BROKEN VOWS (Broken Redemption Book 1)

Chapter 10

Lucas

I remember little of what happened in the days after the fire. Once I knew my parents had died, nothing else mattered but the painful truth that my sister and I were alone now. Orphans. Displaced not just from our home but from the family unit that was solely ours. The mom and dad that were gifted to us on the day of our births were gone. We belonged nowhere and to no one, and all we had left at the end of it all was each other.

It’s why the little I remember of those days revolved around staying strong for Jenny. In the seven days that led up to the funeral, I threw all my efforts into making sure she was okay. Supporting her the best way I could, while reassuring her things would be okay. I tried with all my might to be her rock in the hopeless abyss of devastation that was drowning us both.

I tried.

I really f*****g tried until the night of the funeral when I couldn’t do it anymore. The steady ground had given way under my feet, and like a piece of fragile glass, I shattered into a million pieces. By the end of that first week, I was but a husk of my former self. Only held together by the intense rage and self-loathing that was a byproduct of my guilt. Guilt that had dug its claws deeper and deeper with every day that had passed until all the good that was left in me was gone. I had nothing left to give. To Jenny. To Embree. To myself. That self-awareness made my decision to walk away and leave them behind all the easier.

To this day, my sister doesn’t know the part I played in our parent’s death. She doesn’t know that it was me they were trying to save when they went back into the burning inferno that used to be our home. She doesn’t know that I never told them I was leaving, that all I did was leave a note on a refrigerator door that, amid smoke and chaos, they probably never saw. Instead of waking my parents to tell them I was leaving, I was in a rush to get to the bonfire to claim the girl who was never meant to be mine. Embree.

That decision took away everything I loved and ruined my sister's life by depriving her of the love, stability, and future she deserved. It’s what makes facing her today that much harder. After all this time, I just can’t see how she could ever forgive me for our parent’s death, let alone the way I abandoned her shortly thereafter.

That’s the reason I’m sitting in my truck, outside the bakery where she works, damn near hyperventilating. I’m so lost in the throes of panic that I click on Embree’s name, giving little consideration to the precedent a call like this may set. A second later, the phone rings through my truck’s speakers before finally, her voice comes through the line.

“Lucas?” her worry is evident. Likely because this is the first time I’ve called her since we exchanged numbers.

“I can’t do this. I know I promised, and I swear I want to follow through. But I can’t. I’m freaking the f**k out here,” I blurt out between gasping breaths. The way my voice cracks at the end only adds to my shame. f**k, I should have texted. Why didn’t I just text her?

“Where are you? Do you need me to come to you?”

“Yes! No! I mean, f**k! No! I’m a grown f*****g man, not a damn child,” I snap in frustration at my lack of control. “I-I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, I just…I should be able to handle this, Emb. She’s my damn sister, not an enemy combatant.”

“Oh, Luc…” The compassion in her voice is meant to soothe but irritates me to no end. She shouldn’t have to handle me this way. “What is it? What are you so afraid of?”

Resigned and desperate to ease the pressure in my chest, I close my eyes and let the fear spill from my lips. “That she hates me, that she’ll be pissed when she sees me. That she’ll tell me to f**k off and leave her alone and never come back. That she’ll never forgive me for getting our parents killed, for leaving her. Christ! There are so many f****d up scenarios running through my head. I feel like I’m going to be sick.” I groan, letting my head drop to the steering wheel with a loud thud.

“No Lucas. Jen loves you. There is nothing in this world that would change that. That said, there may be strong feelings she’ll need to express, just like I did, but trust me on this. If it’s a choice between having you back or continuing to live without you, she’ll choose you. Regardless of how angry she might be. It may take a little time, but I promise, this is the first step to making things right.”

Running a hand over my face, I scoff. “Sure, everything’s going to be great. Right up to the part, I tell her I’m the reason our parents are dead. I’m sure she’ll get over that bit of news real quick.”

“Lucas, I told you before, you aren’t to blame for what happened. It was an electrical fire. There was nothing you could have done and had you been there, you might have died, too.” When her voice cracks, she pauses. In the background, I hear what sounds like a car door closing. “You know what? Maybe you should tell her your version of what happened that night. Maybe letting her in on the guilt weighing you down might help you both. At the very least, you’ll see for yourself that she doesn’t blame you. Just do with her as you did with me. Be honest. Tell her what you went through after they passed and tell her what you’ve been through since you left.”

“How? It’s not like I can tell her the real reason I left. So how do I explain abandoning her without so much as a goodbye and then taking 15 years to come back? There’s no explaining it. No good way for me to justify it or make it right.”

After a heavy sigh, she remains silent. As I’m getting ready to tell her never mind, and that I’m sorry I bothered her, she finally answers.

