because I can't lose her over some stupid thing like this.

“Bess, let me talk” I ask her.

"I'm not stopping you," she says calmly, and then I realize it's true.

She's letting me explain myself, only I can't seem to get the f*****g words out of my mouth.

She doesn't even yell, get upset or make a fuss. Her eyes look at me nonjudgmentally, waiting for my explanation.

"I was about to leave" I start to speak. "She managed to bathe me with her drink and when I went to the bathroom to dry me off, she kissed me."

“She kissed you,” she whispers the last two words more softly, as if they were new to her dictionary.

I watch her in silence while who knows what battle she is carrying in her head. Her eyes drop to my chest for a split second and when she looks back at me, there's only pain in them.

"Did you meet her today?"

"Yes" I answer immediately.

I think the fact that the redhead is a stranger is going to help something. It is not. It only seems to make things worse.

Her eyes come to the verge of tears and it's like a crash against me, leaving me a little weak.

"Did you give a stranger what you've had me begging for days?" She asks in a broken voice, looking at me with huge hurt eyes.

"Bess, I didn't kiss her," I add desperately. "I swear to God, you must believe me."

“How am I going to believe you if all you do is keep me away from you? You wanted this, you wanted this from the beginning, without caring about my opinion. Because everything is about you and what you want, nothing more "

I close my eyes tight, understanding even now the damage I've done to her when all I've ever wanted is to protect her.

“Bess…”

“You never believe me when I tell you I like you.” The pain in her voice is palpable and it takes everything in me not to scream like an animal furious with himself. “All you do is walk away and walk away and walk away, Aaron.”

"I'm doing it for you, Bess, because I care about you."

"I don't believe you, now it's me who doesn't believe you at all" a salty tear runs down her cheek. "Maybe you're right. Maybe what's between us is just desire and it's time I stop expecting something from you that you will never give me, but you can give to any other woman you meet along the way”.

“Don't say that because it's not true, Bess Lee. It's not f*****g true."

“Not anymore, Aaron,” she says wearily, like she's tired of everything about us. "I can be silly sometimes, but I'm very clear that I can't fight a battle where I am the only player."

"Bess, no." I don't let her go even as she struggles against my hold. “Let's figure this out, baby. You can't give up just because some drunk woman kissed me, Bess."

“That's not what it's about, Aaron,” she whispers. “It's about you constantly making me feel like all you want to do is run away from us and I swear, Aaron, I'm tired of trying to prove to you that what I feel for you is real. I'm tired of you treating me like I am an indecisive little girl who doesn't know what she wants. I'm tired of you throwing me into someone else's arms to fulfill your experiments and find out if what I feel for you is real or not.

“You are no experiment!” I explode.

"Just leave it," she sighs heavily. “I don't understand what I have to do to make you believe me, Aaron. And I don't know how far your limits would go. Were you willing to let me sleep with someone else for you to make sure that what I feel for you is not just desire and gratitude?”

Bile rises in my throat at her words.

“Of course not, Bess. For God's sake, listen to yourself."

“No, Aaron, I really expected you to tell me with something like that. Don't you realize everything you've done? If you really cares about me, you would take me every time I have offered myself freely, without pretexts or excuses in between.

"The one who doesn't understand is you" I raise my voice a little. "You don't understand that what I do, I do it because I don't want you to have any regrets, because when you're mine I'm not going to give you the opportunity to leave, Bess."

She stares at me for several seconds, then she blurts out the words without anesthesia.

“Well, maybe everything you've done has only managed to erase the opportunity that one day you and I will be together”.

"Don't say that, pretty." My grip on her forearm weakens and she lets go, but thank God she doesn't move away from me. "Forgive me," I murmur, feeling on edge.

"Why do you apologize?" She looks to the side of her before looking back at me. “Do you apologize for giving a stranger what I have always asked of you? Do you apologize for breaking your promise not to let your date kiss you? Do you apologize for constantly throwing me into someone else's arms? What exactly are you apologizing for, Aaron?”

"For none of that" I admit. "I don't apologize for any of that because the first two wasn't my fault and the last one I only did thinking of you... If I apologize, it's because I've made you doubt my feelings towards you, Bess."

My words seem to touch something inside her, because the pain subsides a little from her gaze.

"And what do you feel for me?" She asks very quietly, taking a step towards me.

It feels too early to say "I love you," but at the same time, those words don't seem to fully encompass what Bess means to me.

"How do you feel, Aaron?" She insists.

Her hand reaches for my cheek, cradling me with her touch. I bring my own hand to where she touches me and press hers to the inside of her palm against my lips, kissing her long.

"You are the light I never thought I needed, Bess Lee."

Her thumb sweeps across my cheek, my hand still on hers, and hope flares inside me as she smiles sheepishly.

But that flame is soon put out with force.

