The Story of Another Us

chapter six

The Story of Another Us

chapter six: kater. bed. now.

Everybody is scared of the public. Aminin mo man o hindi, ayaw mong masira ang image mo sa iba. A lot of people say they don't care what others think of them but really? They do. A lot. Baka nga sila pa 'yung pinaka self-conscious eh. So why are we really scared of the public? They're like our friends, they could either build you or destroy you. So... most of the time we try to be nice so they can build us. But most of the time, once we did something wrong they destroy us too.

That's probably why I am so scared to move. One wrong move then it will all be over. Senator Monreal is over. I am over. I'd be doomed forever. Everywhere. I will be the girl who tried to commit mass deception to let a senator win, for money.

Only if I get caught.

"Are you okay?" tanong sa'kin ni Nic habang palabas kami ng parking lot. Sinabayan niya kasi akong pumasok ngayon. Gusto nga kasi naming ma-try maging okay sa public.

"Yeah," sagot ko sa kaniya.

"You seem... strange today."

"Ha?" pagtawa ko. "Bakit, anong mayroon?"

"Wala, there's something off about you."

"Kinakabahan lang ako siguro?"

"No worries," he says and sighs. Then his long fingers slips in between mine. "I got you."

Napatingin tuloy ako sa nakangiti niyang mukha. Clause 30. That's what Nic did when Kat was nervous about their parents meeting each other. I got you, was what he said.

"Hey," he says and tugs on my hand. "Chin up. Nakatungo ka diyan baka isipin nila hindi ka masaya sa'kin," he laughs.

Natawa naman ako bigla.

"There. Just smile. It's gonna be alright."

Nakakakaba pa din. Parang nilalamon ng sikmura ko 'yung puso ko. Ang weird talaga ng feeling. This is the kind of feeling I get before reporting in front of the class. Para kasi akong nagre-report sa buong mundo. Sobrang nakakatakot. It's not just any grade, it's my integrity that is on the line.

Ayoko lang naman tumingin dahil alam kong ang daming nakakakita sa'min. Sino ba naman kasing hindi titingin kay Nicolo? Ang tangkad-tangkad tapos ang gwapo pa. Kapag nakasalubong mo siya hahabulin mo siya ng tingin. s**t lang talaga. Feeling ko nasa isang kawali ako dahil sa mga mata nilang lahat. Para ba kong sinisilaban?

I can see all their eyes. Mostly ng mga babae. Nakikita ko kung paanong biglaang nanlalaki 'yung mga mata nila at tsaka 'yung pagpigil nila sa pagngiti kapag napapadaan na kaming dalawa. Parang gusto ko na lang bitawan 'yung kamay ni Nicolo.

Pumasok na kami sa loob ng building at pumunta sa isang tabi sa tapat ng classroom kung saan ang susunod kong klase. It's Tuesday so I don't have any classes with Nic. Nakasandal lang kami dito sa hallway. Pader ito hanggang bewang pero malaking bintana na hanggang ceiling.

"You know what?" he asks.

"Hmm?"

"I think we should spend time more. Get to know each other so you don't feel like this around me."

"Feel like what?"

"A stranger when I'm supposed to be your boyfriend."

Napahawak tuloy ako sa mga pisngi ko. Nakakahiya kasi. Nakakapanibago. Ang tagal ko nang walang boyfriend tapos biglaang ganito? "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," he says and pulls my hands off my face and squeezing them. "We're going too fast. Faster than Nic and Kat. Let's hang out."

"Hang out?"

"Hmm, yeah. We can do a lot of stuff at home. Are you busy?"

"Nope," awtomatiko kong sagot. "When?"

"Uh, after class?"

"Ngayon na?!"

"Why waste time?"

Naglabasan naman na ang mga tao mula sa classroom na papasukan ko. Napatingin din doon sa Nicolo bago binalik ang mga mata niya sa'kin.

"I'll see you later," he says then tilts his head down, enough to kiss the top of my hair.

Naging estatwa na yata ako doon sa position na 'yun? What--how can he do that? How can he move easily around me? Bakit ako hirap na hirap sa kaniya? Nag-take ba siya ng acting class sa US? Why does he seem so relaxed when I feel like there are wires all over my body.

Why does he makes me feel this way?

Pagtapos ng klase, pumunta kami sa kanila. Medyo malayo nga kung tutuusin at hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko kay Nicolo habang nasa byahe kaya nagbukas na lang muna ako ng laptop at nag-check ng email.

Wala. Wala pa ding email tungkol sa movie production. Asan na ang draft script?! Bakit ang tagal? Paano kami uusad kung ang tagal kumilos ng mga tao? Kung sabagay, next week pa naman ang deadline. Wag lang sana nila ako gahulin sa pag-check ng script.

