Hallows: Black Death

Horsemen

Slipknot- The Devil in I

B.B.:

My dad and I are sitting in my mom's car on our way to New City. The others went up ahead of us. They want to position themselves before we arrive to have an edge but if Victor is as good as everyone says he is then I don't see the point. If he wants to kill anyone of us, I don't see how any of us would be able to stop him by setting a perimeter. I honestly feel that trying to be sneaky is a one-way ticket to getting ourselves killed.

"Your heart is pounding," my dad comments as he scrolls through my mom's latest accomplishments on my iPad. He does that a lot. He's been listening to her music since he arrived.

A pang of guilt hits my chest followed by anger. I was finally able to break the fever and when it faded, the cold rushed in like an unexpected snowstorm ready to silently ruin everyone's plans. I don't understand this need inside of me. It's not vengeance or justice. This is something else and no matter what I've told myself it hasn't let up.

"I'm not sure how I feel right now," I admit.

"Describe it to me," he suggests.

"I want to f*****g kill Mariah," I answer. "I don't even care- I can't, f**k,"

"Yeah," he snorts. "Been there. You're feeling wronged. Someone put hands on what's yours. He's fine obviously but you need to make sure it doesn't happen again. Set a f*****g example for everyone. To show them that your toys are off f*****g limits. Yeah, I've been there way too many times to count,"

"That's exactly how I feel," I groan. "I'm not this person,"

"What are you talking about?" he scoffs. "B.B. none of this s**t is new to you. You've always been this. Selfish, entitled, spoiled rotten. Have you really forgotten who you are? You and Delilah were born into royalty, baby. You had a golden Valentino pacifier in your mouth from the start.

"I hate to see you hesitate like this. I hate seeing you suffocate under everything you're supposed to be. I blame myself for that. I know you've got s**t to work out. I mean you don't become what we are overnight,"

"Did you only ever love mom?" I ask.

"No," he shook his head. "But I never loved the others more than I loved her. I needed Ash. She is my soulmate. There was always a difference,"

"How can you tell the difference?" I ask. He shifts in the passenger seat and sits the tablet down on his lap.

"Well, whenever I was down or falling apart, Ash was the only one who could make me feel better. The only one I thought of in the darkness. Her voice was like a beacon that pulled me out of it. When she was sitting on that piano. It was just her and the keys. She inspired the light in me. Do any of them do that for you?"

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "When the darkness shows up, it's all I want. I don't want any light. I let it take over. It's better than s*x. Betten than anything else,"

"Hmm," he smiles looking over at me. "Then it hasn't happened yet. You're not ready to love someone unconditionally outside of yourself. That's not a bad thing, Pinky. It doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you love yourself a little more for the moment.

"That's good. It means you have focus. Not just for yourself but for your stone. I didn't have that when we started taking over. I had your mom and she was always my main focus. Dilly had Terra. Distractions. Deeply imprinted distractions,"

"What does that make me?" I sighed. "I'm hurting them,"

"They know you care for them. They're about to witness your wrath for the first time. What happens when someone f***s with them. My advice is don't hold back. Those dark little whispers, the urges running in the back of your head. Give into them.

"Remember this, B.B. You're going to attract nightmares. You're a f*****g demon, Belladonna. These boys are soft-hearted towards you but they're not soft-hearted to the world. You don't earn names like the Devils of Hellbourne or El Pajaro Jimenez by asking for them. These are legends in the making, B.B. and they belong to you. Make sure they know that. Make sure the world knows it.

"You're meant for greatness, my love. A night terror. The Queen of the monsters. Don't second guess that. Ever. You're the daughter of Dante and Ashley Blackstone. It might not mean much to you all things considered," he lifts my iPad to show me the trending gossip online. Articles and articles of him and my mom since the anniversary of his death is coming up next Tuesday. "But the rest of the world is just waiting to see who the f**k you really are. Show them, B.B. Show them all who Belladonna Blackstone truly is,"

"I've missed you so much," I admit. He's always encouraged my sickness.

"You have me here. Right now. It's not a lot. I know that but I am here. Whatever you need. I won't deny it to you. I never have and I never will,"

"Thank you, daddy," I smile. "It's you. You know that right?"

"Me?" he smiles wickedly.

"You're my light. You've always been. I don't care that you're a f*****g monster. Because that's what you are, dad. A plague, but I love you. You were and will always be my most favorite person in the world. I don't want to be you, I don't admire the way you lived your life. I love you for being my dad. For being Delilah's dad and my mom's husband in spite of all the f****d up s**t you hide inside. You were really good at it. We wouldn't have fallen apart the way we did if you hadn't been,"

"That means a lot to me, B.B.," he smiles tenderly. A little of the man I know and love is showing in his eyes.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he nods.

"You asked your reaper to save me and offered all those souls but the souls weren't it, right? There's more to what you have to pay, I mean,"

"f*****g Bella," he sighs. "You think too much," he shakes his head disapprovingly.

"What was it?" I press.

"This," he lifted his arms motioning himself. "I'm dead but I can never rest. When he needs souls he sends his plagues. A horseman,"

"Like in the old testament? The four horsemen of the apocalypse?" I ask.

"Exactly. Ten thousand years of servitude,"

"Which one are you?" I ask intrigued. He smiles.

"Which one do you think?"

"Death?" I whisper. He nods. "Are there others?"

"Three others," he nods. "Conquest just joined,"

"Conquest? Do you know them? Are you guys friends?"

"We can be. Much like the stone. Put together by Chance," he shrugs like it's not a big deal.

"Chance?" I laugh.

"Yeah, that's his name. Chance," he lets his head fall back onto the backrest and closes his eyes. "I don't know what he is and he looks like a f*****g teenage douche bag but there's something about him. He scares me,"

"You?" I shift down as I approach the lot where we're meeting. It's one of Victor's warehouses. "There's something that scares you?"

"Yeah, that f*****g kid," he sits up and opens my glove compartment. Carson put a couple of handguns in there. He hands me and quickly shows me how to load it up. "Ready?"

"Yeah, let's f**k s**t up, old man," I smirk.

"You read my mind, kid," he pats my head.

Losing him a second time is going to hurt a lot but he's a terrible influence on all of us. He's enjoying his time with us. Listens and takes everything in without interfering. I'm starting to realize that this is what's normal for us. Our parents were never going to take care of us like normal kids because we, just like them, aren't normal. We're monsters and we're going to be raised to be monsters. Worse or rather, better than them. I don't know if I'm ready or if I'll ever be but it's starting to look like I have to start letting go of all the things that used to make me who I was. There's no room for humanity in my life anymore. No matter how tightly I want to hold on to it.