“I'd like to believe you,” she wipes the wetness from the one tear she's allowed to drop down her cheek. “But it's hard to do after everything you've asked me, after what I just saw. And regardless of whether she kissed you or you did, just know that she had what I couldn't have, even though I've begged you for it."

“Bess...”

"Aaron?" Christina's voice interrupts the pleas that were about to leave my mouth. "What are you doing here?"

And with that question, I react to what I should have reacted to a long time ago.

What the hell?

"What the hell are you guys doing here?!" I look around the place crowded with people, alcohol, cigarettes and probably drugs.

How the hell did they let these brats in the pub?

“Christine?!” Evan appears behind her, looking at her in confusion, after his eyes fall on Bess. "What the hell are you two doing here?!"

"But that's what I was asking her!" I look at Bess's tight dress and grit my teeth, keeping from growling like I want to. To the hell! “And what the hell are you wearing?!”

"A dress, obviously," replies Christina's smart mouth. “Are you blind or what, Aaron?”

"You shut up" I point my finger at her and before she can lunge at me like a beast, Evan stops her by the waist.

"Son of a b***h, shut up!" She yells at me.

I ignore the insults coming out of my best friend's sister's mouth and focus on Bess, who is frowning at us as she watches the scene we're making.

“Did you use the fake ID I gave you to get in here, Bess? Did you do something like that?" I ask her.

Bess looks at Christina and says, "Hey, why didn't we do that?"

Oh s**t, I gave her ideas.

Perfect.

Perfect!

"How did they get in?" Evan asks, letting go of his already calm sister. “Are you spending money again, paying security guards to let you into pubs, Christina?”

"If you already know the answer, why ask?"

If Evan is controlling and angry at anyone, it's his sister.

And it is not for less, Christina would drive the Pope himself out of his mind.

“We're leaving.” He takes her hand and motions to me, pointing to Bess. "You bring the girl."

“Stop calling me girl!” Bess explodes at him.

“Like I said, get the girl out,” he repeats, ignoring Bess.

Before she can launch herself on top of him, I grab her waist, preventing her.

"Let go of me, Aaron!"

"We're going home, Bess," I whisper into her ear and smile when I feel her skin tingle. "You need to think about everything that happened today, but we'll be fine, you'll see."

“Don't assume things you're not sure of.” She struggles against my hold, but I don't allow her to let go. "And I don't want to stay with you!"

Her words freeze me for a moment because she had never wanted something like this.

One of the things I like most about Bess is that she knows how to get help when she needs it. She accepted the job I gave her even when she found out that I was her boss. She accepted the cell phone because she needed it to communicate with me. She accepted the clothing because it was necessary. Every damn thing I've given her, she's accepted. Of course, only what is necessary, nothing that can be a luxury for her.

So hearing her tell me that she doesn't want to stay with me when it's the worst choice she can make, it feels like a punch to my stomach.

“You know I would never let you do something like that, Bess,” I growl as I start to pull her out of the place, my arms around her waist to force her to walk toward my car.

“It's not a decision that's in your hands,” she says with a determination that keeps surprising me and hitting me hard, too.

"I'm not going to let you go back to the streets, Bess."

“I'm not an i***t, Aaron,” she says. “Of course I don't want to go back to the street, I can stay with your grandmother. Besides, one day you wanted it, right?

"You won't" I flatly deny, making it clear what the only option is to that request.

"You have no control over me!" She screams and it doesn't stop seeming strange to me because Bess has never wanted to be away from me, on the contrary, she has always wanted me close to her. And seeing her act this way hurts me more than I'll ever be willing to accept.

"You're just making rash decisions..."

“No decision is hasty! I don't want to live with you anymore!"

I gently corner her in my car, forcing her to look at me.

Her tear filled eyes tell me that it's not true, that she wants to be with me. But she is too angry and hurt with me to have me under the same roof.

But I'm not letting her go.

"Please stop," I plead with her, bringing our foreheads together. "You're coming with me, Bess" and although I intended it to sound like an order, it came out more like a plea.

"You can stay with me, Bess!" Christina yells as Evan tries to get her into his car. “The days you want! I'll ask my parents to adopt you and you'll never have to see that son of a b***h named Aaron!"

"Put your sister in the f*****g car!" I yelled at Evan, losing control.

"That's what I'm f*****g doing!"

“I want to stay with Christina,” Bess whispers, trying to get away from me.

I don't allow it.

"No" I open the passenger door and force her into the car while thousands of insults towards me come out of her sweet mouth.

I put the child lock on to prevent her from getting out and quickly run to the driver's seat, ignoring all the insults Christina also yells at me.

I'm not going to let Bess walk away from me.

There is not the slightest chance of that happening.

And I understand.

Papers were exchanged.

Now it's me who has to convince her that my feelings are real.