She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

Chapter 12: Ronnie

Mom comes home from work Friday night to find me in her usual spot on the couch, sipping a mug of tea and thinking.

Which is what I’ve been doing since just before lunch when I found out that Jason has been here the whole time. I still don’t know exactly how I feel about that. I suppose the part that bothers me the most is that he felt he couldn’t tell me.

I don’t know if that says more about him, or about me. It’s what everyone seems to do, even people who are usually honest and up front about things. I don’t think it necessarily makes him a liar, but it does worry me that every person in my life who wants to get close to me feels the need to be so careful about it. Aly might be the exception, but I thought the same about my mom until this week. Who knows what Aly holds back from telling me.

The worst thing is that it hit me at some point this afternoon that I do the same thing, and I don’t just do it to one person, I do it to everyone. Most of the time, I don’t say what I’m thinking. I hold back my real opinions. I don’t tell people about the things that bother me unless they ask, and even then, I give the shortest, simplest partial truth of an answer that I can.

So, how can I expect people to treat me any differently? Maybe they worry so much about upsetting me because they don’t have a clue what goes on in this head of mine.

“Hey, kid. You’ll never guess who I saw come into work today,” my mom greets me excitedly, as though she’s a schoolgirl with some juicy gossip she can’t wait to share.

But I suspect I know what she’s alluding to.

“Jason,” I guess, since he texted me just after lunch to give me a heads up about the fact that my mom’s boss called him in for an interview. Of course, he didn’t know it was my mom’s boss or that she works at Reggie’s too.

I suppose it makes sense that he will need a job in this area if he plans to stick around indefinitely, but it still feels weird. Jason, my Jason, is out there wandering around my town, and I could run into him at any point. My mom might even see him every day if he gets the job.

She frowns, all the excitement from a moment ago draining from her as she drops her arms to her sides defeatedly.

“No fair,” she complains. “Why didn’t you give me a heads up if you already knew?”

“Because I didn’t know until just before he went in to talk to Buddy. He decided to warn me at the last minute,” I explain to her.

She laughs, shaking her head at whatever is amusing her. “And I’m guessing you didn’t bother to give him a heads up about that being where I work. He seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see him.”

“That’s what he gets for waiting until the last minute.”

“You brat,” she teases before disappearing into the kitchen for a moment. “What are you drinking?” she asks from the other side of the wall between us.

“Chamomile tea.”

I hear her shuffling things around in there for a little bit before she reappears and drops herself into the spot beside me with her own mug of tea.

“Trouble sleeping?” she wonders, gesturing to my mug.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know,” I stumble over my answer, not having thought too much about why I was making the tea as I did it. It just felt right, and I wanted it.

“So, how does it sit with you knowing that he’s still hanging around here?” she asks next, letting me off without explaining myself about the tea.

“I don’t know that either,” I sigh, tucking my legs under me. “Do you think he’ll get that job?”

“Bet on it. Buddy loves him, and he especially loves the shape he’s in. He’s got all that stuff that’s been piling up in the back since his back surgery, but he’s been too stubborn to let any of us help him, not that we get a lot of free time anyway. It’s been crazy busy for about the past month, so he was excited to see a big, strong, young stud come strutting in there all eager to get to work.”

I exhale slowly, processing the fact that Jason is about to be working only four blocks from my house, and with my mom no less.

“Can I ask you something, Ronnie?”

I glance up at her, concerned, but I nod anyway.

“Okay,” I agree cautiously, sensing a difficult question coming my way.

“You met this Jason kid when you went to visit Aly’s family, which was what, a couple years ago? Why had I not heard anything about him until recently?”

Well, this feels familiar. Did we not just have a conversation like this a couple nights ago, except it was her in the hot seat?

“There wasn’t much to tell. We met in a library, he liked me, but he terrified me. Have you seen him?”

