Shifting Glances

SIMULA

"Kung makakabalik lang sana ako sa mansyon namin dati ng lola at lolo mo, kung maaari pa akong mabuhay ng panibagong buhay ay pipiliin kong manirahan doon. Sa lugar na 'yon nakilala ko ang Papa mo, at doon ko naramdaman ang pinaka-masayang yugto ng buhay ko."

Luhaan ang mga mata ko habang nakatitig sa picture-frame namin ni Mama na masayang nakangiti. Graduation ko ng high-school ito at malakas pa rito si Mama. Ibinaba ko na ito at ibinalik sa ayos sa bedside table ko. Two days ago, my mother passed away, pero ito ako ngayon at ramdam pa rin ang kalungkutan sa pagkawala niya. Hindi pa rin ako makabalik sa trabaho, pero naka-leave naman ako.

Ako nalang ang mag-isa sa buhay ngayon. But in this house where we both used to live our lives, everything just reminds me of my mother, sa kahit anong sulok ng bahay na ito. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa gilid ng kama ko at tumitig sa maliwanag na bintana.

Hindi mawala sa isipan ko ang mga sinasabi ni Mama sa huling sandali ng buhay niya. Sa ospital ilang araw na ang nakakaraan, iyong mga sandaling wala na siyang masyadong lakas pero nakakapagsalita pa rin siya. Kung ano-ano nalang ang mga sinasabi niya kaya't hinahayaan ko siya at pinakikinggan. But some of it doesn't makes sense to me. Hindi ko naman alam na may mansyon ang lolo at lola ko.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ang sinasabing lugar ni Mama. Or was it just because of her sickness? She was just randomly saying things. Wala rin akong masyadong maalala noong bata pa ako, but I am certain that I've met my grandma and grandpa when I was a kid. It wasn't a vivid memory, but my mother and I have lived our lives all alone. Wala man lang kaming kamag-anak. Wala na rin ang Papa ko, ang sabi ni Mama ay namatay siya noong bata pa ako.

May iilang memorya pa akong natatandaan noong bata ako tungkol sa papa ko, but there's not much in it. Only his face is all I could remember.

My mother strived for both of us to live a comfortable life. She was working so hard to provide for both of us. Kaya't masasabi kong hindi galing sa mayamang pamilya si Mama. Come to think of it, why don't we have relatives? Kailanman ay hindi ko rin ito tinanong kay Mama.

She mentioned that she used to live in a mansion? Sa lugar kung saan sila nagkakilala ni Papa? I don't know anything of it. Wala na rin akong tyansang magtanong pa sakaniya. Or was she only dreaming in her last minutes before she passed away? In her dream where she's living her dream life with my father?

Pangarap pala niya magka-mansyon?

I chuckled with the thought and brushed my tears away. Napasinghot ako at pinunasan ang ilong ko. With a faint smile in my face I glanced at the picture frame beside my bed again.

Maybe I am just thinking too much. Epekto lang siguro ito ng pangungulila ko kay Mama. I blew out an air before standing up from my bedside. Lumabas na ako ng kwarto ko, dumiretso sa kusina para uminom ng tubig. I need to distract myself, kailangan kong magpaka-busy.

Ngayon ko lang naigala ang mata ko sa paligid ng bahay. This is a bungalow house. The style and furniture aren't your average type, kahit na may kalumaan maganda pa rin ang mga disenyo. The faint blue couch is a mid-century modern type of couch. The design of the house is all well-built! I'm an architecture graduate, at lisensyado pa ako, pero bakit ngayon ko lang napagtuonan ng pansin itong bahay namin? I mean, I've been aware of our house but come to think of it- Hindi ito mamementain ni Mama ng sahod niya mula sa trabaho niya bilang factory worker.

Noong sinabi niyang nabili nilang dalawa ito ni Papa noong bago sila magpakasal ay hinayaan ko na. Galing kaya talaga sa mayamang pamilya si Mama? Bakit wala akong alam? Sa pang-tuition ko noong college ay hindi rin nagreklamo si Mama, naririnig ko lang siyang dumadaing minsan sa pang-araw-araw naming gastusin.

