The f*******n Crown

Chapter |18|

D A M I E N ' S P. O. V

"This is what we wanted. Isn't it?" Emmeline murmurs as the plane engine roars to life. "Say something, please,"

I hate not knowing how to comfort her at this moment but my mind is as frazzled as hers. The woman I love is bound to another man, and it's not even the only man I would be happy seeing her with.

We're careful not to draw Chloe's attention but I can't help but lean closer to her. Just my presence seems to calm her anxious mood, and I rest my hand on her knee, stopping it from bouncing frantically.

"Emmy, you did the right thing. There was nothing else to do."

Tears well in those deep brown eyes. Something twists around my heart, squeezing violently. "I feel so bad, horrible. I hate this."

"Me too." I follow her gaze to Ajax. We all struggle to contain our emotions but him more than most. That's why he's been giving Emmy the cold shoulder, avoiding at all costs to avoid the breakdown he suffered after we found Theo and Emmeline together.

"He'll come around soon. He just needs time."

"I miss him." She wrings her hands together, twisting the bracelet on her wrist that binds us all. "I just hate that he's hurting and the only thing that makes him feel better is Chloe."

That is something I haven't quite cracked myself. They're both sitting on the other end of the plane, Ajax genuinely laughing at all she has to say.

Jealously hits me hard for a moment, remembering how he actually enjoyed their date to the ball. Quinn was lovely intellectual company but I wouldn't repeat it again.

"Maybe he sees something we can't? They have been spending more time together and we all Chloe puts on a persona with you to appear better."

Their mutual feud has lasted since childhood though I doubt any of us could recall why.

My eyes naturally drift to the ring that brightly shines on her hand. "I'll take it off as soon as we get back. Only wear it for show."

"I don't want you to do that." I'll be like hiding a piece of herself and I'll be damned if any part of Emmeline is shoved aside.

"I want to. It's too heavy anyways."

My lips tilt up, "True, a little gaudy for my taste."

Those reddened eyes crease a spark of light that was otherwise lacking before. I look back at Ajax, who appears resilient in ignoring us. Though not callous, it still burns a hole through my chest.

All I know is that I have to fix it, fix the rift that's already starting to create a divide between us.

***

"Oh, Emmeline, it's gorgeous and you are radiant." Aunt Arabella hugs her tight, gushing over how much older her daughter looks.

"Thalnia agrees with you." My father adds, and then he takes me aside. Away from the emotional reunion we both parents greet Ajax and Emmeline, even Huxley steps out to meet his daughter.

Though I'm sure it's more of a political move to speak to Emmeline first.

"How have you been?" I shrug, appearing bored.

"Fine. As expected."

Setting his hand on my shoulder, he nods, wearing a proud smile though I feel accomplished in nothing. "All the advisors are talking about how well you performed in Thalnia. Your first diplomatic trip and a success. Hopefully they'll consider making you an official member of the council by the time marriage comes around which should be..."

"Six months." It's official. The contract was signed by even my fine ink.

"Good, good." Glancing over at Emmeline, who flushes at the raved attention, he grins. "She looks happy."

It's hard not to forget we all grew up together, that our parents view each of us as their own in different ways. I wonder how they would feel, knowing we all love each other in ways they would never expect.

"Yes she does look happy." Emmeline is probably the best liar I know. She's tricked a nation into believing this marriage is what she wants, and yet I know it's one of the reasons she'll be such a great Queen.

As everyone disperses, I run after Chloe whilst she charges down the hall in four inch heels.

How? I have no idea.

"Chloe, speak with you for a moment?"

"What?" She whips her sleek blonde hair, almost catching my face with its sharp ends. Those ice blue eyes pierce hard enough I almost wince. "If this is about my father and Emmeline then I..."

"Wait what? What are you talking about?"

Chloe sighs, "You weren't there?" I shake my head once. "Well basically it became a s**t show. My father throwing demands around like usual, then having a tantrum whilst Emmeline and the King scream back."

"What was it about?" I know Emmy can hold her own against that old bastard, but it helps to be nosy in a palace full of snakes.

"He wants her to move the wedding forward. She refused and he claimed that she was holding back because she's already in a relationship."

"What?" I hate being taken by surprise. The sick emptiness that pervades my stomach.

Chloe snorts, "I know right, imagine. God knows when she would have time for that. She's always either with her maid or you two."

Biting my tongue to dig further, I offer her one of the hand rolled cigarettes I know she's craving. Personally, I don't like to smoke but it makes a good gesture and weirdly people take more with a burning paper between their fingers.

"Thanks," I hold the lighter and we drift towards the open window to exhale the smoke. As always it burns its way into my lungs. I just hope her information is good enough to use. "I know my dad can be an asshole, but he's still my dad. Still the only person I've got in this world."

"You have friends,"

A bitter laugh comes out raspy, "Not any worthy of mentioning. I have social acquaintances, people who can give me information when they're drunk enough that I can use to my advantage." I'm impressed, but I don't let it show."

"What about a boyfriend?"

"Too much time and energy, besides have you seen the men in this place?"

"But you like Ajax?" She stills a little. "You asked him out?" Searching her eyes for any tell tale emotion, all I see is overwhelming sadness.

"Ajax used to be my friend. When we were kids and you and Emmeline would want to read indoors, we chose to play fantasy games outside. Only time I've truly been happy or free. I did like him, still do I guess, but I think really I've just been so desperate for a friend."