She laughs when I say that, nodding her head. And I know she knows what I mean. He’s not as tall as Aly’s mates, but he’s still tall, probably around six feet or so. Almost a foot taller than me, and he’s big. Solid muscle, the type of person who works out even when he’s on vacation. Of course Buddy wants him.

“So, he made some attempts to get to know me, but eventually I shut him out,” I go on. “That whole thing with Aly giving him her ticket to my commencement sounded innocent enough, but I knew even then it was a message. It was him trying to get my attention and let me know he’s still interested. And I guess in some ways it worked. We have been talking.”

“From where I’m sitting, you’re still shutting him out. And from where I’m sitting, I can’t quite figure out why. Other girls would kill for a guy like that, especially one so focused and committed to pursuing you.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying that. I would expect you of all people to be trying to scare him off. Doesn’t it bother you where he comes from? You’ve given Aly all kinds of grief about that.”

“And it was my place to be bothered about it when you were sixteen. You were still an impressionable minor and my responsibility. But you’re an adult now, Ronnie. My opinion of your friends’ lifestyles is no longer relevant. Does it bother me that you might end up with a guy who could end up flipping your life around like that? You bet.”

She pauses to grab me by the arm and make sure I’m looking at her when she says, “I would try harder to scare him off if I could find any actual fault with him. But honestly, kid, he kind of reminds me of your dad. And that’s a good thing. That’s the sort of guy I want to see you end up with.”

That’s a big part of the problem, though. He reminds me of my dad too. They even have similar jobs.

“That worked out well for you,” I can’t help mumbling bitterly under my breath, though I immediately regret it when I see the expression of pain flash across her face. I knew it was a low blow, and I shouldn’t have said it.

“It did actually,” she argues after a moment. “I don’t regret my years with your father for even a second. Do I wish he was still with us? Of course. But even if I had known before I got with him that he would be gone too soon, I still would have done it because those years that we did have together were worth it. He was a good man. Loyal, thoughtful, compassionate – the same things I see the potential for in Jason. And he’s not your father. Just because it ended tragically for me doesn’t mean that it will for you.”

I lean against her, and she puts an arm around me, the both of us quiet for a few moments until I finally break the silence.

“Jason thought you hated him when he first met you at my commencement,” I confess what he told me the other day.

She gives me a soft smile, rubbing up and down my upper arm a couple times before she answers.

“He was unexpected, and I didn’t know what to think of him at first. It is possible I was a bit bristly then. But he charmed me pretty quickly, mostly because he wasn’t trying to charm me. He was just being honest, and it didn’t take me long to figure out how he felt about you.”

I can't fight the blush rising to my cheeks, somehow feeling like she caught me in the act or something. In the act of what, I don't know. Kind of, sort of liking my mate, maybe?

*************************

I’ve developed somewhat of a nightly routine this past week. Before I go to sleep, I silence my phone and lie in my bed texting with Jason for a few minutes. I didn’t talk to him much throughout the day after the awkward and abrupt end to our chat this afternoon, and once I'm in bed, I find myself feeling something I haven’t experienced before.

I miss him. My fingers are itching to talk to him. But what do I say? How do I bring it back around after what happened earlier?

Feeling lost, I bring up that conversation and read it again. The line that took my breath away the first time has the same effect on me this time.

‘No. Never. It’s you, or no one, and my Mama didn’t raise a quitter.’

I know he means it. He’ll never quit. He’s a permanent fixture in my life now, like it or not. And a lot of the time, I’m realizing, I quite like it. Now here I am missing him because I like it so much. He reappeared in my life at just the right time, a time when I was feeling very alone and really needed a friend. Am I really going to throw that away because he decided to stay close by and not tell me about it?

Then I scroll back up a bit, and my eyes linger on where he apologized for doing exactly that.

‘I’m really sorry, Ronnie. If you want me to pack my bags and go home, then I will. Just say the word.’