Naibaba ko ang hawak na baso ng tubig sa marmol na counter. Maging sa island-counter na gawa sa marmol ay napatitig ako at napataas ang kilay. We ain't poor, pero alam kong hindi kami mayaman. All I know is we're just surviving, or was I wrong?

I was too busy in my life and career that I failed to see what's before my eyes. Marahan akong naglakad-lakad sa paligid ng bahay. Hindi naman halatang favorite ni Mama ang color blue dahil ganito ang shade ng bahay. White walls with a touch of different blue shades of furniture. In my whole college life, nakatira kasi ako sa dormitory. Bumalik lang ako rito sa bahay noong gumradaute na ako.

Napatigil ako sa tapat ng pader kung saan nakasabit ang malaking picture frame nina Lolo at Lola. Well, yes, they don't look like your average oldies. Naka filipiniana pa si Lola. My curiosity's just building up even more. I suddenly wanted to know about my relatives and my mother's life before she married.

There's no harm from finding out, right? As if naman magagalit si Mama kung alamin ko ang naging buhay niya. Wala naman siguro siyang itinago, it's just that we didn't got the chance to talk about it? Hindi naman kasi palakwento si Mama.

I was in a deep-thought and the complete silence indulge me, lalo pa't ako lang ang mag-isa sa bahay kaya bahagya akong nagulat nang tumunog ang cellphone ko sa na nasa bulsa ng trouser ko. Unregistered number was calling but I answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Icely Bennet?" Nangunot ang noo ko nang marinig ko ang boses ng isang matanda sa kabilang linya.

"Yes, speaking. Sino po sila?" Tanong ko. Chineck ko ulit ang number pero hindi naman pamilyar saakin, hindi rin naka-save ang number. Personal use pa naman ang phone number na tinatawagan, hindi ang number na nakalagay sa business cards ko. It's also from abroad.

"My condolences to you, Icely. Nalaman kong pumanaw na ang Ina mo ilang araw na ang nakalilipas, hindi nga lang ako agad nakabisita dahil matanda na ako at hindi ko alam kung saan kayo nakatira."

Napasulyap ako sa malaking picture frame nina Lolo bago ako tumalikod ng nakakunot ang noo. I don't even know his name but he's already speaking some sentiments. Dumiretso ako sa may teresa ng bahay habang nasa tainga ko pa rin ang cellphone.

"Ah opo, salamat sa pakikiramay, pero sino po sila?" Magalang na kausap ko, maybe he's my mother's friend.

"Attorney Ramon Rosales, I was family Bennet's lawyer back in the days, pero retired na ako ngayon. Matagal ko nang gustong kontakin ang nanay mo pero hindi ko siya makontak. Sadly, I got your contact now but your mother already passed away." He said in a low tone.

Family Bennet's lawyer? Sosyalin.

I didn't know what to say, but I was a bit surprised with his identity. Pero tumatwag lang naman siguro siya para makiramay. Didn't know that we had our family lawyer back in the days.

"Salamat po sa pag-eeffort na ma-contact ako, kahit hindi ko po kayo kilala. Alam ko pong masaya si Mama na may kaibigan po siyang kagaya niyo na hindi pa rin siya nakalimutan."

"Yes, ofcourse. I will never forget the Bennet Family. We already met back then, pero sobrang bata mo pa noon, hindi mo na siguro naalala. Pero hija, tumawag ako para din sa isang bagay pa." Sumeryoso ang boses nito.

"Ano po 'yon?" Tanong ko agad. There was a sense of suspense in the way he speaks. Kaya't maging ako ay medyo nakaramdam ng kakaiba.

"Now that your mother is gone, you are now the sole heir for the last inheritance that your family has left. Lalo na ang namayapa mong lolo at lola, they named the mansion's title and land to you."

A moment of silence enveloped me. I blinked and raised my eyebrows in disbelief, did I heard it wrong? Inheritance? Mansion? Land? I swallowed.

