The Bad Girl's Gentleman

= Code 11 =

The Bad Girl's Gentleman

= CODE 11 =

MAY MGA TAONG HINDI MO AKALAING PAPASOK SA BUHAY MO. Take for example na lang si Baz, hindi naman niya inakala na magiging girlfriend niya ang isang babaeng katulad ko. (Walang nagsabi na masamang magbuhat ng sariling bangko charr). Well, actually, I am also quite surprised myself. Sino ba namang mag-aakala na makakakilala ako ng isang lalaking katulad ni Baz? What more, naging boyfriend ko pa. And what is so much more, is the way he treats me. It is unacceptable. Yet I don't understand why I am bearing with it when I can just have any boy that I want.

Baz doesn't call. Baz doesn't text. And Baz doesn't see me often. Ano nga bang klaseng relasyon ang mayroon kami? Ito 'yung relasyon na kapag wala kang magawa tsaka mo lang maaalala 'yung kasintahan mo. That's easy for Baz's case. Pero sa'kin na laging walang ginagawa? It is t*****e.

Hanggang ngayon na nakaupo lang ako dito sa isang pavilion sa may field habang sumisilay si Via sa crush niyang si Pete, nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi pa nalulusaw ang phone ko sa kakatitig ko dito. Iniintay ko kasing mag-vibrate manlang.

I like Baz, I really do. No matter how much I would deny it, I really do. Masira man ego ko ayos lang. Bakit ko ba siya hihintayin nang ganito kung hindi ko siya gusto? I like kissing him. I like his arms around me. I like sleeping next to him and waking up to see his face first thing in the morning. I miss him terribly.

Para akong may shackles sa mga paa na dumadagdag ang bigat kada araw na hindi siya nagpaparamdam sa'kin. Hay, I'm freaking pathetic. Pero ayos lang 'yan. Kapag naka-get over na ko sa whirlwind ng mga emosyon ng pagkagusto ko kay Baz, then pwede na ko makipaghiwalay sa kaniya.

Still though, that doesn't stop me from texting him.

To: Basil

Hey :(((

Na-tempt na nga akong patayin na lang ang phone ko. Pero paano kung tumawag siya? Edi na-miss ko na 'yung opportunity na makausap siya? Shunga ko naman no'n.

But, also it seems like na hindi mo din mako-control ang mga taong bumabalik sa buhay mo.

"Gwen?"

Napatingin ako sa lalaking mukhang tumatawag sa'kin mula sa labas. Matangkad siya at matipuno ang katawan. Sino 'yun? Ako ba talaga tinatawag niya? I squint my eyes to look at him better. "Enzo?"

"Gwen!" he is all smiles when he walks to my table. I stand up to greet him but we are not that close to do a hug. He has gotten taller. Like super tall na hanggang bibig niya lang yata ako, considering na ang tangkad ko na. Naka-brace siya and surprisingly it looks good on him

"What are you doing here?" tanong ko kaagad dahil naka-civilian siya.

"Ah, kakagaling ko lang ng traning," he says.

"Training?"

"Swimming."

"Varsity ka?"

He smiles as an answer.

"Seryoso ka ba? Kailan ka pa natutong lumangoy?"

Natawa siya. "Grabe ka naman!"

Totoo naman kasi. Dati, tuwing may swimming lagi lang siyang naiiwan sa tabi ng pool at pumapapak ng merienda namin.

"Masyado lang akong nag-enjoy noong nag-lessons ako. Ayan, ito na kinalabasan."

"Good for you!"

"Ikaw, kamusta ka na?" he asks as he gives me a once-over and I am tempted to do a little twirl for him. "You look good."

"Lagi naman akong maganda."

He grins. "Maldita ka pa din pala."

"Hoy, ang bait ko na kaya." Umiling lang siya sa'kin. He is staring at my face for too long and I smile at him. Hindi ko naman ipagkakait ang mukha ko sa kaniya. "Hangga't libre sulitin mo ang pagtingin sa'kin, hmm?"

Another laugh comes from him as he ruffles my hair. I missed that gesture. Enzo is a year higher that I am. We attended the same elementary school but when high school came, we went separate ways.

"Baka mamaya nanunutok at nananampal ka pa rin ah?" pagbibiro niya at natawa ako.

That was how our friendship started. Maliit lang kasi ang school namin noon. Like, super exceptional students lang ang nakakapasok sa private school na iyon. Sa sobrang ilan-ilan lang kami, isang section lang ang nabubuo per grade. Sabay lagi ginagawa ang P.E. ng Grade 3 at Grade 4. Isang beses na naglalaro kami ng Agawang Panyo, naitulak ako ng classmate niy at nasubsob ako at sinuntok ko ang lalaking 'yun. Na-office ako, syempre.

