Love and Pain

Chapter 1-2

Jake looked at his watch as the doors closed and the train picked up speed, hurling towards Fairfax from Alexandria.

Fuck!

He hoped to make it for dinner by seven but he got stuck decoding blueprints that were part of a patent application. Since he moved to Virginia to be with Xavier, Jake’s temporary placement with the feds at the Patents and Trademark Office in Alexandria proved predictable. Most days, anyway. In at eight, out by five. Tonight though he stayed over a few. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to apply for the permanent, non-lawyer position but he was hedging his bets so he wanted to put some effort. Most jobs at an examiner position required computer, mechanical or electrical engineering but, luckily, Patents needed a paralegal to make sure all the legal paperwork matched with the applications. He did like the monotony of it. It was safe, predictable and he got paid on time. He didn’t have to track down clients who owed him money, carry malpractice insurance or deal with criminal clients.

Jake contacted the two legal temp firms he was registered with to see if there was more work for him since the job ended officially a few minutes ago when he clocked out. He knew Patents would take weeks, if not months, to fill the full-time position since the federal employment process was involved and he couldn’t afford to be unemployed for too long.

He still didn’t know what he wanted to do. He placed his Florida Bar license in inactive status after Noah’s death. Reactivate his Florida Bar license and go back to Florida? That would mean leaving Xavier, who took a promotion—at least in pay—to come here to the great Beltway area. The largest concentration of government jobs in the free world.

His other option was to press forward and take the Virginia Bar exam. He could have opted for Maryland’s, but many of the private practice jobs were on this side of the Potomac. Since he let his Florida bar status become inactive, the DC bar wouldn’t consider him to be in good standing.

At least things were better with Elena. Elena remarried; the alimony he owed stopped. He was current on child support, helped out in large part due to Xavier’s FBI agent salary paying for their rented condo in the nice suburban area of Fairfax. Jake’s earnings at the temp job helped him stay current. Jake paid the electric, cable and phone. Luckily condo rent also included water and gas heat.

The animus between Elena and Jake lessened since he moved up to Virginia to be with Xavier. The only reason he thought about Florida every day was simple: he missed his daughter Chelsea.

Skyping once a week, texting once a day and the occasional phone call after school helped ease his guilt. For Christmas almost two months ago, she flew up, spent one whole week with them, and stayed until right before New Year. But, Skyping, texting and talking on the phone wasn’t the same. His daughter was growing up faster than he expected.

His thoughts jarred, and he dropped the clunky, bulging book bag that he carried since standing in the crowded train made it difficult to hold it with the jerks and turns as the Metro sped through the tunnel.

He dug out his cell phone and looked at the home screen. Chel smiled in that picture as he peered over her shoulder in the picture. Her hair, as usual, covered part of her eyes. The selfie of the two of them had them both laughing. The picture was blurry but it was the happiest photo of the two of them since Noah’s death.

Jake looked up as he felt the subway slow to a stop and watched as several passengers got up from their seats and exited. Jake saw a spot, and sat on the edge of the plastic bench before the doors closed again and the train moved to the next station.

Jake eyed the remaining passengers, noting the diversity in color, age, and dress styles. You could always tell the folks that had government jobs in the Beltway. Dark shoes, long coat, plaid scarf, a folded-up Washington Post tucked underneath an arm or a small thin briefcase held by a gloved hand. The dress code was eerily similar, day in, day out.

Across from him sat a twenty-something man, crew cut hair, wearing a starched white shirt, and black Dickies pants. He couldn’t tell what he wore underneath the dark blue pea coat but the thick-soled shoes and ear buds stuck in his ear, provided an air of indifference. He smiled at Jake once he realized that Jake took a measure of him. Jake half-smiled in response but turned his attention to the other passengers. An older woman chatted with her friend, holding a grocery bag. Two teenagers their backs towards each other stared at cell phone screens and texted on their phones. Next to his left stood a young man, holding a young girl’s hand while a dark-haired woman seated on the bench, held a baby who she nursed with a baby bottle.

After seeing the baby, Jake remembered he had to go to the grocery store. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to remember the two or three items he needed from the local Kroger. Soy milk, peanut butter. What else?

The train turned a slight corner then sped up. Passengers standing towards the end moved towards the door as the LED sign announced the next station stop. One of the men caught Jake’s eye. Tall, lanky with chestnut brown hair, Jake did a double take. For a moment, he froze as the man’s profile came into view.

Not Noah.

He exhaled, then his head dropped. He couldn’t deny to himself that he wished Noah stood next to him on this train.

Man, I still miss him.