Trying to erase the bad...
1352 Words
Josephine
We stopped at a hotel in Louisiana for the night.
They didn't have two together so Manuel and I took the king sized bed down the hall.
I could tell that Manuel wanted to get me alone. I wanted this too.
After dinner we retreated to our room and I showered, alone.
Manuel was watching TV in the front room. I passed by with my towel on, looking for my clothes.
He stood up and came in the bedroom.
" Can I see you naked Phina?" He asked me with his hands in his pockets.
" Manuel, I don't think..." I started to protest the idea.
" Call me Ben please. It's OK. I just forgot what you looked like naked, I imagined you every day while she was abusing me. I am sorry, it's a dumb idea." He turned and went back to the TV.
I removed my towel and walked out to the other room and stood before him.
I slowly turned around in a full circle.
He sucked in his breath.
" Oh, Josephine. You are magnificent. Well, I guess I have a new picture to remember. I mean once we are separated."
I walked up to him and put out my hand. " We are still married."
He shook his head.
" I promised you that I wouldn't make love to you until we remarried. I can't be with you until then my love."
" Ben, we may not have many nights left together. The closer we get to home, to reality, the farther apart we might grow. Please, just lay with me then."
He stood up and let me lead him to the bed.
I turned to pull the covers back, he softly touched the scars on my back.
" If I could go back in time, I would have never done this to you my love." He said kissing each wound.
I turned to face him.
" What's done is done. Let's love eachother Ben."
I lay back on the bed and pulled him to my chest. He began to kiss me and suckle my breasts, slowly one at a time.
I moved my hips as he lightly cupped me, the heat was building between us.
He added fuel to the fire with his deep kisses. His tongue swirled with mine in desperation to be as close as possible to eachother.
My hand wrapped around him, I was soft and gentle with him.
" I won't break, you can pull on it a bit." He grinned.
I nodded, all the while thinking about what that horrible woman might have done to him. I wanted to somehow erase it all.
For every bad thing she did, I wanted to do a good thing to replace those memories he must have.
He held both of my hips and pulled me to his.
He sunk deep inside me and began to move, as the tendrils of joy started to grow.
Like a vine climbing a trellis, my passion for him rose up, flowering into a burst of magnificent colors. I bloomed in his arms.
He moaned and cried out as he thrust into me one final time, collapsing on me, breathing very hard.
" That felt so good my love. So very good. I...well...I wasn't sure that I could do it anymore. The drugs made me a bit limp I guess you'd say.
Grislan complained bitterly about my performances. She tried everything to stimulate me, even biting and electrical shocks."
He said the last part in a whisper, then shuddered.
" Ben, I'm here. I am real. You can tell me anything about what happened to you. I know how much you need to get it all out. I promise I will always listen to you."
He nodded. "Did you go through similar things with Sanchez?" He asked me.
" I mean I never wanted details, I was afraid to upset you." He said honestly.
" Ben, I remember the bad things, but truthfully the drugs made it so I didn't really care to remember anything. Know what I mean?" I sat up and stared at the wall, trying not to think about Sanchez.
" Yes, I do know. Jo, come lay back down with me now, let's just be lovers tonight.
Only think of you and me and how we feel about eachother. Your body is so beautiful, so lovely."
I straddled him and kissed his face, his neck, his chest and back up to his lips.
" When you were passed out from the hurricane and lying there half dead, pinned to the wall...I thought about getting myself free. I could have just left you there and ran away.
Instead, I risked everything to save your life. Even at the cost of your anger and all of your threats towards me and my family.
Ben, I'm telling you this not to make you feel bad, but to tell you that I am very, very loyal to those I love.
I was loyal to you then, even as I feared you. I knew that inside, beyond the anger and blustering threats, I fell in love.
It wasn't my fear that made me stay and rescue you, it was my love.
" Phina! I hate that I treated you so badly. I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I wanted to die when you left me.
I admit I was a bit possessive of you, I understand why you finally left me. I was a hot head back then." He kissed my shoulder softly.
" Phina, I knew then, like I know now that you are too good for a man such as me.
But...still if an angel like you wants to love a demon like me, I will let you. You are the only woman I have ever felt this way about.
You are my wife. I love you beyond my own life Phina.
I would give up everything for you, do you understand me, I only care about family."
" I am your family." I said smiling.
We sat in bed naked, facing eachother now, holding hands and talking into the night.
In the morning, Ben let me sleep in, he made us some coffee and turned on the TV.
I heard a football game playing, I opened my eyes and heard my phone ping.
Charles texting me.
" Good morning love, I miss you."
" Good morning Charles, are you ok? Can you call me?"
" Taking off now, we will be in airplane mode, sorry. I'll call if I can once we reach Mexico." He responded.
I think I was a bit relieved. How could I tell him I was still very much in love with my husband.
I loved him too.
What was wrong with me, how could I be so stupid to love these two men. I could only try to be truthful to them both.
What a terrible mess I am in now.
Ben came in then, seeing me upset.
" Hey, don't cry sweet girl." He held me tightly.
" You love Charles and feel guilty that you are with me don't you?" He said astutely.
I nodded.
" It's simple Phina, when you get home, we will get a divorce and you will forget all about me.
I promise you, I only want you happy. If Charles makes you the happiest, I free you to be with him."
I knew what he said was the right thing to do, but I wanted Ben to be mine too.
" Only one little problem Ben." I said.
" What Phina?"
" I think I can be happy with you too. I love you." I admitted softly.
He picked me up and spun me around.
" You are my joy sweet girl."
We began to kiss and touch and love eachother as there was a loud knock on our door.
" Papa? You up yet?"
Angelina was here.
He let me go and hurried to let the child in. I smiled at his joy in being with her too.
- Writer