“Tell her the same thing you told me. That you were a messed up kid, overwhelmed by guilt and grief, and that you left because at the time it felt like the only thing you could do. Be as honest as you can with her, and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“What If I screw everything up? What if I say all the wrong things and she tells me she wants nothing to do with me?”

“Then you call me, and I’ll talk some sense into her. You can do this, Lucas. I know it in my heart, the two of you will get through this. Now I’m sorry but I have to go. I’m on my way to pick up the girls from school, but I meant what I said. If you need me, call and I will come.”

The promise in her voice is like a balm to my soul and chokes me up. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone step up to take my six. So long since I didn’t feel the full weight of walking through life alone.

“God, Embree. How is this my life?” For a second, saying it out loud taps into my trauma and makes me question if this could be another delusion. Any other time, it’s something that would send me spiraling into mass hysteria, but the sound of her breathing on the other end of the line is like a link. Anchoring me to this moment, and nothing in my life to this point has ever felt more real.

“Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be here. Back in this town. Talking to you. Minutes away from seeing Jenny again…” The emotion closes in around my throat. My thoughts left hanging in the air with the same uncertainty that’s overwhelming me.

“You got this, Lucas. This is a good thing. Trust me, we need you back in our lives, just as badly as I think you need us. Have a little faith and everything will work itself out.”

I’m a jaded f**k when it comes to things like faith, but when she says it, God, do I want to believe in it. The need for something good in my life is so overdue that even the small time I’ve spent with Embree feels like nirvana. Getting to see my sister today may feel that way too, but if not, I can at least move on to the next phase of my life knowing I tried to reconnect.

Hanging up with Emilia, I step out of the car and head toward the location listed on the card. From the outside, the face of the bakery is beautiful. Sweet-like in its appearance. There’s a light pink awning spanning the length of the shop, with pink and white flower garland lining the large front window display. Two small white wooden tables sit under the awning, with light pink chairs to match.

The T&J Sweets logo in a cursive font is lit up on the window. The minute I see it, my eyes well up. Thomas & Jessa. My parents. The shop must be named after them. The realization strikes deep at the incessant ache left behind by their loss. Caught up in my emotions, I don’t notice the woman who steps out onto the sidewalk.

“Hi. You must be Lucas.” She holds out her hand, and it takes a second to process that she’s talking to me. “I’m Nora. Ben told me to expect you. He thought you might need a little help making it inside,” she introduces herself with a kind smile and shakes my hand.

“Right,” I answer in a clipped tone, angry at the feeling of being handled by my sister’s controlling husband yet again.

“Follow me. I’ll take you to her.” Her smile never falters, and I get the sense Ben may have warned her of my surly attitude. Opening the door, she gestures for me to follow.

Nora is pretty. Looks to be about my sister’s age and she’s dressed in a refined style that I wouldn’t expect in a bakery store employee. When I enter the space and take it all in, it’s then I realize that T&J Sweets is nothing like any bakery I’ve visited before.

The interior is elegant. A combination of light pink walls, white wooden shelves, pink and white flowers, with a gorgeous assortment of the most colorful artistic pastries I’ve ever seen. Locked away behind glass cases are cupcakes, cookies, and other pastries I can’t identify, but look almost too pretty to eat.

“What is this place?” I say, mostly to myself, but Nora responds.

“This is all your sister’s. She opened it up several years ago. We cater to everything from weddings to corporate events, birthday parties, you name it. We also provide sweets to several restaurants, bed and breakfasts, and the Old Mill Inn, for them to sell to their customers. She’s made this place quite renowned around these parts.”

As I look around and take everything in, a part of me is relieved. Knowing Jenny’s made a good life for herself regardless of all she lost helps take some of the weight off. And though the way Ben has treated me to this point leaves much to be desired, I must admit I’m glad she has someone like him in her corner. If he’s had her back, as she built up this business, I owe him my deepest gratitude.

Walking through a doorway at the back of the shop, we turn left down a short hallway and then stop. When Nora turns to face me, there’s a hint of apprehension in her eyes.

“She doesn’t know you’re here. She thinks she’s meeting with a bride to go over a potential order. Ben asked that you please not tell her he went to see you this morning. As far as she’s concerned, you’re here of your own accord. He also asked me to leave you with these parting words.” With a chuckle, she pats me on the chest like we’re old friends, then says, “Don’t f**k this up.”

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Author’s Note:

What Lucas is going through is so outside his comfort zone, that he doesn't know what to do! I love that his first inclination was to reach out to Embree for support. I love how honest they both are with one another, and most of all I'm really proud of the way Lucas is pushing through his fear. This is growth, people. And definitely a step in the right direction.

Oh, and did you see Ben's continued influence over Lucas? Love, love, love how he's always giving him the "not-so-gentle shove" he needs. ?

So tell me what you think of this chapter. Are you as surprised as I am that Lucas is pushing on with his plans to reconnect with the life he left behind? I can’t wait to read all your comments!



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