She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

Chapter 32: Jason

Ronnie takes the hand I’m offering her and lets me help her out of her chair and lead us out of my office into the hall, down the stairs, through the various halls and rooms on the first floor of the packhouse, and out the back door to the path that leads to the infirmary and fitness center.

“Have you been back here before?” I wonder, noting her wide-eyed wonder.

Anxiety is also there brewing just below the surface, understandably since she has no idea what I’m up to, but she’s keeping it together and trusting me not to take her anywhere she can’t handle. I just hope that she can actually handle it.

“No, I had no idea there was more,” she laughs. “I mean, I know there’s a lot available within the pack territory, but I had no idea there was so much right here.”

“That’s the infirmary right up here,” I explain, pointing it out. “Alpha Aly has actually been working on a plan for an expansion of our medical services. Most larger packs have full hospitals available right on their pack grounds, and our pack is getting there. We’re in the process of claiming up some new territory and expanding a lot of the amenities to keep up with the population boom.”

“Wow,” is all she says, seeming stunned by all that.

I’m surprised she doesn’t make a comment about Aly’s own contribution to the population, but I suppose she’s feeling a bit stressed for jokes right now.

“And then just beyond there is the fitness center, where we’re going,” I finally reveal. “If you want the unfiltered version of everything I was just thinking about, I figure I should probably have something available to beat on to keep Finn pacified while I tell you.”

“Oh,” is all she says about that for a few seconds. And then, “So, you are mad then.”

She looks up at me as we walk, probably trying to gauge my current mood.

“Honestly, good for you,” she adds a moment later. “No one is as even-tempered as you always appear to be, and it makes me feel like I’m an absolute mess that I always seem to be ten times more upset about everything than you are.”

“No. Remember when you were telling me about how your outer appearance is deceiving, and there’s a lot more going on below the surface? That’s the story of my life since Finn, Ronnie. I have to keep a lid on how I react to things to keep control over him, and honestly, I’ve learned to be the same way with you. He gets angry easily, but in the past, you would run away anytime I wasn’t careful and controlled about our interactions. So that even temper is a façade, and I’m going to knock it down for you today. I only hope you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” she declares with determination. “I want to know.”

I open the outer door and hold it open for her, letting her go in ahead of me. She stops in her tracks once we get inside, taking it all in. From the look on her face, I’m wondering if she’s ever seen the inside of a gym before. She’s mentioned multiple times over the years that she’s not interested in athletics and has never really worked out, so this could be a completely new experience for her.

“Good afternoon, Gamma,” a tall, redheaded she-wolf comes over and greets me.

I recognize her, and I know she works here, but her name escapes me. Cara, maybe? Caitlin? I don’t remember, so it’s probably safer not to bother.

“Afternoon. Could I get some shorts?” I jump straight to the point, not in the mood for pleasantries. But still, I need something more appropriate to wear since my visit is impromptu and I’m here in my work clothes.

“Of course. I’ll be right back with those,” she tells me, already hurrying away.

And then it occurs to me that Cara-Caitlin-whoever didn’t even acknowledge Ronnie, which is weird. But to be fair, I suppose Ronnie didn’t make a move to introduce herself either. They seemed content to ignore each other, and I’m not going to bring it up and make a problem where there doesn’t need to be one.

“I don’t keep a gym bag over here, and I’m not looking to get all sweaty dressed like this,” I explain to Ronnie.

She gives me an uncertain look, her eyes scanning over me, and blushes when she notices me watching her. Was she just picturing me shirtless and sweaty and maybe kind of liking it? Goddess, I hope so. I also hope she kind of likes it when it happens for real in a little bit here.

“Here you go,” the redhead says when she makes it back over to us, handing me a basic pair of black basketball shorts.

After thanking and assuring her that there’s really nothing more she can do for me, I lead Ronnie to one of the back rooms where there’s a heavy bag I can beat on. It’s empty, and I lock the door behind us so we won’t be disturbed.

The first thing I do is empty out my pockets, setting my wallet, keys, and phone on a side table. She’s watching me intently the whole time, probably wondering where I’m ultimately going with this.

“You probably want to turn around for this next part, but it’s optional,” I tease her, attempting to smirk at her in a way that I hope looks sly and flirty.

She blushes again, turning around to look at the wall while I strip down to my boxers and pull the other shorts on over top. Hopefully she can handle me shirtless because that’s how I prefer to workout. It’s also how I prefer to sleep.

“Okay, all set,” I announce, scooping up my clothes and adding them to the pile of my stuff on the table.

I give her a discreet side-glance, wondering how she’s reacting to suddenly seeing so much more of me, but she’s doing her best not to look at me. That blush has intensified, though. Even her neck seems a little red. Hopefully she’ll adjust.

I walk over to the far wall and start opening the cabinets, looking for a decent pair of gloves that will fit me. Sometimes, I do this bare-handed because that’s how Finn likes it, but I figure that might be a bit much for Ronnie to watch.

“Alright,” I tell her once I’m ready and in position next to the heavy bag.

But then I notice that she’s still dragging over a chair she found while I was getting ready, and wait until she has it where she wants it and is sitting comfortably before I start talking.

Deep breath. Exhale. Here it goes.

