Bound by love, a heart never free.

Kind of messed up...

Benedict

To have my wife here with me at my home, I dreamed about this.

I felt nervous being here with her, hoping she would like everything.

I designed it all thinking of her and of course, my 7 kids.

Now, walking with her, hand in hand I was feeling nervous and anxious that she would somehow end this romance going on between us.

I told her I would let her go, but I wasn't sure that I could actually do it.

I snuck a glance at her as she walked next to me. She was so pretty. Her face was gorgeous with those beautiful eyes and long lashes.

I could kiss those full lips forever. I smelled her unique fragrance, like sunshine and fresh wild flowers on a warm day, it kind of wafted by my nose. I turned and inhaled her.

Her scent imprinting on my brain.

As we neared the barn, I steered her towards the back pasture and beyond, down a dusty trail.

A few yards away there was a cool spring that I had a bench set up for my wife. Perhaps her new thinking spot.

She saw everything there, waiting for us. Champagne, a bit of dessert, soft music.

I had Arturo string some lights up around the trees. I admit it was very romantic looking.

"Phina, can I have this dance?"

I took her hands and held one to my chest as I swayed with her in the soft glow of the lights.

A certain song played for us.

Can't help falling in love with you....

I leaned down and pressed my head to hers.

" I am so lucky to have this time with you, however long it is. I hope...well I hope that it is for eternity.

I really want to give you everything you could ever desire. Phina, marry me again, a real marraige." I said getting down on my knee.

I held her hand, she was still wearing my ring. I kissed it.

She knelt next to me then.

" You are one sexy devil that's for sure. You sweet talker you.

All this for me? I love you Ben. But I'm already wed to someone else, a guy named Manuel. He kind of owns me now." She said, eyes twinkling.

" Yeah I know that asshole. He's a pig. Possessive, bossy, mean. I hate him actually." I told her.

" Guess what?" She said.

I just stared at this lovely creature.

" I grew to love him, every part of him." She whispered.

She placed her palm over my heart and stared at me.

I took off my shirt and put it on the ground in the grass.

" Lay down wife." I said, as Manuel would.

She lay back, her brown hair fanned out around her head.

I hovered over her. "Do you want me?"

She shrugged, smiling- teasing me.

I pulled back, feeling sensitive. I wanted a yes not a damn shrug.

She sat up and pulled my hair, removing the tie.

"Hey... I do want you. I can't think of much else but you." She put both hands into my hair and pulled my mouth down to hers.

" Say yes then."

" Ben, it's not that simple. I've committed to him too. I am loyal to those I love." She said again.

" Not so loyal as to let me f**k you though right?" Hell yes I was angry.

" I let you f**k me?" She repeated dryly.

I pouted, feeling edgy. I knew I would always lose to Charles f*****g Hudson.

" You are angry, I never lied to you Ben. I didn't f**k you. I loved you. I think maybe you loved me too. It was beautiful Ben.

Please don't be angry. I'm here with you now. We can't be lovers if we aren't also friends."

" Fine, I'll walk you back. If you won't give me the courtesy to answer my question, then I believe I have my answer. You choose HIM."

" I see. Ok, let's go back. I am sorry that you feel this way. But HE is in love with me too.

I can't just throw that away. We never even had a chance to be together.

I mean Lana paid to have me sold, you paid to make me yours, Charles is clearing the rot out of my past by taking down the s*x traffickers.

And... I'm in the wrong here. No problem, we will go back then. s**t, f**k! Damn it Manuel you are so f*****g maddening."

She marched off towards the barn.

She called me Manuel. I guess I need to show her Manuel then.

I caught up to her and grabbed her from behind, holding her arms tightly as I wrapped mine around her upper body, squeezing her tightly.

She struggled then dropped to the ground, I landed on top of her, pinning her down roughly.

I saw panick in her eyes.

She wasn't breathing.

I let her go and pulled her sitting up and into my arms. "I'm sorry, breath Jo."

She sucked in a big breath, then another.

" I..

dont..like...to..be..held...like..that." She said.

I rocked her in my arms as her tears dropped onto my chest like running water.

" I know. I'm sorry. I am fighting who I used to be, I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry baby." I said.

She quieted after a few moments.

" Manuel, I want Ben back." She said softly.

I released her all together and stood up, walking away.

I was no good for her. I only hurt her again and again.

I walked fast, distancing myself from her. I never deserved her.

I went to the house and straight up to my room, slamming the door like a teenager.

**********

Josephine

When he grabbed me I had a flood of memories assault me.

I don't handle myself well when this happens, I kind of freak out.

I knew he would show his possessive face once again. He can't seem to help himself.

I can't let myself go through all his moods, I know it's not healthy.

I wanted to run after him, but I also wanted to punish him. I'm free now, he will NEVER own me again. I mustn't let him control me ever again.

I decided to sleep in the barn tonight. Arturo brought me some bedding.

" I'll guard you all night Jo." He swore.

" No need. Go to him, tell him to take his medicine, he's kind of edgy tonight." I said frowning.

" You turned him down didn't you?" he asked me.

" Yes. I am afraid so." I admitted.

" Jo, he said he was sure you would turn him down, but he hoped you wouldn't. He's trying honey." Arturo pat my head and handed me a flashlight.

" Night Jo."

" Night Arturo, sweet dreams."

After he left, I sat up a long time, thinking about things, mostly Charles.

I think I need to tell him that I slept with Ben. That might just end our relationship right there.

But who knows, this whole love life of mine has been up and down. I felt sick to my stomach.

I fought the urge to go to Ben. I'm sure he wanted me to. I couldn't. I can't lead him on, I don't want to marry him.

I just don't trust that he's really changed, it's all too soon.

I finally drifted off and had dreams about Chico Sanchez touching me, laughing at me, giving me to the other men in the room. I woke up in a cold sweat.

I was craving the drugs. I wanted to take something to knock myself out, to fill the hole that was created by those monsters. I slid down the ladder and ran to the house knocking on his door. He opened it with one eye open, wearing only his boxers.

" Can I sleep with you. I really want to use right now and I know that you understand that feeling, please. I'm very screwed up right now, the dreams won't leave me alone tonight, I want to...to...scream."

Ben pulled back his covers and pulled me close. "Me too, very edgy. Sorry I took it out on you." He kissed my head.

" I might die if I ever lose you, that's my biggest fear Phina. Now come here and keep the boogey man... and woman away."