"Ha?" Iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko, I was too stunned and surprised to believe what I heard in just a matter of seconds.

"But you were just a minor back then, when your grandparents named the titles after you kaya ang Mama mo ang naging conservator. Even after you turned 18, your mother didn't want to contact me or maybe she's just really avoiding me kaya't hinayaan ko nalang rin. As a friend and a lawyer, I was just waiting for her go signal to transfer everything to your name. Actually, you are already the real owner, I just respect your mother's decision for you, siguro ay kinalimutan na niya ang tungkol rito pero hindi ako. You are the owner and I need to give it to you rightfully. Especially now, that your mother is gone without my prior knowledge that she was even sick."

Muli akong napalunok. I own a mansion?

Huminga ako ng malalim at kinalma ang sarili ko. This doesn't sit right to me, bakit hindi ito nabanggit ni Mama ni minsan saakin? That we own a mansion? No, I own a mansion? Something isn't right. Then I recalled what she said in her deathbed, that she misses the mansion she used to live, that if she may have another life, doon pa rin niya gugustuhing manirahan, and that place is where she and my father met. So it wasn't her dream? It was real.

"S-Sir, I get what you are saying. But, may I ask where is this place?"

I wanted to confirm if it's true. But I think, the gentleman over the line is sincere and is telling the truth.

"Sa Laguna, hija. I don't even know who's now living in that mansion matagal na rin kasi akong umalis ng bansa at nasa america ako ngayon, sigurado lang akong hindi kayo at malayo kayo sa lugar na iyon. I don't know who took care of it after it was deserted. Many years have passed, I don't advise you to go back to the place, you can rightfully just sell it in a sum of money enough to live comfortably in your entire life."

Napatango ako. I was baffled, but was strong enough to grasp the information. Nanatili kong kalmado.

"T-Thank you for letting me know, Sir." Pormal na sabi ko.

"Your family was gracious and kind. It was my pleasure to serve people like your grandparents. All the documents of the land and mansion will be delivered to you tomorrow. I've kept them for a long time, hindi ko kasi alam kung saan kayo nakatira, but now I've found you, it's now yours. I wish you long and prosperous life, Icely."

Isang oras na ang nakalipas nang matapos akong tawagin ni Attorney Rosales. Now I'm nonchalantly staring in the thin air, still trying to process my mind. I still can't believe it, but he sent me the address and copy of the mansion and land's documents. It was all true, and the land size wasn't a joke!

Kinabukasan ay nagpasya akong lumuwas papuntang Laguna. I rented a car, kasi iyong kotse ko ay na kay Miles pa. She borrowed it two days ago after my mother's burial. Miles is my closest friend since college.

Habang nagmamaneho ako ay nakakunot lang ang noo ko. Sinusundan ko ang waze app, isang oras at lagpas na ang nakalipas at ang layo ng Laguna sa Bulacan!

I was glancing at the documents in my passenger seat, I got it this morning as per what Attorney Ramon Rosales said yesterday. It was delivered to me. Everything of what he said was all true. My family owned a mansion, and my grandparents chose me to inherit it. Sa lawak ng lupain at ng mansyon ay nagkakahalaga na ngayon ito ng bilyon-bilyon, but that's not the thing.

Thinking about my mother's sentiment before she died, her last words was her love for that place and house, hindi ko iyon ipagbibili. Hindi ako naghihirap. I'll promise to myself to take care of it until I die, it is owned by Bennet's, kaya't hinding-hindi ko iyon ipagbibili.

It was a long drive, nakalagpas na ako sa express way. Ang haba ng daan na ito na hindi ako pamilyar pero nasa Taguig na yata ako. Ang init pa naman. Kunot ang noo hahang nagmamaneho, ang layo ng byahe papuntang laguna, 3 hours!

It's past 11am, I need to stop over somewhere, baka hindi kayanin ng sasakyan ko. But where should I stop? Tiningnan ko ulit ang waze app, and when I was about to slow down and hit the break, nangamba ako nang hindi tumigil nagdahan-dahan ang kotse.