Hanggang sa makarating kami sa kanila nag-laptop lang ako. Naisipan ko pa ngang bumuo ng isang story part para lang mapalipas ang oras.

"Where are we going?" tanong ko kay Nicolo. Ang laki naman kasi ng bahay nila eh. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ko dadalhin.

"Epps texted. We're going in my room."

His room?! Ano namang gagawin namin do'n? Ano kayang itsura ng kwarto ni Nicolo? Nic had a very spacious room with a huge bed and TV and all his consoles and video games. Nicolo, on the other hand, well, I don't know him enough to make guesses.

His room is by the end of the hall in the second floor. It has a plain white door but damn it is heaven on the inside. Muntikan na nga akong mapasinghap sa nakita ko. His walls are in chalkboard-ish color and there is a divider in the middle of the room. There's another two doors on the right; one closet, one bathroom probably. May sarili siyang salas dito. He has his TV there and his own set of plush couch and a glass table.

But that's not what really is breathtaking. He has a floor to ceiling glass wall on the other end. Bigla kong naalala na nakatayo pala sa isang bundok 'tong bahay nila. The view gives me chills. Parang gugustuhin mong bumangon palagi dahil ito 'yung makikita mo. Nahiya pa kong pumasok. Naka-carpet ang buong kwarto niya at malamig. It's cozy.

This is not perfect for Nic, but it is for Nic and Kat.

Only, we're not the only ones in the room.

"There you are," sabi ni Epps at tumingin lang sa'ming dalawa panandalian bago itinuon ang mga mata sa cellphone nito. May kasama siyang lalake. "This is Zico, your photographer. No need to worry he's the son of the person who takes your dad's pictures and he's under the contract."

Tumango lang ako sa kaniya habang nagtatanggal ng bag. "What is he here for?" tanong ko kay Epps.

"I heard that you are going to hangout with Nicolo for the day so para hindi naman masayang we have to take pictures. You have three years worth of pictures to make up for. You can change clothes now. Kater, you go in the bathroom. Nicolo, closet. The clothes are already there."

Oh, crap, there she goes again ordering me around. Hay. But whatever. Pumunta na lang ako sa banyo. There's a pair of shorts and... an over sized shirt. Lumabas ako nang nakayapak at nandoon na si Nicolo sa may kama. Nakatayo pa din si Epps at si Zico nasa isang tabi at nakaupo sa isang sulok at may hawak na camera.

"Get in the bed now," sabi ni Epps.

"Oh my God," sabi ko kaagad nang mapataas ang tingin ko. "Books?! Seriously?"

Napalakad ako kaagad sa kabilang banda ng kama niya. It's a huge bookshelf and they are filled with books. Binasa ko ang ilan sa bind. I don't know any of them. Must be Philosophy books.

"You've got to be kidding me," bulong ko. Nicolo likes books?! An actual guy who loves to read? My, he's really a catch isn't he?

"Kater. Bed. Now," sabi ni Epps.

"Have you read all of them?" tanong ko kay Nicolo habang sumasampa sa malambot niyang kama. He has a white and copper bedding.

"Most of them," sagot niya at umusog palapit sa'kin sa may gitna ng kama.

"Go ahead then, don't mind us," sabi ni Epps.

Napairap ako. "It'll really help if she stops talking," bulong ko kay Nicolo at nangiti naman siya. He has the perfect set of teeth.

"She talks a lot," bulong din niya at inabot ang kumot hanggang sa ibabaw ng hita ko. "I believe Nic wouldn't want the world to see Kat's legs."

"It's for his eyes only," I say and lift the comforter for him to get inside too. He looks at me first, just trying to see if I'm serious then he pulls at it too. "Let's get something straight so we don't really feel awkward, okay?" sabi ko sa kaniya. "I really want to get over this feeling. Sabi mo nga, I should stop treating you like a stranger. I can only do that if I'm acting like Kat."

"Okay...?" he laughs. "That's what I do. I pretend that I'm Nic that's why I don't really get awkward with you."

"Ah," lumabas sa bibig ko. What the f--. So ako lang ba 'yung late receiver sa'ming dalawa? Feeling ko kasi napagsasama ko 'yung personal life ko ay itong bago kong trabaho. I'm a bad employee. "Okay. Just promise me one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Don't. Tease."

"I won't. I won't," he chuckles. "You're my girlfriend, Kater. You don't have to be shy doing all those things," he laughs. And damn, his laughter feels good.

