She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

Chapter 10: Jason

It’s only a couple hours until the sun will be up before I finally hang up the phone, and then I lie there in a daze in my rented bed questioning whether this is my real life.

Last night, I had been in bed for an hour or so when I heard my phone chirp to notify me of an incoming text. I figured it was Aly or possibly even my brother given the time, which is why I considered just ignoring it. I was finally getting to that relaxed state that comes before sleep and didn’t want to jeopardize my rare shot at falling asleep by a decent time.

But I’m glad I looked. To my complete and utter shock and awe, it was Ronnie. She wondered if I was up and felt like talking. No-brainer: yes. For her, always yes.

I could tell there was something on her mind that she was struggling to type out as I watched those three dots jiggling around for what seemed like hours. Then they’d go away, then come back, and repeat. And then finally, my phone rang.

After jumping practically out of my skin and questioning my reality, maybe even pinching myself a little, I talked to my mate on the phone for well over five hours. I only learned toward the end of it that she’d been sitting outside the entire time since she shares a bedroom with her younger sisters and didn’t want to wake anyone. At least the weather has been nice, or I’d feel worse about that.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express to her how much that phone call meant to me. She had something on her mind, and she came to me with it. Me, not Aly, not her mom, not Clarice, but me. Even though she fights our connection, that is proof to me that she also feels it. Deep down, she knows I’m here for her and care for her in a way that no one else could possibly compete with.

I’m still processing everything she told me, though. For the most part, we talked about her and the things on her mind, not focusing too much on me, but I'm totally fine with that.

Pretty much as soon as I answered the phone, she blurted out, “I just found out that my mom has a boyfriend, or at least she's been dating this guy for years, and she never told me about it.”

And I could tell it really bothered her, though it took some time for her to really work out why. I guess she’s been struggling to feel like she’s welcome at home since she’s been back, just constantly feeling kind of awkward and misplaced there, and that revelation kind of cemented it for her. Then there was this whole issue of her mom confessing that she keeps her personal life from Ronnie on purpose because of how sensitive she can be.

From there, it went into a really deep discussion about her feelings about her dad, who died when she was little. I learned that he was in the military and died overseas. She didn’t say it outright, but I started getting this sense that part of her hesitation about getting involved with me has to do with the perceived danger of my role in the pack, which she equates to the danger of being a human soldier.

A year ago, that was accurate. We were at war. But now? Not so much. So, I made a mental note to eventually find some way to make sure she knows that, some opening where I can talk to her about it. She obviously needs to know I’m not at risk and in danger day in and day out. A life with me would end up being pretty safe and stable.

And then there’s the craziest thought that crossed my mind. I almost blurted out, “I would give it all up if that’s what you wanted,” at one point when she was ranting about soldiers and warriors and the lives they lead in general, and the families they leave behind when they’re gone.

I have to think on that, though, and sort out what I even mean by it. Would I really give it all up? What would that even look like? Leaving the pack? Quitting the warriors? Stepping down as Gamma? I don’t even know, but it’s worth considering. Just how far am I willing to go to be with my mate?

But this conversation wasn’t really about me, so that’s for later. After she seemed to have all the mixed-up feelings from her conversation with her mom sorted out, she got kind of quiet for a few moments. I was about to ask her if she wanted me to let her go when she blurted out, “I have a sensory processing disorder, so my mom didn’t just mean that I’m emotionally sensitive. I’m like sensitive sensitive.”

And then she went on to tell me about the struggles she has getting to know new people and becoming comfortable around them, framing it within the context of her mom keeping who knows how many secret boyfriends from her over the years. Ronnie basically seemed to be feeling like her mom sees her as a special needs kid that she has to walk on eggshells around, and I could tell that it killed her to think she causes her mom that sort of grief and strife.

“It’s really important to you to do everything you can to lessen your mom’s burdens instead of causing her new ones,” I commented in response.

All she said was a soft, “yeah.”

I tried to think of as many comforting and reassuring things to say as I could throughout our conversation, but a lot of times it seemed to make her go quiet like that. Eventually, I realized that she mostly just needed me to be quiet so she could vent and say things out loud to help her make sense of them. And in the process, I learned a lot about her.

I’m going to have to look up that sensory processing thing and learn more about it, but from what she was saying, I get the sense that it’s where her aversion to being touched comes from. Also her aversion to loud sounds, bright lights, and chaotic situations in general. It’s no wonder she prefers the quiet peacefulness of a library, and no surprise that the energy and activeness of her sisters wears on her over time.

“Would it help if you guys weren’t cooped up in the house every day? Like if you go somewhere that they can wear off some of that energy and find things to do besides bother you?” I asked her at one point.

She agreed that it probably would, but also admitted hesitancy about actually doing that. All the places where the girls might have a lot of fun are places Ronnie wouldn’t be comfortable. That was another time that I was itching to intervene, to offer to take the girls off her hands for an afternoon or to tag along on an outing so that Ronnie would have moral support and not be solely responsible for her sisters, but I held back.

She was being so forthcoming, and I didn’t want to push too hard and scare her off. I was also really close to confessing that I’m still hanging around her area and would be interested in meeting up if she ever wants an excuse to get out of the house, but thought better of that too.

Maybe next time. I feel like each time that we talk we get a step further in the right direction. Slowly but surely, we’re getting there, but I don’t think she’s ready to see me in person yet.