I panicked immediately and kick the break continously, kaya't biglang napatigil ang kotse na ikinagulat ko. Luckily, I stopped beside the long road, hindi ako makakabala sa mga sasakyang dumadaan.

Iritadong iginala ang tingin sa dashboard ng kotse na parang naiinis. Hindi ba kakayanin ng sasakyang 'to ang papuntang Laguna? Sabi naman nu'ng pinagrentahan ko ay kakayanin.

Buntong-hininga ako lumabas ng sasakyan. Tumayo ako sa labas ang iginala ang tingin sa paligid. Ang aliwalas ng panahon, ang bibilis ng mga kotseng dumadaan kahit hindi naman ganoon kadami.

Napamaywang akong sumandal sa kotse. Natatakot na akong magpatuloy dahil parang sira ang preno ng kotse. Kaya naman tinawagan ko nalang ang kaibigan kong si Miles.

Nakailang ring lang nang sumagot ito.

"Hello? Kumusta? Napatawag ka? Ayos ka na ba?"

"Barely. Kailan mo ibabalik ang kotse ko? Nasa Taguig ako ngayon, papuntang Laguna, napatigil ako sa gitna ng daan nasira ata 'yung break ng narentahan kong kotse." I ranted.

"What?! Anong ginagawa mo diyan? Ikaw lang mag-isa? Bakit hindi mo akong sinabihan? Suamaryosep palamig! Paano kung maaksidente ka diyan?"

Napabuntong-hininga ulit ako at naiinis na sumulyap sa kotse at muling nagpalinga-linga sa paligid.

"Nagmadali kasi ako e' bukas na ako babalik ng trabaho, saka as if naman na makakasama ka saakin." Sagot ko.

"Hay nako, paano ka niyan? Hindi ka naman marunong magkumpuni ng sasakyan. Icely, I get it that you're still mourning your mother's death and you still can't make fair decisions as of now, pero huwag ka sanang magpadalos-dalos, I shouldn't have left you and accompanied you until you feel better."

Napailing-iling ako pero wala akong masabi sa tinuran ni Miles, what if ganoon nga? Nagpadalos-dalos yata ako. But I'm already here, wala nang urungan, malayo na ako sa Bulacan.

"Hindi ko rin alam 'e." Mahinang sagot ko nang mapatingin ako sa itim na sasakyang biglang tumigil rin sa gilid ng daan, malapit sa likod ng kotse kong nakaparada.

"Kung maghimala nalang diyan na may tumulong sa'yo, but hey Icely, don't talk to strangers! What if mag-bus kanalang ngayon? Umuwi ka muna, ano bang ginagawa mo diyan at papunta ka pang Laguna ang layo-layo naman."

Hindi ko muna pinansin si Miles dahil nakatuon ang atensyon ko sa itim na sedan. Nakatitig ako roon lalo na sa taong bumaba, it was a guy. Looks like he's taking a phone call.

Nakapamaywang pa ito nang tinanggap ang tawag. Nakatingin lang ako sakaniya. He's so handsome, ang tangkad pa, ang ganda ng tindig ng katawan. It's not as if I get to see someone like him everyday!

"Hello? Icely! Andyan ka pa ba?"

"Uh, yes, Miles! You know what! In my 27 years of life, I think I saw the man of my dreams." I randomly stated.

"Huh?" Sagot ni Miles na tila naguguluhan. Biglang nawala inis ko sa init at pagtirik ng kotse ko sa gitna ng daan. The man'a still talking over the phone, just like me, pero ako ay nakatitig sa direksyon niya.

I'm so bold to simp over him in this secluded road.

"Ice, don't get me wrong ah? Ayos kapa ba? Oh masyado mong dinibdib ang pagkawala ni Tita? I think you're not in the right mind, Ice. Imbes na bukas ay mamayang gabi ko na ibabalik ang kotse mo, I need to check on you."

Umiling-iling ako kahit hindi nakikita ni Miles.