Like my mom said, he doesn’t say stuff to be charming. He always seems so genuine. Just like that night after my commencement when he told me I could uninvite him to dinner and he would leave, and then he did. If I had told him to pack his bags today, I know that he would have.

But I don’t want that. The part that I’m having the most difficulty accepting is that for me, my fear is usually tied up in other emotions, like excitement and hope. When I think of Jason working just down the road and around the corner, I do feel a bit sick and dizzy, but there are also butterflies in my belly. There’s that hopeful part of me that looks forward to accidentally bumping into him here and there.

Which is why when my fingers finally figure out what they want to say, it’s in direct response to what he said before.

I accept your apology.

But it occurs to me right after I send it that it’s been hours and hours since he said that, and he probably won’t even know what I’m referring to. I’m just about to send another message to explain myself when his response pops up.

I’m so glad, and I feel terrible about not being completely up front about everything. I think I was just scared that you would tell me you didn’t want me here, and I couldn’t handle that. I want to stay, but I meant it when I said I’ll go home if you want me to.

And then a couple seconds later he sends, Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

I feel like we've spent enough of the day having serious, scary talk, and I'm kind of in the mood for something more playful and light-hearted. It's usually him who starts that, but I recognize the opportunity here if I play my cards right. I could answer his question seriously, or I could take a chance and make it more fun. When I read his question, the first thing that pops in my head is far from serious.

Yes, I can’t resist the urge to reply, smirking to myself as I type, I don’t know what, but I’m sure there’s something.

Hmm, I might have an idea …

He sends me a picture of the storefront for the bookstore here in town. It’s small and quaint, definitely not a competitor with some of the big-name bookstores out there, but it’s also one of my favorite places in the world. I love that it’s small and hardly anyone goes there.

I was thinking you can pick out as much as we can carry, and let me remind you that I have superhuman strength, so that’s a lot. It’s my treat, since I owe you.

It’s so tempting to give in and say yes to that, but there are a lot of things wrong with his idea. First off, it sounds a bit like a date, which I’m not sure I’m ready for. And then there’s the fact that I don’t have space for more books, so I mostly just go window shopping these days.

That seems like the best excuse, so that’s what I tell him.

I only have room for one bookshelf, and it’s beyond full. I don’t think I could possibly house more books.

I could keep them in my room for you, and you can come visit them any time you like. Kind of like sharing joint custody. All I ask is to be allowed to read some of them.

Oh gosh. He has all the right answers. And honestly, I’m getting tired of always saying no to him. Plus, I have the perfect response in my head that will even give me a chance to ask one of the most important questions there are when you’re getting to know someone.

That depends. How do you mark your place when you have to put a book down?

With a bookmark. I’m not one of those heathens who folds the corners, if that’s what you’re worried about.

Thank goodness. I guess you’re an approved book borrower then.

It’s stupid how much fun I’m having with this conversation, all alone in the dark and grinning at my phone as I read his responses. Sometimes, I forget that one of the first things I learned about him is that he shares my passion for reading. We did meet in a library, after all.

When are you free? he wonders next. I’m completely serious about this. We’re going book shopping. I’ve been eyeing that store since I saw it, but I’ll wait to go inside until you can come with.

And then it got real. Am I really doing this? Am I about to agree to a book shopping date with my mate?

I think I am. I think I really do want to do this.

I take a deep breath, fighting all my natural impulses to shut down and push him away, shaking off my nerves as I type, My mom has Wednesday off, so I guess we could go any time that day.

Perfect. I’m looking forward to it, Ronnie.

Just seeing him type my name somehow has the power to send shivers down my spine. I’ve read a lot about mates and mate bonds, and I know that means I’ve probably already opened myself up to a whole world of trouble should anything ever go wrong with Jason because that feeling means that we’re bonding. This thing we’ve been doing all week, even though I haven’t seen him face-to-face yet, that’s been us getting closer and that mate bond getting stronger.

And that means I better figure out whether I’m okay with that.