Hallows: Black Death

Not Now

Tory Lanez-The Color Violet

B.B.:

We arrive at the local Petsmart and climb out together. I place Timothy into the blue basket cart and push him inside. The lady at the only opened cash register greets us but I don't pay her any mind. She mumbles my name under her breath as I go past her. I take my phone out and quickly begin to look up things a baby as cute as this one might need.

A carefully curated list of must-haves pops up from the local Vet. Carson doesn't say a single word as I begin to drop things into the bigger basket. I even find a blanket to put him in so he doesn't run off. He immediately settles in for a nap.

"I'll go get another cart," Carson sighs when I start looking over the cat trees.

I laugh pulling a green seven-foot cat tree out and then a few smaller ones and cat scratchers. He groans but starts putting them into the bigger cart anyway. Next, I go for shampoos, collars, nail caps, and grooming accessories. All green to match his cute eyes. The girl at the register's eyes widen as we approach the counter.

"Did you find everything okay?" she asks stupidly.

Even Carson gives her a look that says are you f*****g dumb? Ignoring our temperament, she comes around the counter and starts scanning the bigger items before she starts putting the smaller ones into plastic bags. I don't know what Carson is doing over by one of the machines but I don't say anything as I scratch Timothy's chin. James is waiting for us outside when we walk out. I look back at Carson questioningly.

"I drive a f*****g Camaro. That one cat tree alone takes up all the space," he laughs.

"Miss," James greets me with a smirk. Carson helps him put everything in the car as I wait patiently by the Camaro with Timothy in my arms. He's purring. I love the little rumbling sound he's making.

I already have a list going in my sss cart for things I didn't find in the store. Like the cute space pod backpack to carry him in and t-shirts with evil things printed on them. When the door is unlocked I climb in and wait for Carson to get in.

"Is there anything else you'd like to do before we stop at the smoke shop?" he asks a little breathlessly.

"Mmm, you're not prepared for a trip to a regular store yet," I smirk.

He deadpans for a moment and decides that he agrees. He gets a couple of blunt wrap boxes for my dad who smokes like it's oxygen. Stacy and Natalie are more than happy to oblige. The kind of strains he wants are top-dollar. Making ends meet this month is not going to be a problem for Nat or any of the other girls.

Her birthday is in a few months and I want to surprise her with the restoration of the Phantom assets account. There hadn't been anyone to take it up after her father disappeared so by default it passed on to us as the only Phantom descendants left. James and I have been working on it along with the bookstore stuff.

"Actually can you stop at the smoke shop by Jamba Juice?" I ask.

"Yeah," he agrees.

"Do you have something on your mind?" I ask when neither of us says a word for a bit.

"Why do you ask?" there's a hint of anger in his voice.

"You're being extra quiet,"

"I can say the same thing about you," he smiles.

"The silence is pleasant," I shrug.

"It is," he agrees. "Yeah, I have something on my mind,"

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Even if it might be unpleasant to me,"

"After the way you reacted to what Lucien said?"

"That was different. You were both hurting me on purpose. If I'm doing something that makes you feel that way toward me, I'd like for you to tell me. Luc can't help blurting it out. It's what makes him cute but you. I always have a hard time reading you. I don't like guessing. Wondering, yes but never guessing,"

"It's about Rigo," he surprises me. I thought he was going to put up a bit more of a fight.

"Okay," I nod.

"Do you want him?" he asks.

His voice is flat, neutral even. He does that when he knows that the answer is going to hurt. The kevlar of his heart. Prepared to be relieved and alive while also simultaneously preparing to fire an equally painful bullet back at me. Does he know it's been this way ever since I can remember? That even as kids, we didn't need much from one another to be happy so as long as we were together. But the little sparks that keep it interesting, they hurt so good we have to call a truce to get back to where we were. Pushing and pulling, equally matched in this game of tug of war. It's kind of lonely, isn't it?

"Do I want him?" I repeat out loud.

Do I want Rodrigo Jimenez? Yeah, I f*****g do. I've been trying really hard not to. I've been playing my nights with the two of them over and over until I'm a hot mess from the moment I realized what Rodrigo was. I want to be right here with Carson and Lucien but that f*****g kiss. It felt like he was sucking my soul of out me through my mouth and I don't think I'm ever going to get what he took back. I'm not sure that I want it back. There's something about him. It's not just the reaper's influence. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

"Yes," I whisper. "I'm not ready to talk about it because I'm disgusted with myself. I don't want you to try and make me feel better or give me some kind of dark explanation about what I am. I need to hate it for a bit before I give in,"

He parks the car in front of the smoke shop. He lets out a heavy sigh but doesn't press the issue. There, a bullet for both of us. Turns out we fired at the same time. I place Timothy on his lap and climb out checking to see if my cards are in place.

The doorbell jingles when I push it open. I take out the fake I.D. Stacy made for me and offer it to him when he asks. He scoffs and hands it back to me. He knows exactly who I am and that I'm not twenty-one but he lets me into the store regardless.

"My name is Ahsan, what can I help you with today, Trouble?"

The way his voice rings in my ears stirs a violent urge inside of me. The sound of the mamba hissing makes me smile. No. f*****g. Way. This is not happening right now. Not right now. Not while my devil is sitting outside in his car angry about another crow. Back the f**k up, Eve. Not now.

"Gravity bongs," I shrug trying to ignore my senses.

He smirks and I swear a little bolt of electricity zips through my body. His chocolate brown eyes are mesmerizing. His soft brown skin is doing things to me. What the f*****g hell is wrong with me? Why is this happening to me when I have two, possibly three now, back home?

"You're in luck. We have a couple of new ones," he motions me to follow.

Ahsan is tall dark and sexy. His lean body, his dark, tousled, curly hair, the way those baby blue jeans wrap around his thick thighs. I was not put in this world to be a good girl. It's always been that way. I used to love thinking about all of my celebrity crushes all day long. Daydreaming of a stupid fantasy where they were all my servants and would get me whatever I wanted at the snap of my fingers. And I have a wide collection of celebrity crushes. Believe that if nothing else.

Now, it feels a lot like that sick fantasy is somehow manifesting into reality. My mind is f*****g breaking. Its perfectly shaped protective glass is cracking and the darkness inside is leaking out. No, I have to reel it back in. I'm sick. Perverse. There is something definitely wrong with me.

"What do you think?" he asks. I look up into the big beautiful chocolate melts he calls eyes and smile. Did he say something? I look down to see he's placed five different bongs between us.

"The Rick and Morty one," I say pretending to know what he said.

"Good choice," he smiles. "I have a couple of matching accessories if you're interested,"

"No," I growl. He flinches. "Just this for now. It's not even for me,"

"Okay," he begins to put everything away without looking up at me.

"Can I get a box of cherry wraps and a box of grape wraps, as well?" I ask. He doesn't say anything he just gets them.

Ugh, great. I hurt his feelings. Eve tightens around my arm and hisses. f**k her. I pay him and walk out of there without saying a word. Carson looks over at me worriedly.

"Did Ahsan say something to you?" he asks.

"Nope," I shake my head. That's the problem, isn't it? I wanted him to say something, do something. Anything because I'm just that f*****g disgusting. "Let's go home,"