"O baka naman iba na ginagawa mo sa kanila?"

Ayan, nasampal ko tuloy siya. Ito 'yung tipo ng sampal na hindi malakas pero hindi din mahina. Ikaw na tumantiya kung gaano kasakit 'yun. "Ang kapal ha."

He squeezes my cheeks together. "Hindi ka na nasanay sa mga biro ko."

"Magkakilala kayo?" biglaang singit ni Via.

"Elem friend," I tell her.

"Hi, I'm Olivia," pagpapakilala niya. "Friend mo si Pete, right?"

"Uh, yeah," sagot ni Enzo. But just then may tumawag na sa kaniya. Speaking of, si Pete na nga. Mabilis na nag-ayos si Via sa tabi ko habang papalapit ang lalaki. He is a little shorter than Enzo but is still taller than I am. Katulad ni Enzo, malapad din ngumiti si Pete at daig pa ang brightness ng phone ko ang aura ng mukha. "Uh, si Gwen, elementary friend ko. Kaibigan niya, si Olivia."

"Hey, girls," bati nito. There is something that hints childishness in his voice. Pero syempre, kinilig lang 'tong si Via. "Enzo and I are eating. Do you want to come with us?"

"Do you like Messi?" hirit ni Via.

Napa-face palm ako nang wala sa oras. Saan naman niya napulot 'yang linya na 'yan? Jusko po. Napaka waley. But of course, soccer player si Pete and he knows all about Messi kaya naman mas lalo pang lumiwanag ang mukha nito. "Do you play?"

Umling si Via. It's a good thing she doesn't lie. She doesn't know s**t about soccer. "Nope, but you can tell me all about him."

Mabilis pa sa alas-kwatro ang friendship ni Via at Pete. Sabay silang naglakad at iniwanan kaming dalawa ni Enzo sa likod nila habang naglalakad papunta sa kainan sa labas ng campus.

"Galing no'n ah," komento ni Enzo.

"I know right," sabi ko at nangiti. Akalain mo nga namang nakikita kong humarot on the spot si Via. First time yata 'to.

"Pero ikaw pa rin talaga eh."

"Alin?"

"Hindi ko akalain na dito ka din mag-aaral."

"Same, dude," sagot ko sa kaniya at pumasok na. I squeeze on the seat next to the wall. Katabi ko naman si Enzo dahil itong si Via ayaw na yatang pakawalan ang si Pete. Nag-usap lang kami noong umo-order na pagkatapos bumalik na sila sa sarili nilang mundo.

"So, kamusta ka na?"

Ang simpleng kwentuhan namin kung saan-saan na dumapo. Binalitaan niya ko sa mga iba naming naging schoolmate na nakita niya noong nakaraan. Akalain mo nga namang may anak na ang isa sa kanila. Goodness, gracious. Super dami naming napag-usapan hindi ko namalayan ang oras. Gabi na nang makalabas kami at nagpresinta pang maghatid si Enzo at Pete dahil dalawang street lang naman ang layo ng apartment nila sa apartment namin.

Paghiga ko sa kama, tsaka ko lang na-realize na nami-miss ko na pala ang mga schoolmate ko noon. Hindi ko na sila kinakausap dahil wala naman na kong dapat pang sabihin sa kanila. I thought those friendships would last. Lahat naman ng bata gano'n ang inisip. We talked about how we are all going to take the same courses and attend the same college... but things change. And so does people.

Kakalabas ko palang ng banyo nang mag-vibrate ang phone ko. Akala ko tawag na pero text lang pala. But nevertheless, it is Baz.

From: Basil

Hey, baby. What's wrong?

I smile. Kahit super late na niyang mag-reply at least nag-reply. Kahit medyo naka-get over na ko sa kadramahan ko kanina, I still reply:

To: Basil

Wala naman :((( I miss you

From: Basil

I'm outside. I'll call you later. Okay?

To: Basil

Okay

Inabala ko muna ang sarili ko dahil alam kong kung anong oras na naman tatawag 'yan si Basil. Inayos ko muna ang mga gamit ko at nag-aral. Mabuti nang mag-advance study kesa nagc-cram. Nakakaiyak lang kapag gano'n.

Mahimbing na kong natutulog nang gisingin ako ng ringtone ko.

"Hello?"

"Hi, baby."

"Hey." I pull my blanket to my chin. Super lamig na pala hindi ko manlang napansin. "What's up?"