"And that entails trying to trap him into a marriage?"

This time she genuinely laughs, "My father's idea and yeah, it sounded good at the time. Purely because I thought if it was just me and him, no more Emmeline, then he would actually like me and I would be happy and not lonely anymore. It's pathetic, but it's the truth."

Guilt claws at me wishing I could turn back time. Normally I'm good at sensing other people out, but with Chloe, I got it completely wrong. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not being nicer, not looking out for you, not doing anything, really."

"I'm not your responsibility." Snuffing out the cigarette, she makes way to leave. I quickly side step in front of her, blocking her exit. "Uh Damien, move."

"Just tell me about Ajax. What was he saying on the plane? How did he act? How did he look?"

"Why?"

"Because he's my friend." I grit out.

She smiles that sweet sickly smile that tells me our little heart to heart is finished. "Then ask him yourself."

I grunt when she barges past me, my shoulder knocking into the wall. The crazy thing is that I can just ask him, but I'm too scared to hear the truth

No, I'm not giving up so easily. Racing forward, I grab her hand. "Chloe!"

"What?" Maybe it's the sheer look of desperation on my face or the fact that she actually takes pity on me but either way she gives in. "Fine. I guess he was a little weird, sadder than usual, seemed empty, almost lifeless. He wasn't the Ajax I know. Did you guys fight or something?"

I shake my head immediately. "Nothing like that."

"Then it's because of her, isn't it? It's because she's getting married." My heart stills, unable to tear my eyes away from her. "It's obvious he likes her. I guess what he's going through is heartbreak. It takes a while to recover from that."

It's not a heartbreak. It can't be because we're still together. There is still an us for as long as Emmeline is still here.

"You should be nicer to Emmeline, or at least just be yourself. She doesn't have many female friends in this world, neither do you and I'm betting the moment you put the knives down, you both could a big f*****g difference to this world."

Walking away, I think about my next move. Ajax would be the most viable option but he's with his family, Emmeline is with hers and I don't think I could stand listening to her parents gush about how amazing Theo is.

That leaves one more person. My father.

Like always I find him in his office.

Hunched over a stack of books, no doubt legislation pertaining to royal marriage 101.

I knock steadily on the door. "You got a minute,"

"Always." He's all smiles for now, until I tell him my problems. Until he either decides to stick by my side or drag me down with him.

"I have this secret." I state as bluntly as possible, as soon as the door is sealed shut. "It's going sound a little f****d up but you need to know I'm the happiness I've ever goddamn been."

This time he frowns, confused mostly, but I can tell he's trying to appear unfazed. "Go ahead, you can tell me anything son."

Yeah but would he listen first, or run the moment he hears the word most people are afraid of.

Polygamy is a word tainted by mistruths and a lack of cultural understanding in a society that barely tolerated homosexuality.

Coming out to my father wasn't hard. He already knew I liked men and women. Anyone my d**k hardens for really.

It was over within a second, we shared a knowing look of understanding and that was that. Done.

Our relationship has always been this easy. Hardly any fights or rebellion. I guess with one parent and one child it's easier to forge a connection.

"I'm in a relationship, I'm in love and it's beautiful but I know it's not something many people will be able to understand."

"Because it's another man?" I'm guessing he deduced I was in a relationship from the lack of shock, especially considering this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

I know it will also be the last. It's Emmy, me and Ajax or nothing at all.

"Sort of...I'm in a polyamorous relationship."

His face remains impassive if there is any shock at all. Then he smiles, wholly, and I startle a little inside not expecting such a response.

"Son, that's great. I mean, if you're happy then I am too." Moving around the desk, he pulls me into a hug. I don't reject the affection but embrace instead.

This feels like something I've needed for a long time.

"There's more." It is the ominous undercut to the short celebration. Now that I've said it, I may as well go the full swing. Better than continuing to live a lie, and at least his reaction will gauge how the other parents will react.

Who knows? Maybe they all throw us a part in celebration, happy because we're all finally who we want to be?

"It's about your partners?" Nodding, I subconsciously reach up to fiddle with the pendent, always clasped around my neck. "I assumed three, but I suppose I shouldn't be assuming anything."

"No you're right. Me, another man and a woman. The two loves my life."

A smile crosses his face, leaving as he notices my solemn expression. "God Damien, can you just tell! I mean for god's sake, you know I'll accept anyone you're with, it doesn't matter if they're poor, or from a bad family or..."

"It's them. It's Ajax and it's Emmeline. My best friends, my lovers, my partners for life...it's them, and I don't regret it. I don't regret a single f*****g thing because for once it my pathetic life father, I'm happy. Genuinely."

Storm clouds thunder in the same eyes that I bear. I've seen him angry at others, but this is all new territory for us. "You f*****g idiot." He lunges at me, and for a moment...a split second I think he may hit me. Then he does something, I've never seen him do before.

Something that causes my own heart to burn at the sight of.

He cries. Guttural sobs that racket his entire self.

Grasping onto me like I'm the only thing keeping him from drowning in the complexity of his own emotions, I make out the faint crackle of his broken voice. "You've killed yourself, my son...my boy...you've destroyed your life and all for her?"

"For them dad, and trust me, it was worth it."

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A/N: Thoughts on Elliot's reaction?