Umusog naman ako para makapasok sa loob ng braso niya. We're just sitting down and he's really warm and he smells really nice. He smells like a spring field lake. Natatahimik kaming dalawa nang biglaang gumalaw si Zico mula sa dulo, kumukuha ng mas magandang anggulo.

"Don't mind him," sabi ni Nicolo at hinigpitan ang kamay niya sa braso ko.

Kaya tumingin lang ako sa kalawakan ng view ng kwarto niya. How come he has the perfect bedroom? Parang ang sarap na lang matulog at gumising dito. Sobrang lambot pa ng comforter at pati na din ng tshirt.

"That's my shirt, by the way," sabi niya bigla.

"It's too soft, I like it."

"You can keep it. After all, you have to have some of my stuff with you."

It's starting to get darker as the sun little by little hides. Medyo inaantok na nga din ako dahil kanina pa ko gising.

"What was your first impression of me?" tanong ni Nicolo.

"Noong una talaga akala ko kung sinong artista ka. But mostly? Ang gwapo mo. Hindi 'yung tipong nakaka-starstruck eh. Iyong tipong nakakakilig."

"Really?" pagtawa niya.

"And you seem quiet. Parang snob gano'n."

Napailing siya.

"What about you? Anong first impression mo sa'kin?"

"First thing I thought when I saw you?" he asks and I nod. "I never thought there's such a thing as a pretty writer. That's my first thought."

Ako naman ang natawa. "I'm not even pretty."

He sighs then I feel his fingertip sliding down my cheek. "You're too humble for your own good."

Then his finger is gone. Then something starts thrumming on my chest. And that's when I realize my heart stopped beating.

His breathing down my neck and he's whispering, "Want to try that sleeping thing?"

Hindi na ko bigla makapagsalita. Para na nga akong pipe dito sa tabi niya. Tumango na lang ako dahil hindi ako makapagsalita.

"You sure?" he asks.

"Hmm," I hum.

We move. I'm doing this the way he wants to do it. His arm doesn't leave my shoulders and he just pulls me down with him, along with the blanket that is keeping us both warm underneath it.

"Do Nic and Kat sleep like this?" he asks, my head on his chest, my hand in the middle, and his heartbeat knocking on my ear.

"Somethimes," I breathe out. "You never had a girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Paano mo alam kung anong gagawin sa ganitong sitwasyon?"

"I had a lot of girl friends, I guess," he yawns. "By the way, I'm really serious about sleeping."

"So am I."

"Good night."

"Good night."

Of course hindi naman ako nakatulog. Paano ba naman ako makakatulog sa tabi ng taong hindi ko kilala? Kahit na inaantok na ko parang nanlalaban 'yung katawan ko. Natigil na din si Zico sa pag-picture at lumabas kasama ni Epps. Nagtago na din ang buwan at nag-iwan lang sila ng isang lamp na bukas sa may divider.

Nicolo is really warm. Hindi din siya malikot matulog. His face is turned away from me. I raise myself up a little. Wala naman sigurong masama kung titignan ko nang malapitan si Nicolo, 'di ba?

His face is all strong but at the same time soft. Slanted cheekbones but slightly pabilog nga sa may cheeks eh, parang chubby. Pero panalo naman sa jaw line, parang mahihiwa ako eh. He has a very clean face. Walang bigote or balbas pero hindi din naman siya mukhang baby unlike ng ibang walang facial hair. Ang tangos ng ilong tapos mas malaki 'yung lower lip sa upper lip.

Hay, pa-kiss nga ulit.

Hala, Kater. Tigilan mo nga. Mahiya ka sa mga pinagsasabi mo.

Then his face scrunches and I immediately lie back down. Gumalaw siya and hinintay ko siyang matapos. He turns sideways and hugs me. "Finally realizing I'm just another human?"

"What?!" bulalas ko. WHAT?! Naramdaman niya bang pinapanood ko siyang matulog?! Nakakahiya! Gusto ko na lang magpalamon sa buong kama.

Hindi na siya sumagot at niyakap na lang ako. The next time he speaks, his voice goes deeper, like, he's still in deep slumber fighting for consciousness. "I really like you. You're weird. Get out of there, Kater. Show me who you are."

I smile to myself. "Sabi mo lang 'yan."

"I can handle a handful," he says--he pulls me closer again. Biglaan ko namang naramdaman ang labi niya sa tenga ko.

Hala, wait lang please. @/self, mag-control ka please. 'Wag patulan natutulog lang si Nicolo. Pero... pero... parang kinikiliti 'yung buong katawan ko kapag humihinga siya. SH--

Nagpigil na lang ako ng hininga hanggang lumipas 'yung nararamdaman kong kaba sa tiyan ko.

Hay, paano na lang kaya kami sa public debut sa weekend?