“I have a feeling that your fear of losing people you care about comes from losing your dad, and the tragic way you lost your dad is a big part of it,” I begin, not yet feeling a need to punch anything. “I remember you telling me about it, and you revealed a lot of your feelings about it then, I think without meaning to. I got the impression that my job bothers you, that maybe you equate what I do as a pack warrior with your dad being a soldier.”

I had been looking at a spot on the bag in front of me, but when I look back up at Ronnie, I notice that she’s stolen my shirt from the pile of clothes and is clutching it to herself. Remembering how she was doing basically the same thing with Garrett the other day, I realize that’s one way she copes with situations like this. She feels better having something to hold onto, and it doesn't seem to matter what it is.

I actually have to fight the urge to smile about it being something of mine she’s clutching this time because this conversation feels too heavy for a smile, and I don’t want her to take it the wrong way.

“But you should know that it’s not like that,” I continue. “Yes, pack warriors keep in shape and train regularly so we’re always ready for whatever comes our way, but it’s so rare these days for anything threatening or dangerous to come our way. You’re close with Aly, so you probably know about the rogue war, but that was an anomaly. My daily life, it’s not dangerous. It’s a lot of paperwork, boring meetings, and has more in common with the corporate world than the military. The warrior training is more for Finn than me.”

“Okay,” she says quietly, her eyes still big as she watches and waits for me to say more.

I take a breath, already feeling the agitation coming on from where I know I’m about to go with this. Then I give the bag a test punch, just because I feel like it.

“What really bothers me is how you see yourself, and how you seem to see me in the process.”

I give it another punch, a little stronger this time. I might have to engage the floor chain, or it’s going to be swinging all over the place before long.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I don’t want anybody else for you to believe it. It gets frustrating because in a way, it feels like you don’t trust me, or you think I’m just blowing hot air without meaning what I say.”

A few more punches.

“And for the record, the Moon Goddess doesn’t make mistakes. Her people might not always understand what she sees that they can’t, and sometimes she makes choices that present a challenge, but she never makes an error. We’re meant to be together, and you are the one for me. I know it. I feel it, and not just because of the bond.”

Punch. Three more punches. One more just because.

“I’ve wanted someone exactly like you for a long time. I think I was about twelve when I first started picturing my dream woman and thinking about what I want from a partner. I made a mental list, and you tick every box on that list and then some, Ronnie.”

“Was ‘complete basket case’ on the list?” she quips, and that actually irritates me a little. Not at her directly, but at this incessant need of hers to demean herself.

“No, Ronnie. Of course not,” I answer her, my tone more biting than I intended.

It takes a few hits on the bag before I’m ready to explain myself.

“Of course I don’t want you to suffer like that, or to be trapped inside your own mental prison. But it’s not something I hold against you either, or that turns me off or changes my mind. I just wish you’d let me shoulder more of that burden with you. What’s frustrating is you being trapped inside, and me being shut outside.”

That did it. Now Finn wants to hit something too.

“And that’s what bothers me the most, how much of the time I’ve known you has been spent without you. I could handle a long-distance relationship, but being just completely shut out is too much. And then for you to tell me that for the past two years, you actually wanted to reach out but didn’t? That kills me, Ronnie.”

I hit the bag so violently that it nearly takes me out when it swings back toward me, and I decide it’s time to engage the floor chain and lock it in place a little better. It will make it higher impact, but I don’t care.

“I get it that you harbor a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing, and that you were scared, but I’m sorry. That’s absolute bullshit. No one ever asked me if I wanted to spend another two years without my mate, and I have a lot of fears of my own. I’ve been barely holding onto my sanity over here and needed you, and you were at school suffering when I could have helped you.”

I punch the bag so hard that it rattles my teeth. I’ll be feeling that later.

“We should have been together. You should have called. And yes, I’m mad about that. I’m not perfect, and I’m not immune to getting upset. I have feelings just like everyone else, but nobody seems to be able to hurt me the way you do every time you cut me out of your life.”

Hopefully I’ve done well enough at getting out some of what’s been swimming around in my head and my heart because I think that’s going to about do it for me. I’m overcome with the urge to punch and just keep punching, and eventually Finn gets fed up with the gloves and rips them off so we can really feel it. It doesn’t take long for my hands to start getting torn up, but I just keep going.

Until I hear Ronnie’s voice from alarmingly close to me.

“Jason,” she cuts in, trying to get my attention, and then a little louder, “Jason!”

She sounds worried, maybe even panicked, and it cuts through my rage enough that I stop punching and turn to try to find her. But I don’t get a chance because before I know it, she’s charging at me and throwing her arms around me. Mine automatically go around her, and I pull her against me tightly.

And then I lose all semblance of control and start doing something I really try not to do around her. The tears start flowing and I’m a mess before I know it, and then we somehow end up on the floor, her still clinging to me and dangling half in my lap. She’s crying about as hard as I am, and I’m not sure she even realizes or cares how close we are or how much contact her body is making with mine.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs.

I lean my back against the wall and reposition her so she’s straddling me before pulling her as tight against me as I can manage, burying my face in her hair and working on normalizing my breathing. It’s full minutes before we finally seem to get a grip on ourselves, and I hear her sigh, her breath still a bit ragged from how she’s been crying.

But she’s not pulling away, and I’m not moving until she makes me.