"No Miles, I am not the type of girl to simp, it's just that I get to appreciate this man over here who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and he's the real definition of my ideal guy. Parang artistahin! Ang gwapo, ang tangkad, ang bango tingnan." I think I'm losing my mind, normal lang na isipin ni Miles na nababaliw na ako sa pinagsasabi ko.

Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin at tumalikod nang mapasulyap saakin ang lalaking tinutukoy ko.

"Okay? I can't grasp you Ice, hindi ako sanay e' kanina lang nag-aalala ako na mapano ka diyan, ang layo-layo mo rito, tapos ngayon nagfafangirling kana riyan, pinagtitripan mo ba ako?"

I panicked when the man started walking towards me, mukhang natapos na ang tawag nito.

"Hindiii! But he's approaching me now! Miles! I gotta hang up, tawagin kita ulit!"

"Icely! Do not talk to strangers!-" Mabilis kong ibinaba ang phone nang maramdaman ko ang presensya ng lalaki sa likod ko kaya't mabilis rin akong humarap.

And my eyes isn't decieving me! Mas gwapo siya ng malapitan. I'm 27 year's old, sometimes I got to have flings pero never in a serious relationship, this is my first time to simp over a guy that I just happened to see in my distress situation!

"Is there any problem here?"

Bahagyang tumaas ang kilay ko nang magsalita ito sa baritono pero malumanay na boses. Tumingin pa siya sa kotse ko at mukhang nakaramdam siyang tumirik ito.

I smiled. This gentleman here is wearing a slack and a gray long sleeves na tinupi niya hanggang siko. So neat.

I glanced at my car and nodded, may bahagya pang ngiwi, "Nagloloko yata 'yung break ng sasakyan ko. But thanks for asking, Sir."

Hindi siya nagsalita at tila minasdan ang kotse ko. Muli siyang tumingin saakin.

"Titingnan ko lang ang kotse mo. Okay lang?"

Tila nangislap ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at mabilis na napangiti. Binulsa niya ang hawak na cellphone nang tumango ako.

"Pasensya na sa abala, Sir. You look like a busy person." Nahihiyang sabi ko nang sumakay siya sa driver's seat ng kotse ko at pinaandar ito. He just checked the break for a moment and stopped the engine again. Bumaba na itong muli.

"No, it's fine. Ako ang nag-alok ng tulong." Sabi nito ng hindi ako tinitingnan. Dumiretso ito sa likod ng kotse at binuksan ang compartment.

Nakatingin lang ako sa ginagawa niya. I was just watching the whole time when he used this thing to lift up the car and removed the left front wheel, para siyang may kinalas o hinigpitan.

Medyo nagtagal iyon ng ilang minuto hanggang sa maibaik nito sa ayos ang kotse at pawising tumayo ng tuwid sa harapan ko.

"It's done. Your car's doing fine. The breaks are fine, mukhang hindi lang na-check since it was used. Pero kung hindi ka panatag sa paggamit niyan, you can just leave that here and take public transport."

Tumango-tango ako habang nakangiti.

"Maraming salamat, Sir?" I sounded as if asking his name.

Pagkasara niya ng compartment ay pinagpag pa niya ang mga palad. Ngumiti ito bigla saakin kahit na pawisin na siya dahil sa init. He's looking directly into my eyes.

"Regan." Sambit niya sa pangalan.

"I'm Icely. I don't know how to extend my gratitude lalo na't nagkataon lang ito. Pero sobrang laking pasalamat ko sa pagtulong mo sakin."

He shook his head before glancing at the road, parang nanliit pa ang mga mata nito nang igala ang mata sa daan.

"Don't mention it. Take care, Icely. Nice to meet you by the way. Kailangan ko nang umalis, my lawyer's waiting for me. Just stop the car kapag naramdaman mong may mali nanaman, and don't overspeed."

My heart skipped a beat. What a caring man. I was indulge by his profile. Nakangiti lang ako hanggang sa lumisan ito. I was as if under a spell until minutes later and I was left all alone again.

Hindi na ako naiirita o naiinis. Nakangiti pa akong sumakay ng kotse ulit at pinaandar ito, that man... too bad he only said his name, not his full name.

Regan was it?