"What was that sad face on your text for?"

"I told you. I miss you."

There is a beat of silence before he says, "I miss you too."

"You don't sound like you really do."

His laughter crackles from the other end of the line. "I do miss you. How can I not?"

"Ewan ko sa'yo," I grumble. s**t, nagigising na naman ako. But it seems like Baz wants to talk so I scrunch my face and stretched ever so slightly but keep my eyes shut just in case this conversation is not going to last like I hope it would.

Out of all the questions, Baz inquires, "Are you in your room?"

Napadilat ako. Narinig ko na 'yang tanong na 'yan dati. No, tell me he's not going to ask me that. "Why?"

"Are you alone?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I have something to ask you about."

"I'm alone. What is it?"

Ang tagal niya bago sumagot. So it is really about that. He will not hesitate like this kung simpleng bagay lang 'yun. "Nah, I changed my mind."

I think over kung pagbibigyan ko ba siya sa ganoong pag-uusap pero natakot naman ako na baka humanap siya ng ibang kausap tungkol do'n. "Ano nga? Tell me. Open-minded naman ako."

"No."

"Ano nga?"

I wait for the debate inside him to be over until he speaks again. "It's about... it's about..."

"It's about...?"

"It's about s*x," he says this so fast I barely catch the words.

"What about s*x?" tanong ko sa kaniya na parang wala lang sa'kin pero 'yung utak ko: Taena, taena, taena, taena!!! I should've prepared for situations like this. Alam ko naman na dadating 'yung araw na pag-uusapan namin 'to, but s**t, akala ko sa personal namin mapag-uusapan.

"Can you do it over the phone?"

Nagyayaya siya. Imposibleng hindi siya nagyaya. Why would he ask about it? "You mean, like, right now?" I nervously laugh.

"Have you done it before?"

I close my eyes but I don't want to lie to him. "Yes," I squeak.

"Really?" there is a change in his voice, like, he didn't expect my answer. "How was it?"

Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. I turn to my other side to hide my burning face even though he can't see it. "It was... okay, I guess?"

"It was not good," he concludes. "If it had been you wouldn't just say it was okay."

It was not good naman talaga. The first time I did it was complete bullshit. I kept waiting for the right moment that I would feel something while touching my body but there was none.

"Maybe you were touching the wrong spot," he suggests.

"Maybe..." baka nga naman ako talaga 'yung hindi marunong?

"You faked it."

"I did."

"Did he buy it?"

"Oh yeah, he had a good time," sagot ko. I've read articles in the internet somewhere that satisfying a guy will boost your ego/confidence but I didn't feel any of that the night I first tried having s*x over the phone. "He called and texted me a few times before he realizes I don't want to do it anymore."

"Who is he?"

I bite my lips before answering in a quiet voice. "He's my brother's college friend."

"Another older guy."

"Last year pa 'to," I immediately say.

He is silent for a little while I thought he is already sleeping.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah," he says.

"What about you? Have you done it?"

"Oh, no. I have never."

"What?! Then why are you asking me?!" After kong aminin 'tong kalokohan na wala akong pinagsabihan maski kay Via, I feel betrayed.

"It was a test," he answers with a smile on his voice.

"A test of what?"

"Of your open-mindedness," he says like it is funny.

"For what?"

"You'll know soon enough." And with that voice, I imagine that Baz is winking at me as he says it.

=====================

It is a Friday when I see Baz again. Masyadong nagtatampo sa'kin si Mo at Shai kaya sumama akong mag-inom sa apartment nila. Kaming tatlo lang ang nandoon kaya naman bangag akong nasundo ni Baz.

"Hey," I say and poke on his shoulder when we get into his apartment. I laugh a little. "Are we going to see each other every Friday? 'Coz if we are, I have to change my drinking habits."

Baz chuckles under his breath as he closes the door behind us.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," he says and brushes past me. He is tugging on his tie when I slap his hand away and do it myself. I don't want him three feet away from. I look up at him probably with a stupid grin on my face because he looks like he's about to laugh.

"What?"

He shakes his head at me.

I am unfastening his buttons at the same time I reach for his face and kiss him. He pulls away after two kisses with that funny look on his face.

"I'm trying to be sexy here," I say to him.

He finally let himself a chuckle and pulls me by my waist, close enough that I feel his heat. "It's not like you have to try."

"I have to. If I'm sexy enough then you're not just going to stand there."

I kiss him again but he pulls away to say, "You know I can't."

"What's stopping you?"

He stares at me. He's not going to answer the question.

"My friends think you're gay," I recollect and just to provoke him.

Now he really looks like he's going to laugh. "I'm gay?"

I nod my head at him, "How can somebody resist you? they ask."

He looks around for a second. He really does look like he is thinking as he runs a hand through his hair. Then, he looks down at me, his eyes set a decision. "Alright, I'll give you one tonight."

"You're giving me one? What would that be?"

He takes my face in his warm hand and kisses me once. "Something you can talk with your friends about."

His arm snakes around my waist and I stand on my tiptoes to receive his kiss. It is shorts kisses until I get tired of his teasing. My legs gets tired of being strained and I pull Baz down with an arm around his neck. The kiss instantly goes deeper that it made me shiver internally.

His lips are hot on mine and I don't want to stop kissing. Pero nangangalay na ko! Kissing someone who is so much taller is tiring. Baz must have realize because he gathers my floor length dress and holds on my leg before lifting me off the ground.

"Baz," I gasp. s**t. s**t. s**t. My head screams to tell Baz to stop but I don't want him to. He carries me all the way to the bedroom like I weigh nothing. I take my first lungful of air when he gently places me down on the bed. He doesn't stop and showers my face with tender kisses though I can tell he's also breathing hard.

I squeeze on his shoulder to slow him down, but at the same time he hitches my dress higher and squeeze on my thighs. It feels so good I almost moan if I hadn't bit my lips to stop it. Then his lips are back on my mouth.

I feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole of kissing and it scares me. Baz lets me push him down so that I'm the one on top. His hands skips my waist under my dress and tightens on my stomach.

"Gwen," he groans.

Oh, Christ. "What?"

"Stop."

"Why stop?" I ask and kiss him again. Kissing this much is scary but not kissing him is scarier, it feels like I'm running out of oxygen. "It just keeps getting in the way."

"What is?"

I don't answer and just kiss him instead.

"What is?" he asks again, distracted.

I groan in frustration. I say the wrong things at wrong times. Like s**t. I pull away and try to restore my breathing as quick as possible.

"What?" he asks me and pulls my hair over one shoulder. I'm thankful for the sudden cool air. I don't even realize I was getting so hot. "What's getting in the way?"

His lips look so red and plump like it's begging me to kiss him again. I bite my own. Should I tell him?

Before I can decide, realization hits Baz and it shows in his eyes because suddenly they are filled with light. "Wait," he starts to smile and it is so annoying how good he looks with his cheeks flushed. "What that guy from the bar said unang makatikim. It's true?"

I chew on my upper lip.

Then he laughs and covers his face with his hand.

"Is it bad?"

"What? No, baby. It's not bad. It's good—great, even," he says and kisses my cheek. Yet he can't seem to stop laughing.

"What?!" I punch him on the shoulder.

Then he laughs with his mouth close.

"You like it, don't you? Being the first?"

He flicks on my nose before that hand goes to soothe my back. "I like innocence. Yours, though, I don't understand. You were too aggressive—even before—I never thought I'd be your first—if ever we might do it."

"Go ahead and judge me then," I roll my eyes and is about to pull away when he holds on me tighter.

He beams at me and pushes my hair behind my ear. "I have one question. I'm only taking chances—"

"Yes. Yes, you are."

"I'm your first kiss?" he laughs again. "Are you serious? You have got to be kidding me. You've done things but you didn't have the basics. You didn't have the pre-requisites how could you be so advan—"

"Stop!" I bury my face on his chest in embarrassment. "Let's stop talking about it, okay? Say something else."

His last laugh dies in his chest and his fingers trails on my spinal cord. "That's a lovely dress."

"Did you like it?"

"I liked pulling it up and putting my hands underneath it."

"Stop."

"I was two seconds away from ripping it off you earlier."

"Stop!" I slap his shoulder. "Who are you? What did you do with Baz?"

"I'm your boyfriend," he says with a laugh, like it is supposed to explain everything. He kisses my cheek affectionately before pushing me off the side as he stands up then walks around. "I have ice cream, do you want some?"

"Yeah," I mumble to his back.

I sit up. It is funny how the most intense moment of my life easily slips back into reality. I touch my still hot cheeks. Physical contact won't change Baz. He'll still be the same as ever.

I watch as he scoops ice creams to a glass. I need to do something. Hindi pwedeng hindi siya ma-in love sa'kin. Akala ko noong una, kung magiging kami na magiging madali na lang para mahulog siya. Pero s**t, bakit parang baliktad 'yung nangyayari?

Imbis na siya ang ma-obsess sa'kin gaya ng ibang lalaki bakit parang ako pa nao-obsess sa kaniya?

Hindi pwede 'to.

I have to do something.